Chapter 11 #4
That evening, Lefty watched Kinley carefully. Something was bothering her, and he hoped like hell it wasn’t that she was nervous about the upcoming night. She didn’t seem worried that morning when she’d asked him to sleep in his bed with her, but she could be having second thoughts.
“You all right?” he asked when she’d sat back down on the couch after getting up for the tenth time. “You seem…unsettled. If you’ve changed your mind about our sleeping arrangements, I’m not going to get upset.”
“It’s not that. I just…I’m both anxious and nervous to talk to your FBI friend.”
Lefty sighed. “I wish I could make this better for you. Make it disappear.”
“I know. But you can’t. I can’t unsee what I saw, and I can’t just forget about it either. Especially when, while in foster care, no one ever saw me.”
“If I knew you, I would’ve,” Lefty said firmly.
Kinley smiled at him and shook her head sadly. “You wouldn’t’ve. And that’s okay. I’m weird, but I was even weirder back then. Besides, I’m not telling you this for sympathy, I’m trying to explain how I feel.”
“Sorry, go ahead,” Lefty said. “But do you think maybe I can hold you while you do it? I’m guessing I’m not going to like this story.”
Without hesitation, Kinley scooted over and leaned into him. Lefty put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.
“I was picked on a lot,” Kinley started.
“I mean, I was the quirky foster kid with no one to stand up for me. I had no friends and no family. I was an easy target. I got picked on every day for twelve years. I didn’t get any less odd in college, so the teasing continued there, but not as bad, as people were generally more interested in passing their classes or getting laid.
Anyway, when I was in the tenth grade, there was this guy who was especially mean.
Every day, he’d knock my books out of my hands or find something about me to make fun of.
My shoes, my hair, my clothes, something. It was miserable, but I put up with it.
“One day, the boy shoved me so hard I fell against the wall and banged my head.
He laughed about it before turning his back on me and leaving with his group of friends.
There were at least a dozen people who witnessed me getting hurt.
No one offered to help. No one went to the principal about that boy.
No one wanted to get involved and possibly have him turn his attention on them.
“I don’t ever want to be like those people.
It would be easier if I just ignored what I saw in Paris and went on with my life.
But then I’d be just like those kids back in high school.
I can’t help émilie, or the other victims, it’s too late for them, but I can help the next girl.
I’m scared, Gage. I don’t want to do this… but I have to.”
Lefty had never been prouder of someone in his life.
“It’s not easy doing the right thing,” he told her softly, kissing her temple.
“It’s fucking hard. But I’d never ask you to keep quiet.
Even if it meant keeping you safe. Because I know it would harm you mentally.
I hate that you’re involved, but I’m as proud as I can be that you’re standing your ground.
I’ll do whatever it takes to help you through this journey.
One day at a time, sweetheart. That’s what we’ll do. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said softly.
“I think Cruz will be here the day after tomorrow. You’ll tell him what you saw, and we’ll figure out what our next steps will be from there.”
“I don’t want you to be my babysitter,” she said.
“You’re a grown woman, you don’t need a babysitter,” Lefty told her.
“Right, and yet you’re spending all your free time locked in here with me. I know this can’t be your idea of a good time.”
“Look at me,” Lefty said sternly. He waited until she’d picked her head up and he had her attention before continuing.
“I like being in my apartment with you. I know you don’t see yourself this way, but you’re interesting and funny.
You’re calming. I’ve never looked forward to coming home after work before, simply because my place always seemed dark and cold.
But now I can’t wait to be released for the day because I get to come home to you.
I don’t need you to have dinner waiting for me, or for you to do my laundry and clean the place.
You just sitting on my couch, smiling as I come through the door, is enough to make me thankful that you found your way to me in Texas. ”
She eyed him skeptically.
Lefty chuckled. “I’m not lying, Kins. I like having you in my space.”
“I don’t want to be afraid of leaving your apartment, and yet I still am.”
Lefty’s stomach lurched. He hated that for her.
He urged her to rest her head against him once more.
“You’re not a prisoner here. I just need you to be very careful.
We’ve parked your car a few blocks over in another apartment complex, just to be safe.
But if you want to go out, I’m not going to tell you no.
As I said earlier, you’re an adult. And you got yourself out of DC and to Texas safely. ”
“But that’s just it, the longer I’m in one place, the greater the chance whoever tried to kill me will find me.”
Lefty nodded. “I know.” And he did. A part of him wanted to lock her in his apartment and never let her go.
But he couldn’t do that. “I wish I could stay with you twenty-four-seven. Although, then you’d probably start hating my guts because you’d get very sick of me staring at you like a lovesick puppy and following you around.
” He squeezed her shoulders, letting her know he was kidding…
sort of. “But I have a job that I have to do. My boss is pretty understanding, but I’m not sure he’d let me sit at home like a slug until this whole thing with the ambassador is figured out. ”
“I’d never ask that of you,” Kinley said.
“I know you wouldn’t. But the time’s gonna come when I have to go on a mission. You’ll be on your own, and you’ll have to go out to get food and other necessities.”
“I also need to figure out what I’m going to do money-wise,” she said.
“For now, you don’t need to worry about it,” Lefty said firmly.
“How can you say that?” she asked, pulling away from him once again. “I have to eat. And I can’t sleep in your bed forever.”
“Why not?” The two words popped out without thought.
Lefty sighed. “Look, you already know how much I like having you here. It’s not exactly a hardship.
And it’s not as if you’re eating me out of house and home.
I’ve got plenty of money, Kins. Enough for you to hunker down here until this shit gets figured out.
In the meantime, Gillian’s said that you’ve been helping her make some phone calls and negotiate. Maybe she can hire you part-time.”
Kinley blinked, then frowned. “I’d never ask her for money for helping her out.”
“Which is why she’ll probably insist on paying you,” Lefty retorted. “Listen, all I’m saying is that you don’t have to figure this all out right this second. Stay here with me. No strings attached.”
“The second you get sick of me, you have to tell me,” Kinley said sternly.
Lefty couldn’t help it, he laughed.
“Don’t make fun of me,” Kinley said.
“I’m not,” Lefty told her. “I’d never do that.
But the thought of me getting sick of you is hilarious.
You’re so unobtrusive, it’s not even funny.
I’d say there are times I forget you’re here, but that would be a lie.
Even when you read your books and we don’t say a word to each other for hours, I’m still well aware that you’re here with me. ”
Kinley licked her lips. “I feel the same about you. For someone who’s been alone all her life, I thought it would be hard to live with someone else. But it’s not. I like looking up from my book and seeing you sitting next to me.”
“Good. You tired?” Lefty knew the question was abrupt, but suddenly he couldn’t think of anything he wanted more than to lie in his bed and hold her.
“A little.”
“Why don’t you go in and get ready. I’ll clean up out here and lock up. You still okay with me being in there with you?”
She nodded shyly. “But, I’m still not ready for…”
“I know. Neither am I. Believe it or not, I don’t sleep with women simply because they’re available.”
“Okay.”
“Okay,” he echoed.
She smiled at him then stood and headed for his bedroom.
As Lefty put away the dishes they’d used that night, he had the thought that this was what his life could be like in the future. Cozy. Homey. Relaxed. And looking forward to joining Kinley in their bed.
His cock twitched in his pants and he adjusted himself firmly.
“Down boy,” he muttered before heading to the door to make sure it was locked up tight.
While he might’ve told Kinley that he respected her decision to speak up about what she’d seen in Paris, that didn’t mean he liked it.
She was putting herself in danger, and he hated that.
But he’d do whatever he could to make sure he had her back.
Giving her ten minutes to make sure she’d had enough time to change and get into bed, Lefty eased open his bedroom door. Kinley had left the light on in the bathroom so he wouldn’t trip over anything as he came in.
Smiling at her thoughtfulness, he did his thing in the bathroom and stripped down to his boxers. He contemplated putting on a pair of sweats, but decided even though it would be torture, he wanted to hold her against him. Skin on skin.
He pulled back the covers and inhaled deeply, loving the faint scent of vanilla that entered his nostrils. Kinley didn’t wear perfume, but the lotion she liked to wear put off just enough of a subtle scent that he knew he’d never be able to smell vanilla again and not think of her.
Without hesitation, he reached out and pulled Kinley into his side. He smiled when she immediately snuggled into him, putting her arm over his stomach.
“Comfortable?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good,” he said with satisfaction. “If I crowd you too much, don’t feel bad about pulling away.”
“You aren’t crowding me. You remind me of a teddy bear I had once. I slept with it every night, and it comforted me.”
“What happened to it?” he asked before thinking.
Kinley shrugged against him. “No clue. I got transferred to another home and it wouldn’t fit in the trash bag I was given to pack my stuff.”
“A trash bag?” he echoed in shock.
“Yeah. I didn’t get a real duffle bag until I was in middle school.”
Lefty took a deep breath and reined in his temper. “Well, if you want to think of me as a big ol’ teddy bear, I’m okay with that.”
She giggled lightly, and Lefty memorized the sound. She didn’t laugh a lot, and she certainly didn’t giggle much. “What’s so funny?” he asked, attempting to sound hurt.
She laughed again. “Don’t get offended. I mean, yes, you’re comforting, but you also make my stomach swirl and when you tangle your fingers in the hair at my nape, goose bumps break out on my arms. My teddy never did any of that.”
Hearing about her reactions to him made Lefty sigh in relief. He wasn’t the only one affected by their closeness. That somehow made it easier to simply enjoy the moment and not get sucked down into the lust he could feel just under the surface of his skin.
“Go to sleep, sweetheart. One day at a time.”
“One day at a time,” she echoed.
Surprisingly, this time, Lefty fell asleep fairly quickly. Maybe he was getting used to holding her, or maybe he was just exhausted from a long day. Whatever the reason, he knew in the morning he’d probably feel more rested than he had in a very long time. Maybe forever.