Chapter 15
Gillian couldn’t believe how nervous she was. It was ridiculous because she’d been ready to make love with Walker for weeks now, but reading the text he’d left her last night had knocked her for a loop.
She was thrilled that he wasn’t really mad she’d essentially broken into his apartment, but was a bit surprised about his change in demeanor when it came to moving their physical relationship forward.
He’d been adamant about moving slow, making sure they were both on the same page, but that text she’d received had been the opposite of tiptoeing into a physical relationship. She knew exactly what Trigger wanting her in his bed meant.
And while Gillian had been chomping at the bit to move their relationship to a more physical level, now she was freaking out.
She stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom and tried to objectively evaluate herself.
She’d put on a matching cream bra and panty set that made her feel good.
But now that she was looking at herself in it, she wasn’t so sure.
Walker was the epitome of hot. He had muscles on top of muscles, and even though she hadn’t seen his stomach, she’d felt it.
She was guessing he had at least a six-pack, and probably those V-muscles that pointed down to his groin.
Gillian wasn’t anywhere near his league when it came to physical attributes. She had a nice set of boobs, but her stomach was a bit too poofy and her thighs touched when she walked. She burned a bit too easily and hadn’t ever found joy in lying in the sun and baking, so she was very pale.
She fluffed out her hair and had to admit that it was one of her best features. She also liked her green eyes.
Blowing out a breath, she turned away from the mirror. She was who she was. Just because she carried more weight than was deemed acceptable didn’t mean she wasn’t attractive. Walker certainly didn’t seem to see what she did when he looked at her.
She pulled on a pair of jeans and a cute ruffled cold-shoulder pink shirt.
She went a little heavier on her makeup, simply because she hadn’t seen Walker in almost two weeks and she wanted him to see her at her best. He’d certainly seen her at her worst in Venezuela, and in her “I’m lying around the house not expecting company” clothes as well.
Still feeling nervous, she packed an overnight bag and got ready to leave her apartment.
She’d spent the morning working on the anniversary party for the Howards.
She’d talked to the staff at The Driskill and finalized some small details about the food that was going to be served and how to set up the ballroom.
It was good to keep busy as it kept her mind off Walker… mostly.
For some reason, as she left her apartment, Gillian had the fantastical thought that when she returned, her life would be different.
Which was insane. Having sex with a man wasn’t exactly life-changing.
Women did it all the time. But she had a feeling that sex with Walker would definitely not be run-of-the-mill.
The drive to his apartment seemed to take forever, and it didn’t help that there was an accident on the road that slowed things down as well. She called him when she got into town.
“Hey, Gilly. You close?”
“Yeah. Finally. There was a wreck and it took forever for me to get past it.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re almost here.”
“Me too,” Gillian told him, feeling shy.
“Drive safe and I’ll see you soon.”
“I will. Bye.”
Walker hung up without another word, and Gillian couldn’t help but feel nervous all over again. This was crazy. She was just going to see Walker. He was the same man he was two weeks ago when she’d last seen him.
But was he? Just from the text he’d sent the night before, Gillian had a feeling he was different, and she had no idea what to expect from him.
She pulled into his parking lot and grabbed her bag before she headed for his apartment. To her surprise, he was standing outside waiting for her. Without thinking, Gillian started to jog toward him. Talking and texting with him wasn’t the same as seeing him in person.
He looked good, the same as he had before he’d left.
No bandages, no black eyes, no sign of any kind of injury.
A part of Gillian had wondered if he’d been hurt and just didn’t want to tell her.
But he looked tall and strong, and it was such a relief, she threw herself into his arms as soon as she got close.
“You’re really okay,” she mumbled as she buried her face in his neck.
His strong arms wrapped around her, taking her off her feet as he hugged her back. “I told you I was fine,” he said with a laugh.
He put her on her feet and stared down at her with a look so hot, Gillian had to force herself to swallow. “Hi,” she said awkwardly.
Walker huffed out another chuckle. “Hi,” he returned.
Gillian put one hand on his cheek. “You look good.”
“Did you expect me to come back with green skin and all my hair shaved off or something?”
She grinned. “No, but I don’t know you well enough to know if you saying that you were fine really meant that you were fine, or if it was manspeak for ‘I took a couple bullets but they didn’t kill me so I’m good.’”
He stared at her for a heartbeat before throwing his head back and laughing so hard, she could feel his body shake against her own. The sound was beautiful. All the more because she was witnessing it in person, and he really was all right after his mysterious mission.
When he’d gotten himself under control, Walker leaned down until his lips were almost brushing hers when he spoke.
“I might downplay how I feel when I talk to you, but I won’t lie.
If I get shot, I’ll tell you I got shot.
But you have to understand that unfortunately, getting injured kind of comes with my job.
You can’t freak if I come back to you with a few scrapes and bruises. ”
“I can and will,” Gillian retorted. “You have to understand that the thought of you being hurt turns my stomach and makes me want to march out into the world and beat the crap out of anyone who dared lay a hand on you. I’ll do my best to control myself, but you’re just going to have to work extra hard to be careful so I don’t lose my mind when you come home. ”
She couldn’t interpret the look on his face. But when he said, “Okay, Di. I can do that,” she relaxed in his arms.
Walker stared down at her for so long, she started to get concerned. But just when she was about to ask him what was wrong, he moved. He bent and picked up her bag with one hand, keeping his other arm around her waist. He moved them toward the building without another word.
He didn’t let go of her for even a second as they made their way to his second-floor apartment. He unlocked the door and led her inside.
The second the door shut behind them, he dropped her bag and Gillian found herself backed up against the wall in the foyer with Walker looming over her.
“Thank you for the dinner last night…well, this morning.”
“You’re welcome,” she said, holding onto his forearms as she stared up at him.
“What time did you get home?” he asked.
Gillian shrugged. “Around two.”
“While it was appreciated, don’t do that shit again. It’s not safe to be driving and walking around at that hour.”
“I wanted to make sure you ate,” she said softly.
Walker put his hand in one of his front pockets and pulled something out.
Looking down, Gillian saw a shiny silver key in his palm. She looked back up at him in confusion.
“I had a talk with my manager this morning. Told him that you were always allowed in my apartment, and he shouldn’t give you a hard time about letting you in no matter what time it is.
But I figured it would be easier if I just gave you a key, that way you won’t have to wake him up again and deal with his attitude. ”
“You’re giving me a key to your place?” she asked, her brows furrowed.
“Yeah.”
She didn’t reach to take it. This seemed like a huge deal, and she was having a hard time processing it.
Walker had a small smile on his face and he moved his hand, tucking the key inside the front pocket of her jeans. Then he leaned in closer, forcing Gillian’s head back farther.
“You get the text I sent early this morning?”
She nodded.
“Anything about what I said that you don’t understand or want?”
Gillian licked her lips nervously. “No, it was pretty clear,” she told him. “But…I’m not sure what happened in the last two weeks to make you change your mind from the whole ‘going slow’ thing and ‘I can’t sleep in a bed with you’ to now.”
“I finally got my head out of my ass,” Walker said with no hesitation. “I suppose I wasn’t being fair to you, but I’ve seen too many relationships with my friends crash and burn when their girlfriend couldn’t handle the uncertainty that comes with our kind of job.”
Gillian was a little disappointed with his answer, but she couldn’t really blame him. He went on before she could say anything.
“And everything I told you before was true. I was afraid to get tied any closer to you because if you decided you couldn’t handle what I do, it would’ve killed me.
As far as I’m concerned, you’re perfect.
You have your own friends, you’re smart, funny, employed, and you’ve got an innocent soul.
And I want all that for myself. I don’t want to corrupt you, or change you in any way, but I know that if you’re with me, I’ll end up doing just that.
I guess that’s why I was holding back. But when I got home last night, dead on my feet and completely exhausted, and I saw that you’d gone out of your way to respect my need for space to clear my head after the mission and to feed me, it hit me. ”
When he didn’t go on, Gillian asked, “What did?”