Chapter 26
Iam standing.
Or rather, trying to stand.
My legs feel like thick, unresponsive jelly.
The floor is cold and unforgiving beneath my bare feet, and it feels like it’s stealing all my will to live as well as my body heat.
I am naked, exposed, a raw nerve ending laid bare for this, this horror. My hands are pressed together high above my head, palms together, fingers digging into my palms to keep them from shaking so badly I might shatter.
My wrists ache from the pressure, my skin feels like it’s been turned to leather and stretched tight.
He stands in front of me, his shadow falling over me, swallowing me whole. From the corner of my eyes, I can see his face is a mask of cruel satisfaction.
He doesn’t speak yet, he just watches, waiting.
Waiting for me to falter.
Waiting for me to fail.
I try to hold still, I really fucking do. I force my legs to still, my back ramrod straight despite the fire burning through every single muscle. My shoulders tremble, and I can’t stop them. I can’t.
It’s like my body has a will of its own, betraying my desperate attempts at composure.
A tremor runs down my spine, making my arms waver enough that my hands fly apart then clumsily, desperately they try to find each other again.
Don’t move. Don’t fail.
But he sees it.
Of course he fucking does.
His lips curl into a cruel smile. He raises his hand, the prod clutched in it – a thing of cold, humming metal. I see the flash of blue light from its tip, feel the air around it crackle with terrifying energy.
No. Please, nooo…
I don’t know if I speak those words out loud, if I scream them, or if I just hear them on repeat in my head.
He brings it down. The sound is a sharp crack like a bullwhip, but the pain is different, electric.
It’s a jolt that travels straight down my spine, through my legs, making them buckle instantly.
My knees collapse and my hands fly apart again, falling limply by my sides as the world tilts and spins.
I feel the sharp sting on my bare skin where the arc hit, but it’s drowned out by the roaring in my ears and the hammering of my heart against my ribs.
“Get up. Stand.”
His voice is a low growl, rough like sandpaper. It slices through my panic.
I try. I try to stand, but my legs are leaden and unresponsive.
They won’t obey. They tremble uncontrollably, threatening to give way again.
My eyes water. I blink desperately, trying to clear the blurring vision, trying to focus but it swims before my eyes and then stupidly, so fucking stupidly I look up. I look at him.
He doesn’t wait. Before I can even fully collapse, before my knees can hit the floor, the shock hits again. It’s worse this time, a stronger jolt, a deeper burn.
I cry out, a choked, breathless sound escaping my lips. No, no, don’t…
“Silence.”
The shock follows the sound, another punishing jolt that makes my whole body convulse. I scream, a raw, terrified sound that rips from my throat, but it’s immediately cut off by another shock, harder, fiercer.
My body goes completely rigid then collapses on the cold floor, the trembling ceasing for a second before starting again with a frantic, desperate spasm.
I can feel the pool of something warm, something wet beneath me. Then the stench reaches my nose, and my shame engulfs me as I realise I’ve pissed myself.
“Get back up. Now.”
He doesn’t even give me a moment, doesn’t let me even try to clean the mess. He drags me by my hair, drags me to my feet, forcing me back into the impossible position.
I’m on my knees now, my hands still pressed together but the position is wrong, unstable. My back isn’t straight anymore. He steps closer, his shadow enveloping me completely, blocking out any light.
As if all my fear, all my shame, all of it engulfs me, my legs give way and I collapse into a heap.
He leans down, his hot breath fanning my face, carrying the copper tang of his anger.
“Get up.”
My throat is raw, my voice shredded. All I can manage is a choked gasp. My eyes are wide, pleading as I stare at the floor. Begging him silently to stop, to let me go, to make it end.
I try to obey. I push myself up on trembling arms, my legs still unsteady.
I stand, swaying, my hands raised again, my fingers white-knuckled.
I hold still; I try, but the tremor is relentless.
It starts deep in my bones, shaking through me.
Making my hands shake, my legs shake, my whole body shake.
I can feel the floor vibrating through my soles.
He sees the tremble. He knows. He doesn’t hesitate.
The shock is instantaneous. A searing lance of pain shoots through me, making me cry out again with a sound of pure agony.
I stumble forward, my legs giving way, hitting the floor hard.
The trembling intensifies, wracking my body.
Tears stream down my face, hot and stinging but I can’t wipe them away, not when the next shock is imminent.
“Get back up.”
His voice is terrifyingly calm, terrifyingly detached.
He is the predator.
I am the panicked prey.
I try. Oh, god, I try so hard. I scrabble at the floor with my hands, pushing myself up onto my knees, then onto my feet again.
I stand tall, straightening my back, though it feels like it might snap.
My legs are shaking so violently now, I know I won’t be able to hold this position for long.
I can feel the muscles in my thighs and calves trembling uncontrollably, threatening to buckle at any moment.
He watches me, his expression unreadable, his satisfaction growing. He raises the device again, and the blue light flashes. The air hums. I brace myself, my eyes squeezed shut for a second.
The shock hits. It’s a white-hot agony, a wave that crashes over me, stealing my breath, making my knees buckle. I hit the floor hard, the trembling subsiding into a shuddering gasp.
My body is limp, weak, trembling even in defeat.
I am on the floor with my hands still raised, palms together but the position is broken, defeated. I can’t stand, I can’t hold still. I can’t stop trembling.
He looms over me. His shadow is heavy, suffocating. He reaches down, his fingers closing around my upper arms, pulling me roughly to my feet. He doesn’t touch me gently, he doesn’t give me a chance to catch my breath. He just yanks me upright, my legs shaky and unsteady beneath me.
“Stand still.”
His voice is a low, dangerous command as he places the device back in his hand.
I stand, frozen, terrified, waiting.
Waiting for the next tremor, waiting for the next shock.
Waiting for the next time my body betrays me.
My legs feel like they are going to give way at any moment.
The trembling hasn’t stopped. It’s a constant, agonizing vibration running through me.
My hands are still pressed together, but they shake so much I can barely keep them joined.
My eyes are squeezed shut, tears streaming down my face, mixing with the cold sweat on my skin.
The floor is cold, and the air is thick with his menacing presence.
I am terrified, I am petrified. I don’t know how much longer I can take this but each time I fail, the shock is worse. Each time I tremble, he punishes me more. He doesn’t explain, he doesn’t give me a break. He just demands, and when I can’t meet that demand, he forces me.
I try to speak, to plead, to beg him to stop but the word dries up in my throat. He doesn’t allow it, he doesn’t allow me to speak. The thought of trying sends a fresh wave of terror through me.
Stop. Please, stop. Please just let me go.
I can’t say it, I can’t even think it without fear. He will punish me for the thought, for the trembling, for the failing.
I am naked, exposed, vulnerable.
I am trapped in this excruciating position, this impossible demand.
My legs ache, my wrists ache, my whole body aches.
The fear is a cold, paralyzing thing inside me. Tightening its grip with every shock, every tremor, every failed attempt to obey.
I don’t know how much longer I can stand.
I don’t know how much longer I can take this endless cycle of failing and being punished.
And all the while he just stands there, watching, waiting, his expression a mask of cruel triumph. He doesn’t seem to know when this will end, or maybe he doesn’t care. Maybe for him, this is just another game, another way to break me.
I am just a trembling, naked shell, a broken thing waiting to be shattered again.
The horror is endless.
The fear is absolute.
I don’t know when, or if, this will ever stop.