You are my sunshine
August 17 th , 2022
“She’s still asleep.”
“I told you that it can take a while until she is finally awake. There’s still a lot of sedatives in her body.”
“I know. I just can’t wait to see these beautiful chestnut eyes again.”
Lynn heard a low voice, almost like a whisper next to her ear.
She’d heard this voice before, it was familiar, but her brain wasn’t able to connect the dots and it was driving her crazy. Who was this man?
Flutters appeared in her stomach while hearing this voice and her heart was burning. She didn’t understand why her body reacted like this while hearing this husky, graveled voice.
Suddenly she felt someone touch her hand. A warm and tender touch. Someone drew circles on top of her hand.
It was the best feeling ever.
She hoped the person would never stop doing it.
It was so careful, so full of love.
Love .
“I. Love. You.” The male voice had said to her once. Right before everything went black. It’s the last thing she could remember and she had told him that she loved him too.
Nate.
He was the love of her life.
Was it Nate sitting next to her?
Lynn slowly opened her eyes because she needed to know if it was him. She needed to see his ocean-blue eyes because it always calmed her. Always made her feel at peace.
Her vision was way too blurry to identify anything of her surroundings. Vision and sound were in asynchrony because she could still hear this voice talking to her but she couldn’t see anybody.
With a tremendous effort Lynn managed to move her head a little to her right, finally seeing something other than bright lights.
The blurry outline of a human became clearer with every blink, until she finally saw him: Nate.
His brunet hair was messy on top of his head, as if he hadn’t styled it for a few days. His skin was paler than she remembered and he had dark circles under his eyes. Lynn still thought he looked handsome, but also completely exhausted.
She let her gaze wander down his body until her eyes landed on a black cast on his hand.
He was hurt.
Nate was hurt.
Her heart skipped a beat and suddenly there wasn’t enough oxygen entering her body .
A loud beeping appeared from the other side of her head, but all she could focus on was the man sitting next to her. With her hand in his. The hand in a cast.
Alarmed by the beeping, Nate raised his head with furrowed brows, shock very obvious on his features.
Chestnut eyes met ocean blue ones.
And the world stopped around them.
No sound could be heard, the surroundings in a blur.
The only thing that mattered were the two of them looking into each other’s eyes after days of despair, frustration, sadness and hope.
Nate kept on drawing circles on the back of her hand, when his features softened, one side of his lips curled upwards, and tears streamed out of his eyes.
Lynn didn’t understand why he was crying but in that moment the only thing she cared about was the love the two of them shared. The sparks flying between their eyes and the warmth that radiated from Nate’s hand into hers and all the way up to her heart.
Neither of them noticed Toby running to Lynn’s other side and checking her vitals but, as quick as her heart rate increased, it fell again.
“Your arm,” Lynn croaked, her voice hoarse after days of not using it.
She coughed a little after the two words and needed to clear her throat. Toby held a glass with water and a straw towards her mouth and Lynn gratefully took a sip. Her eyes never left Nate’s.
“It’s okay. It doesn’t matter now,” Nate answered, his voice soft and loving .
Her heart was full the moment she heard him speaking directly towards her.
She had missed his voice in the darkness.
“But you’re hurt,” she whispered, ignoring the burning sensation in her throat.
“It’s just a broken bone. I’ll be fine.”
“Lynn?” Toby’s voice echoed through the room, making the two lovebirds break their gaze for the first time.
Lynn slowly moved her head to her left, looking into Toby’s brown eyes.
“Toby,” she said and tried to smile but her body was too exhausted.
Every muscle was so heavy and turning her head had already been draining like running a marathon.
“How are you feeling?” the doctor asked.
“Tired. Heavy. Tired,” Lynn answered, her eyelids already closing halfway.
Toby had expected that. He was surprised that she was already able to speak after waking up for the first time.
It seemed as though Nate really did have some healing vibes.
“It’s okay. Go back to sleep. We can talk when you wake up again.” Toby gently caressed his fingers over Lynn’s upper arm.
He was happy that she was finally awake. Not only as her doctor, but mostly as a friend. Having your friends lying in hospital beds in front of you was never easy. Especially not when it was such a dangerous situation .
Lynn gathered all her strength and turned her head to the right again. Nate’s gaze was already waiting for her with shimmering eyes.
“Can you lay with me?” she asked, her eyes closed for a few moments, before she forced herself to open them again.
Nate broke his gaze with Lynn and looked at Toby, asking for permission without actually asking. The doctor sighed but nodded. He wouldn’t be able to stop them anyways. Both Nate and Lynn were the most stubborn people that he knew. And those two combined? He wouldn’t stand a chance, even if he had the better argument.
Toby grabbed Lynn’s hospital gown and carefully pulled her towards him so that she was lying on the outer edge of the bed. Lynn giggled in response and hearing her make this sound made Nate’s heart scream with love. A warmth spread through his body. A warmth that had been missing over the past few days. But finally he knew everything was going to be okay. For the past few days he had tried to convince himself over and over again. But he never believed himself. He was constantly scared that, in the end, Lynn wouldn’t make it and that he would be alone.
Alone, cold, dark and lost.
Now was the first time he actually knew that everything was going to be okay.
With a loud groan he pushed his body into an upright position and slowly sat down on the edge of the bed. Lynn’s eyes shot open and she looked at Nate with concern.
“You’re hurt,” she commented, without actually understanding how true these words were .
She knew that it wasn’t only his arm. Yeah, she had been in a coma for days, her mind was still fuzzy because of painkillers and sedatives and whatever else Toby was pumping into her body but she was still a doctor, one of the best.
Nate was hurt and not only on his arm.
“It’s okay. It was worth it because I have you back,” he said between clenched teeth.
His stitches were protesting a lot and he had black spots in his vision. This was probably way too much movement for his recovering body, but he didn’t care.
Finally he was lying next to her again.
Both of them on their back, heads turned towards each other, and their hands connected. At least as much as possible, because it was his broken hand in the cast, but she had laid her fingers into his and felt him squeezing them. It was the best they could do with their broken bodies, but it was enough for the moment.
Lynn had closed her eyes again, exhaustion flooding her body.
“I love you, Lynn,” Nate whispered with a shy smile dancing around his lips and his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
His words made her open her own eyes once again. It took her a lot of strength because every cell of her body screamed at her to finally sleep but she needed to look him in the eyes.
“I love you too, Nate,” she whispered.
Neither of them had enough strength or were in the best physical condition to lean over and connect their lips, so they just lay there, looking at each other before both of them closed their eyes and fell asleep.
Next to each other, their bodies connected through their intertwined fingers. Hearts beating in the same rhythm.
When Lynn opened her eyes again she could see the love of her life sleeping peacefully next to her. She was still very tired and exhausted but her brain was clearer this time, so she took her time and watched him from head to toe.
The obvious injury was the cast on his arm and she really wondered what happened for him to break his hand. The last time she saw him, he definitely hadn't. He was fine.
Her eyes wandered along his body and she could see his abs popping out from underneath his t-shirt. It had slid up a little, revealing his stomach and the six pack she loved to let her tongue caress along.
Distracted by his sculpted body, Lynn hadn’t noticed the outlines of a white dressing peeking out of his t-shirt but now she saw it and was confused. She tried to lift her arm and grab the shirt to pull it away even more. She was curious but her weak body failed her, so her hand landed with a thud on Nate’s abs.
His eyes fluttered open and he whined a little “ow”.
“Lynn. You’re awake, darling.” He smiled at her, covering the fact that he was in pain.
“What happened to you?” she asked with her eyebrows knit together in concern .
Tears shimmered in the corner of her eyes.
“It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you’re fine again,” he responded and managed to turn his whole body onto his left side with a loud groan.
He was obviously in pain and that didn’t reassure Lynn. She was even more concerned.
“But it matters to me ,” she whispered to his face that was now only inches apart from hers.
Instead of answering her, Nate leaned forward. He tried really hard to hide the amount of pain he was in, but of course Lynn noticed it. The moment his lips were lingering on top of hers she whispered,
“I can’t remember the last time I brushed my teeth.”
They both giggled a little before groaning in pain in unison. Stupid stubborn idiots.
“Shut up and kiss me.”
She could feel his breath on her lips and moved her head to finally close the gap between them.
It wasn’t the epic romance book reunion-kiss Nate had expected but the moment her rough lips touched his he swore he could hear a choir singing in the background along with fanfares. Fireworks exploded in both of their stomachs and they were both sure that this was the best kiss they ever shared.
After a few seconds they broke apart, their bodies still too sore and weak for longer interactions.
A wide grin could be seen on Nate’s face. He had imagined this moment non-stop for the last few days and now that it had finally happened, he was on an adrenaline rush .
“Can you now tell me why you are hurt?” Lynn asked carefully.
“We’d better let Toby explain it to you when he comes to check on you later,” Nate responded, leaning forward and resting his forehead against hers.
His right side was still screaming but the adrenaline of having his girlfriend back was able to block out the pain.
“Okay. Let me call him.” Lynn was looking around for the call button that was laying next to her head.
She still felt weak but managed to raise her arm next to her head and grab the device.
“Wait, what are you doing?” Nate asked, confused. He had watched her movement.
“Calling Toby.”
“This is a panic button, darling. Not a service bell. Don’t you think Toby will freak out when you use this just to call him?”
Lynn rolled her eyes and sighed loudly, the device still in her hands.
“I’ve been sleeping for the last few days, so some action should do him good. Don’t want him to be bored,” she chuckled a little but stopped as soon as she saw Nate’s straight face.
Something was shining behind the blue of his eyes. Was it anger?
“The last few days weren’t exactly a picnic,” he whispered and averted his gaze from her.
Tears glistered in the corner of his eyes and he blinked a few times to prevent them from falling.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered .
They didn’t have a chance to continue their conversation because the door opened and a smiling Toby entered the room with his iPad in his hand.
“Oh you’re awake,” he commented, his smile getting even bigger when he saw Lynn turn her head towards him.
Her eyes looked clear, the color of her skin slowly but steady returning back to normal. She still had the nasal cannula in but that didn’t stop her from smiling. Nate turned back onto his back with a loud whine and Toby could see his t-shirt slip up and reveal some small dots of blood on the white dressing.
“Toby, can you please tell me why my boyfriend is hurt?” she asked, the smile fading from her face and she sounded a little annoyed.
“You haven’t told her?” Toby asked Nate with a raised eyebrow.
“Thought you could explain it better, Doc,” Nate responded through clenched teeth.
Toby sighed, tilted his head a little and looked Lynn directly in her chestnut eyes.
“He donated part of his liver to you.”
“He did what?” Lynn exclaimed louder than anybody in the room had expected.
So Toby explained everything to Lynn in detail. What damage the stab wounds had done, how he treated them until the liver failure made it necessary for them to find a donor. How nobody expected it, but Nate turned out to be a donor and that they performed surgery on him an hour later. It was a lot to process for Lynn, although she had expected something like that .
At least the part with the coma. She knew she had lost a lot of blood, but the liver failure still surprised her.
“Your blood count looks much better, your liver is working again, and it seems like you’re finally coming back to life. Although you know recovery will take some time. Especially until you have your strength back, but one step at a time. Do you have any questions?” Toby smiled at her again.
“No. Not right now. It’s a lot to process.” She smiled back at him weakly before turning her head to watch Nate.
He had his gaze fixed on Toby, who was rounding the bed to stand right next to him.
“Can I?” the doctor asked and Nate nodded.
Toby grabbed the hem of his shirt and lifted it to reveal the dressing underneath.
“There’s some blood on the gauze. I’ll change it to check if you ripped some stitches.”
“Sure,” Nate answered.
He’d expected something like that as the pain was killing him. It hadn’t hurt like that over the last two days but kissing and cuddling with Lynn was worth it.
Toby pulled the dressing off and Nate flinched because of the pain. He had his eyes closed and was oblivious that Lynn was watching him with furrowed brows. She was concerned.
“One of the stitches opened a little, but it’s okay. Let’s keep an eye on it, but you should be fine,” Toby explained before placing a new dressing on top of the wound.
“Amazing,” Nate said with his eyes still closed.
When he opened them, he saw Lynn’s chestnut ones glistering with tears .
“Hey, darling. What’s up?” He asked, raising his right hand to place it on her cheek.
He had to twist his upper body a little, but the pain was acceptable.
“You’re hurt because of me,” she mumbled, a single tear slipping out of her eye.
“I'd do it again. It was totally worth it,” Nate whispered, leaving featherlight brushes with his thumb on her cheek.
“But why?” More tears slipped out of her eyes as she wasn’t able to keep her emotions at bay.
“Because you’re my sunshine. I can’t live without you. You make me smile, you make me laugh. Your warmth is addicting and it’s made me a better person. Just the thought of losing you… I’ve never been so lost and in so much darkness than I have the past few days. So of course I wanted to do everything possible to save your life. Even when that meant getting surgery.”
“Oh, Nate.” Lynn couldn’t say anything else while tears streamed out of her eyes again.
“I mean every word of it,” he added and tried to change onto his left side again so that he was able to kiss her but halfway into the movement his right side protested so loud that he needed to let himself fall back on his back. Another wave of pain shot through his body making him see stars so that he needed to close his eyes for a moment. Lynn gathered her strength and moved her arm on his thigh. Carefully she caressed her fingertips over his fabric covered leg.
“After everything that happened over the last few weeks, I wasn’t sure if you still loved me,” she whispered .
Her words made Nate open his eyes in an instant. They were shining with guilt.
“I will always love you. Every moment until I die. My heart belongs to you and nobody else. There is no one I'd rather spend my life with than you.”
“I… I’m sorry. I know I messed up with az-Zawahiri and…” she started but Nate placed his right hand on top of hers, that was still caressing his thigh.
“No. Well, yes, you messed up, but you only did it to save your sister. I already told you this while you were still in the coma, but it’s all my fault that I was too stupid to finally let go of the past. I don’t know why I wasn’t able to just move on and focus on the happiness you bring to my life. I hate that it needed something like this for me to finally understand but I promise you, the betrayal will never be a reason for me to avoid you or ignore you or make you believe that I don’t love you anymore.”
“I don’t deserve you.” Lynn turned her hand around to entangle her fingers with his as much as she could.
“No, I don’t deserve you. Someone so patient, so brilliant, so caring and so loving. You are my sun and my moon. My everything. Wait, I gotta save some of those words for another occasion,” he chuckled and Lynn giggled as well.
“I love you, Nate.”
“I love you too, Lynn. My little sunshine,” he responded before raising his left arm to boop his index finger on her nose.
She started to laugh before hissing in pain.
They were both physically and mentally broken, but they were willing to fix each other.
They were finally willing and able to move on in their life.
Together.