20. The Planning Meeting
The Planning Meeting
AZROTH
A n icy wind whooshed through the backyard to weave around the house and down the street. Winter was the very best season. The trees and plants were all hibernating, leaving behind their languishing corpses. The skies were gray and bleak. And the humans were miserable.
Azroth stood on the rear porch of the house and dragged a deep, chilly breath into his lungs.
Part of him wished he could stretch out his wings and feel the caress of the bitter wind along the thin leathery membrane, but it was the middle of the day, and he wasn’t in the mood to draw the attention of the neighbors.
Now that Luke was living with them, it had become important not to upset the neighbors too much.
That kind of nonsense could hurt their human, which they did not want.
However, maybe he could go to the local mall and mess with the shoppers a bit.
Decline some credit cards. Make some bags rip.
Spill trays laden with lunch in the food court.
And maybe even help a poor soul fall into the fountain.
A little mayhem and chaos always did his soul good, and it would never hurt Luke.
Just as he was deciding what to do with his day, the frantic cries of a crow cut through the wintery silence. Azroth took a step into the yard and looked up to see the crow Luke called Atticus wheeling through the air, frantically flapping his large black wings in a rush to reach him.
Azroth lifted a hand, and Atticus drew up his wings to catch the air as he gracefully landed on Azroth’s fingers.
“What’s all this commotion about? Is something wrong with Luke?” Azroth inquired, turning toward the house.
Atticus flapped his wings and let out a series of ear-splitting caws. His toes curled around Azroth’s fingers, but the long talons didn’t puncture flesh.
Azroth’s heart squeezed, and his thin arched eyebrows jumped to his hairline. “Really? So soon?”
Atticus confirmed what he told Azroth, and it seemed as if the crow huffed at him, not liking that the demon dared to doubt his word. Azroth shouldn’t have. The crow might be mischievous and sneaky, but he knew better than to lie to a demon.
“We need to make plans.” Azroth tossed his hand up, sending Atticus into the sky. “Continue to monitor him and report any fresh news. I will inform the others.”
The large black crow cawed, complaining about the complete lack of payment that came with this news delivery service. He could have at least been given a snack for his trouble. Azroth snorted. He’d feed Atticus and his compatriots later. There were more important things that needed his attention.
Luke was going on a date with Matteo!
Plans for chaos at the mall would have to wait. He could always torment the humans later. Their human needed their help if he was going to have the perfect date.
Azroth hurried into the house, slamming the door behind him.
“Wake up! Stop your lollygagging in bed. I’m calling a household meeting in the library!” he bellowed at the top of his lungs as he stomped through the house.
To no one’s surprise, Ogos was already in there, the daily newspaper spread out in front of him. He lazily lifted his eyes to Azroth, looking utterly annoyed that their leader was making such a racket before sunset.
“What has your panties in a twist now?” Ogos asked. He pressed a glob of his body to the corner of the paper and turned the sheet, moving on to another story.
“The crows have brought news about Luke.”
Ogos paused and gazed up at Azroth again. “Good news? Or news that we get to kill other humans?” He shifted his body as if he were cocking his head to the side. “Which, in a way, could be seen as good news as well.”
“We’re not killing anyone…right now.”
“Torturing?”
“No.”
“Not even a little light torment? Paper cuts? Nightmares? Stealing all the fucking toilet paper? Something! You’ve got to give me something. We haven’t tortured a soul in so long.”
Azroth stopped his pacing and stared wide-eyed at Ogos.
The demon was usually so composed, but he had a point.
They hadn’t run amok for a while. Maybe they were overdue.
After they got through their next mission with Luke, he would have to plan an outing.
Possibly to an office building. Those dead-eyed drones could use some excitement in their lives, and it would help shake off some of their restlessness.
Kill some computers before they had a chance to save their work.
Steal all the coffee filters, break all the printers, and turn off the Internet. Petty tricks to break their spirits.
“I think we can arrange a field trip for everyone very soon,” Azroth murmured.
“We’re going to have an outing?” Bath’tuk asked as he entered the room, followed closely by Mullmag and Annod. Tog shuffled in, with his meaty hands balled into fists, looking sulky and grumpy. Yes, an outing was definitely in order for them.
“Soon. The important thing is that I heard from the crows. Luke and Matteo have begun planning their first date together,” Azroth announced, fighting the urge to clap his hands in his excitement.
“Already?” Bath’tuk gasped.
“Of course, already! Luke is the best,” Tog sniped as he threw himself in a chair. The piece of wooden furniture creaked and groaned under his weight, but it held up thanks to stubborn determination and magic.
“It hasn’t been that long since their first kiss. Matteo obviously wants another, and the best way to get that is on a date,” Mullmag added.
“Kissing and a whole lot more,” Ogos chimed in, and Azroth couldn’t argue. The way things were going, it wasn’t hard to believe that Luke was about to claim his heart’s desire.
“I do have one concern,” Azroth admitted.
He paced to the tall wingback chair that he usually sat in and gracefully draped his long, thin body over it.
“Luke is very cautious by nature and moves slowly. I worry he might need a little… help …a nudge to keep things progressing in the right direction for him and Matteo. We wouldn’t want Matteo to suddenly question the depth of Luke’s feelings for him simply because Luke’s reluctant to put them into words. ”
“Oh, fuck,” Ogos moaned. “You want to meddle with his date?”
“No! Not meddle.” Azroth paused and licked his lips as if trying to get a taste of the right word prior to speaking. “Help. We need to help him.”
“And did Luke ask you for this help?”
“Luke doesn’t need to ask for our help. We’re his friends.
Of course, we’re going to jump in and assist him in this critical hour of need.
” Ogos opened his mouth to continue arguing, but Azroth whipped a hand up in the air, halting his words.
“Were you not the demon complaining just minutes ago that you had nothing to occupy you?”
Ogos’s mouth snapped shut, and his gelatinous body shuddered in a series of green waves. “True. What kind of help did you have in mind?”
A smirk twisted the corners of Azroth’s thin lips higher. That was better. The other demons had taken up spots around the room, silently hanging on his every word, waiting to see how things would fall out.
“I have the crows following Luke and watching Matteo. If they make some official plans for a date, they will report back. The initial discussions are dinner and a movie. Ogos,” he snapped, pointing his finger at the green blog who’d abandoned his newspaper.
“If they go to a nice restaurant, it will be your job to clear out the diners. You ensure Luke and Matteo have the very best, most romantic table in the entire restaurant.”
“How am I supposed to know what the best table is?”
“That’s easy. If the place is empty, they will choose where they wish to sit.” Obviously. There was no reason to make this more difficult than necessary.
Ogos grunted. “That shouldn’t be too hard.”
“What can I do?” Mullmag demanded, clapping all of his hands together. “I want to help too.”
“You will take Bath’tuk with you to the movie theater if they choose to see a picture. Your job will be to make sure that no one else is in the theater with them. You must use stealth and cunning. Luke and Matteo can’t know that you’re there, or Luke will become nervous.”
“What are we supposed to do with all the people who try to enter their movie theater?” Bath’tuk asked.
Azroth waved an absent hand. “Send them to a theater in another city. They won’t notice anything is amiss until after the movie is finished. Humans can always find their way home again. It’ll be fine.”
Bath’tuk and Mullmag gave a quiet cheer and immediately stuck their heads together. Their frantic, excited whispers filled their corner of the room as they plotted the best way to sneak into the theater and “dispose” of the other moviegoers without Luke or Matteo noticing.
“Be prepared!” Azroth cut in.
“We’re on it!” Mullmag agreed, giving Azroth a salute with two of his four arms.
“What about me?” Tog grumbled. He glared at Azroth as if daring the demon to forget about his existence.
“You and Annod are on decorating duty.”
“What?” Tog squawked. “What kind of bullshit task is that?”
“It’s absolutely critical bullshit.” Azroth launched himself out of his chair and stalked to where Tog was still seated, towering over the pouting demon.
“If all goes well at dinner and the movie, Luke will bring Matteo here for a ‘nightcap,’” Azroth said, making the quotation marks with his long, bony fingers.
“A nightcap? Like a drink? Why do I have to decorate for that?”
Ogos groaned long and loud. “A nightcap is a human euphemism for sex. Azroth is confident that Luke will bring Matteo back here for sex.”
“Oh,” Tog murmured, brightening instantly.
“But do you really think that Luke is going to have sex with Matteo after just one date?” Annod asked in a low, hesitant voice.
“One and a half. Their first night here with a movie and pizza felt like a date,” Mullmag corrected him.
“Luke might not be the type to jump into sex, but Matteo strikes me as the frisky type. I think he could definitely lure Luke into some bedroom fun,” Azroth stated.
“Plus, Luke is a healthy young man in his sexual prime. It’s only natural for him to want sex with a partner he is both sexually attracted to and emotionally involved with,” Ogos added.
“Yep.” Tog clapped his hands together and rubbed them with an evil grin. “We’re gonna make sure our boy gets laid.”
“Yes, exactly. I’m tasking you and Annod with decorating Luke’s room after he leaves for his date. Make it thoroughly romantic. Nothing scary.”
“Got it. Sexy. Not scary,” Annod agreed with a grin.
Azroth fought the urge to roll his eyes. He prayed that between the two of them, they could figure out the difference. Scaring the two young men wouldn’t lead to sexy times.
“And what about you, Oh Ghoulish Leader?” Ogos inquired with an obvious sneer in his voice. “You’ve been good about handing out jobs to each of us, but I see you seem to have run out of tasks and have nothing for yourself.”
Azroth turned and smiled tightly at the blob, suppressing the urge to stuff that newspaper down the demon’s throat.
“I saved myself a task. I will travel the globe to acquire Luke and Matteo the very best bottle of wine for their nightcap and to find the perfect first date gift for Luke to give to Matteo. Something simple but very classy. The world’s rarest roses or maybe the finest chocolate ever produced in Switzerland.
I haven’t decided yet. The key thing is that these little touches will make the date absolutely perfect.
” He paused and swung his narrowed gaze around to pin each one of the other demons.
“At least it will be so long as we all do our jobs.”
“Yep, yep!” Bath’tuk agreed.
“No worries. No one is going to stop Luke and Matteo from having the perfect date,” Mullmag stated.
Yes, it would be the best date ever.
Even if Azroth had to burn the rest of the world to the ground.