Chapter Five
Jinx
R APTOR CAME IN the clubhouse last night after work and couldn’t wait for Hope to disappear in her room. The second she was out of sight, he let us know that she was going out on a date and Bronx knows the guy. According to Raptor, this fucker isn’t the best man out there and he’s worried for Hope. Bronx and Raptor don’t want to see her hurt and are worried this stupid fuck will break her more than she’s ever been broken before. I know Hope doesn’t date a lot, but she has gone out a few times. It was easy to find shit out in school because gossip spread like wildfire. I knew every single time someone asked Hope out and what her response was. While I didn’t know the details of their dates or anything, I know that she never once got serious about anyone even if they went out a few times. Most of the guys only wanted to go out with her because of the club. They saw her as a way in with the guys because we wouldn’t give them the time of day. Hope learned really quick which guys to avoid and not give her time to.
To say I was pissed when Raptor dropped that bomb on us all would be an understatement. I left my seat so fast that it crashed to the floor and everyone stared at me. Annabell and Savannah looked at me as if I’d grown a second head and I could see the anger filling their eyes. Morgan was sitting next to me and King was making his way back over after grabbing something to eat since he had just left his room in the clubhouse.
“What the fuck is your problem, Jinx? Pissed someone got to Hope before you could tell them she’s off limits?” King questions me as he takes his seat across from Morgan on my opposite side and stares me down.
“You’re not pissed Hope is goin’ out with someone that could hurt her?” I return, confusion filling me that my best friend isn’t flipping his shit about Hope like he usually would.
“Nope. Am I pissed that the guy is a douche bag? Yeah, I am. I’ll keep an eye on her and make sure that the fucker doesn’t hurt my cousin the best I can. I’m not her keeper, Jinx. If Hope wants to go out with someone, she can go out. You’re the one who is tryin’ to make sure no guy goes near her. I told you that I wasn’t gonna fuckin’ question what you were doin’ when it comes to her. Hope knows you’ve made your decision about her, but you can’t leave her alone and not let another guy go out with her either. Bronx would’ve been my first choice to be with her because he’s a good guy and we already know him. You’ve made that shit impossible so now you can figure out what your next step is,” King tells me, his voice hard and cold which tells me he’s holding back because Morgan is sitting here with us.
“You need to stop this from happenin’, King,” I tell him, trying again as he continues to eat his food and ignore me.
Morgan is looking up at me with a knowing look in her eyes. She knows how I feel about Hope and why I’ve scared every man I’ve heard talking about her away. Ever since the day we rescued her from the storms, there has never been anything sexual or romantic between the two of us. I don’t see anyone but Hope like that and Morgan has given me a reason to hide from my feelings when it comes to her. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the talk I need to have with Killer, but it’s not easy because I’m going to have to bare my soul and expose my secrets to him about everything. The past everyone thinks I have isn’t what has truly happened. King knows my secret and once Killer knows, I can only hope he believes me.
“I’m not stoppin’ anythin’ from happenin’, Jinx. Hope is an adult and she deserves to live her life the way she wants. I’m not gonna stop her. What I can do is make sure I’m in the public area they meet in and then I can follow the two of them wherever they go. I’ll keep a close eye on them so my cousin isn’t hurt. If you fuckin’ want her not to go out with other guys, then you need to step the fuck up and have the talk you’ve been avoidin’ havin’ with her dad. You want Hope not to date random men, fuckin’ put yourself out there and stop bein’ a damn pussy, Jinx. You’re my best fuckin’ friend and I want to hate you for what you’re puttin’ Hope through. And you’re not any fuckin’ better, Morgan. You know how he feels about her and yet you’re still up his ass,” King says, pushing his plate away from him so hard food spills over onto the table before he gets up and storms from the common room to leave me alone with Morgan once again.
Morgan gets up from her seat and leaves me alone at the table. Other than picking up my chair from the floor, I don’t stay at the table alone. Instead of remaining in the common room, she leaves me alone and disappears as Deegan remains behind the bar. Vault watches Morgan leave and I can’t figure out the look in his eyes as they follow her. Morgan has done nothing wrong in this situation but King seems to want to put part of the blame on her every time he brings this shit up. I understand how it looks to them, but Morgan has such a hard time letting new people in and that’s the reason she hasn’t spent time with anyone else. So, we’ve been hanging out and I don’t have a problem spending time with her because there’s no pressure to do anything I don’t want to do.
“You really need to figure your shit out, Jinx. Been fuckin’ sayin’ it. This is the last time I’m gonna fuckin’ say a damn word about Hope and you. Talk to Killer if she’s the fuckin’ one you want. If you don’t want her, let her the fuck go. Your little fuckin’ display right now just showed you’re not ready to see her with anyone else. So, I suggest you fuckin’ make sure you know what you want before doin’ another fuckin’ thing. You’ve hurt Hope more than enough and I’m puttin’ my fuckin’ foot down right now. Do you even know that she doesn’t want to be in the clubhouse any longer? She’s lookin’ for an apartment and waitin’ for Killer to get here so he can go check out the one she wants to get his approval for it. That’s because of you, Jinx. Get your fuckin’ shit together,” Vault states before he gets up from his seat at a table with Chrome, Valor, and Court to disappear in his office.
It feels as if all the air has been sucked from the common room and I can’t take a breath. I’ve loved having Hope in the clubhouse because it means I can see her every damn day even if I don’t talk to her or go hang out. If she leaves, I won’t know what’s going on in her life or be able to see her daily. I can’t believe that Vault and Killer are willing to let her leave the safety she has here to move on her own away from the compound. The Killer I know and grew up with wouldn’t be so quick to allow her to live in a strange city with no protection or safety measures in place. What the fuck is everyone thinking?
Instead of heading to my room, I go in search of Morgan. I want to make sure that she’s okay after King went off on her again. My best friend really has a problem with her and I can see where he’s coming from because King will always be there for his cousin and she’ll be his first choice in any situation until he finds a woman of his own.
Knocking on Morgan’s door, I’m grateful that she has her own room and doesn’t share it with the Phantom girls. Those woman are fucking vicious and would rip Morgan to shreds in seconds. I’ve heard the shit they say about her when she’s not around. Personally, I think they’re all jealous because she doesn’t get yelled at and always makes sure her work is done before she helps the ol’ ladies with things, watches the kids, and does whatever else she sees that needs to be done in the clubhouse. Morgan makes the perfect house mouse and the guys pay her to clean their rooms as well. She gets more respect than the Phantom girls ever will and they can’t stand that shit.
Morgan opens the door and I take in her face stained with tears as she steps aside and allows me to enter her sanctuary. She doesn’t close the door behind us and leaves it wide open so no one will believe anything is happening between the two of us. Before, she would’ve closed the door and not let what anyone else believes bother her. Now, I know our friendship is changing and I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or not.
“You know King is just protective of his cousin, yeah?” I ask her, sitting down in the chair at her desk and staying far away from her bed.
“He’s right, Jinx. I’m not sure when you’re gonna see the damage that you’re doing, but I can’t keep being your barrier. Yes, I like our friendship and I’m thankful that you’ve been here for me since the day Killer and you saved me from that pile of rubble. You’ve been there for me no matter what I need or what’s going on in your life. However, King and everyone else is right. We’re hurting Hope and that’s the last thing I want to do. She belongs here and I’m still not sure what I’m going to do moving forward. Once I have enough money saved, I’ll more than likely leave here and there’s nothing I can do to help the situation with Hope if we continue on as we have been,” Morgan says, her voice filled with emotion as she looks at me and I can see the moisture gathering in her eyes.
“I don’t want our friendship to end, Morgan. If Hope, or anyone else, can’t deal with the friendship we have, then they don’t need to be in my life,” I state, pain filling my chest with the thought of never having Hope in my life because of this decision.
“Jinx, the decision isn’t yours to make. I will always be here for you, but it’s time for me to broaden my circle and start letting people in. I can’t rely on you and only you. I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve realized that I’ve been so starved for any kind of friendship and intimacy that I latched on to you the second you saved me. For the longest time, I couldn’t see the pain we were causing Hope because it didn’t matter to me. You’ve shown me that there are good people in the world and I need to find them and create my own life surrounded by people I can trust and let into my life completely.
“Hope has loved you for a very long time. I don’t have to know anything about your shared history to realize that. The way she looks at you is more than enough for anyone to see that she is in love with you. You’re not some passing phase she wants to have to piss her dad off or anything else. Hope wants you because of the man you are and what she sees when she looks at you. The same stuff I’ve seen since I’ve been here. The only difference between Hope and me is that you love her. When you think no one’s paying you attention, you follow her with your eyes all over the clubhouse. If Hope smiles or laughs, you smile just from seeing the pure joy on her face. When she’s upset, you hold yourself back from going to her and offering the comfort you know she needs. The two of you were made for one another and it’s time for you to realize that you really do love her and need her in your life,” Morgan says, sadness filling her voice as she picks at the edge of her blanket and lets her mind wander.
“She’s leavin’ the clubhouse. Hope is waitin’ for Killer to get to town so he can check out an apartment for her. I thought I had more time to just be near her, but the reason she’s leavin’ here is because of me. Vault just told me before I came to check on you. Morgan, I’ve loved Hope for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I knew Killer wasn’t gonna give me a chance to be with her. I had to prove myself to him and show him I’m the kind of man who can not only protect his daughter, but give her everythin’ she wants and needs. Even now I don’t believe I’m good enough for Hope. No one is good enough for her. It’s one of the reasons Killer protected her the way he did for so long,” I say, frustration filling me as I look at Morgan and see the determination in her eyes and the way she’s got her head tilted.
“Jinx, I don’t honestly know a man who is better for Hope than you are. You can give her everything she needs and wants and I know you will without hesitation. Because of the love you have for Hope, you are already ahead of everyone else interested in her. Now you just need to get over your fear that you’re not good enough, talk to Killer, and make Hope believe that your past isn’t what it seems and that there truly is nothing going on between the two of us. When you do that and Hope lets you in, she’ll be the best woman and will give you every piece of her heart because that’s who she is. Get out of here and start fixing the damage that’s been done,” Morgan says, getting off her bed and waiting for me to stand from the chair to leave her room.
When Morgan closes the door behind me, I make my way to the common room and find Hope just entering. She looks at me and our eyes lock on one another. Everyone else in the room fades to nothing as I take in every inch of the woman I love. Hope is wearing a tight tank top with the club’s colors on the front and a pair of jeans that mold to her legs making them appear longer than normal. Her hair is up in her standard messy knot and there’s no make-up on her face. Pain fills her eyes and it breaks my heart because I know I’m the reason behind that look. She blinks and the hold locking us in place disappears. Hope continues walking through the common room and meets up with King at the bottom of the stairs. They talk for a few minutes before he follows her upstairs and I know they’ll lock themselves in one of their rooms for the rest of the night.
“Is Morgan okay?” Annabell asks, walking up to me with her daughter in her arms.
“Yeah. She’s been thinkin’ a lot about things and made me realize what we’ve been doin’. I never wanted to hurt Hope. That’s never been my intention but I can’t seem to stop when it comes to her. Hope is the only girl I’ve ever loved and Morgan made me realize that all of my fears and the bullshit gettin’ in the way of me claimin’ her don’t fuckin’ matter,” I tell Annabell knowing she won’t say a word to anyone because that’s who she is.
“Everyone, Killer included, knows you love Hope. Jinx, you couldn’t keep that a secret if it’s what you wanted to do. Hope can’t keep the fact that she loves you a secret either. The two of you are drawn to one another and even when you’re not speaking, you still want to have her at your side. Don’t waste more time than you already have, Jinx. If anyone knows that shit, it’s Vault and me. We lost so much time and it breaks my heart to see the two of you losing even more than we did. You could’ve had Hope from the time she was old enough to be with you. Instead, you keep playing your games and don’t let yourself take a chance and go for the girl you want,” Annabell tells me with a soft smile on her face as she looks at her husband walking in the room with their son following along behind him.
“I’m going to fix this, Annabell. I don’t want to lose any more time with her. That’s if she’ll even forgive me for all the bullshit I’ve done over the years,” I say, pain filling my voice as Vault steps up to us and pulls his wife and daughter into his arms.
“That’s what I wanna hear, Jinx. Get yourself right so you can talk to Killer when he gets here. He’ll be here in two days. I just got off the phone with him. It’s gonna be a fuckin’ fight, but if you want Hope, I know you’ll do whatever it takes. That’s why we’ve all be so fuckin’ hard on you,” Vault states, a smile on his face with the thought of everyone in the club riding my ass about Hope.
With a nod of my head, I leave the couple alone and head for my room. I’ve got the room right next to Vault’s that Annabell had when she first moved here. I’ve made the space my own and right now it’s a damn mess. Unlocking the door, I let myself in and close it behind me. After making sure it’s locked, I start cleaning up the mess I’ve made until there’s nothing left to clean. I’ll have Morgan vacuum the floors and take care of the laundry tomorrow when I’m not here. With my mind made up about Hope, I won’t allow her in my room with me or enter her room with her. With nothing left to clean, I strip and toss my clothes into the hamper before heading for a shower. Today has been long as fuck and I’m ready to get in bed and sleep all the bullshit away.