Chapter 11
Aspen was waiting when Kane knocked on her door the next afternoon.
The morning had been…stressful. She’d gone to PT with her team, but everyone was subdued and didn’t really talk to her much.
They’d never been chatty-Kathys with her, but this morning they were even more reticent.
They’d gotten a new platoon sergeant, and Aspen liked him well enough.
At least he didn’t talk down to her like some Rangers did.
And Holman’s replacement was also there for his first workout with his new team.
Then later that morning, she’d met with the major.
Aspen had thought he wanted to discuss her return to full-time duties, but instead, he’d asked a million questions about the op in Afghanistan.
He wanted to know everything about how Vandine and Derek had handled various situations, including a second-by-second accounting of when everything had gone to shit that last day.
Aspen had been uncomfortable saying anything derogatory about anyone, even if they’d fucked up. But in the end, it was obvious the major already knew most of what had occurred. So she’d done her best to recount what happened with as little emotion as possible. She just told him the facts.
When she was done, the major sat back in his chair with his fingers steepled under his chin and stared at her.
Aspen refused to fidget. She hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Do you like your job, Sergeant Mesmer?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Do you love your job?”
At that, she paused. She loved being a medic.
Craved the adrenaline rush she got when she had to make life-or-death decisions.
She especially loved being able to make a difference in someone’s life…
like with Vandine and Holman. But she definitely didn’t love all the other shit that came with the job.
Being looked down on because of her gender, being shot at, being treated like a second-class citizen.
“That’s what I thought,” the major said before she had a chance to respond to his second question. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. “You’re a damn good medic, Mesmer. I’ve taken a look at your service record, and it’s impeccable. You’re coming up on eight years in, right?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You’ll need to decide on whether or not you’ll be reenlisting soon.”
“Yes, Sir,” Aspen said again.
“I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want the Army to lose you. But you’re not happy.”
Aspen blinked, surprised the man would come right out and say it.
“I could sit here and promise you all sorts of things to try to get you to stay. I could tell you that Sergeant Spence will be reassigned, that I could move you to a new Ranger unit. Give you your choice of duty station, reenlistment bonuses…but I don’t think any of those things will make you happy. ”
He was right. She’d never been the kind of woman to need a huge salary, or to live in a gigantic house. She wanted to belong. And the bottom line was that she wasn’t sure she’d ever really belong in the Army. Especially in the special forces teams.
She frowned at the man in front of her.
“I’m confusing you, and I’m sorry. I want what’s best for all my soldiers, and if that’s getting out and finding what they need to be happy outside the Army, so be it.
I don’t know what your plans are. I don’t know anything about your social life or your family.
But after hearing how well you conducted yourself in that shit-show in Afghanistan, despite all the factors against you, I feel as if I need to impart some advice.
“Before you reenlist, think about what you want. What you really want. And if that isn’t another four years doing what you’re doing now…walk away.”
Aspen had been shocked at the major’s words. But she couldn’t deny that having a superior officer come right out and say what she’d been thinking, and validating it, felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
Despite that, she’d left the meeting without any decisions being made, and fairly stressed out about what might happen if she did decide to get out of the Army.
But knowing that she’d be seeing Kane that afternoon made it easier to push everything to the back of her mind—all the heavy decisions she’d have to make in the near future, and the strain of her reunion with her Ranger team.
When Kane finally knocked on her door, Aspen practically skipped to answer it.
“Hey. I thought you’d never get—”
Her words were cut off by Kane’s lips. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulled her into him, and kissed her…hard. And Aspen couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm.
When he pulled back, she tried again. “Hi.”
“Hi,” he echoed. “Ready to go?” He took a step back but kept hold of her hand.
She loved that kissing was no longer a huge step in their relationship. It already seemed natural. “Yeah. Let me just grab my purse.”
He squeezed her hand once before dropping it, and even that made Aspen feel all giddy inside. She ran back into the small apartment and grabbed her purse, which she’d left on the counter in the kitchen. She was back in front of Kane in seconds. “Ready,” she told him.
She locked the door behind them, and once she’d dropped her keys in her purse, Kane took hold of her hand again. It had been a long time since Aspen had held hands with someone, and she couldn’t remember it ever making her feel as happy as it did right now.
When they were settled in his Challenger and headed toward Austin, he asked about her day. “How’d your morning go? Your leg holding out all right?”
“My leg’s fine,” she told him, not admitting that all the activity from the day had it throbbing a bit.
She’d taken an over-the-counter painkiller before he’d picked her up, and she knew it would help.
“And my morning was weird.” She proceeded to tell him about the strain between her and the Ranger team, and about her meeting with the major.
“What do you think?” she asked him when she finished.
“About what?”
“About me getting out of the Army? I have no idea what I’d even do.”
Kane glanced over at her. “Be an EMT. Or get your paramedic license. You told me once that it was a paramedic who made you want to join the Army, after you’d seen them in action when you were on that ride-along with the police department.
You already have your national license for EMT.
You could get your state certification and find a job with an ambulance company. ”
Aspen blinked. Kane sounded so sure. So positive she’d find a job easily, and that she’d pass the tests to get her licensure.
The more she thought about it, the more excited she got.
For some reason, she’d never even thought about working on an ambulance.
She’d been so worked up about the thought of leaving the military, she’d had a hard time thinking about anything else.
“And I’m sorry your team can’t get their heads out of their asses. For what it’s worth, most are probably embarrassed as hell at their actions. They never should’ve left you, Holman, and Vandine.”
“They were ordered to by someone who had a higher rank,” Aspen defended.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I don’t care if the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the highest-ranking officer in the Army, ordered me to leave anyone on my team behind. I wouldn’t do it.”
Aspen reached out and put her hand on Kane’s thigh. He immediately wrapped his hand around hers.
Several miles passed in silence before Aspen said, “I don’t blame them.”
“You should,” Kane said, with no ire in his tone.
“A team is sacred. Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and you work with each other to accomplish your missions. My team needs me to translate. To listen and report and to talk our way out of situations when they arise. I don’t know what I’d do without them, and I’d like to think they feel the same way about me. ”
“They do,” Aspen told him immediately. She hadn’t hung out with Kane’s friends all that much, but even the little time she’d known them had shown her what she was missing out on.
“I can’t sit here and tell you what to do with the rest of your life.
But I do know that I want to keep seeing you.
I want to be involved with whatever it is you choose to do.
If you stay in the Army, I’ll do whatever I can to make things between us work.
It won’t be easy, as either of us could be moved tomorrow, but I’m not the kind of man who’ll insist on you giving up your career to follow me in mine. ”
Aspen stared at him. “Are you saying you’d get out of the Army if I didn’t want to?”
Kane shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, we just started dating and things might not work out between us.
But I do know I’ve never felt the connection to another woman that I do with you, and I’ll only be in the military for another ten or so years…
I’d like to think I’ll be with the woman I marry for way longer than that. Put in perspective, it’s a no-brainer.”
Aspen felt like crying. She knew Kane wasn’t proposing marriage, but for him to sit there and basically tell her that he’d put her above his own career, a job he loved, was startling and humbling. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“And that’s fine. You have time to think about it.
All I’m sayin’ is that I’ll support your decision.
I honestly think you’ll find the team atmosphere you’ve been looking for in the medical field.
It might take a while to find someone you click with in the ambulance service, but you’d be an amazing addition to any company, and your patients would be lucky as hell. ”
“You need to stop talking,” Aspen told him, doing her best to blink back tears.
He looked over at her in alarm. “Why?”
“Nothing. I just can’t handle you being so damn sweet.”
Kane’s face smoothed out when he realized nothing was wrong. “Sorry, no can do. That shit just seems to pop out when I’m around you.”