Chapter 2
CHAPTER TWO
Collin
The light streamed in through the window, illuminating the entire room. I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I’d been up for hours. All I could think about was what we did and if we’d get caught for it. My stomach twisted with unease as her scream bounced around in my head, reminding me of one of the worst nights of my pathetic existence. When Foster made up his mind about something, it was set in stone. There was no talking him out of it, granted, I didn’t even really try to.
Why didn’t I try to?
That question has been one I’ve uttered constantly over the last few days. I wasn’t a murderer, or a rapist. So how the hell did I get sucked into this shit? I’ve done things I’d never even considered doing before. Now two girls were dead, and it was my fault as much as it was Myles’ and Foster’s. Hell, even Hunter stood by and let it happen. He fucking enjoyed it.
It was officially Wednesday and if people haven’t grown suspicious of Raven and Aspen missing, it was only a matter of time before they did. That thought had my stomach twisting once more. Maybe they’d just assume they ran off, but that was hard to believe when all their stuff was still in their bedrooms.
Groaning, I pulled myself into a sitting position. Guilt snaked around my heart like a noose and bile rose to the back of my throat, burning the contents within my system along the way. I couldn’t keep dwelling on this. They were dead and nothing was going to change that.
Climbing out of bed, I gathered some clothes and slipped into the bathroom. I took a quick shower, got dressed, brushed my teeth, and fixed my hair. I missed classes yesterday and I knew I’d start looking guilty if I kept this up. Maybe that was just paranoia talking, but it wasn’t worth the risk.
Skipping out on breakfast, I headed to my first period. If I ate, I’d just throw it up anyways and get sent back to my room or the nurse. Starving seemed like a better alternative.
When lunch rolled around, my stomach was grumbling profusely. Maybe if I just ate something small…
My gaze drifted over to the lunch line, the scent of food wafting in my direction. Fuck this shit. I couldn’t survive off of water alone. With my mind made up, I stormed over to the kitchen, skipping the line altogether. Nobody bothered to protest as I walked by, making a beeline for the soup station. Grabbing a helping of chicken broth and pairing it with a bottle of water, I started in the direction of the guys who sat around the table in our usual spot.
Foster saw me first, his jaw ticking slightly with annoyance. I didn’t really give a damn how annoyed he was though. Nothing about this was okay. He was mad about me skipping classes yesterday and Monday, but it would have been worse had I been around people the way I was. Today was even a risk.
“You look like shit,” Hunter pointed out as I slipped into the seat beside him.
“I wonder why.”
My chest ached as the memories came rushing to the forefront of my brain once again. With a shaky hand, I lifted my spoon and placed it into the broth, scooping out a good portion of liquid and bringing it to my lips. The warm soup coated my lips and tongue as it slithered down my throat, warming my system. A shudder of satisfaction rolled through me. This has been the first time I’ve even been able to think about food since everything. My attempts of eating prior resulted in a gnarly upchuck reflex.
Myles laughed at something, capturing my attention. His gaze was fixated on his phone, amusement swirling within those devilish eyes of his. How could he act so normal after what he’d done? How could any of them?
Foster leaned forward, my eyes moving to him again. “You need to straighten your shit out,” he hissed in a low voice. “You’re acting guilty as fuck.”
Anger bubbled up inside of me. I knew I couldn’t make a scene here, so I bit my tongue in order to keep myself from lashing out. I’d never considered Foster to be psychopathic before. He’s always had a good head on his shoulders and has usually been pretty rational in his decisions—with the exception of Aspen. For some reason, that girl pressed all his buttons and because of it, it cost her.
Taking a long breath, I slowly exhaled. I could feel them all staring, waiting to see how I’d react. This might have made me feel sick to my stomach, but I wasn’t an idiot.
“I don’t know how you do it,” I muttered with a shake of my head. I wanted to say so much more but knew this wasn’t the place to do it. We all needed to have a serious talk. I didn’t sign up for this shit.
Hunter nudged me gently, forcing me to bring my attention to him. His expression was unreadable, but when he shook his head, I knew I was alone in this. He was just like them.
Returning my attention back to my food, I took another bite. Then another. I didn’t stop until my bowl was empty. When it was, I grabbed my trash and my water, deposited the bowl in the bin and made my way to third period.
Walking alone gave me time to think. Foster was right in a sense. I’d get us all caught if I didn’t straighten myself out. It was just hard. We killed two girls—one of them I really liked. Aspen had been misunderstood, that much was clear. She was rude, independent, sarcastic, mean . None of those traits warranted her dying. I’d been in a jealous stupor over walking in on her and Hunter and hadn’t been thinking straight. That wasn’t an excuse though.
Fuck.
If I could turn back the clock and change it all, I would. It would only be a matter of time before Gia came bombarding us with questions or went to the faculty over it. She knew that Raven was last seen with Hunter. It wouldn’t take much to put two and two together.
Once I reached the classroom, I slipped into my usual seat near the back of the room and took out the things I’d be needing for this period. This was going to be a long, drawn-out week.
As I predicted, the school day was complete shit. Luckily, soccer season was over so at least that was one less thing on my plate. When I made it back to my room, I pulled out the homework I’d missed from being absent the last two days and what had been assigned today.
Laying the material out in front of me as I sat at my desk, my mind wandered. It’s been doing that a lot lately. How the hell was I supposed to concentrate when all I could see was Raven’s lifeless body laying on the ground in a puddle of her own blood while we took turns fucking Aspen—her best friend? My desire and anger drove me that night and I’d made a horrible mistake. One that could never be taken back.
Growling out in frustration, I attempted to push those thoughts to the back of my brain and looked down at the homework sprawled out before me. Reading off each question, I attempted to answer them to the best of my abilities, but it was difficult. Sometimes I had to read the same question over at least three different times. My head was a goddamn mess.
Eventually, I just said, ‘fuck it’ and wrote down whatever. At least my work would be turned in. A bad grade was better than a zero.
A knock sounded at my door, sending goosebumps careening across my skin. Who the hell could that be? I didn’t get many visitors. Madison was busy with her friends today, the guys usually texted beforehand, and I didn’t really have any other friends.
What if it was the cops?
My chest heaved up and down at an excessive rate as I contemplated that. Had the girls already been reported missing? Why were they knocking on my door of all places? I wasn’t the one who murdered them.
Maybe not, but you were still an accessory.
Fuck! Running my hands through my hair, my body trembled from nerves. Maybe I deserved it. They were dead and I was still living like nothing ever happened.
When the knock sounded again, I stood on shaky legs and slowly started making my way to the door. Exhaling, I reached for the knob and opened it.
“Took you long enough,” Hunter snapped, shooting me a weird look as he shoved past me. Myles and Foster followed, leaving me to close the door behind them.
Relief consumed me and I leaned against the door. I couldn’t keep living like this. In fear and paranoia, just waiting for the cops to show up and haul me away.
“What are you guys doing here?” I asked, my heart still beating a mile a minute.
They were all sitting on my bed now, staring at me like this was some kind of intervention. The thought made me want to laugh. Myles literally tortured and raped people, yet I was somehow the problem. Fuck…maybe I wasn’t much better now that I thought about it.
“We need to have a serious discussion,” Foster answered, his blue eyes holding no room for argument with the stern look he was sporting.
My gaze flicked to Myles and then to Hunter. Neither one of them were easy to read and I wondered what was going through each of their minds. I’d always considered Hunter to be more like me, but as of late, he was acting more like Myles. Foster too. Was I the outsider?
Sighing, I pushed myself off the door. I already knew what they wanted to talk about. “You aren’t going to get caught on my account,” I assured them with an eyeroll. “Even if for some reason, they paint me as suspect number one, I’ll go down alone for it.”
“This isn’t just about that,” Hunter intervened, a look of concern washing over his features. “We’re worried about you, man.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I’d managed to keep down my lunch, so that was something. I’m sure I’d be okay as the days went on, but this was…a lot for me.
“They were innocent,” I murmured. Murder wasn’t the thing that twisted my insides so much. It was the fact that they didn’t deserve it. Raven was just protecting her friend and Aspen was defending herself in the only way she knew how to.
Hunter shifted uncomfortably on the bed, that statement seeming to strike a chord with him. Good. He needed to feel something about this. Myles was his own brand of monster, but the other two…I knew they had morals. They just needed to reflect and channel their humanity.
“We couldn’t risk it,” Foster cut in. “Raven knew too much and Aspen…she witnessed a murder. She would have snitched on us the first chance she got.”
I shook my head, refusing to believe that what we did was justifiable. “They were people ,” I reminded him. “They had their whole lives ahead of them. Aspen was different. She might not have told anyone. She didn’t snitch when we tortured her all those times.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Hunter snapped, drawing my attention over to him. “She walked in on us murdering her best friend and you think she would have kept that a secret?” He scoffed. “Why would she do that?”
Maybe he did have a point. Sighing, I threaded my fingers through my hair once again. This was all so fucked up. As messed up as murdering them was, they didn’t feel like they had a choice in the matter. I understood that was the only way at the time, but after thinking about it more, I started to question everything.
As if sensing my inner turmoil, Foster stood. “We wouldn’t have done it if there had been another way. You know that don’t you?”
I didn’t even need to think about it. I’ve known them long enough now. So, I nodded. They weren’t murderers. Not usually anyways. Myles might have been, but he was pretty quiet about what he did in his spare time. The point is…I could trust them. They’ve had my back since I got here. I didn’t agree with what happened, but it was my job to stick by them. They never left my side even when everyone else did; I owed them a lot.
“We’re good then?” Myles questioned, speaking up for the first time.
“We’ve been good. I’m just struggling with this whole thing a bit,” I admitted truthfully. The guys all stared at me in understanding, another thing I loved them for. We didn’t talk about our feelings a lot, but when I needed to, they never made me feel like shit for it. It was easy opening up to them. Most of the time at least.
“Good,” he said. “We’re going out this weekend to forget about this shit.”
My eyes widened in surprise. Was this weighing on Myles too? The guy who fantasized about carving up bodies on a daily. Why else would he need to forget? It felt good knowing that I might not have been alone in this like I thought.
“Where are we going?”
Myles just shrugged in response. “Let me think on that and I’ll text the details to the group chat before Friday.”
I really hoped we wouldn’t be going to club Euphoria. I wasn’t in the mood for it. Maybe a casino or bar would suffice. Maybe even a regular club. The thought of drinking my pain away had me yearning for it. Even if it was only temporary. Anything to take the fucking edge off.
“Okay, sure,” I agreed.
“Great. Now I have some shit to do. Might stop back by tonight, but if not, I’ll see you assholes tomorrow.” He gave us a half-wave before sauntering to the door and leaving the three of us alone.
“Shit to do?” Hunter questioned, staring after him.
I just shrugged. Myles always had shit to do , and it usually ended up with us cleaning up after him. I’m guessing he had a girl he wanted to assault. Images of what we did to Aspen burrowed through my brain and bile rose to the back of my throat. He’d taken her ruthlessly. Like it was something he’d been wanting to do for a long time. Swallowing the acidic substance down, I released a ragged breath.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to,” Foster replied with a snort. “If he wants us to know, he’ll tell us.”
“Speaking of questions,” I began, wanting to talk about anything at this point to keep my mind off everything. “Have you and Jess made up or what?”
Last I knew, she was pissed off at him due to the photo Aspen sent her, but then they seemed to be getting somewhat close again. I wasn’t too concerned with it when everything went downhill though and wasn’t sure if Hunter had kept in touch with her since or what the story on that was.
Hunter sighed and ran a hand down his face. “We’ve talked here and there, but she still seems upset over the whole thing.”
“Here’s an idea,” Foster cut in. “Why don’t you just leave the bitch alone? She was annoying and controlling anyways.” He had a point. Jessica and Hunter were always fighting. It was clear that the arguments were starting to weigh down on him, so why the hell did he want that back?
“I wouldn’t expect you to understand,” he mumbled.
Foster scoffed. “I think I’m the only one who understands. You’re too blinded by middle-grade pussy to think clearly.”
Hunter shot a glare his direction, his jaw ticking with annoyance. “What would you even know about ‘middle-grade pussy’?” He shot back.
Sighing, I walked over to the armchair resting near the bed and flopped down into it. Fighting wasn’t out of the norm for us, especially when it had to do with Foster. The dude had no filter and was extremely judgmental. I just wasn’t in the mood for this bullshit right now.
Foster shrugged. “She looks like someone who has middle-grade pussy. She’s a fucking slut.”
“Mother—”
“Enough!” I roared, bringing the conversation to an abrupt halt. When I had both of their attention, I continued. “You guys fight over the stupidest shit and now isn’t the time for it.”
I didn’t mind them being here because it kept my mind busy, but if all they were going to do was argue, then they could just fucking leave. It wasn’t making anything better.
Neither one of them bothered saying anything as they each looked at me with matching expressions of surprise. I didn’t shout very often, and I also didn’t speak up often, but something had to give. Maybe arguing was their way to cope with what had happened, but it was only making me more anxious.
Foster released a sigh and took a seat back on the edge of my bed. “You’re right. This is dumb.” A few seconds later, he began twirling his tongue ring around in his mouth, his gaze becoming distant as he lost himself to whatever thoughts he was conjuring up.
I wish I knew what they were thinking, but asking wasn’t an option. Foster never talked about his emotions; he just channeled them all into rage. Hunter, on the other hand, was more open, but he didn’t feel comfortable telling Foster or Myles how he felt because the two of them buried their own feelings and hid behind a mask.
“What if they start looking for her?” I questioned, images of what we did the other night resurfacing.
“They probably will,” Foster admitted. “But they won’t find any DNA on her. They’ll be lucky if she even has skin still attached to her.”
My stomach twisted in knots. He said it so casually. Like her life didn’t matter. I wasn’t just worried about getting caught. I was worried about my humanity. Foster had pushed her into the water like it meant nothing. He didn’t even blink. I don’t think I could have done it had it been me.
“They’ll probably just think they ran away,” Hunter added with a shrug. Despite his movements being careless, his eyes told a different story. The way they flicked to the floor as his jaw ticked with uncertainty. It was bothering him too; he just wouldn’t admit it.
“With all their stuff still in their rooms?” I countered, arching an eyebrow.
“There’s no point dwelling on the ‘what ifs,’” Foster cut in. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, we need to act normal.” He gave me a pointed look and I rolled my eyes.
Normal.
What was ‘normal’ anyways? I wasn’t sure I knew anymore. Because what we did definitely wasn’t normal. Not only did we kill someone, we tortured and raped her best friend right next to her and then killed her too. I wasn’t sure I’d ever get over this. It would be wrong if I did.
I didn’t say any of that though, knowing it wouldn’t do any good. We all seemed to be on separate pages. Then again, they’ve been through more shit than me. Foster especially. He probably had an iron gate wrapped around his heart.
How was I supposed to get back to normal? Was it even possible? I didn’t know the answer to those questions, and they’ve been weighing on me since it happened. I guess the only thing left for me to do was try….