Chapter 10 #2
She shrugged. “I’m just me. I’ve never really had friends.
I told you that I’m weird. I don’t understand how your friends can decide so quickly that they like me.
They should be leery. I’ve brought danger straight to your doorstep.
And all of your careers could be over just like that.
” She snapped her fingers, demonstrating her point.
“Stryker or Brown could easily ruin your careers with one word to the right person. You should be pushing me as far away as you can.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Lefty told her.
He needed her to hear him, so he did something he’d never done before—he used his size and strength to overwhelm a woman.
He eased Kinley back until she was half lying on the couch, and he sat at her hip with his hands on either side of her, effectively trapping her.
“I need you to listen to me, Kins. Really hear me. Are you listening?”
She nodded, her eyes wide, and he felt her fingers grab ahold of his forearms and her nails dig into his skin.
He wanted to look down, see her hands on him, but he forced himself to look her in the eyes.
“I don’t know what it is about you that has me wanting to slay all your dragons.
I’m furious that Brown broke your trust so badly.
And before you defend him, there’s no other explanation for that email being found so soon after you’d confided in him.
I’m guessing he immediately called Stryker and blabbed, and one or both of them decided you had to be taken out, and they hired someone to do their dirty deeds. ”
She nodded slightly and licked her lips. Lefty was distracted for a second by the sheen her tongue left behind. He wanted so badly to lean down and taste her, but he refrained…barely.
“Trigger wasn’t lying, I’ve been talking to him about you for months.
I like you, Kinley. A lot. The last thing I want to do is take advantage of this situation, but I have to admit, I’m not upset that you need a place to stay.
I’m not going to overstep my bounds with you, you can sleep in my bed and I’ll stay out here. ”
“Gage, no!” she exclaimed, her fingers flexing on his arm. “That’s not fair.”
“You ready to let me sleep with you?” he asked. “And I truly do mean sleep, nothing else…yet.”
She bit her lip, and he lost her gaze.
Lefty held her chin until she looked at him again.
“That’s what I thought. Me sleeping on the couch puts me between you and the door, and it makes it easier to protect you,” he told her.
“I want you to get used to me. See that I’m not like the other clueless assholes you’ve obviously known your whole life.
I want you to get to know me, faults and all.
“When you invite me into your bed…or my bed, as the case may be…I want you to be one hundred percent confident in the fact that I want to be there. That you’re an amazing woman who deserves the best from her man.
He should cherish you and encourage your so-called weirdness, not try to change it out of you.
I want you to want me as much as I want you, to the point that you’d do just about anything to have me. ”
She blinked but didn’t respond.
“This situation isn’t ideal,” Lefty said, stating the obvious.
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t get to know each other like any other man and woman who are dating.
You can find out my quirks just as I’ll find out yours.
I already know when you’re sick, it guts me.
It makes me crazy, and it was impossible for me to leave your side.
Gillian offered to sit with you so I could get some sleep, but I refused.
There’s just something about you that calls to me, Kinley.
I want to see where that can go. But…and this is the important part… ” he said solemnly.
Kinley licked her lips again, and once again, Lefty had to force himself not to move. Not to lean down and cover those lips with his own. “What’s that?”
“You are under no obligation whatsoever to do anything you don’t want to.”
Her brows furrowed.
“I like you, I’m not lying about that. But if you don’t feel the same about me, I’m not going to freak out or get violent.
I’d no sooner touch you in anger than I would my mother or anyone else I love.
I’ll be upset, and sad, but you’re allowed to feel however you feel.
Do not feel as if you have to enter into a relationship with me if you don’t think you could one day love me.
I’d much rather be your friend and have you in my life in some capacity, than have you date me when you don’t feel the way I do. ”
The words popped out without Lefty thinking about them.
“Don’t panic,” he said when he saw her doing just that.
“I’m not saying I love you. I don’t know you well enough to be able to feel that yet.
But, I can honestly say that I’ve never been as intrigued about a woman as I am you.
And I feel as if it’ll take years for me to find out all your secrets, and I’m actually looking forward to it.
Every piece of you I uncover feels like a victory.
All I’m saying is that you have a safe place to stay here with me, and it comes with no strings.
I’ll help you no matter what our personal relationship is because it’s the right thing to do.
For you and for émilie, and for all the other victims of The Alleyway Strangler. Understand?”
She nodded, but said, “You’re going to be disappointed in me.”
“Not possible,” Lefty told her without hesitation.
“If anything, you’re the one who’ll be disappointed.
I didn’t have the strength to let Gillian help you when you were sick, despite knowing it would’ve been the right thing to do.
I might be strong physically, but when it comes to you, I’m as weak as a kitten. ”
One of her hands came up to his face, and Lefty felt his heart rate increase when she palmed his cheek. “You’re the only man who’s ever seen me that way. Am I…do you think… Shit.” Her eyes closed, and she started to drop her hand.
Lefty moved quickly, placing his hand over hers, keeping the connection between them. “What? You can ask me anything, sweetheart.”
She looked him in the eye and asked, “Did I look okay?”
He blinked. “What?” he asked, uncertain what she meant.
“Never mind,” she mumbled.
“If you’re asking me if I liked what I saw when I held you in my arms, the answer is no.”
She stiffened, but Lefty kept going. “I didn’t like that you were burning up with fever.
I didn’t like the way your body seemed as if it was roasting from the inside out.
I didn’t like how you looked through me instead of at me.
I didn’t like that you thrashed in my arms because you were scared I was going to hold you under the water in that tub.
And I didn’t enjoy taking your clothes off to bathe you, changing your shirt when you threw up on the one you were wearing, or using a cool washcloth to wipe you down while trying to get your fever to abate.
“I was wholly focused on getting you better, not on what your body looked like. I’m a man, Kinley, but not an asshole. I wasn’t going to ogle you when you were completely out of it and helpless.
“But if you’re asking if I find you attractive, the answer is a resounding yes.
Now that you’re better, and I know I’m not going to have to break your trust and bring you to a doctor when you clearly didn’t want that—for good reason, I might add—I’ve been fighting a damn erection all morning.
Watching you eat, drink…hell, even just sitting here watching you bite your lip has my cock standing up and begging to touch you.
You have absolutely no worries when it comes to your body, Kins. ”
She was blushing now, but he liked that she didn’t have the embarrassed look on her face that he’d seen earlier.
“I like your body too,” she said shyly.
Lefty smiled. “Good. Now, I’m gonna get up and find something to do in the kitchen.
I don’t know what, but I’ll figure it out when I get there.
If I sit here with you looking all soft and cuddly under me for too much longer, I might forget all my chivalrous words and do something that will make you think I’m a louse. ”
“A louse?” she said, chuckling.
“Yup. You okay after everything that’s happened today?”
She thought about it for a second, then shrugged. “Do I have a choice to be anything but?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, you do. What’s happened to you throughout your life sucks.
It’s not fair, and you deserve a hell of a lot more.
If I was a better man, I’d let you go, so you can find someone who doesn’t have to be gone for weeks at a time.
Who lives in a big house and works a regular nine-to-five job. ”
“What if that’s not what I want?” she asked.
“What do you want?” he retorted.
“To be loved just as I am,” she said immediately. “All my life, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t need fancy clothes, jewelry, or a huge house. I just want someone to want me.”
Lefty felt his heart lurch in his chest. She asked for so little, but she also asked for everything. He wanted to be the man who could give her what her heart desired—but it also scared the shit out of him. “Don’t ever settle,” he ordered.
“I won’t,” she whispered.
Lefty couldn’t stop himself from leaning down and kissing her forehead. Then he stood up and went into the kitchen to find something to keep him busy before his desires overwhelmed his good sense.
Kinley lay on the couch right where Gage had left her in a daze.
It had been an emotional few hours. Nothing in her life had changed from when she’d left DC, but somehow it felt as if everything had changed.
Gillian seemed to genuinely like her, which was crazy because all she’d done was mooch off her and sit on her couch and read a book, but Kinley was going to roll with it.