Chapter 12 #2
That voice was screaming, now. Nagging at him as he slowly slipped out from beneath her.
Making sure she settled before he gathered his clothes and got dressed.
His weapons felt heavy as he tucked them away, then headed for the door, already working through what he’d do if the damn thing creaked.
If Olivia so much as shifted on the bed.
Having the door swing open without making a sound allowed him to breathe.
Not that he was proud he was sneaking out, but…
He needed time. To figure out what had happened.
What this was. If she’d merely been scratching an itch.
Not that he was against a round—or two—of angry sex.
He’d taken some psychology workshops while in Delta.
They’d been gaged toward interrogation techniques.
How to read body language. Use emotions to his advantage.
And he understood anger came from a place of caring.
Which obviously meant he cared about Olivia more than he cared about anyone else, because he’d been furious. Had been shaking and sweating. Knowing how close she’d come to getting caught. Likely shot. That her only plan had been to fight her way out.
She didn’t even seem to care that men like Parker enjoyed watching people suffer. And just thinking of all the sadistic ways he could have hurt her without killing her...
It made Phoenix want to relive the night, only this time, he’d simply cap the bastards. One shot, one kill, three times over, consequences be damned. It had taken all his resolve to stay the course—escape instead of fight.
So, jumping into bed had made sense. Had been a tension release on several levels. An inevitable conclusion that had been brewing since she’d walked into the café.
And she’d been on board. Had been with him all the way. Stripping him down. Touching him as if they hadn’t spent a day apart. No question—she’d wanted tonight to happen as much as he had.
Though, that’s why he was creeping into the hallway—leaving her sleeping in her bed.
Alone. Somewhere between having sex and holding her while she drifted to sleep, he’d come to the cold, hard realization that he wanted more than one night.
More than a token encounter that led to closure. To both of them being able to move on.
He wanted everything. Wanted to wake up with her in the morning. Kiss her goodnight, again, tomorrow. Wanted the next fifty years of her time. Wanted to know she loved him back.
Which was crazy, knowing that their entire relationship had been a lie.
A fabrication to get her closer to Slader.
To infiltrate the man’s inner circle when she’d discovered the bastard was stalking Phoenix.
Lining him up to be his next unwitting partner.
Maybe use him as a bargaining piece with Crow or Cannon.
And it would have worked if Smyth hadn’t decided Slader had overstayed his usefulness.
That anyone remotely involved in McCormick’s ghost squads needed to be erased.
But if getting close to Slader had been her sole motivation, why had she stayed?
She’d already been secretly working with him for months before that crash.
She could have kicked Phoenix to the curb, dumped his sorry ass.
Instead, she’d dug in deeper. Had virtually moved in with him.
Had seemed as equally invested in their future as he’d been.
He scrubbed his hand down his face, gently closing the door.
Some of the tension easing from his muscles as it clicked shut, the soft sound fading into the stillness.
He wasn’t proud of his decision, but until he wrapped his head around their new dynamic—gaged if she even wanted more than this one-night stand—he’d play it safe.
Go against his training because it hadn’t saved his heart, yet.
Had been the reason he’d left it buried on that Afghanistan hillside along with the rest of his recon team.
Coffee. That’s what he needed. Tequila would have been better, but drinking away his pain wasn’t an option on a mission.
A beer with his buddies was one thing. Downing a fifth of Patrón crossed the line, and he’d never put his team at risk just to ease the ache crushing his chest. The one making it hard to take that first step. Actually head for his room.
He did, but it cost him. Had him clenching his fists, using that steel hard determination he’d prided himself with. Every ounce of strength just to move his foot an inch. Turn away from her door.
Taking the next step seemed twice as difficult. Required laser concentration so he didn’t stomp. Ruin his silent exit by sounding like a wounded animal crashing down the hallway. Took him a full minute, but he managed to tread lightly. Get his head back in the game.
Three more paces, and he was closing in on the corner.
Closing in on success. All he had to do was make it to his room—the one far too removed from hers if there was an emergency, but which was saving him, now, from spending the rest of the night with his ear pressed against the wall, listening for any signs of movement—and he was safe.
“You’re up late.”
Phoenix had his gun out, and the man who’d stepped out from the corner pinned to the wall in the space of a heartbeat. Barrel an inch from his face, his arm notched into the guy’s throat. No hesitation. No delay, just his training taking control. His body primed for battle.
Watching Gibson’s mouth lift into a smug grin had Phoenix cursing. Giving the man a shove before letting him go and taking a healthy step back.
He holstered his weapon, glancing up and down the hallway before shaking his head. “You ass. You’re lucky I didn’t shoot you straight off.”
“That so? Not like you to be so…twitchy. Something got you on edge, mate?”
And just like that, Phoenix knew Gibson had seen him coming out of Olivia’s room.
Had obviously figured out they hadn’t spent the night talking.
Hell, Phoenix wouldn’t be surprised if Gibson had been doing the same thing Phoenix had.
Had been following Olivia. Making sure she hadn’t put herself in a dangerous situation.
Or maybe, Gibson had been hoping to intercede before she’d crossed that line and gotten involved with Phoenix, again.
Just because Gib claimed he trusted Phoenix—wanted him to have Gib’s back—didn’t mean the Brit trusted him with Olivia’s heart.
Believed that Phoenix wouldn’t use her to get what might be perceived as payback.
Cold day before Phoenix would stoop that low. Use anyone, let alone her. Not after enduring years of abuse. Sure, he was sneaking out, but it wasn’t because he didn’t care or wanted to hurt her.
He crossed his arms, knowing it was a defensive move, but he was too damn tired to care. “If there’s something you want to say, Gibson, just say it. Otherwise, I’m gonna go get a few hours of sleep.”
Gibson pursed his lips as if he hadn’t expected Phoenix to be so direct. Had been prepared for them to dance around the subject for a while. Maybe see if he could catch Phoenix in a lie.
A sigh as Gib carded a hand through his hair, glancing at Olivia’s door then back at him. “Look, I know what’s between you and Livy is just that…between you and her.”
Phoenix arched a brow. “But…”
“But I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over the past several years. She has a way of getting under your skin. Making you care. And I’ve come to see her as the annoying little sister I never wanted.”
Phoenix nodded, holding both hands palms up for a moment, before taking a step away. Sister meant family, and that was obviously a no-fly zone for Gibson. A discreet way of telling Phoenix to back off before Gib took it personally. “Understood.”
“No, mate, I don’t think you do.” He shook his head. “Whatever happened between you two while she was undercover—whatever your relationship was—she wasn’t faking it.”
Phoenix snorted. “Right. Just the name part. And the nationality part. The bit about her job, and, of course, her accent. Hardly anything, really.”
“That’s all window dressing. Superficial rubbish that doesn’t mean bugger all in the long run.
She cared about you, Vale. Still does. Why do you think I got her to leave London?
She was pinning. Slowly wasting away until I thought there wouldn’t be anything left of her worth saving.
Sure, she doesn’t show it, but inside, she’s hurting. ”
“Then, she’s not the only one. We done?”
Gibson mumbled something—cursed really—then nodded, shuffling sideways. Giving Phoenix a clear path to his room.
He took a few steps, willing his feet to keep moving, only to turn and meet the other man’s gaze. “Do you know why I was on that beach?”
Gibson’s eyes widened before he shook his head.
Phoenix reached into his pocket. The one still harboring those damn dog tags, fake name and all.
The ones, he couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard he tried.
He held up them, watching how they twirled, the silver plating reflecting off the muted light at the far end of the hall.
“I was going to throw these in the ocean, only, I wasn’t going to let go. ”
A rough exhale, then Gibson gave him a curt nod. Just one. As if that small movement had taken all his strength.
Phoenix shoved the tags back in his pocket. “This isn’t a game I’m playing, and despite what everyone might think, I’m not out to be a bastard. I get that she had orders. That, in some way, she probably thought she was protecting me. It’s just…”
How did he say it? Admit that he still didn’t know what move to make next? Hadn’t learned how to forgive, because forgiveness meant betrayal, and he’d already had a lifetime’s worth of getting shafted. Being used. That, in the end, he was just plain scared.
Gibson gave him a slap on the shoulder, then took a few steps away, stopping like Phoenix had.
Looking at him over his shoulder. “Livy’s scared, too.
Love tends to do that to you. Twists you around then spits you out.
Keeps you guessing if the next turn will kill you.
Worth the ride, though. If you’re brave enough to buy a ticket.
” He gave Phoenix a half smile. “Get some sleep, mate. Shit’s only going to get worse. ”
Another step. “Oh, and if Bishop asks, you and Livy were hanging with me, all night. So, that wasn’t you two sneaking into that covert area. Setting off alarms. Jeopardizing the mission.”
Phoenix shook his head. “Didn’t kill anyone. I’d say that’s a win.”
“I guess that depends on whether anyone can ID you two. Let’s hope they can’t. We’ll head out early in the morning. I’ve got this feeling something’s off. That we’re missing an important detail. And I’d like to take a look around. Unless you planned on spending the day with Livy? Be her wingman.”
“Now, you’re just being an ass. I’ll see you in a few hours. But I swear, one word, and I won’t miss the opportunity to pop a round in you, then watch Coen dig it out.”