Chapter 11
I will admit, it has been fun getting to know Kai, and even better that he comes with this huge group of friends. The girls are awesome, and I’m actually excited about going to the barbecue tonight at Kai’s house, with the prospect of getting to know all of them better too.
Back at home now, I change my clothes, pulling on a pair of shorts and a tank.
Besides sundresses, this has become my uniform here.
The weather is always so beautiful. There’s no need for anything else.
I haven’t for a second missed the seasons of New York, hating winter more than I hate the busyness of the city.
It was never my thing, more Sean’s thing, and what he wanted, he got. We moved into our gorgeous penthouse condo, and I left behind my quiet life in West Milford, where I grew up.
The small lakeside town, the house I was raised in, had the most perfect views. I always wondered why my parents settled there, given it was so secluded, but it became solace and comfort as my sister and I grew up there.
When they passed away, we sold the house. It held too many memories, memories that made us ache with grief and sadness. But I dream about West Milford and that lake house when things feel too much.
The craziest thing is, I haven’t thought about it once since arriving in Hawaii. It’s almost like the ocean and the beautiful weather have filled that void for me.
Or maybe it’s just that I feel like I’m on vacation and reality is going to set in, leaving me the same fucked up mess I was when I arrived here.
My phone chimes as it charges on the nightstand. My house is so small that basically every room is connected, but I love it. It’s so different from what I left, and I love the idea of it being a place I picked, a place I can call my own.
Even if I’m just renting.
I had texted Kai asking for his address, and now he has my number. This could be a great thing, or it could be the worst thing I’ve ever done.
The jury is still out on whether what I have going with Kai is a mistake or not. But after today, I’m leaning heavily toward it being a good thing.
He really is the first friend I’ve made since settling in, and he’s shown me more of his life than I ever saw of Sean’s. Kai’s raw honesty and realism are refreshing, and there’s something about it I find strangely comforting.
He makes me want to be the person I used to be, and I find myself enjoying life again when he’s around. It’s been so long since I’ve felt this way, but a part of me is still reserved, still scared it’s all going to be ripped away from me when I least expect it.
As I walk into the bedroom, my mind replaying our time together today—the vastness of the surfboard warehouse, the smell of the epoxy and the talent displayed everywhere—I find myself smiling.
But as soon as I pick up my phone, it’s gone.
Sean: we have a prenup and i own your car
I read it again and again, noting its lack of punctuation and capitalization. No clue why I focus on this, but it pisses me off. Almost like it was intentional, like I don’t deserve the acknowledgment or the time it would have taken to add these simple things.
Guess he was served, though. Filing for divorce the second I caught him in bed with that woman was the best decision I made.
This is the first time I’ve heard from him since I left. It’s not like I got a new phone number or didn’t tell him I was leaving.
He knew exactly where I went because I booked everything with our joint credit card, paying it off as soon as the wheels touched the tarmac on Maui. The last thing I wanted was to hear that I owed him money or some bullshit.
I always kept a separate bank account from our joint one, which, looking back, feels like I knew this was going to go to shit. Luckily for me, it was loaded down with all my “hobby” money, which is what I used to rent this place.
I’m scowling at my phone when Kai’s text comes through, a bright spot in this mess, and my sour face fades.
Kai: 142 Mililani Ln. If you don’t want to walk, let me know and I’ll come by and pick you up. It’s about a ten-minute walk from your place.
I smile stupidly at his use of punctuation, capitalization and his sweetness, offering to pick me up. Totally different vibe than the text I just got from Sean.
Me: I’ll walk, but thank you for the offer. Is there anything I can pick up or anything you want me to bring?
Kai: Nah, just you is perfect.
Fuck. Why does he have to be so sweet when I want to hate men right now?
And when I go back to the text from Sean, debating answering him, I decide against it.
I know we have a prenup. I was the one who fucking signed it, and I know he owns my car. I never wanted it in the first place, perfectly content to walk to work. It was him who insisted on giving it to me as a “gift,” but it was really just a publicity stunt to show what an amazing husband he was.
Plastered all over social media, this stupidly over-the-top SUV with its blacked-out rims and custom paint. I hated it, and it generally sat in our underground parking garage.
I need a car here, though—something I will pick out myself, something used and something that I actually want. Although I have no idea how to go about buying a car, and that sounds so anti-feminist, but it’s the truth. Maybe Kai can help me with it.
Again, I find myself reading Sean’s text, torturing myself with every humiliating scenario, replaying the past, and wondering how I even ended up here in the first place.
How did I miss every red flag? How was I so na?ve to believe I was different?
These are the questions I constantly ask myself now that I’m away from it.
There’s nothing more embarrassing than the past. And there’s nothing more humbling than looking back and wondering how I could have been so stupid.
He said he loved me because I didn’t know who he was. I was refreshing and new, like the first snowfall of the season, but like the snow, I became old and dirty and boring. He grew tired of the normalcy and simplicity, and with each tabloid story came new excuses.
And I believed every one of them.
Always feeling like an outsider, never quite fitting in with Sean’s life or his lifestyle, and far too many times, I opened my mouth at the wrong time. I said the wrong thing or gave away too much about our relationship.
It was a delicate balance that I never could quite master, but when he asked me to marry him, I thought I had won.
Won what? No idea now. I guess I would be the proud owner of a beaten-down self-esteem and trust issues, along with a repertoire of stories that I don’t dare say out loud.
Keep everything private, I was told. Locked up tight because one false move could ruin his whole reputation.
When did I become this person?
It happened so slowly I didn’t realize I had ever lost anything.
But the whole point of leaving New York and leaving Sean was to try to heal from this, and that’s what I’m going to do tonight.
Forget the text message. Let my lawyer handle it. That’s what I hired her to do, letting her know that I honestly want nothing from him other than to pay my legal fees.
I don’t need his money, not that the prenup would allow it anyway, because all I want is for this to all go away, like it never even happened.
Pretend like my life with Sean didn’t exist.
Checking the address again, I type it into the map, memorizing it turn by turn so I can leave my phone here. I don’t want any distractions or any other messages coming through that might ruin my night.
Sean has taken enough from me. It stops here.
It takes me about ten minutes to walk to Kai’s house, and it’s exactly what I pictured. He honestly didn’t even need to give me his address. Only a quick turn-by-turn, and I would have found it on the street.
Surfboards line the side of the deep green wooden-sided house with its silver corrugated metal roof and it’s quintessential Hawaii, or at least what I picture when I think of this area.
The wrap-around front porch with its white railing and the glass French doors, another surfboard tucked into the corner. The sound of the waves lapping in the background adds to it, and I smile when I see Kai open the front door.
“Hey, you made it,” he says. “You’re the first one here.” He tilts his head to the side, calling me up to the porch and into the house.
“Your house is so cute. Better than that lime green and bubblegum pink thing I live in,” I joke, letting out a giggle that seems to do something to Kai.
His eyes widen a little, his lips pursed as he takes in a deep breath, pausing momentarily before he speaks again. Shaking his head, he smiles, letting his eyes fall closed for a second.
“Yeah, but that place is epic fucking Maui nostalgia. I’m glad you rented it so a developer couldn’t come tear it down and build a bunch of vacation rentals,” Kai admits, and I haven’t been here very long, but I’ve come to notice how the locals are protective of the land and the history.
His house is just as cute on the inside as it is on the outside, and not at all what I would expect a bachelor like Kai to be living in.
It’s clean and not over-cluttered, everything in soft muted grays and whites, an open floor plan with an amazing view out the back of the ocean through massive floor-to-ceiling windows.
“Wow, that view,” I say, stepping toward the windows. The porch from the front extends all the way around, and again, there are more surfboards, which makes me laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Kai questions, his brows knitted together.
“You think you have enough surfboards?”
“You can never have too many.” He shrugs casually, and I love the air of confidence and calm that he exudes.
“You have a roommate?” I ask, trying to remember if he told me this before.
“I do. Eli. You met him at Nate and Sage’s,” he clarifies for me, and I nod, jogging my memory. “I used to live here with Miles, but after he moved in with Daze, Eli needed a place to live, so.”
“It feels perfect for you,” I reply, motioning out to the water.
“Yeah, epic, right? Just step out the door and I’m out on my board in seconds.”
“Bro!” a voice calls out, not really interrupting us, but I suddenly feel disappointed that we aren’t alone anymore.
“Back here, Miles!” Kai shouts in response, and a few seconds later, Miles and Daisy are with us.
“You want the beer in the fridge or out on the deck?” Miles asks as Kai leans in and pecks Daisy on the cheek.
“Fridge for now. Eli ran out to get ice,” Kai tells him.
“And I brought coconut cake,” Daisy chimes in, smiling brightly as she sets it down on the table. Turning to me, she says, “Hey, Quinn. So glad you’re here. Although, I hope Kai is being a gentleman and not the douche that he always is.”
“Daze, you hurt me,” Kai replies playfully, a hand over his heart. “I’m nothing but a gentleman, and for your information, this friendship with Quinn is working out amazingly.”
He slings an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him, and like every time he’s this close to me, I’m blanketed in his wonderful smell of coconut and the ocean.
And every time he’s this close to me, I’m reminded of what he looks like shirtless and the way his body moves on a surfboard, and how the warmth of his body comforts me.
Sometimes, risks are worth taking.
“Had any other friends over?” Miles questions pointedly, brows going up.
“Nope,” Kai responds, almost sounding proud of himself.
“Really?” Daisy shoots back, and I can’t help but feel like I’m missing part of this conversation. She narrows her eyes at him, almost like she’s reading his face for a lie she knows is there.
“Really,” Kai counters, a smile that screams he’s won this conversation, and I love his confidence and the way he indulges his friends’ ribbing.
“Good,” Daisy says, pulling me away from Kai. Linking arms with me, she leads me out to the back deck. “So, tell me…” she starts as we sit down in two rocking chairs, taking in the view.
And I think I’m going to be great friends with Daisy.