32. Aleksandr
CHAPTER 32
Aleksandr
C inita sits on the couch every fucking day, complaining about God knows what. I don’t know because I block her out. It’s been a week since I’ve taken her in. A whole fucking week that I’ve been starved for Lena.
She was right to kick me out. But, fuck, it doesn’t mean I don’t fight against myself every day, trying not to hunt her down and claim her as mine all over again. I’ve been branded by her in every way, and I can’t get her off my fucking mind.
The only reason I even have Cinita here is because there was a fourth man who was toying with her—who is still on the loose—and Will is currently tracking him down. After I find him and kill him, I have every intention of kicking her out of my home.
“Alek,” Cinita yells as I walk in. I was trying to sneak by her, but she heard me. Which is uncanny, considering I can be very fucking quiet. “Please come here.”
Sighing, I walk into the living room, which only reminds me of Lena sitting there.
Her plump ass has filled the very same spot where Cinita is all but lounging and snapping her fingers at me.
I stop in the doorway, and she stands from the couch and turns to look at me. She has on a barely-there white cami that skims the top of her thighs, and I have a feeling she’s wearing it for a reason. But I really couldn’t give a shit. The only woman wearing particularly revealing things I care about is Lena. And that’s because I want to be the only one to see her that way. My jaw clenches, thinking about what she’s wearing now and who might be seeing her.
“You haven’t touched me. Why haven’t you touched me?” Cinita asks. “Do you not want me anymore?” She sounds a little deflated but hopeful as well. She pouts out her bottom lip. I knew her personality was rotten to a degree, and I thought I recognized something of myself in her. But things have shifted since Lena. I tolerate Cinita less.
“I’m not sure I ever wanted you in that way,” I say truthfully. Perhaps I mistook it for loving her as I let her consume me. I thought even someone as pitiful as her deserved saving since she was dealt a shitty hand just like me and my sister. But in reality, somehow she latched onto me, exploited what little good I had in me, and then used it to manipulate me into protecting her.
I don’t regret protecting her. She would have been dead a long time ago if it weren’t for me.
And I like the dead. The dead don’t talk back.
But I had to try to save her.
Killing is the only thing I’m good at, and if I can at least get rid of one more monster for her, then I will. Before I turn my back on her forever.
“Why?” She moves closer to me. “You’ve always protected me. You wanted me to stay. Hell, you found me halfway across the world, Alek. You wouldn’t do that for just anyone.” She lifts her hand to place it on my chest, but I take a step back before she touches me.
It’s not her hands I want on me.
Never will be.
“Touch me again, and I will throw you out of my fucking house,” I threaten. Her eyes widen, and she takes a step back.
“You wouldn’t. They would find me,” she says and gives me her best fake cry.
“I would. I’ve killed for you and helped you more than I would help anyone, but that does not give you permission to touch me.”
It’s moments like these that she has clarity. Understands the mess that she’s gotten herself into. But it’s when her edginess kicks in and she needs more drugs flooding through her body that she sees them more as friends than enemies.
“I can be better for you,” she pleads. “I’ve tried all these years. Remember how you liked to watch me dance? I want it to be like that again, Alek. I just don’t know how to go back.”
My jaw tics as tears trickle down her face. I don’t think it’s entirely a lie. But how much more could I give her? Lena’s words from just before I left her in her apartment have bothered me. That I’d die protecting Cinita. But that isn’t the case. And neither will I be her caretaker.
“Once he’s dead, Cinita, I’m kicking you out of this house, and we’re done. I owe you nothing. No more. You need to learn to stand on your own.”
I go to walk away, but her hand clutches at my shirt. She drops it immediately with the glare I shoot her. “I’m sorry, Alek. I really have no one else. I know I fucked up, and I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. ”
My jaw tics again.
There’s something in her that I recognize, and it’s that part I’ve been trying to save for so long. But I realize now that it’s time to let go. Or I’ll sink with her.
I turn and leave, ignoring her crying as I walk to my room. It’s felt empty ever since the night Lena slept in it with her concussion. I smirk at the thought of when she frantically tried to change from the porn channel.
The truth is, I’d only had that TV installed that day, and I’m certain my sister had something to do with the porn appearing right away, because she knew it would grate on my nerves. Instead, it brought me, dare I say, amusement.
When I look at the painting of the dancer on the wall, I realize immediately how wrong it feels. Lena and Anya had changed most of the things in my house, but this they left.
I remove it from my wall, knowing there’s only one thing to do with it.
Burn it.