34. Thea
34
THEA
My gaze moved from the pan on the stove where popcorn snapped and popped to the window above the sink. The moon was full, casting my garden in a beautiful glow. It was normally one of my favorite sights. Magical. But tonight, the soothing quality didn’t hit.
I shook the pot on the stove as the final few kernels popped and then removed it from the heat. The scents of butter and salt teased my nose, but it did nothing to ease the low-grade annoyance humming through me. But the moment the annoyance swelled, guilt quickly followed.
Ever since the night at the bar, Shep had treated me as if I were fragile, made of the most delicate glass. At first, it had made me feel cared for. But three days later? The frustration was building. There had been no more kisses that set my blood on fire or words of promise whispered against my skin.
Shep was affectionate, sure, but all his actions were distinctly chaste. A kiss to the temple or hair. Fingers locking with mine. A hand dancing along my spine. But nothing more.
I sighed as I poured the popcorn into a bowl and put the pan in the sink to soak. Maybe that night had changed things for us. Just one more thing my past had stolen from me.
“You have a DVD player,” Shep said, staring at the device as I moved from the kitchen to the living room.
His words were a statement, not a question, but I still looked up at him as I set the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table. The kittens played happily in their little pen, and Moose was on his cat tower, looking out into the night.
“It’d be hard to watch DVDs without a DVD player.”
Shep looked down at the copy of Rocky with a mixture of awe and utter confusion. “Who has DVDs anymore?”
A laugh bubbled out of me. “Someone who doesn’t have internet at their house.”
Shep shook his head as he put the disc into the machine and shut the little drawer. “When I’ve got internet at the new house, I will be introducing you to every incredible streaming show, starting with Yellowstone .” He crossed to the couch, lowering himself to the cushions as if he’d done it a hundred times before.
I took the other side of the couch, pulling the cozy blanket over me. Having Shep here meant I was comfortable enough to leave a few windows open, letting the cool night air in. But it was more than that. Shep made me feel…safe. Something I hadn’t felt in years. Something that was beautiful.
“I’ve got all the classics,” I argued, pointing at my small bookcase of DVDs. I picked them up in five-dollar bins and at Goodwill, constantly adding to my collection.
Shep grabbed my socked foot, digging his fingers into the arch. “I do admire your love of the Rocky franchise.”
I had to bite back a moan as he hit an especially tender spot. “Who doesn’t like Rocky ?”
Shep chuckled. “I used to watch it with my brothers growing up, but none of my sisters liked it all that much. Arden would probably like it now, though.”
My brows pulled together in question.
“She got into jiu-jitsu when she was a teenager,” Shep explained. “Trains with Kye now. Rocky would be her kind of guy.”
“That’s impressive.” I’d always meant to take some sort of self-defense class but had never made it happen.
Shep’s fingers stilled on my foot. “The gym Kye trains at has beginner classes and a women’s self-defense seminar once a month.”
“Your mind-reading abilities are starting to get a little freaky, Shepard.”
Something shifted in his expression—softness and heat. “Never liked my full name. Not until I heard it on your lips.”
My mouth went dry as I shifted in place. “Oh.”
One corner of his mouth kicked up. “Yeah.”
“Your name is beautiful,” I told him honestly.
“Beautiful, huh?” Amusement laced his words.
I stuck my tongue out at him. “I think you’ll survive the word beautiful being used to describe something about you. Your masculinity is safe.”
Mischief sparked in Shep’s amber eyes. “Such a smart-ass.”
And then he surged forward. He went for my sides, fingers tickling. I shrieked with laughter and contorted my body, trying to escape Shep’s attack. But he showed no mercy.
“Shep!” I squealed.
“Tell me again how beautiful my name is.”
I snagged a pillow from behind me and whacked Shep with it.
“You’ve done it now,” he growled.
Shep grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head, hovering over me. “Uncle?”
The laughter died on my lips. He was close. So close I swore I could taste him on the air swirling between us. The heat from his body wafted off him and bled into me as his strong form hovered over mine.
But I wanted it to do more than hover. I wanted to know what it felt like to have Shep pressed against me. To know the force of all that muscle powering into me. I wanted to know what it would be like to drown in Shep.
My head lifted as if pulled by invisible puppet strings of want and need. Shep’s eyes flashed hot. Burning. I closed the distance, my mouth colliding with his. His tongue stroked in. Pure, demanding need.
Shep’s thigh moved between my legs, my hips rising on instinct. That glorious friction had a moan slipping free of my mouth. At the sound, Shep jerked back.
Any hints of amusement and desire were gone from his face. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Thea. I wasn’t thinking.”
I blinked rapidly, my head spinning from the about-face. “What do you have to be sorry for?”
Shep scrubbed a hand over his face. “The last thing you need is me grabbing and manhandling you after everything you’ve been through.”
Everything in me stilled as a cold chill settled in my bones. Everything I’d been through. A mixture of frustration and sadness swept through me as I stared at the man I was falling for. One who saw me as a victim and might never see me as more than that.
“I’m not weak,” I whispered.
Shep reared back as if I’d struck him. “I know that. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be considerate of what you’ve been through.”
Hot tears pressed in behind my eyes. But I refused to cry. “I don’t want you to treat me differently because of it.”
Shep reached out, his hand taking mine. “I just think we should take things slow.”
His words were a kind letdown. And that kindness only made things worse. “Okay.”
“You’re killing me, Thorn.”
My gaze moved to Shep. The way that white tee pulled taut across his chest. How his brown hair was just a bit in disarray... He was beautiful. And that only made it harder. “Really. It’s okay. I know the boundaries are a little muddy right now. I don’t want to mess things up?—”
My words were cut off by Shep’s mouth on mine. His fingers sank into my hair, tipping my head back for better access. His tongue stroked in, strong and steady and so very Shepard . God, it was everything I wanted and more.
But his mouth was gone far too soon, and I was blinking into the space between us.
Shep stared back at me, his eyes blazing. “If you think for one second I don’t want every part of you, you’re wrong. You think I don’t want to know what it feels like to sink inside you, to bury myself so deep I forget my own name? You’re wrong.”
My whole body tightened, nipples pebbling as if every cell was trying to move toward Shep and what his words promised. “What if I want that, too?”
My words were a dare, a challenge, and I knew it.
Shep tensed, his amber eyes turning more gold. “Thea,” he growled.
My heart hammered against my ribs, chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. Each inhale begged for Shep’s touch.
He sat back, shaking his head. “It’s too soon. You’re not ready?—”
“ I’m not ready?” I jerked to a sitting position.
“Thea—”
“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”
Shep opened his mouth to argue or soothe, I didn’t know which, but neither was a good option, and I was already moving. I pushed off the couch and stalked out of the living room as the strains of the opening music to Rocky played.
I strode around the corner and down the hallway, slipping into my bedroom and shutting the door behind me with a shove. I wanted to slam it. But knowing my luck, I’d break the danged thing.
So much energy swirled in my body, humming just beneath my skin—anger, frustration, fear that I’d never be able to have normal again. But drowning out all of that was that I was turned the hell on.
That sparking attraction I’d been feeling for the past month was now an inferno, and I was about ready to come out of my skin. I might not be able to do anything about the anger, frustration, and fear, but I sure as hell could do something about the attraction.