CHAPTER 16
The moment Gabor is gone, I lower Rebecca to the floor and arrange her listless body in a steady position. I badly want to hold her, but I need to get rid of Kadri first.
“Get out of here,” I hiss, careful to keep my rage down so as not to shock Rebecca.
Seeing that he’s about to throw some rageful protest back at me, I slam my hand over his mouth, grab him by the collar, and haul him out of the living room and through the hall. “I’m sick of your disrespectful attitude,” I snarl into his ear as I open the door. I throw him into the hall and point a finger at him. “You know I can get rid of you in the blink of an eye.”
I don’t know why I bother threatening him. He doesn’t know I’m about to disobey Gabor’s order and go clean Rebecca up. I guess he’s just an easy target for my fury.
“Fuck you,” he grits as he staggers to his feet.
I should have gotten rid of him long ago. Gabor doesn’t care who does the job with me as long as it gets done, and Kadri never did a very good job in the first place. He’s disrespectful, ungrateful, and sloppy. I guess that’s why I’m stuck with him. Gabor knows I’ll keep him in line and compensate for his fuck-ups. Gabor only took him in as a favor to Kadri’s brother to get him out of Albania and get him protection for the people he had fucked over, but that favor has long since been paid off. Now, the only reason he gets to stay on is because I feel bad for him. A stray dog that’s so pathetic you can’t help feeling sorry for it.
I shut the door quietly even though I want to slam it in his face. Then I hurry back to the living room and sink to my knees beside Rebecca. My chest tightens at the sight of her. I did it. I broke her. And I want to rip my goddamn arm off for it. I should have stopped Gabor. I easily could have—which he wants me to if he’s about to go too far. But this wasn’t going too far by his standards.
She’s unresponsive when I touch her. She doesn’t even flinch as I lift her into my arms and cradle her against my chest. Her eyes stare into blank space as I peel her hair from her sticky face, and her head flops into my hand, unable to stay up on its own.
An unwelcome surge of fear fills me—a fear I haven’t felt for many years. I don’t want it, and I shove it away as I place Rebecca on the bath mat and turn around to fill the tub. But when I return to her and she’s in the exact same place where I left her, eyes still blank, the fear flares alive.
Pressing two fingers under her jaw, I feel for her pulse and breathe a small sigh of relief when I find a steady rhythm. I snap my fingers in front of her eyes to get some kind of response out of her. “Rebecca, look at me. You’re safe now. Gabor is gone.”
I shut my eyes and breathe a heavy sigh at the sound of my own words. She’s not safe, and she probably won’t ever be again.
Tapping her cheek gently, I try again—without the lie. “Rebecca, come back to me. I’m here. I’ll take care of you.”
Still nothing.
I lift her into my arms and gently lower her into the tub. A small whimper escapes her as the water engulfs her, and hope grows inside me. I’ll get her back, I tell myself. But when she keeps staring into nothingness and I have to prevent her from sliding into the water, my hope dwindles.
Shoving back the gut-churning dread, I focus on cleaning her up, washing the dirty evidence of Gabor’s degradation from her face and cleaning every inch of her body. I have to climb into the tub to support her against my body as I go, and my pants and shirt are soaked when I’m done and hold her out in front of me.
“I’ve got you, Rebecca. Just come back to me.” I lean her back against the edge, cradling the back of her head in one hand as I kneel between her legs so she won’t slide farther down. Then I caress her face, her chest, and her arms with my free hand.
Finally, her eyes move. At first, it’s just a flicker, then they find me, though unfocused.
“Good girl, stay here,” I tell her, trying to urge her back. But awareness clearly comes at a price for her. The moment she starts to focus her gaze on me, she whimpers, and her face draws taut with pain. She drifts off again, and I know I’ve lost her. I want to grab her by the shoulders and shake her, slap her cheek, and demand she return. But I know the pain—physical and psychological—is too stark for her to face. Forcing her back right now just might cause more damage.
I clench my jaw and finish washing her. I should have stopped him.
The words play on repeat in my mind as I take her out of the tub, dry her off, and tuck her into bed.
Dropping into the red armchair, I take my phone from my pocket and check to see if it survived the splashing water. I don’t care about my phone, but I need something to take my attention off the broken girl in the bed in front of me for a minute.
The screen comes alive as I press my thumb to the side. But the distraction proves to be much more worrying than the sight before me as I find a text from Gabor:
See if you can fix her before Friday next week. If not, get rid of her.
Pushing out a heavy breath, I lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. Gabor doesn’t want any bodies for the police to dig up. They can easily dismiss a rape charge, but a body is harder to ignore. When things go south, his idea of ‘getting rid of’ is much worse than snapping a girl’s neck and burying her in the forest. His idea of getting rid of is more a type of revenge than a means to remove a problem. The last time I got the order, I shot the girl up with fentanyl for a few days, then took her to Szabadkai út and left her there with a kit to keep the habit going for a while. I’m not sure what happened to her, but I suppose she either OD’d or is now living a life where she wishes she had.
I didn’t care at the time. She was just another job. But the idea of shooting Rebecca up with drugs and leaving her to live out the rest of her short, miserable existence as a drugged-up whore has me clenching my hands to subdue the urge to tear the whole place apart. I’d rather snap her neck than do that to her.
But I can’t betray Gabor. Disobeying by cleaning Rebecca up is one thing, but ignoring an order like getting rid of her is on a whole different level. I just can’t do it. He’s the only reason I’m not stuck on Szabadkai út myself, dealing and doing drugs. I owe him everything, and not even this girl who has stirred this irrational protectiveness can make me betray him.
So I only have one choice. To fix her.