Chapter 6
A s I made my way down the stairs, I heard the squeal of joy from my daughter before I saw her. She was on Derick’s back, and he was galloping down the hall. I followed them, Hope having too much fun to even notice me. I paused at the entryway of the family room as Derick galloped ahead. Hope’s arms were wrapped around his neck, her head was thrown back, and even from the entryway you couldn’t miss the shine in her gaze, and the giggling was the sound of pure joy.
Derick and I had now been on a few dates. Hope and I had been living with the Silvermans for almost two months. Hope was flourishing. The evidence of that was before me. I noticed that my stutter had reduced to almost nonexistent. My therapist was proud of my progress, and I was too.
One thing bothered me though. Even though we’d been on dates, and I had been living in close proximity with him, Derick hadn’t made any move on me besides kissing, holding hands, and hugging me, and even then, he held himself back and went no further. I didn’t know if that meant he wasn’t really into me, or maybe he didn’t find me attractive.
“Are you going back to university anytime soon, bro?” a male voice asked.
Surprised that someone else was in the room, and I hadn’t even noticed, I looked around and spotted Stephan on the recliner.
“Nah,” Derick said. “I’m good doing it over the internet and phone correspondence. I want to stay close to my family.” He stopped and reached for Hope, pulled her around to face him, and blew raspberries on her stomach and then tickled her. Her peals of laughter echoed around the room.
Entering, I went straight toward my daughter, who still hadn’t noticed me. Hope was too focused on Derick. Clearing my throat as I got closer, I smiled at the scene before me. “Morning, baby girl.” I attempted to grab her for a hug, but she held tight to Derick, not willing to give him up. I understood. If my arms were around him, I wouldn’t want to let him go either.
“You don’t have to stay with us all the time.” I knew he spent all his time with us when he had other things he could be doing. I should have said something before now, but truthfully, I was being selfish, wanting him all to myself. “Go to university. Education is important.”
“I am doing my work, just online.” Derick winked at me, and my stomach flip-flopped. I opened my mouth to argue but snapped it shut when my daughter turned the focus on her again.
“Muummmy,” Hope shouted. “Drrk my horsy.”
Leaning over, I kissed both her cheeks. “I saw.”
“Iza gots swimming todays.” She beamed and lifted her shirt, showing a bright pink one-piece with silver stars that were covered in sparkles.
“That’s good, baby girl.” I catch Derick’s gaze and hold it. This was a new thing to me as usually I avoided people noticing me, but this was important. “I can be with her for that. You should go back to uni.”
He shook his head. “I want to take her. She loves being with all the other kids. When they do together time, I like doing the activities.”
“Mes too.” Hope patted his cheek as she giggled and nodded so fast her head looked like it would fall off.
I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes, I knew the women who went with their kids loved watching Derick. There was no missing their lingering looks, and I’d even caught a couple licking their lips. I knew the effect he had, so I didn’t blame them. His body was perfection. It was one of the reasons why I loved going to watch.
I had to get Derick to go to uni though. I didn’t want him to risk his future because of me. Getting a university degree was something I could only dream about. I’d never been to school. I knew if I couldn’t convince him, he’d stay with Hope and I all day, every day, for the rest of his life. Alone time had become nonexistent for me. I could really use some time to myself. Well, with just Hope and I. Maybe I’d even like to meet and make friends; ones that weren’t a part of Derick’s family.
My brother was coming home soon too. He’d called last week and asked if I’d be okay with him extending his away mission for a couple more weeks. I’d told him Hope and I were really happy and safe and to take his time. I had yet to tell him about everything that had happened with Derick and his family. I wanted something like schooling for Hope and myself in place before I told him. I didn’t want to worry him or make him come back before he was ready, but when he was back, I wanted to tell him all the positive things that were happening. First, I needed to convince Derick to go back to university.
“Derick, I could only dream of getting into university and doing as well as you have. I know you want to spend time with Hope and I, but I would have done anything to have the schooling you’ve had. I never got to go to school, and child services never came or helped me. I learned that besides my birth certificate, I don’t exist. Did you know before being rescued, I’d only had the vaccinations you get at birth, and I hadn’t been to the doctors, except for when I went to the hospital. From what I learned, people were too scared of my father’s gang to investigate about me or any of the others. And the cops that investigated the club had accidents or never came back again.”
I blinked as Stephan came and took Hope. I’d been so determined to get my reasons why it was important he went back to university out that I’d gotten lost in telling Derick about all the things I never had. I watched as Stephan took a bouncing Hope on his shoulder and she squealed as she pointed out Brand coming with the puppy, who bound over to them, looking for attention. I gave a chin lift to show my thanks before turning my focus back to Derick.
His blond locks were covering his eyes again. I wanted to brush the strands to the side and behind his ear, more than I wanted to take my next breath. Stepping closer, so I was almost against him, I breathed deeply and quickly brushed the strands behind his ears. I let my breath out and took in a deep gulp of him, letting his scent wash over me.
“I want you to go back to university. I want to learn too,” I said.
The urge to touch him rode me hard, and I gave in to what I wanted. Reaching out, I went up on tiptoes and caressed his cheek.
“I like you,” I told him. “I want to touch you. Um, er…not like, um…well, yes, like that.”
I knew my skin would be bright red, but my stutter wasn’t back, but I couldn’t find the words. My stomach flip-flopped as he closed the small gap between us, bringing me against his chest. I could feel his hot breath and smell his lemon scent.
“I’ll support you in whatever venture you want to take,” he said. “I’ll help you with wh?—”
“No,” I interrupted him. I needed him to know that he’d already done so much. “You have given me opportunities and done things for me that only months ago I wouldn’t have even dreamed of. You need to start thinking of yourself. I don’t want you to keep your life on hold while you shower me with everything I could ever need and more.”
Wanting to show him that I didn’t just appreciate what he did for me, but that he took his time and was patient with me, I brushed my lips over his. Derick’s arms wrapped around my waist, and he lifted me, so it became easier to deepen our kiss.
I basked in feeling loved and my body coming to life in all the right ways. From the first moment I met Derick, he had my heart racing, and I’d never felt so safe in anyone else’s embrace, even maybe my brother’s.
He was the one to slow the kiss when my hands went under his shirt and ran up his chest. “As much as I want this to go further, I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for. I want you to be ready for us to take our relationship further. I know now isn’t the time.” He caressed my cheek. “I’ll go back to uni if you agree to enroll in TAFE and go in person to get your schooling?”
In that moment, I knew I had made the right choice, not just leaving the house I was in with the other women, but being with Derick, moving in, and becoming a part of the Silverman family. “Yes.” I said it with no doubt that I would have not just Derick’s backing if I went to TAFE, but his parents too.
I had a support that I would be forever grateful for and was ready to move forward in all aspects of my life.
“Ruby, where are you?”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as my gaze that had been staring out the window turned to Dr. Heather. “I’m here.” I wasn’t. I was nervous about starting TAFE and leaving Hope with the Silvermans for so long while I was there.
“No. No, you’re not. This is the first time you’ve looked at me this session. You are not in this room with me. Where are you, Ruby?” She raised her brow, and I tried not to get lost in my thoughts again.
“I’m living in…in a dream.” I blinked and leaned back on the sofa.
“Why do you think that?” She followed my lead and settled into her chair.
“I shouldn’t trust them, sh…should I? It’s all too perfect? I…I mean, I said, I said, yes and moved in here without a second thought? Why d…did I do that?”
“Is trusting them so quickly why you think you’re living a dream?”
“You didn’t ask w…who ‘them’ are?” I wasn’t in the mood for this session today.
“And you keep avoiding my questions.”
It was because I didn’t know how to answer her. My brain was busy, but it was all a jumbled mess. It had always been a little chaotic. Dr. Heather had said she thought it was because it helped with the abuse I’d suffered. Today was a bad day. My stutter was back, and I hated that because I’d been doing so well.
“How about we try discussing how you’re feeling about starting TAFE?” she said. “Have you spoken to your brother? He should be back soon too?”
I knew what she was doing, and I loved that she knew when to leave what we were talking about alone and let me think. Dr. Heather didn’t push me. The other therapists at the house had pushed, and I hated it, because it made my stutter so prominent that I got to the stage I couldn’t talk.
“You haven’t talked much about your brother in our sessions, and I want to know how you feel about him now that you’re free.”
“W…wh…why would I feel different? Sh…sh…should I?” Toby was my lifeline, the only person who showed love to me besides Hope, or he had been. He’d been my only friend for as long as I could remember. He’d helped me save women, and he’d gotten some of our other brothers and sisters to safe places. He fixed me up when our father would hurt me and kept me alive. He paid for everything when I moved and kept me safe.
“I didn’t say you needed to feel different. I asked if you did? You’ve had some major changes happen and have learned what you should have had all your life. You saved so many women.” She reached across and touched my hand, but she snatched her hand back when I flinched at her touch. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have touched you.”
The Silvermans, besides my brother and daughter, were still the only people I didn’t flinch from when touched. I knew I needed to work on it, especially if I was going to go to TAFE. So I reached out and grabbed her hand.
“I just wanted to hold you and tell you how proud I am of everything you’ve done,” she said. “I’ve been a therapist for almost twenty years, and what you endured, and how you are with your daughter, and what you did to protect and save others is beyond amazing. There is one question I haven’t asked you, and I know the other therapists didn’t either. Why didn’t you ever leave?”
“I…I…” Letting go of her hand, I furrowed my brows and chewed on my bottom lip. I didn’t have a reason why, or one I could think of, I never really thought of it. Well, I had, but I hadn’t wanted to leave Toby.
“I think I’ve given you way too much to think on. I know you can handle it. I’m confident we can move your weekly session to once a month. I want you to think about what I’ve asked you. I look forward to hearing how TAFE is. I have faith that you’ll make lots of new friends. If you need to talk, you have my number, but I believe in you.”
Dr. Heather stood and I gazed up at her, numb at what she’d not only just asked me to do, but what she felt about me. I nibbled on my bottom lip and didn’t even try to talk, just nodded.
This school was way too posh. It was so far out of my price range. I cringed when they showed me the brochure. I wanted Hope to be more social with children her own age, so I was checking out daycare. Derick’s parents had offered to look after her while I was at TAFE all the time, but I was doing full courses and didn’t want to impose on them. They loved Hope and convinced me they would love to take care of her. I told them they didn’t have to look after my child and should enjoy their free time together, but in the end, they convinced me, and we’d agreed they’d have Hope three of the five days. So now we were looking at daycare centers to find the right one for two days.
Derick’s parents only wanted the best for Hope, and I knew that. There was no doubt, and I felt the same, but over the last couple of months it just felt like my life had gone from the slow lane to the fast one with everything changing.
This daycare was beautiful. Everything was top-of-the-line. The career-to-child ratio was small. I liked that the most, but I didn’t like what it would cost me to have Hope go here. The Silvermans had offered to pay, but I already felt like I was taking advantage of them with all they’d done for me and Hope.
“What days do you have available?” I knew how hard it was to get a good daycare that wasn’t booked out or had a waiting list a mile long, especially one this good.
The woman’s smile didn’t budge, but she blinked twice. “You may choose any of the five. The Silverman family own this center.”
Evelin and Derick shrugged and smiled, like owning an exclusive, top-of-the-line, private daycare was nothing.
Raising my brow, I chewed on my bottom lip as I debated what days I should choose. I wasn’t even going to argue about Hope going to this preschool, because I wanted the best for my daughter, and truthfully, I was learning with things like this it was easier to choose my battles.
Derick came to my side and took my hand in his. This was about as much contact as he gave me besides kissing here or there, and sometimes holding and hugging me. Oh, and a time or two I’d been on his lap. I craved more though.
“When I go back to university, my short days are Monday and Thursday. Tuesday and Wednesday are my long days. So, I say we have those two days?” Derick suggested.
Raising my brow, I shook my head. Hope was my daughter. I may allow Derick to call Hope his daughter, and he just might be her favorite right now, but I’d given birth to her. It had been just the two of us from the moment I knew she was growing inside me.
“No. Can I get back to you once I have my TAFE schedule?” I asked the woman.
“Sure. You’re a Silverman. You can take as long as you need.” The daycare center director smiled at me, but I couldn’t miss the envy in her gaze. I had seen that look between some of my father’s men and the women, but it had never been directed at me. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
Derick
Ruby was starting TAFE tomorrow. I needed to have a talk with her about security and assure her she could call me anytime.
Ruby sat on the sofa by the window with a book in her hand, but she wasn’t reading it. She gazed out at Hope playing with the puppy my parents had gotten for her. Sitting next to her, I resisted the urge to stroke her back, still unsure about how to touch her because of all she’d been through. She hadn’t rejected my touch yet though, and she was becoming bolder, touching me here and there.
“Precious, I need to talk to you about tomorrow. I’m sure you’ve seen the protection we always have with us and that both you and Hope have bodyguards?” Ruby darted her eyes my way as she nodded. “You will have to have them at TAFE with you.”
“The two bodyguards I have now will be going to TAFE with me?” She stood and moved to the French doors that were open and stepped outside. “I don’t want them there. I want to make friends. They’ll bring to much attention to me.” Ruby hugged herself.
Going to her, I gave in to my desire to touch her and gather her into my embrace. I watched as Hope went after Sunny—what she called her dog—and her guards followed. She would be fine with them while I talked with her mother.
“They will not be in plain sight,” I told her. “It will not just be the two you’re used to either. You will have a team. I want you to meet them all tomorrow morning before you go. I need you to know who to go to if you need help and if you do spot them not to get scared.”
I tilted her chin up so she looked into my eyes. She nibbled on her bottom lip and shook her head. “I don’t need a team. I’m not a Silverman. I don’t want attention on me. Please. I’ve never had real friends before. No one has recognized me, so I want to be me.”
There was no way I was taking any chance with Ruby’s protection. She was part of the reason her family and the biker gang were all in jail, on the run, or dead. I knew that if her family could get to her, they would. The Devil’s Queens had been quiet, but we had underestimated them before, and I would never do that again. I would never let them get their hands on Ruby or Hope ever again.
Caressing her cheek, I leaned down and brushed my lips over hers. “You are a Silverman. You’re mine.” I groaned as I tried to think of a better way to explain to her. “You are important to me. I want you to be happy. I want you to make friends. I need you to know though, you mean more to me than anyone. I need you safe. I can’t—no, I won’t live without you.”
Ruby wiggled out of my embrace. I really didn’t like how she looked at me. Her hands rubbed her arms, and one of her brows was raised as her lips turned down. Her gaze seemed to search my face, and I wished for a moment I could read minds when she sighed and took another step away from me.
“Yes, you can live without me. No, I’m not a Silverman. You can say that as much as you want, but...” She shook her head like she was trying to clear it. “I have survived eighteen years basically by myself. I just…I just… Argh, I may not be a woman of the world, Derick, but I know one thing…” She closed her eyes as she trailed off, then snapped them open with a grimace. “Okay. Look, don’t worry, I understand. I’ll meet the other guards.”
Something had just happened, and I had a feeling that whatever she just saw in me or just came to realize wasn’t good for me. I was proud of her though. I knew for her to say no and stick up for herself, it was a big thing with how she’d been raised.
Ruby
Nervous, I walked the TAFE campus, familiarizing myself with my surroundings before I went to class. My goal here was to get my High School Certificate and then hopefully further my education. I’d been tested because I’d never gone to school. I had to work on my maths, but was at a level where if I studied hard, I could join the classes I needed. I was ecstatic I could go to TAFE, as I wasn’t sure I would have been able to. I worried I would be too far behind to ever get my HSC. My bodyguards had agreed to stay hidden if I didn’t leave the campus.
The Silverman family was popular and very well known. I had a feeling if people knew of my association with them, my experience here would be different. I didn’t intend to tell anyone about them or my own family if I could help it. I was determined to have as much of a normal TAFE experience as I could. I didn’t plan to lie, just not tell all the details, like who I lived with, or who and how I grew up. Truthfully, I couldn’t wait to be with people who didn’t know anything about me. I could be anyone I wanted.
There were people of all ages sitting in groups around the campus. I was looking forward to making friends. I hadn’t had any friends before I met the Silverman family. The girls in the house I’d been placed with were nice, but I knew they weren’t friends with me because of the hate they held for my family. I had been okay with that, but since meeting Cassie and then some of the other Silverman women, I knew what true friends were like. Before I approached anyone, I was going to see who would be in my classes.
Clutching the bag with the laptop, paper, phone, and anything else I could possibly think I could need, I made my way to my first class, maths. I’d never been fond of maths. I hated looking at numbers and working budgets. I’d gotten used to it, but knew I only knew the basics.
Walking into the class, I studied my surroundings. The classroom had windows all along one side. There were ten double tables, five on each side, and half of them were filled, with mostly women. There was a table in the center at the front of the room with a whiteboard on the wall.
Making my way down the center aisle, I stopped beside a young woman with jet-black hair who looked my age. I placed my bag on the seat and settled in. I smiled at the woman and took a deep breath and reminded myself that no one knew me. “Hi. My name’s Ruby.” Beaming a smile at her, I tried not to bounce in my seat at my happiness of not stuttering.
“Ruby. I like it. It suits you. My name’s Ashley, but everyone calls me Ash.”
And just like that, I made a new friend.
I’d been at TAFE for three weeks. I was hanging out with one group of friends more than the others. Ash, who I’d met in maths class, was very outgoing. She had friends already going to TAFE, but they were doing course and not their HSC. Ash and I had both made new friends, but we mostly hung out with the friends she’d known.
They had asked me to go out with them, and tonight was my first night ever going out with friends. They all knew about Hope and had even invited her to dinner and then said they’d hang out at my place if I couldn’t get a babysitter. I didn’t tell them I had babysitters everywhere I turned nowadays thanks to the Silverman family, who I lived with. I still wasn’t ready for my new friends to learn about my association with them yet.
Hope loved her new life. I missed her like crazy, but knew everything that was happening was good for her. She loved having friends of her own and told me all about them when I picked her up from daycare. I wanted the best for my daughter. I would do anything to make sure she thrived.
She didn’t seem to be missing me. Which, if I was honest, kind of hurt as since she’d been born, I’d pretty much been her entire world. We did everything together, and I had never let her leave my side. I couldn’t risk it with my family. Now though, she had freedom, and she was thriving. I was beyond grateful and determined to keep living the new life I had been given, and I intended to make the most of it. I had never been one to dwell on the negatives in life. I knew that, unfortunately, life could always get worse, so enjoy it while you could.
The bodyguards were good at staying hidden, and this kept me happy. I wasn’t sure how that would go tonight. I was going to get ready at Ash’s house, and I was nervous as she lived with her parents. Meeting normal—or what I would consider normal—parents was another new experience for me.
Raising my fist to the door, I knocked and stepped back to wait. The door opened to a man with streaks of grey in a short crew cut, maybe in his late forties, early fifties. “Hello. You must be Ruby.” He took a step back and held the door open. “Come in. Ashley is in her room. Just up the stairs on your left, second door. She’s waiting for you.”
I smiled. “Hi. Y…yes, I’m Ruby. Nice meeting you.” Dropping my head, I bit my tongue to stop my groan coming out at my stutter. I’d been so good lately.
“It’s lovely to meet a new friend of Ashley’s.” His voice softened. “She’s been telling me that you’re a single mother and doing TAFE full time. That’s pretty impressive.” He smiled and I relaxed a little as he guided me to the stairs.
I would love to take all the credit, but I knew I couldn’t do this without the Silverman family’s support, Derick’s in particular. “Thanks, it’s nothing really. I’m lucky, I have a support system.”
He nodded. “It’s good you have help. I admire that you’re trying to further your education. It’s not easy. So don’t sell yourself short.” He jerked his head toward the top of the stairs. “I better let you get to Ashley. She’s been excited for tonight all week. She’s the second door on the left. Nice to meet you. Have fun tonight, and stay safe.”
I walked up the steps slowly, jealous for the first time in a long time that I never got to have parents like what Ashley had. Her father seemed like the type I always dreamed of. My own father would never have told me to stay safe.
“Ash,” I said as I opened the second door on the left. My jealousy intensified as I entered a young woman’s room. Ashley had three white walls with a purple feature wall that her double bed sat against. There was a pinboard on one wall filled with photos, and a closet open on another with clothes spilling out of it and thrown everywhere. Next to a huge window was a vanity with a massive mirror.
Ash spun as I entered and squealed. “You’re here.” Before I could even get a word out, she grabbed me and pulled me further into her room and then slammed the door shut. “I’ve been hanging for you to arrive. Come on. I’ll do your makeup for you while we wait for Lilly, Courtney, and Lisa to arrive.”
I wasn’t one for makeup, I had never needed it before. I didn’t even own any. Well, besides some colored lip gloss. Wanting to fit in, I didn’t say anything about not having or knowing how to do makeup. “Sure. Have at it. I will be your willing doll.”
Ash laughed and then rubbed her hands together. “Oh, this will be fun.”