38. Brynn
“ D id he hurt you?” She asks as soon as we’re far enough out of earshot.
I stare back at her, my voice struggling to work. “What, what do you think?” I reply.
She must know. She has to know. From all the rumours of what they put her through, how they broke her. She must know exactly what he’s done to me.
But can I trust her? She’s Magnus’s wife now. Where does her loyalty lie?
My eyes drop to her chest, to where that brand is literally glistening in the light. Though it could also be the tears.
“He shouldn’t have done that.” She says, pulling me further from the door. “He shouldn’t have taken you. Shouldn’t have touched you.”
I snort. Like Conrad gives a shit what should and shouldn’t be happening.
But the fact she’s saying it, voicing it? Maybe this is my chance. Maybe this is my moment, my way to escape. My heart seems to leap in my chest as I stare back at her pleadingly.
“Can you help me?” I ask before I can stop myself.
Her face turns to one of pain, of anguish. “I, I can’t.” She says.
“But you know.” I hiss. “You know what he is. What he’s capable of. Please, please you have to help me…”
“You’re married.” She states. “That alone seals your fate. And even if you weren’t, do you really think I have any power?”
“But, you, you have Magnus.” I reply. “He would listen to you, he would…”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “You think Magnus Blake listens to anyone?”
My heart sinks, and all that beautiful hope that was brewing is suddenly crushed. God, she must think me a fool. An absolute idiot. “I can’t, I can’t do this.” I whisper back. “I can’t be with him, I can’t…”
Her hands grab my shoulders, practically holding me up as my legs seem to crumble. “You can. You won’t like it, but you have to accept it. You have no choice.”
“He rapes me.” I gasp. “Daily. And he hurts me. He…”
“So does Magnus.” She says, so matter of fact. “None of the Blake’s have a kind bone in their body from what I can tell.”
“I can’t live like this…”
“Brynn…”
“Please, I’m begging you, please help me. Please. I know you were free once, I know you weren’t even part of the Brethren. You have to help me. You have to…”
Her hand clamps around my mouth, silencing my pitiful words as she looks over my shoulder to the door behind us.
Is she worried they can hear? Is she worried they’ll come crashing in, that both of them will start beating us?
I know her face is a mirror of my own. She looks just as broken as I am in this moment, only, there’s a fire there, something that tells me she was stronger than me. Perhaps that’s the difference. Perhaps that’s why Magnus is better to her than Conrad is to me. If I were stronger, if I were smarter, hell, if I were anyone other than who I am, then maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation.
“I am as much a prisoner as you are.” She says. “You think I want to be married to a man such as he is?”
“But you did.” I state.
Sorrow, resignation, despair too, it all shows in her face. “Yes. Yes I did. I married him because he broke me. I married him because as much as I hate him, I love him too. And I hate myself for that fact. I hate myself. He forced his way into my head, forced his claws into my soul.” She clenches her hands into fists. “I cannot escape him, just as you cannot escape Conrad.”
“So, your advice is just to what, to smile and accept it? To let him continue on, until one day he grows so angry he really does kill me?”
She winces, and for the first time I see her fragility too. This great strong woman they all talked about, this great wife of Magnus’s, it feels like the veneer comes away, that I see the broken creature that has been hiding there all along.
“Don’t give him cause to hurt you.” She says. “Whatever he does, whatever he says, you have to accept it, because you have no other choice.”
I shake my head, refusing to accept that advice. This can’t be my fate. It can’t be.
Her hands grip me once more and I’m all but forced to look into her eyes. “Accept what this is. Please Brynn. You don’t want Conrad to do to you what Magnus did to me. Trust me, you don’t want that.”
What could possibly be worse than what I have now?
What could she possibly have gone through that is worse than what Conrad has already done to me?
My eyes drop once more to that brand on her chest and I open my mouth to ask, but then Conrad is there. At the door, half-glaring at us.
I can’t hide the shiver of revulsion, nor the fear as he holds out his hand to silently summon me away.
“Be brave, Brynn.” Liliana whispers as I pass her.
Bravery. That was never my forte. Never a skill I possessed.
I’m not brave, I’m broken. I’m literally existing in the very pits of hell and I don’t know how I can possibly escape this.
How I can even begin to save myself.