Chapter 34
Mae
The bright morning sun warms us as the river bubbles across the way as we walk over to Dixie and Mason’s. I try to swallow my embarrassment for still being in my PJs and Cooper’s t-shirt. It doesn’t exactly paint a wholesome picture, but at least my excuse is valid.
Cooper opens the front door for me, and Naomi runs past me.
“Grandma!” she yells.
“In the kitchen, pumpkin!” she calls.
Cooper lightly pushes the small of my back, making me go into the kitchen first.
“She knows I called you, don’t worry about it,” Cooper whispers in my ear.
“Morning!” Dixie says.
“Morning,” I squeak.
“Mornin’. Does June have jeans lying around that Mae can borrow? We’re going to take her down to the barn.”
“And she’s going to meet Abe!” Naomi says, excited.
Dixie looks between us with a soft smile. “I’m sure there’s something in her old room. Help yourself, Mae.”
“Thank you,” I mumble and Cooper leads the way to June’s room.
“Princess, I’ll be right back,” he calls over his shoulder, and she doesn’t spare us a glance, more interested in what Dixie is making.
Cooper closes the door to June’s room behind him. “I’m sure there are jeans in the closet or the dresser,” he says, with a silly grin on his face.
“Okay, thanks.” I stand in the middle of the room, waiting for him to leave. “You can go now. I think I’ve got this part handled.”
He chuckles and takes a step toward me, gathering me into his arms. “I’m sorry we didn’t finish what I started.”
I nibble my lower lip, and he gathers the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over my head. Before planting his lips on my neck.
“Now is not the time to finish it,” I mumble, head tipped back, eyes closed, wholly focused on his mouth on my skin.
“I think you underestimate me, stubborn.”
“That might be true, but you have work to do and your hour is ticking.” I sigh, opening my eyes.
He straightens and frowns. “Dammit, then hurry up and get dressed.”
I snort, and he leaves June’s room.
Mae: Long story short, I’m borrowing your clothes
June: I should probably ask why, but no worries.
Mae: Do you have a bra or sports bra I can borrow?
June: Top drawer. We MIGHT be the same size.
Mae: I’ll make it work
June: Cooper told me he called you so he wouldn’t have to wake up Naomi
Mae: he did
June: This is a good thing, Mae. But please remember what I said.
Mae: It’s the first thing on my mind every day
June: Fair enough. Gotta go, have an abscess to remove.
I go through June’s drawers and find a pair of jeans that surprisingly fit, but are too long for me, a belt, and then a sports bra that’s a little big, but it works.
I look for a t-shirt, then take Cooper’s and don’t allow myself to think too deeply about it.
Leaving June’s room, I smack face-first into a muscular back. Startled, I take a step back, and Cooper spins around with a grin.
“You seriously waited for me?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “I needed a second from my wild child.”
I’m sure he doesn’t get many of those moments, especially being a single dad. “Ready?” he asks.
“Yep,” I say.
He takes my hand, leading us back into the kitchen. “I like you in my shirt, by the way,” he whispers in my ear, and my skin heats.
“Let’s go, Naomi!” Cooper calls.
“Thank you, Dixie!” I yell as Cooper pushes me toward the door.
“Not a problem!” she calls.
Hayes Ranch is picturesque in its combination of large rolling hills, a river running through it, the mountains off in the distance, and giant trees scattered throughout.
I follow Cooper to the barn with a huge H and R connected in the center on the front. It’s all white, with a green metal roof, and the doors are a deep brown.
The sun shines on us, and I shiver a little from the wind. It might be summer, but I’m learning up here summer can still mean sweatshirt.
“Here,” Cooper says, draping his jacket over my shoulders.
“Thank you.” I tug it around me, in awe of the beauty of this place.
“It never gets old,” he says.
I look for Naomi, and she’s across the way by a pen. She’s leaning against a bar and reaching for a donkey’s head.
“I don’t know why she likes that damn donkey so much. He’s the worst. He gets into stuff all the time, kicks people, bites other animals and people. I swear he does it on purpose. But he’s useful for keeping predators away.”
“Donkeys can do that?” I ask him.
“Yeah, coyotes can’t stand donkeys, though I don’t think there’s a single animal that likes Abe. We usually put him out with a herd and he’s good to go.”
“Wow,” I mumble.
Cooper leads us to Abe and watches Naomi talk to him like a puppy. He looks at her as if he’s listening, while his tail swings back and forth.
“Do you want to pet him?” Naomi asks.
“Uh, sure, how do I do that?” I ask her.
“Like this,” Naomi says, holding her hand out to him and then patting him on the nose.
“Careful, he bites,” Cooper warns.
I do as Naomi showed me, and he lets me pat his nose. As I take my hand away, he lunges for me, and it catches me by surprise, and I fall into Cooper.
“See what I mean?” he says, hands still on my back.
“Abe, that is not very nice!” Naomi chastises the donkey, but he stares at her, unphased.
“I swear she’s the only one he actually likes,” Cooper mutters. For some reason, I find that hilarious.
“Hey! There you are! We’re running behind, Coop, can you—”
We all spun around to find Fletcher walking towards us, clad in chaps and his summer cowboy hat.
“Mae,” he says, tipping his hat to me.
“Uncle Fletcher!” Naomi yells.
“Hey sweet pea,” he says and plucks her hat off her head, messes her hair and drops it back on.
“Sounds like you have work to do. I should get going,” I tell him.
Cooper grabs the back loop of my jeans and tugs me back. “Ah-ah. It hasn’t been an hour yet,” he says.
“But—”
“Uh, when you’re ready, Coop,” Fletcher says, looking between us with a knowing smile.
“Thanks, Fletch,” Cooper says, and I’m forced to follow him into the barn.
“We’re going to get Goldfish saddled up, and I’ll take you out,” Cooper says.
“But what about Naomi?” I ask him.
“She’s going back up to Aunt Dixie’s,” he says over his shoulder.
He pulls the door open, and Naomi runs past me into another room.
“You said it’s been a while since you’ve ridden a horse?” Cooper asks.
“I was a kid. My uncle Leo showed me,” I say, looking at the large chestnut horse, who’s staring at me.
Naomi comes back with what looks like a blanket in her hands, and she walks into the stall.
“Do you want to give it another shot?” Cooper asks.
“No time like the present,” I say, standing to the side.
“Goldfish is very nice,” Naomi says, dragging a step stool up next to the horse.
“Naomi, watch Goldfish and Mae while I go get the saddle,” Cooper says.
“Okay,” she chirps.
“Remember how you have to introduce yourself to Abe? It’s the same with Goldfish,” Naomi says, situating his blanket.
Deciding to trust the instructions of a seven-year-old, I hold my hand out, and the horse sniffs my hand, then takes a step, smelling my hair.
“Goldfish, you moved!” Naomi says, frustrated.
Naomi pats the horse on the back, and she seems to understand her and takes a step back. Once she situates the blanket on the horse’s back the way she wants it, she hops off the stool and puts it in the stall's corner.
Then Cooper comes around with a saddle in his hands and heaves it onto the horse. I watch in fascination as Goldfish seems entirely unbothered by what’s going on and watches Naomi with loving eyes. He dips his head and nibbles her hair.
She giggles and sneaks a hand into her pocket, holding it up to the horse. Whatever Naomi has, Goldfish snatches it quickly, and she giggles again.
“Naomi, I told you no sugar cubes before we go out,” Cooper grumbles.
Naomi looks around with wide eyes — caught red-handed.
“We’re ready to go. Naomi, up to Aunt Dixie please,” Cooper tells her.
“Okay, bye Mae!” she yells and takes off up the hill.
I watch her run all the way up and climb the stairs into the house.
“She usually comes with me every morning, but by now she’s with Aunt Dixie.”
“Did Goldfish take to you?” Cooper asks.
“I think? I don’t know.”
He chuckles and pats the horse on the neck. “He’s pretty chill. I made sure of it, especially with Naomi around.”
“I feel like I’d be constantly worried,” I mutter.
He snorts. “I am, but I do my best not to treat Naomi like she’s glass. She’s going to fall down, she’s going to get hurt, and I will be there to help her up. But I also make sure she knows the proper ways to handle animals like horses or cattle.”
“She’s a smart little girl.”
He grins widely and takes the reins, leading the horse out of the barn. “She’s too smart for her own good sometimes.”
The warm breeze blows over us and I breathe it in. My mind begins to wander to what it would look like living here.
“Okay, I’ll get you up, and then get on after you,” Cooper says, bringing me out of my thoughts that feel like a ball and chain.
“The horse can carry both of us?” I ask, shocked.
“Well, sure, not all can, and weight matters, but Goldfish definitely can handle us.”
“I’d like to show you some of the land, and then I’ll bring you back. Is that okay?”
I nod and blink the burn from my eyes. It’s perfect.
Cooper ties the reins to a post and then comes up behind me.
“Put your foot here in the stirrup and grab the horn there. You’re going to have to pull up and throw your leg over the saddle. I’ll help you.”
I do as he says, lifting my foot and grabbing the horn. As I start to lift myself, Cooper’s hands cup my ass and he nearly throws me onto the saddle. I scramble to keep myself on, and he chuckles behind me as I try to sit up straight.
“You could have warned me!” I yell.
Cooper smiles and shrugs. “I didn’t want to tell you I was about to cop-a-feel.”
“Buy me dinner first, why don’t you,” I grumble.
He does the same, launching himself onto the horse and leaning into my ear. “That can be arranged. I enjoy taking you out to dinner,” he says, sliding a hand to my stomach.
“When I get going, try to follow my movements. I won’t go fast, but do your best to follow my hips.”
“You’re clever, aren’t you?”
He chuckles, moving his thumb in a circle. “I’ll take it. But really, I don’t want you to fall off.”
“Thanks for that, I guess.”
Cooper chuckles. “You’re welcome — I guess.”
I lean into him, and he gives the horse a little nudge, taking us out into an open area towards a group of trees.
“I’ve always wanted to be a cowboy,” he says.
I lean back, looking at his chin. “Why?” I ask trying to sense the way he moves with the horse. It’s easier with his hand on my stomach. I wonder if he feels all the butterflies in there.
“My dad and uncle were raised on this ranch. But Dad wanted to make more money, so when we would come to visit, it seemed like the best thing ever.”
My chest tightens at his voice. He sounds almost wistful, yet there’s a heaviness to his tone.
When I came back to Paxton, no, when I started spending time with people in Paxton, June, Gracie, Cooper, even Naomi and the rest of the Hayes family. I had that feeling. I love my family, and I love being with them, but there is something special about Paxton, and even more so about this ranch.
“Do you still feel that way?” I ask him.
He doesn’t answer right away, leading Goldfish up a hill.
“I think so. I mean, don’t get me wrong, some days are harder than others. But I wouldn’t change it either.”
When we get to the top, he walks Goldfish a little further and tugs her to a stop.
I knew this place was beautiful, but it’s breathtaking. The detail of nature is astounding, and living in Colorado, I’ve seen some picture perfect places, but this feels inherently more special.
“Incredible, isn’t it?”
I swallow, unable to speak over the rocks in my throat.
“Do you wonder if you made different decisions, you might have ended up somewhere else?” Cooper asks me.
It’s a hard question. I’ve gone through lists of them, wondering why I’ve always had to stand on the sidelines while I watch everyone get what I want or find what they had been looking for.
I’ve begged, I’ve pleaded, I’ve sobbed for years over what I’ve begged God to give me, and yet nothing. It’s frustrating, it’s overwhelming, but most of all it’s heartbreaking. I didn’t know it was possible for a heart to break so much.
“I’m not sure if a choice I’ve made would have resulted any differently. I don’t know that it would have gotten me closer to what I’ve dreamed of.”
“Tell me one,” Cooper says.
“One what?”
“Your dreams,” he says.
I’m glad he can’t look me in the eye because I’m afraid of what he’ll see.
But of all the things I’ve tried and pushed for. I don’t know that I can ever say I was truly brave enough to let him see me — the inexperienced grown woman who’s quiet, doesn’t talk about much, yet knows I have so much love to give. I’ve never shown that part of myself to anyone until … Cooper.
“Mae?” Cooper asks.
I’m falling for you.
He was brave with me.
“This,” I rasp placing my hand over his.
“A family of my own, a … a husband, kids. I’ve watched many of my friends find it.
I’ve also seen many decide they don’t want it.
I’ve always wanted to be a mom and a wife, and no matter how hard I try, I’m starting to think it’s something not meant for me.
” My heart falls out of my chest, and I desperately want to hop off this horse and run into the woods, never to return.
I always expect judgement when I tell someone what I’ve always wanted. I’ve never told a man though.
“That’s definitely not true,” Cooper says.
I huff. “How in the world would you know that?”
His large hand pulls me tighter to his chest, and Cooper dips his nose into my skin, kissing the rise between my shoulder and neck. “I see you, stubborn, and I have a feeling until now, you simply haven’t met the right man worthy of a woman like you.”
I want to understand what he sees that I don’t, but I keep my mouth shut. He could be right, or very wrong. Though the slowly growing part of me says he’s the one that will prove all the thoughts I have about myself — wrong.