CHAPTER 29
My fear of water doesn’t magically disappear after Janos helped me into the tub, but it does improve. I no longer behave like a frightened animal on the boat, but I also don’t seek out the water. When András comes during my breaks, I’m sitting inside and eating like everyone else—as far from the windows as possible.
Even though I’m no longer outright pale and quivering, he keeps giving me worried looks and asking how I’m doing. To be honest, I’m not doing well. Gabor’s drowning game has left its mark on me. I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. It helps to be near Janos. With him close, I can almost forget the pounding fear and horrifying images for long stretches of time.
I don’t get why it’s not the other way around and his presence doesn’t trigger me—he was there, after all—but my world is upside down like that in so many ways.
My lunch breaks with András help as well. It feels good to be with a normal person and have normal conversations. András easily makes me laugh, and a little laughter or a few smiles makes everything feel better—if only for a little while.
But as he starts pressing for more information about my life outside work, it gets harder to be around him. On the one hand, I’m deeply grateful for having another person genuinely caring about my well-being, but on the other hand, it’s hard to constantly have to come up with fake explanations and talk around it.
One day, he stops by in the evening when we’re all getting ready to leave for the day. “Will you have a cup of tea with me, Rebecca?” he asks as I’m about to put on my coat.
I give him a hesitant look because we’ve never spent time together outside of work. Part of me is afraid he means this as more than a friendly cup of tea, and the idea of being alone with any man at all makes me uneasy.
But most of all, I’m worried Janos wouldn’t like it. While he’s never directly forbidden me from seeing other people, this feels like something I should ask permission for. But I don’t even have his number, so I can’t send him a text and let him know I’ll be home late.
Despite all these worries, I agree. If it won’t take too long, I should be fine in regard to Janos. And even though I’ve grown overly cautious around men, I know András well enough to have a sense of trust in him—at least for a cup of tea.
András retrieves mugs, tea, and hot water and sets it all on a table by the windows. I cast an anxious look out the window and gulp. It’s too close to the water, but if I suggest another table, he’ll know something is wrong. Already on day one, he noticed that I love—or loved—water. So I end up taking a seat across from him.
The moment I settle in the chair, I feel the weight of the water right next to me, hovering and threatening to drag me down—creep into my lungs and snuff out my breath.
I wring my hands in my lap as I try to keep my breathing level, but my eyes keep flitting to the water outside like it’s a dangerous animal that could attack at any moment. I jump at the feeling of a hand on my shoulder. When I look up, I find András standing beside me with a worried expression edged between his brows.
“Come”—he gestures to a table in the middle of the room that already has mugs and tea—“let’s go sit over there.”
I stare back and forth between the new table and the now empty one I’m sitting at. How did I not notice him move the things?
He takes my jacket from the back of my chair, and I let him lead me to the new table with a hand on my back. I don’t know if he likes me as more than a friend, but if he does, it’s clearly not what this is about. He could easily take advantage of my fragile state, but he’s only acting caring and concerned, which makes me feel safe.
Everything moves slowly and sluggishly. I have to concentrate just to sit down on the chair he pulls out for me, and when he takes the one next to me and says something, I have to ask him to repeat.
“What’s wrong, Rebecca?” he says with a directness unlike his usual careful probing.
“Nothing.”
I watch as he opens the tea box and takes out a couple of bags. He dumps a bag of mint tea—my favorite—in one mug and a black one in the other. Grabbing the handle on the kettle, he looks up at me. “It’s clear that something’s wrong. Usually, you’re eager to get close to the water, but now you won’t even set foot outside, and you can’t even sit by the window.” He lifts the kettle to fill the two mugs, casting worried glances at me as he goes.
“Sorry,” I mumble, unable to come up with something better to say.
“You don’t need to apologize, but I want to know what’s wrong. Is it your boyfriend?” When I don’t answer, he continues. “Is he hurting you?”
“My boyfriend?” I finally reply with a frown.
András lifts a surprised eyebrow, looking as confused as I feel. “The man who called and...” He hesitates as if contemplating how to phrase it. “He spoke highly of you for the job.”
Suddenly, the pieces fall into place, and one plus one equals two again. Of course, he’s talking about Janos—who must have called to “convince” András to give me the job. I want to ask what exactly Janos said, but I’m not sure I want to know. And another question suddenly presses more.
“Was that the reason I got the job?”
András heaves a heavy sigh. “It was between you and another girl. She was fluent in both Hungarian, German, and English, and had a lot of waitress experience, so the choice fell in her favor. But then your boyfriend called... if that’s what he is?”
I swallow hard as a well of emotions tightens my throat. “He’s not my boyfriend.” Far from it.
“Then who is he?”
With downcast eyes, I shake my head and watch my hands clinging to each other on the table.
András reaches out and separates them to take them both in his own. He draws a deep breath as if he’s about to tell me something difficult. “My sister got involved with a mafia boss a few years ago. The guy appeared charming and ordinary at first, but by the time she discovered his mafia ties, it was already too late.”
Terror must be written all over my face because András reassures, “Don’t worry, she’s still alive. She lives here in Budapest with her husband and their two children and works as a nurse now.” His eyes light up with pride, but his expression tightens again as he continues. “When she finally found out, she was in so deep she couldn’t just walk away, and he refused to let her go. Fortunately, our uncle is a supreme court judge and knows the right people. But it was a damn dirty job to get her out of it—bribing mafia bosses and high-ranking politicians. That kind of thing. The system is rotten, through and through.”
He goes quiet for a moment before continuing. “The reason I’m telling you this is that it seems you might also be involved with some bad people, and I want to help you. And maybe more importantly, I can help you.”
He watches me like he desperately hopes I’ll open up to him. For a moment, I’m tempted to do just that, but then I remember who Gabor is—not just a mafia boss. He’s one of the highest-ranking politicians in Hungary and probably one of the most corrupt individuals in this whole damn nation. It’s widely known—or at least widely suspected—that the Prime Minister and his closest allies, including Gabor, skim off everything and engage in criminal activities on the side. They’re practically untouchable since they have everyone in their pockets and enough cash to bribe their way through the corrupt system.
Knowing who to bribe and having the right connections won’t help here, and I can’t risk anything happening to my sister’s family. So I end up just sitting there, staring at his hands holding mine as tears trail down my cheeks. Eventually, I can’t take it anymore—not the helplessness, not his care that I can’t accept.
I abruptly stand. “I have to go now. Thanks for the tea.” I grab my coat and leave the boat in a hurry with András calling out after me.