Chapter 19
Lucky eyed Devyn critically that night. She looked tired, but somehow…lighter. He really hoped her day with the other women had helped.
“How was your day?” he asked after he’d greeted both Angel and Whiskers. The animals were slowly but surely coming out of their shells. They still didn’t like strangers all that much, and when the doorbell rang, they bolted up the stairs, but with time, he hoped that skittishness would fade.
Devyn had been in the kitchen making a salad, and she walked up to him and right into his embrace. Lucky sighed in relief. She hadn’t initiated physical contact since they’d come home from East Texas.
“It was great. Lucky?”
“Yeah, Dev?”
“I love you.”
“Love you back,” he said immediately.
She lifted her head. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a headcase.”
Lucky shook his head. “No, you’re good. You’ve been through a lot.”
“But that’s the thing…I don’t feel as if I have. I wasn’t hurt, nothing happened to me.”
“You don’t have to be hurt and beat up to be traumatized,” Lucky reasoned.
“I’m finally realizing that. And I wanted to say…thank you for bringing the clothes for me. I heard what you said, and I didn’t really acknowledge it then, but I’m sorry you were a POW at one point.”
“Thanks. It wasn’t the best time in my life, but I’m willing to talk about it if it’ll help you.” He hated talking about what he’d gone through, but he would if it would help her. He’d do anything for her.
Devyn shook her head. “No, I didn’t bring it up to make you discuss it. I just wanted to make sure you knew how much it meant to me. I’m still embarrassed about going to the bathroom in my pants, but I’m trying to get past that. And…I wanted to ask you a favor.”
“Anything.”
“You know I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I go to sleep just fine, but then I wake up. It’s…It’sthebirds,” she said quickly, her words running together.
Lucky frowned. “What about them?”
“I hear them singing, and it brings me right back to the forest. I can’t get my mind to turn off and it feels as if they’re taunting me. I hate it. I mean, I like birds, and I used to like hearing them chirping. But now the sound scares me. I want to do something drastic. But I need your help.”
Lucky frowned. “What are you thinking?”
“Will you go camping with me?”
“Camping?” he asked.
“Yeah. Just in the backyard,” she clarified. “In a tent. Do you have a tent? I just…call it immersion therapy or something. Maybe if I’m in the dark, at night, with you…I can get over this stupid insomnia thing.”
“Maybe you should talk to a psychologist about this,” Lucky began.
But Devyn shook her head. “No. I need to do this. But I know I can’t be alone. Will you help me?”
“You know I will. I’d do anything for you.”
Lucky had no idea how he’d let himself be talked into this.
He’d borrowed a tent from the supply room at work and set it up in their backyard.
Angel and Whiskers were beyond confused, and had refused to come outside after he’d set the thing up.
They were upstairs in their nice comfy bed, and he was outside, worrying about Devyn.
They were sitting in camp chairs and looking up at the stars.
He didn’t think this was a great idea, as Devyn hadn’t said much since the sun had set.
She looked nervous and tense, and Lucky wanted nothing more than to take her upstairs and hold her tight in their bed.
She’d seemed excited about the campout earlier, laughing and joking, but now her shoulders were hunched and she wasn’t talking. At all.
Suddenly a line from one of the Jurassic Park movies flashed into Lucky’s head.
It was the one with the chick who wore high heels the entire movie and was running around the jungle as if those spiky heels weren’t sinking into the wet soil with every step.
It was ridiculous. But, anyway, toward the end of the movie, one of the kids turned to her and said, “We need more teeth.”
Picking up his phone, Lucky quickly sent a few texts. It would take some time for his plan to come to fruition, and in the meantime, he needed to have a discussion with Devyn.
He stood and picked her up without a word.
“What are you doing?”
He ignored her question, sitting back down in his own camp chair. The thing creaked, and Lucky knew it would be a miracle if they both didn’t end up on their asses in the grass, but he needed to hold her.
“Lucky? Can this chair even hold us both?”
“I have no idea. And I don’t care. If it breaks, it breaks. I won’t let you get hurt. Things have been crazy the last two weeks. We haven’t had a lot of time to sit and just talk. You haven’t gone back to work…can we talk about that?”
Devyn sighed, but she didn’t pull away from him, which made Lucky relax.
“I just…I love my job, but I don’t know that I want to work full time.”
“Then don’t,” Lucky said easily.
“But I need to.”
“Why?”
“Well…because. That’s what people do. They work to get money so they can eat and have a roof over their heads.”
“I’ve got money to keep us fed, and for this townhouse.”
“Speaking of which…I still can’t believe you guys ponied up all that money.”
“Stay on point,” Lucky scolded. “The money’s not a big deal.
Spencer will pay us all back eventually.
Grover will make sure of that. Besides, I would’ve paid whatever it cost if it meant getting you back.
I would’ve gotten Tex involved. He knows people, and he could’ve helped raise three million dollars if that’s what Rocky had demanded. Back to your job.”
Devyn’s eyes were huge. “Wait, seriously?”
“Yeah, love, seriously. You’re worth all the money in the world, and I was gonna pay anything to get you back.”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“No crying,” Lucky chided. “And we were talking about your job. If you don’t want to work, don’t.”
“I need to do something. I can’t just sit around all day,” she protested after a minute.
“You like your job as a vet tech, right?” he asked.
She nodded.
“And you like your job here in Killeen, yeah?”
“You know I do.”
“Then why can’t you continue to work part time?” he asked.
Devyn was quiet for a long moment as she thought about his question. Then she said, “I just feel as if I should be working full time.”
Lucky shook his head. “Don’t. And if working four hours a day is what works for you, then do that.
Maybe you can volunteer at the shelter or something if you get bored.
Or we can foster some animals to try to help them acclimate.
I don’t give a shit what you do, I just want you to be happy.
And it’s obvious being around animals makes you happy.
We won’t starve if you don’t work full time, and we won’t be thrown out on our asses either. ”
“You do know that I don’t live with you, right? I still have my apartment.”
Lucky laughed. “Seriously? Dev, you’ve been sleeping in my bed for two weeks. You haven’t even been back to your apartment once. You do live with me. And I’m not letting you go back to your apartment now. I’ve gotten too used to having you in my bed and my life.”
“I don’t know why. I’m a pain in the ass. Waking you up all the time. Shit, you aren’t even getting the perks of having a live-in girlfriend. We haven’t had sex since…well, you know.”
“I don’t need sex to love you, Devyn,” Lucky told her. “Simply having you by my side makes me happy and content.”
“You haven’t asked why,” she said quietly.
“Why what?”
“Why I haven’t wanted to have sex.”
Lucky’s heart broke for her. No, he hadn’t asked. But it was more than obvious she hadn’t been in an amorous mood lately. “I figured when you were ready to talk about it, you would,” he said.
“I feel dirty. All the time. I can’t get clean. The thought of you wanting to get close to me…down there…gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
Lucky hated that. It was weird the way the mind worked. She’d dealt with the fact that she’d been kidnapped and chained to a tree pretty well, the birds and insomnia notwithstanding, but she was having a harder time getting over going to the bathroom in her pants.
“I took two showers a day after I was rescued,” he admitted. “I felt the same way. But that feeling fades. I swear it does.”
She nodded. “I love you. I don’t know too many men who could’ve helped me out there without batting an eyelash like you did. It wasn’t pretty.”
“Devyn, we’re gonna get old. We’re gonna need to hire people to wipe our asses when we can’t do it ourselves.
It’s likely we’ll eventually puke all over ourselves when we’re sick.
I might get an ingrown toenail that you need to help lance for me.
Being human is gross. But I love you for you, not because you smell fresh as a daisy all the time.
And I hope you feel the same…because Lord knows there are plenty of times in my job when I’m a disgusting mess and you’re probably gonna get a front-row seat for that when I get home from missions. ”
“You make it seem so…normal.”
“That’s because it is. Dev, I’ve seen the most disgusting things in my line of work, some things you can imagine and most you can’t. Bodily fluids don’t even register on my gross meter anymore,” Lucky told her matter-of-factly.
She sighed against him.
A bird chose that moment to chirp loudly over their heads. Maybe it wasn’t happy they were encroaching on its nightly hunting grounds, or maybe it was just saying hello, but whatever the reason, Devyn tensed.
“I’m here,” Lucky said, tightening his arms.
“I know,” she said.
“Hello?” a voice called out from the other side of the fenced-in yard.
“Come on in!” Lucky returned.
“What did you do?” Devyn asked as Oz, Logan, and Bria walked into the yard.
“You weren’t relaxed. I figured maybe if we had more people, a camp-out party, you might forget about the birds and have some fun,” Lucky said tentatively.
The smile on her face made his tension disappear. He’d done the right thing, thank God.
“I love you,” Devyn told him.
“Love you back. Come on, let’s help them get their tents set up.” Lucky eyed the yard. “I’m not sure we’ll have room.”
“Who else did you invite?” Devyn asked with a tilt of her head.
“Um…everyone?” Lucky said, scrunching up his nose. “I wasn’t sure who would be able to make it on such short notice.”
Devyn laughed. “It’s a good thing we went shopping and stocked up on food today, then.”
“Yup,” Lucky agreed.
Five hours later, and way past midnight, Devyn smiled as Lucky crawled into their tent.
Bria and Logan were the best distractions.
They’d made s’mores and ran around with sparklers, laughing and smearing gooey melted marshmallows everywhere.
Gillian and Trigger had come, as had Kinley and Lefty, Doc, and Fred.
Brain and Aspen were at home with Chance, and Oz had left Riley at home as well, but she’d insisted he come with the kids.
The backyard had been filled with good friends and giggling.
Devyn had gone inside and made frozen margaritas for those who wanted them, and Trigger had brought beers. Everyone had gotten tipsy and, before she knew it, Devyn had forgotten all about the dark, and the birds, and had lost herself in spending time with good friends.
“Happy?” Lucky asked as he took her in his arms. The night was warm, and Devyn could smell the sweat on both her and Lucky’s bodies.
The scent of wood smoke had also permeated everything, their clothes, her hair, even the tent itself, but instead of focusing on the fact that she was dirty and needed to shower, she was too tired to do more than snuggle into the man at her side.
“Very,” she said on a sigh.
“The birds? The dark?”
“What birds?” she asked.
“I wasn’t sure it was the best thing to do, but I hoped,” Lucky said.
“What? Inviting everyone over? It was perfect,” Devyn told him.
“Good.” Lucky kissed her forehead and held her closer.
It really was too hot to be snuggling, but Devyn couldn’t imagine a place she’d rather be right now.
A bird warbled overhead, and she didn’t even flinch. She had no illusions that she was magically cured of her uneasiness, but for the moment, she was completely relaxed.
“I love you, Dev. So damn much. I know talking about stuff is hard, but you have nothing to fear from me. I’ll never judge you or think badly because of how you’re feeling. You can always talk to me. About anything. I’ll protect your heart as well as your body.”
Devyn nodded against him. She’d been on her own for so long, had kept her feelings buried so deep, it was hard to share.
But after everything that had happened, she knew she needed to get better at that.
If she’d shared with Fred about their brother, maybe he wouldn’t have gotten into such trouble with the loan shark.
Maybe he would’ve been convinced to get help before things went so wrong.
And opening up to the other women had gone really well.
She’d learned she wasn’t alone in struggling to come to terms with what happened to her.
The others weren’t as put together as they seemed from the outside.
And opening up to Lucky made her realize that he truly did have her back.
“I love you back,” she told him. “And I’ll do better at talking.”
“Good. Think you can sleep?” he asked.
Devyn nodded against him. Suddenly her eyes were so heavy, she couldn’t keep them open a second longer.
“Okay. I’ll be right here by your side. You aren’t alone, those damn birds won’t get you, and the bathroom is just inside the house. You’re good.”
She was. Lucky had summed up all her fears in one plain-spoken sentence, and then countered each one. She had nothing to be afraid of. Not with Lucky by her side.
She slept then. Deeply. Without waking up once.