Chapter 18 #2
Kinley hoped the guilt she felt wasn’t showing on her face. “Never,” she said. “In a perfect world, I’d never leave your side. I’d be stuck there like a barnacle. You’d have to hobble around with me affixed to you like a parasite or something.”
He chuckled, which was her intention. Even if her words were funny, she meant them one hundred percent. “Kinda like that teddy bear’s attached to your side, huh?”
Kinley nodded. Gage had brought the soft teddy he’d gotten for her, and it managed to make the sterile world of the hospital a little more tolerable. “I love this guy. If it wouldn’t look out of place for a grown woman to carry a teddy bear around with her, I’d take it with me everywhere.”
“You do what you want, sweetheart,” Gage told her with a smile. “Anyone gives you shit about your teddy, tell them to fuck off.”
She smiled up at him.
“I’ll see you bright and early in the morning,” Gage said softly. “You want me to bring you anything?”
She shook her head, knowing if she spoke, she’d break down in tears. Kinley so badly wanted to tell Gage she loved him, but she couldn’t. For her own sanity, she needed to keep that last inch of distance between them.
Gage leaned down and gently hugged her, and Kinley inhaled deeply, drawing his essence into her nostrils one last time.
“Love you, Kins. Sleep well. You’ll be safe with Brain watching over you.”
“I know,” she lied. She wasn’t safe, and neither was anyone around her.
He kissed her on the lips. It wasn’t passionate, but it wasn’t chaste either. His tongue came out and licked over her still cracked lips gently. “See you tomorrow,” he whispered as he straightened.
“Bye,” Kinley croaked.
With one last wave, Gage walked out of the room.
Kinley closed her eyes and willed herself not to break down into sobs. Brain was smart. He’d realize something was wrong and would call Gage and tell him to come back in a heartbeat.
“You all right?” Brain asked.
“Just tired,” Kinley said with a sigh. That wasn’t a lie.
Her whole body hurt, and she knew tonight was going to be hard, mentally and physically.
Cruz had found a moment to tell her earlier that everything was arranged, and the handlers who’d been assigned to get her out of the hospital would be there around midnight.
She made small talk with Brain for a while and learned more about him.
For one, he knew a shitload of languages.
He’d simply shrugged and said he had a “knack” for them, which was an understatement.
He admitted that he didn’t date much simply because he hadn’t found a woman in a long time who he’d clicked with.
“And what does it take for you to click with someone?” Kinley asked, genuinely interested in hearing the answer.
Brain shrugged. “Someone who’s interested in more than what color nail polish to wear,” he said vaguely. “I want someone I can talk to, who understands me.”
“So, you’re punishing women in general for past girlfriends not understanding you?” she asked, a little surlier than she might’ve if she wasn’t stressed out about the upcoming night.
“I didn’t say that,” Brain insisted.
“Really? Because that’s kinda how it sounded to me,” she said.
“Not many people are as smart as you, Brain. I mean, I don’t remember a damn thing about the pre-calc class I took in high school, and the only thing I know how to say in Spanish is, ‘?Dónde está el bano?’ According to your high standards, it sounds like you shouldn’t even be my friend. ”
“I don’t care that you can only ask where the bathroom is in Spanish,” Brain said with a scoff. “You’re Lefty’s woman, so that means you’re my friend too.”
“Oh, well, gee, thanks for liking me for who I am,” Kinley told him, then winced as she moved the wrong way and her ribs complained.
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I still hurt when I move the wrong way.” She sighed.
“I’m sorry I’m being grumpy. I’m stressed out and worried about everything.
But, Brain…I think you’re going to miss out on a pretty great woman because you’re looking for someone who’s on the same academic level as you are, who can understand you intellectually. ”
“I didn’t really say that I wanted her to be smart,” Brain said.
“You kinda did,” Kinley argued. “I’m not one to wear nail polish, but if I was, I’d probably want it to match my outfits. Or at least be a neutral color so it wouldn’t clash. Would that mean you wouldn’t want to be my friend?”
“No,” Brain said.
“Then what did you mean?”
“I don’t know,” he said, sounding a little grumpy himself now.
“Then give us women some slack,” Kinley said gently.
“Many of us hide who we are from the world for very good reasons. We’re afraid of how we’ll be treated.
Or that we’ll be looked down on because of our past, of who we are deep inside.
Maybe try to have a little more of an open mind when it comes to women.
You might be surprised at who you click with if you do. ”
Kinley was exhausted by the time she’d finished her little lecture. She didn’t know how she’d expected Brain to respond—but taking a deep breath, letting it out, and hanging his head wasn’t it.
“You’re right.”
“I know,” Kinley said with a small smile.
“I just…all my life, I’ve only been useful for what I know. I love the guys, but even they see me as just a walking brain. Hell, that’s how I got my nickname.”
“Bullshit,” Kinley challenged. “I know Gage doesn’t give a shit about how smart you are.
I mean, yeah, I’m sure it comes in handy on missions, but you can’t let people rely on you for a certain skill, and then turn around and be mad when they can’t see past it.
They can’t see past it if you don’t let them in, Brain.
It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers. No one expects you to be perfect.”
“Don’t they?” he countered.
“No. Because perfect is boring. Just be yourself, and if you’re trying to impress women with that big brain of yours, stop.
Just be you. And let her be who she is. Maybe she won’t have an advanced degree or know twenty languages, but that doesn’t mean she can’t love you with all her heart.
You want to know what most women really want? ”
“God, yes. Please,” he mock begged.
Kinley couldn’t help but smile. “We want to be wanted. That’s it.”
Brain looked skeptical.
“When push comes to shove, we want a man who wants us and only us. And isn’t afraid to let us know it.
We don’t need expensive presents and huge houses.
We need our man’s time. His smiles. Small things like teddy bears and milkshakes to let us know he’s thinking about us.
That’s it, Brain. When you find a woman who you want to give the world to, and all she wants is you, that’s how you know you’ve found the one. ”
Brain studied her, and Kinley didn’t look away from his gaze. “You make it sound easy.”
She snorted. “It’s not. There are a lot of bitches out there. You know that as well as I do. Women who haven’t learned that the worst thing in life is to not be loved. You find a woman who needs you exactly how you are, hold on and never let go no matter what happens.”
“Kinda like what Lefty’s done with you, huh?” Brain asked.
And just like that, the pain at knowing she was going to hurt the man she loved was back. Even knowing she was doing the right thing wasn’t enough to temper the pain in her heart. “Yeah,” she whispered.
They talked a bit longer, and then Brain turned on the television.
They were in the middle of watching a movie—Kinley had no idea what it was, as she wasn’t paying attention to anything but the click of the second hand on the clock on the wall, letting her know the time was quickly approaching when she’d have to leave—when a nurse Kinley had never seen before knocked on the door.
“It’s time for a shower,” she said chirpily.
“And that’s my cue to take a walk,” Brain said with a smile. “You all right with that?”
“Of course,” Kinley told him, her heart hammering in her chest.
This was it. She never took a shower at night, so she knew the nurse must be a part of the plan to sneak her out of the hospital.
She might never see Brain again. It didn’t hurt as much as saying goodbye to Gage had, but it still stung.
She couldn’t say anything that would make him suspicious though.
“I’ll be back in an hour, that enough time?” he asked.
“More than,” the nurse said.
Brain waved at her from the doorway. “Don’t be afraid to take the painkillers, Kins,” he said.
“I won’t,” she whispered, then he was gone.
Twenty seconds later, Cruz appeared in the doorway. “You ready?” he asked.
She wasn’t. She had about a million second thoughts, but she had to do this. Remembering how evil Simon had looked and the joy in his eyes when he’d tortured her made the decision much easier.
“Help her into the wheelchair,” he told the nurse.
“Yes, sir,” the woman said, and Kinley realized she wasn’t a nurse at all. She must be an agent. Her handler. The person who was going to take her away from Texas and Gage.
“Take this first,” the woman said, holding out a pill and a cup of water. “This isn’t going to be pleasant, and it’ll help with the pain as we get you out of here.”
Kinley didn’t even ask what it was. She downed the pill and did her best to sit up. Pain shot through her torso but she didn’t even wince. She’d made the decision to do this, and she had to suck it up and be gone before Brain returned.
She had no idea what Cruz was going to tell him, and how he was going to keep him from immediately calling Gage, but that wasn’t her problem.
All she could concentrate on was getting from her bed to the wheelchair.
Then from the wheelchair into whatever car the agency was stashing her in.
One minute at a time. She’d get through this the same way she’d gotten out of that ravine and up the hill.
Thinking about Gage every step of the way.
Right when she was about to be wheeled out of the room, she cried, “Wait!”
Everyone stopped.
“Please, I almost forgot my bear,” Kinley whispered.
Cruz walked over to the bed and picked up the already well-loved animal.
He placed it in her arms and leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
“Good luck, Kinley. As I said before, I’m going to do whatever I can to find Simon King and make sure he isn’t a threat to you or the ones you love so you can come home. ”
“Thank you,” she said before the “nurse” began wheeling her out of the room.
She took one look back right before they got into the elevator and saw Cruz watching them. She raised a hand and waved, like a dork, and got a chin lift in return.
Kinley knew it was the last time she’d see anyone from her old life for a very long time, possibly forever. She cried all the way to the car, and on and off for hours after.