Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MIA
I’m in bed with a man who gave me an orgasm. Two of them! They were honest to God, bone tingling, toe curling, hair-raising, rainbow colors exploding, breath stealing, fucking orgasms. And he didn’t take anything for himself. I look over at his face, so peaceful in rest, and my only question is, when can we do it again?
I didn’t freak out. I didn’t pull away. Okay, I tried to pull away, but I didn’t! Man, Dr. Malcome is going to be so proud of me. Because I just had an orgasm—two orgasms!—with the man I’m head over heels for. One who has been so patient and kind with me. I know he feels like he’s intruding by being here all the time, but I love him being here. Something about his presence in my personal space makes me feel safe. Protected. Because I know he’d live up to the Pavlov name and kill anyone who tried to hurt me.
I want to tell my friends. Hell, I want to tell the world. Would it be too much to have a t-shirt made that says This woman just had an orgasm ?
But more than that, he didn’t want or demand anything in return. He didn’t make me feel guilty, he didn’t make it about him. And I didn’t demand control. I willingly gave this man power over me, and I survived. I trust him. I want to be free with him, to stop hiding.
He stirs, opening his eyes and smiling when he finds me watching him.
“How long have you been awake?”
“Long enough to know if I’m going to freak out on you.” I scrunch up my face but break into a smile.
“Well, what’s the consensus?”
“Honestly? I feel pretty good. Fantastic, if I’m being honest.”
“Really?” He sounds almost surprised, but then again, so am I.
“Yeah,” I confirm. “Really.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I want to do something different.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to see you feel as good as you made me.”
He stares at me, a thoughtful look on his face, before he breaks out in a giant grin and throws the covers off.
“Come with me. Also, you’re going to come with me if we do this.”
I don’t think twice. I give him my hand so he can pull me up and right back into his arms.
“I never want to let you go,” he confesses into my hair.
“I don’t want you to let me go.”
He doesn’t let me get very far away from him, holding me while walking backwards into the bathroom and turning on the shower. Only then does he step back and start removing his clothes, his eyes never leaving mine. T-shirt off and thrown behind his head. Jeans undone and kicked to the side. Boxer briefs shucked off and added to the pile. I’ll joke with him later over the color of those, but right now I’m too distracted by his dick to say anything. Standing hard and proud, hitting his lower stomach when he moves, my mouth has gone dry and started to water at the same time. Huh. I’ve only read about that happening, I didn’t think it was real. Guess I was wrong.
I wonder what it would feel like in my hand. Would it be rough and veiny? Soft and velvety? What would he taste like?
“Don’t go there,” he interrupts my thoughts.
“Huh?” I startle. “Go where?”
“Wherever you were just going in your mind. It was either very good or very bad, and we don’t have time for that right now.”
I open my mouth to argue, but the look on his face stops me. He’s right. I was not thinking good thoughts. I was thinking very bad thoughts. Maybe he should ask me what they are, but he won’t. Not right now. Guess that discussion is going to have to wait. And I’m honestly not sure I’ll ever be able to suck his dick and enjoy it.
“There,” he points to my face. “Wherever that is, don’t go there.”
I nod, offering him a small smile. “Sorry.”
“Nope, don’t do that either. Guess I’m not doing a good enough job distracting you.”
He crowds into my personal space. A space I would have protected with my everything a few short months ago, but here? Today? I don’t mind it. Not with him.
“I’m going to touch you again,” he warns me.
“Yes.”
Demitri wraps his arms around me, pulling me into him, his cock between us straining for attention.
“Ignore him for now,” he whispers into my neck. I think it’s his new favorite place to touch.
“What if I don’t want to?” I challenge.
“Patience. Did I not teach you anything earlier?”
“Nope. You did not.”
He laughs, his body shaking against mine and doing weird things to me.
“Come on, Krasotka , let’s take a shower.”
He walks me into the walk-in shower, testing the water on himself before moving me under the spray. Seriously, did he read a book on how to be a gentleman?
“I thought we were going to do something different than shower,” I muse just loud enough for him to hear.
“Tons of fun can be had in a shower, Mia. Soap makes a great lube.” He smirks.
“Is that so?”
“Very much so. I have a question for you before I decide how this is going to go.”
“What’s that?”
“When was the last time you touched yourself?”
His blunt question throws me off. Not that I think anything is off limits between us anymore, but because I don’t know how to answer and not sound pathetic.
“Has it been that long?”
I nod, avoiding his gaze.
“Hmm.” He rubs his chin and assesses me, but not in a bad way. “That creates all kinds of opportunities.”
I watch as he reaches around me to grab the body wash off the ledge, my knees going weak when he pauses to inhale the vanilla scent with a smile on his face. Pouring the soap into my upturned palm before returning it to its home, he then starts rubbing it all over my hand, coating my fingers. It’s almost too intimate, but I want to see where this goes.
Demitri turns me around so my back is against his front, his cock seeming to throb against my ass.
“Touch yourself,” he quietly commands.
“I don’t know if I can,” I admit.
“Let me help.”
Placing his hand over mine, spreading the soap along his fingers as well and intertwining our fingers, our hands move together up to my neck, caressing it, before sliding them to my breasts. He circles my palm over one nipple and then the other, making the little nubs harden like diamonds and giving me a zing right to my core. Back and forth he moves our joined hands, working me up just enough to frustrate me when he moves us away. Also, coming from nipple play shouldn’t be the regular, right? But here I am, getting completely worked up and frustrated because he won’t let me have what I want.
When he moves our hands down my stomach, my breath hitches. I haven’t touched myself in years. My no-touching rule was for everyone, no exceptions. Our hands glide over my mound and finally between my legs. His free arm wraps around me, knowing if this keeps going, I’ll need help standing.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my eyes locked on our joined hands.
“I’m going to show you how to make yourself feel good. How could you ever tell me what you like if you don’t know?”
With pressure on my finger, he helps me circle my clit, adding pressure with each pass. I feel like I’m having an out-of-body experience, watching what’s happening to me without understanding that I’m the one making the zings and shudders happen.
“That’s it,” he encourages. “Just like that.”
We increase the speed of our fingers, and I understand what he means by friction now. This friction is fucking amazing. When my eyes close on their own, I know I’m almost there. My breathing increases, my mouth falls open, my chest tightens, and my legs shake almost violently. But it’s the electricity that flows from my core, making my brain short-circuit, that feels completely new to me. This isn’t the same as the orgasms I had earlier. This is not the explosions and toe curling, this is more like a wave. Cresting and washing away the negativity and shame I’ve felt for years.
“Demitri,” I sigh. It’s not the scream he keeps asking for, but something guttural, feral.
He holds me in his arms, the water washing the soap away, nuzzling my neck and whispering things in Russian I can’t understand. His penis is still standing hard and proud between us, but he acts like it’s not even there.
“I thought this was about you getting your release, not me.” I grin over my shoulder.
“Eh, worth it.” He smiles back.
I turn in his arms and rest my head on his chest, my legs still weak. His hold on me tightens, his heartbeat a steady rhythm against my ear. I love this man. No matter what’s going on with his family, or the threats we’re possibly up against, I know we’ll be alright together.
“What’s going through your beautiful head, Krasotka ?” he asks.
“Just thinking how much I like this. You, here with me. I didn’t know I would.”
“I still hate the reasons I have to be here,” he confesses, “but I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”
I don’t say anything else, there really isn’t anything to say. I rub my fingers through the light smattering of chest hair he has, his contented groan lighting me up in a way I didn’t know was possible.
“Can I touch you?”
“Always. You always have my permission to touch me whenever you want, Mia. I trust you.”
“I trust you, too.”
I know he’s grinning without having to look. I continue trailing my fingers over his chest and down his abs. His gloriously, wonderful abs, I might add. Until I reach the base of his cock. Encircling it in my hand, I gently squeeze and pump, going from root to tip. He sighs, and it emboldens me to be more aggressive. Jerking him off even faster, adding in a rotation that makes him shudder. I’m enjoying myself when the soap hits, and he’s right—this is some good lube.
I increase my grip and slide along his shaft, working myself up again in the process. It’s almost like we have the same brain, because as much as I’d love to jerk him off until he comes in my hand, I want more. His hold on me becomes tighter, his breathing increasing.
“Demitri, I want you. I want you inside me.”
“Turn around.”
It’s a command and plea in one. It’s something I have to obey. And I turn around.
“Put your hands on the wall and bend forward, Krasotka .”
Following his directions, I do as he says.
“If this becomes too much, tell me. I’ll stop. Understand?”
“I do.”
He grips my hips and slides his cock up and down my ass before running it through my folds. His tip hits my clit a few times, making me jolt with pleasure.
“Ready for me?” he asks, lining himself up with my opening.
“Ready,” I confirm.
With one hand on my hip holding me, he bends his knees and thrusts inside. Our earlier activities have left me wet and wanting, and he slides in to the hilt with no resistance on my part.
“God, you feel so good,” he groans into my back, both hands gripping my hips.
I push back against him, lifting my ass up just enough that the angle changes and he rubs that spot he found earlier with his fingers. My eyes roll into the back of my head each time he hits it, and I know I’m going to have another orgasm.
“Demitri,” I moan, my fingers trying to claw their way into the shower wall.
The water beats down on us as his motions become more erratic, and my pleasure builds.
“Going to come,” he warns, speeding up his thrusts.
I feel my walls squeezing around him when he freezes behind me, shouting out his release before continuing to make shallow thrusts. His hand reaches around and grazes my clit, and that’s all I need to throw me over the edge with him. I scream his name, and he wraps his arms around me as we both collapse to the shower floor. My legs have officially given out, and it seems so have his.
“You alright?” he asks, peppering my shoulder and neck in kisses.
I don’t answer right away, feeling my emotions bubbling up.
“I think so,” I tell him. “But I think I might also still cry.”
“I’ve got you. Let it out.”
And that’s exactly what I do. Sitting on the shower floor, with Demitri’s arms wrapped around me, I cry. I cry for the happiness he brings me and the relief I feel at being able to give him the gift of my orgasm. I cry for being able to orgasm. I cry for the young woman who had her innocence ripped away from her first by her father and then by Brett. Two men who were supposed to love and protect her. My father might not have ever physically touched me, but his mental and emotional manipulations opened me up to be taken advantage of, and Brett seized the opportunity.
I cry it all out, the water starting to run cold, when Demitri finally lifts my chin and looks at me.
“You’re beautiful when you cry, Krasotka . But it’s time to get out of the shower before we turn into prunes and freeze.”
I smile, my tears drying up, and nod, not trusting my own voice right now.
Demitri helps me stand before pulling himself up to his full height and turning off the water. He grabs a towel and wraps it around me before he helps me step out of the shower and gets a towel for himself.
“It’s time to return to the real world, isn’t it?” I ask, grabbing another towel to wrap my hair up in.
“It is. You up for it?”
“If I must. Brodie’s probably going to quit on me if I keep leaving him alone.”
“Nah. The kid loves you. He’s not going anywhere.”
I laugh and we finish up in the bathroom. Demitri leaves me to get dressed and we meet up downstairs. It’s time to get back to reality, but nothing seems the same. I’m not the same. And after a quick check in with my body, heart, and head, I realize I’m okay with that.