Chapter 36
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Collin
Rage carried me to my room after third period, since without soccer, fourth period had become a free hour. I was nice to Aspen, felt guilty for my part in what happened to her, and one incident was enough to hurt her? To cause her not to trust me? I parked my ass in the nearest chair, dropping my head in my hands.
I knew I’d acted impulsively with Payton—knew that Myles was bringing Aspen to Hunter’s room. It didn’t make it okay, even my messed-up head was aware of that. The truth of the matter was, I wanted Aspen. Fuck, I wanted only her, which was something I’d never felt about another girl before.
Why do I keep screwing things up pertaining to her?
Why can’t I just let it be and not act irrationally to something that bothers me?
I need to talk to her. To find some way to make this right.
Whipping out my phone, I scrolled through my contacts until her name came into view. Hesitating only a moment, I clicked the ‘call’ icon and waited.
Voicemail.
Groaning, I chunked my phone at the bed. It bounced from the mattress, hitting the floor with a thud. After a few moments of deliberating, I rose. The urge to see her was gnawing at me, and there was nothing that could keep me from having her hear me out at least.
I marched right back out of my room and headed toward the elevator.
“Collin, wait!” Madison’s voice sounded behind me right as I breached the end of the hallway. Where the fuck did she come from?
Turning to face her, I released a heavy sigh. She was becoming more and more annoying as the days passed, and it was becoming more apparent that the guys were right. I needed to stop leading her on. It wasn’t doing either of us any favors—not that I hadn’t broken things off with her and told her to stay the hell away from me before, but maybe I needed to try a different approach because that apparently wasn’t working.
Madison’s long, blonde curls trickled down her shoulders as she drifted toward me. Her pink dress hung to her curves well, something I’d always liked about her before, but not anymore. Her lips glistened with a light pink gloss, and I knew the flavor by memory—watermelon. She was the complete opposite of the girl my heart desired. Madison was light, pink, girly . She was the typical mean girl who felt entitled. Aspen was dark, black, edgy. She was all the things I never knew I even wanted.
Show me , she had said.
“What do you want?” I demanded, keeping my tone clipped.
My thoughts dissipated when Madison took another step forward, clearly not getting the hint. She reached out, placing a hand against my chest. My eyes followed the movement, halting on her hot pink fingernails. Nothing about this girl attracted me anymore.
“Last week when you came to my room, we didn’t really get the chance to talk,” she explained. “You were in a hurry to leave. I miss you.”
I scoffed, taking her hand in mine and peeling it from my chest. She frowned at the gesture but made no move to touch me again. “I’m in a hurry now, too,” I told her, lifting my chin. “So if you have something to say, spit it the fuck out and stop wasting my time.”
A crease formed between her eyebrows, her expression contorting into one of both hurt and confusion.
I didn’t give a shit how much she hurt, though. My mind was on Aspen and making this right. No more screw ups. No more girls. Myles hadn’t been wrong when he said I needed to make a decision and fast. Well, this was me making one.
“Where are you rushing off to?” she countered. “Most of the school is still in class.”
Annoyance bubbled up inside me, rage breaching the surface of my skin and warming me from the inside out. Without even thinking about it—as if my body had a mind of its own, I reacted. My arm snapped out, my fingers curling around her throat, and I jerked her forward, bringing her face close to mine.
“You don’t get a say in how I choose to spend my time,” I growled. “I want nothing to do with you. Frankly, looking at you makes me sick. Take a fucking hint, before I’m forced to do something neither of us will be able to come back from.”
I released her throat, and she stumbled backwards, her eyes wide with disbelief. “What the hell is your problem?” she snapped, that shock quickly morphing into anger. “I’ve been so good to you, Collin, and you continue to treat me like shit. “ Why ?”
“Because you were nothing but a hole to me. I made that abundantly clear from the start.” A fucking sloppy one at that. Vanilla ass bitch.
Her shoulders dropped in defeat. “I just thought?—”
“That I’d change my mind?” I demanded. “Well, I didn’t.” It didn’t matter how many times I told her; she kept coming back for more. How many more times did I need to hurt her before she finally took the hint and left me alone? To drive my point home, I continued. “I want somebody else. Someone who actually lets me eat her out the way I want. Someone who likes being fucked against the wall and bent over—she likes it rough, and so do I.”
She gasped, her head reeling back. A current of emotions flickered across her face, her hand drifting up to clutch her non-existent pearls. “That’s what this is about?” She breathed. “Sex?”
I rolled my eyes. “That’s what it’s always been about as far as you’re concerned. But with her, it isn’t.”
I shook my head. Even as the tears started to stain her face, I turned my back on her. She wasn’t going to make me feel guilty about this.
“Do you love her?”
My body froze as that question ripped through my skull. It was a simple one really—it just required a yes or a no, but how the hell did I answer something like that, especially when it never crossed my mind?
Blowing out a breath, I said, “I don’t know. But I do know that she’s the only one I want.”
This time, I didn’t stop to hear what else she had to say. She wouldn’t keep me any longer from Aspen. Even when she started calling out my name again, I didn’t turn back. I slipped into the elevator and pressed the button, my head a chaotic mess after that encounter.
When I got outside, the cold bite of winter was a nice reprieve. It helped clear my mind some and allowed me to relish in the fresh air.
Hopefully, she’d leave me the hell alone now. I couldn’t be any harsher. The next step was something I didn’t even want to consider right now.
It didn’t take long to reach Monroe’s, and I didn’t even bother knocking when I did, knowing she probably wouldn’t answer the door if she knew it was me. The scent of freshly baked cookies attacked my senses instantly and I pulled the door closed behind me, glancing around the living room. The place looked exactly as it had the last time I was here.
A woman I immediately recognized as Monroe’s wife stepped out of the kitchen with a plate of what appeared to be chocolate chip cookies in her hands. Her eyes widened once they landed on me and then they slowly tracked down my body. I couldn’t tell if she was checking me out or if she was just assessing the new danger that had stepped into her home unannounced.
“Is Aspen here?” I asked, getting straight to the point.
Her gaze snapped back up to meet mine and a grimace contorted her features, but not by much. Must be that botox. “First door on the left.” She huffed. “Would you like a cookie?” Her expression changed once again, a smile twisting her lips this time. She held out the plate in offering, seeming much more pleasant than she had moments ago.
“Um…sure.” I stepped forward, accepting the strangely hardened snack. “Thank you.”
And they called me bipolar.
I wasn’t actually bipolar, though. I had bipolar tendencies—there was a huge difference. It sure as hell affected my life negatively, however. It didn’t help that I kept forgetting to take my medicine.
I forced a small smile before making my way to the door she’d directed me to. Once again, I didn’t bother to knock. Stepping inside the room, Aspen came into view instantly. She stood in front of her closet, her back facing me. Her hair was damp, indicating she must have just emerged from the shower. Beads of water still clung to her nude shoulders as she struggled to pull her top on while wet.
I swallowed thickly as my gaze drifted down, stopping at the curve of her ass. The black panties she wore did little to shield her, giving me the perfect view.
My dick stirred to life, hardening from the mere presence of her alone. I couldn’t remember the last time my body reacted in such a way to another girl. Usually, I was already hard by the time I went after someone sexually. It was almost never because of them .
Once she managed to get her shirt on, she turned—presumably to find some pants—but halted when she saw me standing there.
“Collin!” she shrieked. “What the fuck are you doing here, you perv?”
“Right now?” I smirked. “Enjoying the view.”
Aspen rolled her eyes, taking only moments to compose herself. “Well stare all you want, asshole, because it’s the last time you’ll see me naked.”
No it isn’t.
She might be mad at me right now, but she couldn’t stay mad. Especially not at me. She turned, heading for her dresser. While she was occupied, I placed the cookie on her bedside table and came up behind her. She hadn’t noticed me yet, bending over to reach into one of her bottom drawers.
My smirk widened into a grin, my eyes pinned on her every movement. Placing my hands on her hips, I stepped forward—my crotch to her ass.
A loud gasp reverberated through her, and she grabbed onto the dresser for support.
“This position is familiar, isn’t it?”
“Collin,” she warned. “We are so not doing this.”
I hummed in response, pressing further into her so that she could feel exactly what she was doing to me. My sweats made it easier for me; my cock sliding between her cheeks with minimal barrier. Her panties were thin as fuck which also helped and just so happened to be wedged up her sexy ass.
She unintentionally arched her back, her body reacting to me even though she didn’t want it to. I released a groan, loving the way we fit together like a twisted puzzle.
“I mean it. Let me go.”
An exaggerated sigh left me, but I obeyed and dropped my hands from around her waist. She’d seen me with another girl and had to listen to me talk about her sexually. I knew it would take more than a lust-induced state for her to let me in again. Pun intended.
She reached into her drawer, grabbing a pair of leggings before slamming it shut and rising.
While she finished getting dressed, I moved over to her bed and dropped down on the edge. Snatching the cookie off the bedside table, I pressed it to my lips right as she turned around, and much to my dismay, fully clothed.
I took a bite and started to chew.
Repulsion settled into the pit of my stomach. My teeth worked overtime to break the cookie apart and it didn’t even taste right. What the hell did she do to it? As the first few crumbs slithered down my throat, my gag reflux kicked in. To say I was dry heaving would be an understatement. My body buckled forward as I attempted to dislodge the disgusting snack from my throat.
Aspen released a full-belly laugh, a sound I’d never heard her make before, and fuck . It was music to my ears. But as much as I enjoyed hearing her laugh at my expense, I was dying over here.
By the time I managed to swallow it all down without throwing up, she was clutching her stomach, gasping for breath.
My eyes watered and a new fear had just been unlocked for me. I’d probably have nightmares about this. A shudder rumbled through my body, and I set the remainder of the cookie back on the table.
“Here,” she said, amusement still laced throughout her words. She held out a water bottle and I snatched it graciously.
Unscrewing the cap, I started chugging the damn thing like my life depended on it, and hell, it probably did.
“ That ,” I began, pointing at the cookie. “Should be fucking illegal.”
Another giggle slipped past her lips. “Yeah. If you want to survive here, then never accept anything that Caroline cooks. The only thing she’s good at is making margaritas.”
I shook my head in disgust, but that quickly faded as I took in the girl standing before me. She was laughing—that was a good sign, right? Amusement still tugged at the corners of her mouth, something light sparkling within her eyes. She was stunning. Even more so when she smiled.
As if a dark cloud settled over her, the amusement faded, replaced with something uncertain. She shifted awkwardly on the balls of her feet, probably still plagued by memories of what I’d done.
“Come here,” I ordered softly, holding out my hand.
Aspen glanced down at it, hesitation written into her features and mannerisms. Reluctantly, she moved to sit by me on the bed, ignoring my hand completely. It dipped beneath her weight, but not by much. Shifting her body toward me, she shot me an expectant look.
Worry began to gnaw at me. I’d always considered myself a confident person, at least…in most aspects. I came over here knowing exactly what I wanted to tell her, but now that we were face to face, the thoughts wouldn’t form coherently.
“I’m an asshole.” I breathed, wincing once the words left my mouth.
Smooth, Collin. Real smooth.
She raised an eyebrow. “If this is your way of apologizing, it sucks.”
“I’m trying here, okay.” I shot her a playful look and her expression softened. Summoning the courage, I released a long exhale before continuing. “I am sorry. Things were going so well, and I just fucked it all to hell.”
Aspen hummed in agreement. “You did.”
“I cut things off with Madison. I think for good this time.”
“You think ?” she asked in confusion.
My eyes widened when I realized how that must have sounded, and I quickly shook my head. “Not like that,” I backtracked. “I’ve been trying to break things off with her for a while, but she wouldn’t take a fucking hint. I think it finally stuck this time.”
Her shoulders relaxed and after a few moments, she nodded. “Why did you do it? Fuck Payton, I mean. Do you like her?”
My jaw tightened. I wish she could just see inside my head, so I didn’t have to make a failing attempt at explaining it. It was complicated.
“No. I don’t like her. She was just available.” I shrugged, knowing how big of a piece of shit that probably made me out to be. “I wanted you to know I felt when I walked in on you with Myles.”
She bristled, shaking her head. “You’re insane, Collin. I thought you and him both wanted me, like…together. Plus, I thought you ran off to hook up with Madison.”
“That did look bad,” I agreed. “And yeah, I want you to have fun with both of us, but I wasn’t there, was I?”
She frowned as that sunk in. Her eyebrows dipped again, her mind working overtime to process the small amount of information I’d provided. “I didn’t realize that you both had to be present all the time. It wasn’t like it had been planned.”
She was right. That was an unrealistic ask; something I didn’t take into account before. Sighing, I reached across the bed, sliding my fingers in between hers. The smoothness of her skin grounded me, helped me gather my thoughts more effectively. I knew that if I fucked up with her again, she wouldn’t forgive me. I was lucky she was even willing to hear me out right now.
“My parents left when I was little,” I started. “I lived interchangeably with my aunt and grandmother. Eventually, I was dropped off here and haven’t seen them since.” A humorless laugh slipped past my defenses. To say I had abandonment issues would be a massive understatement. “This isn’t an excuse by any means; I take complete responsibility. But when I see you with the guys and I’m not included, I can’t help but feel a little left out—like you guys would be okay without me.”
“Collin,” she said hesitantly, tightening her hand around mine. “I don’t even like the others. It’s just lust with them. With you…it felt different somehow. You’re the only one who’s really bothered to try to understand me. It felt deeper.”
I didn’t believe for one second that she didn’t feel more for the others. She was still in denial, but that was okay. The way she reacted to them gave her away. The way she looked at them gave her away. Despite knowing this, my heart skipped a beat. She did care for me, and while I’ve been able to notice how she cared for them, I’d become oblivious to her thoughts regarding me .
“Well, I care for you, too. I want you and only you. Will you please give me a chance to prove that to you?”
A small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, a blush tinting her cheeks that I found adorable as hell and so unlike her. “You’re cheesy as hell.” She laughed, ducking her head to hide her face.
“Maybe.” I grinned.
After a few moments, she met my gaze again. This time, her expression was unsure again and it made me uneasy. I didn’t know what more I could say to her to assure her that I was all in now.
Swallowing, she tugged her hand from my grasp and planted it within her lap. “Did you cheat on Dixie?”
I reeled back, confused as to where the hell she got that information. “What?”
“Did you cheat on Dixie? And please don’t lie to me.”
“I never even dated Dixie. Who the hell told you this?”
Sighing, she shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.” The resignation in her features pissed me off. She thought I was lying. I wasn’t .
“I’m telling you the truth, Aspen. We never dated.”
“Never dated like how you and Madison never dated? Well—” she paused, furrowing her eyebrows. “Until you did.”
“No. Not even like that. She was fucking crazy as hell, and frankly, wasn’t even my type. She tried to get me to date her, but I always ignored her advances. Until it got harder to. She started slipping love letters under my goddamn door. She would stare at me constantly, and not in the way that most girls did. It creeped me out. Everywhere I looked, she was there. Watching me like she’d been following me.” A shudder rolled through me. “Finally, when it became too much, I confronted her and told her to leave me the hell alone. Next thing I knew, she was hanging out with Rocky. But at least it kept her off my back.” I shrugged.
She sighed in relief, her shoulders relaxing once more. She seemed on edge today and with good reason apparently. Dixie had been a stalker. It was really as simple as that.
“Thank you for confiding in me, Collin. I know it wasn’t easy.”
“It wasn’t,” I agreed. “But if that’s what it takes, then so be it.”
She leaned forward, her breath a whisper against my lips. “This is your final chance. Don’t make me regret it,” she said softly.
I nodded, my heart rate starting to pick up again. She closed the distance, brushing her lips against mine. I couldn’t even remember the last time she’d kissed me. It felt good. Electricity zipped through my body, and I reached out, wrapping my arms around her and pulled her closer.
The kiss was soft, patient, and full of emotion. Something I’d never experienced before, and I wanted more of it. I wanted everything she had to offer. Right down to the very core of her soul. What demons haunted her? Well…other than us. What exactly got her sent here? Why was she so untrusting and cold-mannered? I wanted to know it all. My new mission was to get to know more about her, to get her to trust me completely, and for me to honor that trust. I could be patient. For her, I would be. The alternative wasn’t an option.