15. Ada
15
ADA
T he floorboards creak beneath my feet as I wander the darkened halls of Dezoth's home. Sleep eludes me, my mind churning with the weight of his earlier confessions. Moonlight streams through tall windows, casting long shadows across the polished wood.
I pause at the entrance to one of the rooms I rarely go in. It looks like it might be another study or a forgotten bedroom, and for some reason, my curiosity is getting the better of me, my hand hovering over the brass doorknob.
The door swings open with barely a whisper. Books line the walls from floor to ceiling, their leather spines gleaming in the dim light. A massive desk dominates the center of the room, its surface neat and organized.
My attention catches on a small wooden box tucked away on one of the shelves. The craftsmanship is exquisite - delicate carvings of roses and vines wind across its surface. Something pulls me toward it, though I know I shouldn't pry.
"I shouldn't," I whisper to the empty room, but my fingers trace the intricate patterns anyway. The lid opens with a soft click.
Inside, nestled in dark velvet, lies a tiny blanket. The fabric is impossibly soft, preserved with obvious care. Pale yellow with delicate white flowers embroidered along the edges - clearly meant for a baby. My throat tightens as I lift it, thinking of all the times I've seen him looking at Rose with sorrow.
Beneath the blanket rests a portrait in an ornate silver frame. A woman with striking features smiles up at me - high cheekbones, warm amber eyes, and dark curls cascading past her shoulders. Her expression holds such joy, such love. She's beautiful…
And human.
I'm not sure what to make of it. I stare at the photo and blanket for far too long, thinking of the abandoned flower garden and the fierce need he seems to have to protect both of us and I wonder…is there more to the reason that he wants to save Rose? Is there a secret behind the way he's so good with her?
I never go to sleep and the next morning, just after I get Rose up, the front door opens. "Good morning!"
I recognize Vashti's voice and the twins come running in, immediately grabbing Rose and tugging her into the living room. Magic and sparkles fill the air and I stare after them, at the twins, thinking agin of what I've found.
Vashti takes one look at me and gives me a smile. "Tea?"
I nod, and within minutes, we're settled in the chairs at the table, the girls playing in the room next to us. Steam rises from delicate cups as Vashti's golden eyes, so like her brother's but infinitely warmer, study me.
"What's wrong?"
I debate not telling her, but the questions are eating at me. So, I sigh and admit, "I found a picture of a human woman and a baby blanket tucked away in one of the rooms last night. Dezoth doesn't know."
She nods. "And you have questions."
"I shouldn't."
She gives me a smile. "But you do." I bite my lip and nod. "That was Raina."
It hits me then. Something Vashti said so long ago, I dismissed it.
"He wouldn't tell you this, but he needed life back in his home. He's been alone since Raina left, and he doesn't handle it well."
"Raina was his…" I search for a word, but I come up lacking.
"He loved her," Vashti answers. "They were going to have a child together, a little girl the healers said. I'd never seen my brother so... alive. He'd spend hours in the nursery, crafting the most beautiful furniture. The cradle he made..." She shakes her head.
"What happened?" The words slip out before I can stop them.
"The pregnancy was difficult." Vashti sets down her cup. "Demon-human pregnancies often are. But they were so careful, so hopeful. Then one night..." Sorrow flickers across her face. "The healers couldn't save the baby. Raina survived, but she was never the same. The light in her just... died."
My heart shatters then. He was going to have a daughter… I think of the yellow blanket, the purple room, the way he looks at Rose sometimes like his heart is breaking and he's enraptured with her at the same time.
"Oh, gods," I whisper.
Vashti nods, and I see the same heartache in her eyes. "She left three weeks later. Said she couldn't bear to walk these halls, see the nursery. And it's already hard to be a human on this continent. To be a human who loves a demon was harder and she didn't have the strength to face any of it. Dezoth offered to leave everything behind, start fresh somewhere else, but..."
"But she decided to leave him behind, too," I whisper.
"It was…someone else's project. A long time ago."
His words echo through my head, flashes of when he first saw Rose, so many little moments. The whole time I thought I had my walls up, but I get it now. He did, too. I'm scared to trust a demon. He's afraid to fall for someone and lose them again.
And the way he reacted to those hunters possibly targeting Rose…
I cover my mouth, horror filling me. And I told him that we should leave. He wants to protect her, to hold on to us, and I told him we needed to go. No wonder he reacted the way he did.
Vashti reaches for my hand. "He doesn't talk about her. About any of it. Just…be gentle with him?"
I nod, feeling the last of my walls crumble at this new revelation.
I follow Rose and Dezoth into the kitchen, studying him in a different light. He was busy with work all day yesterday, not coming home until after Rose was in bed.
But this morning, he was up to have breakfast with us. Morning light streams through tall windows, catching the silver threads in his dark hair as he helps Rose climb onto her chair.
"Can you make them extra thin today?" Rose bounces in her seat, violet eyes bright with excitement. "Like paper!"
"As my lady commands." A ghost of a smile crosses his face as he slices the bread with precise movements. The knife looks tiny in his large hands, yet he handles it with surprising delicacy.
"And triangles! No - wait - rectangles!"
"Both?" His golden eyes soften as he glances at her. Softness and sorrow. Like he is looking at what he once could have had and is afraid to get attached again.
"Yes! All the shapes!" Rose claps her hands. "Did you know I had a dream about a purple dragon? He was teaching me magic but he kept sneezing sparkles everywhere!"
Dezoth arranges the toast strips with meticulous care, creating a pattern that makes Rose gasp in delight. "Sneezing sparkles? That sounds rather inconvenient for a dragon."
"It was pretty though!" She picks up a perfectly cut rectangle. "Like stars falling down."
My chest tightens as I watch him. Every gentle movement, every patient response - it's like watching someone press on a bruise. The joy in his expression can't quite mask the shadow of grief behind it. Each interaction with Rose is both balm and blade, healing and reopening old wounds I never knew he carried.
"Mama, look! Cappy Dez made a castle!" Rose points to her plate where the toast strips now form towers and walls.
"I see, sweetheart." My voice catches as Dezoth adds a final piece with careful precision. His hands linger for just a moment too long, and I recognize the look in his eyes - the same one I sometimes catch in the mirror when Rose does something that reminds me of her father.
I find Dezoth in the garden a little while late as Rose naps, his tall frame motionless among the blooming flowers. His golden eyes stare unseeing at the horizon, shoulders rigid with tension. The silver cord in his hair catches the sunlight, a stark contrast against the obsidian strands.
Without a word, I step beside him and slide my hand into his. His skin is warm against mine, and I lean into him. His fingers tighten around my smaller ones, anchoring himself to the present moment.
"I found the box." My voice comes out barely above a whisper. "Vashti told me…about what happened."
I don't want to hurt him but he should know.
His jaw clenches. "I should have told you."
"I should've learned when you were ready. But I wanted you to know, and I understand now."
Silence stretches between us, broken only by the rustle of leaves in the breeze. When he speaks again, his voice is rougher than usual.
"We had everything planned. The nursery, her name - Anthea. Even picked out which stories I'd read to her first." His free hand clenches into a fist. "Seven months of dreams, gone in a single night."
I squeeze his hand, thinking of Rose asleep upstairs. "What happened?"
"The bleeding started at midnight. By dawn..." He swallows hard. "The healers said mixing demon and human blood was too much strain. Raina survived, but our daughter..."
I rub the back of his hand, leaning into him. He's worked so hard to earn my trust, and I want him to see he's not alone, either.
"I understand why she left. The grief was destroying her. But losing Anthea-" His voice breaks. "That's what haunts me. I held her just once. I never got to see her open her eyes. Raina was too far along and had to give birth." He drops his head. "She never even cried. Just a perfect, tiny form, still and silent as stone."
The pain in his voice mirrors an old ache in my chest. I move closer, wrapping my free arm around his to give him a squeeze. His fingers tremble against mine.
"It ripped us apart. I thought Raina was going to be my mate, and then I lost them both. I survived our relationship, but Anthea…" He looks down at me, golden eyes swimming with so much pain that I desperately want to erase. "How do you mourn someone you never truly got to meet?"
I shake my head, wishing I could do something to take away what he's feeling. "You remember them. You love them. Just as you would if they were here." I reach up and cup his cheek. "I am so sorry you've gone through that. You said Rose and I will always have a place here… Well, you will always have a place with us, too."
He tugs me into his lap then, and I wrap my arms around his neck, his face buried against mine. Grief wraps around us, but for once, we aren't alone in that. And it makes it a little easier to bear.
Eventually, we make it back inside. Dezoth joins Rose and I for her lessons, and she lightens the grief that clings to us. We make dinner and eat together, and things start to feel a little more…complete.
The sun has long since set when Rose tugs on Dezoth's sleeve after her bath, her violet eyes heavy with sleep. Her honey-blonde curls are mussed from playing, and she clutches her favorite storybook to her chest.
"Cappy Dez, will you read to me?" She lifts her arms in a silent request to be picked up.
His large hands don't even hesitate before lifting her. Rose settles into his lap like she belongs there, and something in my chest constricts at how natural they look together. His imposing frame seems to soften, golden eyes warming as she snuggles against him.
"Which story shall it be tonight, little flower?"
Rose opens the book, pointing to colorful illustrations. "The one about the star dragon! But do the voices like last time."
A ghost of a smile crosses his face. "As my lady commands."
I lean against the doorframe, watching as his deep voice fills the room with tales of mythical creatures. Rose traces the illustrations with small fingers, occasionally interrupting with questions that he answers with infinite patience.
"But why was the dragon sad?" She tilts her head back to look at him.
"Because he lost something precious." Dezoth's voice turns rough, and I see that familiar shadow pass through his eyes - the one I now understand. His arms tighten fractionally around Rose.
"Did he find it again?"
"Sometimes..." He meets my gaze over her head. "Sometimes when you lose something precious, life surprises you with new treasures to cherish."
Rose yawns, her tiny hand patting his chest. "Don't be sad, Cappy Dez. You can share my treasures."
The raw emotion that flashes across his face makes my heart ache. Joy and old grief tangle together in his expression as he presses a gentle kiss to her forehead.
I understand that look all too well - the bittersweet mix of finding happiness while carrying scars from the past. We're both learning that it's okay to let new love heal old wounds, one bedtime story at a time.