8. Tuk’s Master Plan
Tuk’s Master Plan
BATH’TUK
T he grandfather clock in the second-floor hallway chimed twice, announcing that it was now two in the morning. Luke should be dragging his tired, skinny body into the house any moment now.
This was Bath’tuk’s last chance to go through his mental checklist prior to his target arriving.
All the other demons in the house were in rooms on the first floor or in the basement. He’d claimed the entire floor to create his Hallway of Doom ? .
It all started with his room, where there was a nine-foot-tall werewolf ready to chase Luke down the hall.
Tuk couldn’t believe his luck! His night to scare Luke had fallen on a full moon.
He hurried to his room and peeked in to find the enormous wolf sitting on the floor, scratching at fleas behind his ear and chewing on his ass.
“Craig! You said you were ready!” Tuk cried.
The werewolf bolted to his feet, bloodshot eyes wide. “I’m ready! I’m ready! Is he here? I’m ready!”
“He’ll be here any second! No fucking around!”
Tuk slammed the door shut and moved along the hall to Mag’s room, where he’d rounded up a small horde of zombies. He peeked inside to see the poor creatures shambling about, knocking into the walls. Their soft moans were at least off-putting.
“You guys ready?” he inquired.
One of the zombies turned toward him and lifted a hand. It looked as if he were trying to give him a thumbs-up. Only his thumb fell off and rolled across the floor. The other zombies stumbled after the errant digit.
Tuk rolled his one eye and closed the door. So what if they were falling apart? As long as they held together to scare Luke, it didn’t matter if they were missing some bits.
He peeked inside Azroth’s room and let out a loud sigh. The two vampires he’d hired were playing chess.
“The knight doesn’t move like that. It’s two up and one over.”
“No, it’s not. It’s one up and two over.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Are you trying to tell me I’ve been playing chess wrong for two hundred years?”
“That’s how it looks to me, because you can’t move a knight that way.”
“Hey!” Tuk snapped, halting their bickering. Two sets of blood-red eyes shifted to him, their expressions indifferent and maybe even a bit bored. “Can’t you be a little scarier? Azroth recommended you because you’re scary.”
“You also said we’re not allowed to bite him,” the icy blond replied. “You get what you pay for.”
Tuk slammed the door shut and stopped in the middle of the hall, sucking in a calming breath.
Maybe he could steer Luke away from the vampires because they were appearing to be a clear miss.
But the werewolf and zombies were still good.
So were some of the other surprises he had planned for Luke, like the swirling vortex of nightmares, the nest of pythons, and that one random guy he’d found in the woods with a chainsaw.
He figured that this was where his companions had gone wrong.
Mullmag, Annod, and Tog had gone in for one big scare.
If that didn’t work, they were out of options.
Luke was proving to be much harder to scare.
What they needed was an endless gauntlet of terrors that would leave Luke curled up in the fetal position and crying.
Not that he wanted to scare Luke.
He was a nice person who was working hard to get his degree and earn enough money to stand on his own two feet.
Not to mention, his love life was kind of sucky.
Tog had been all too happy to spill the beans to the rest of the demons.
Of course, they all might have bragged about getting the chance to spend some one-on-one time with their new roommate.
It was just the other day that Luke had shown him how long to keep water balloons in the freezer so that the water started to get those fragile ice crystals but didn’t completely freeze.
He’d also worked out a fun slingshot that got them to arc over the fence and onto some neighbors.
Their outraged and pained screams were a symphony that couldn’t be matched.
But they’d made this bet. He had to scare Luke.
If he lost the bet, the other demons would never let him hear the end of it. He’d never been scary, and this would put another nail in the coffin for him as being known as the least scary demon this side of Hell.
The front door creaked on the first floor, announcing Luke’s arrival home.
Bath’tuk did a little dance and hurried to the top of the stairs.
He peered down the curved staircase, looking for any sign of the graduate student.
Soft footsteps shuffled across the hall carpet, and the tinkle of metal keys danced through the air.
A low wooden groan announced that Luke had reached the first step, but it was followed by a lot of nothing.
Seconds ticked by, and still nothing.
“Luke?” Tuk called out. “You home, Luke?” He shouted again even though he knew the answer.
“Hm?”
“You coming up? I’ve got something to show you.”
“Yeah. ’Mkay.” His words were mumbled and soft, but they sounded like Luke.
Tuk waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
He glanced over his shoulder at the hall clock to find that he’d been waiting for Luke to climb the stairs for five whole minutes.
What the hell?
“Luke?” he called out again, but this time there was no answer.
With a huff, Tuk stomped his way down the stairs.
If one of the other demons had done something to Luke to interrupt his grand plan, he was going to be seriously pissed.
It was against the rules to interfere in another demon’s scare.
This had taken him days to organize. It wasn’t like zombies stayed fresh.
But Tuk stopped mid-stomp when he found Luke sitting on the first step, curled around his giant backpack, snoring. The poor guy had run out of steam. He couldn’t even make it up to his room.
How could anyone expect him to keep this crazy schedule?
He went to school, taking classes for a master’s degree, and he was working two jobs.
And that didn’t include the time he generously gave his crazy roommates or how he tried to keep the house tidy, even though the rest of them had magic to take care of the house.
Well, crap…
How was he supposed to scare him now? It wasn’t as if he could wake him up. He was sleeping so well, with his hair all ruffled and his lips parted. It was like that time someone had found one of those baby imp demons sleeping in Satan’s slipper.
Nope, he was calling it off. No one was scaring Luke tonight. He needed sleep.
Tuk eased to the last of the stairs and scooped the young man up in his arms. Luke gave a snort but didn’t wake as he turned to rest his head on Tuk’s shoulder. And yeah, maybe that made Tuk’s black heart thump, but he wasn’t telling anyone about that.
He snagged Luke’s bag and grunted under the staggering weight. Luke was carrying this around every day? Oh, somebody needed to have words with his professors. They were trying to break their Luke in half.
Trying hard not to disturb him, Tuk carried Luke up to the second floor.
Tuk’s bedroom door flew open when he was within a few feet of it. Craig opened his mouth to howl, but Tuk hissed, “Zip it!” and cut him off.
The werewolf choked on his howl and stared at the man in Tuk’s arms, his furry face twisting up in confusion.
“I’m calling off the scare. He’s not up for it,” Tuk announced.
“Whatever, man. I’ve got cars to chase and hydrants to piss on.” Craig strutted down the stairs without glancing back.
Tuk continued along the hall, flinching as he neared Mag’s room. Except the door didn’t fly open. It sort of rattled in its frame and muffled the moans of the zombies.
A low, weary sigh escaped the demon. The zombies couldn’t open the door.
Mental note: Don’t use zombies for anything.
Of course, the vampires were prompt about flying out of the room as bats, but as soon as they saw Luke in Tuk’s arms, they rematerialized as humans and crowded close.
“Ah, he’s cute,” the brunet cooed.
“Are you sure we can’t have a taste? A tiny one,” the blond wheedled.
“No biting him. Go after the old lady across the street. She’ll invite anyone inside for coffee and gossip.”
The vampires exchanged a single look and were gone in a flash.
Tuk groaned and continued to take the deeply sleeping Luke up to his attic apartment. Gently, he laid the man on his bed, slid off his shoes, and placed a blanket over him so he wouldn’t get cold in the night.
Okay. So maybe Tog had a point. Luke was very hard to scare.