Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Ry was increasingly uneasy. Over the last two days, Tiny had been…different. And it was freaking her out. When she’d gone into the living area of the cabin the day after Henley’s baby shower, he’d actually said “good morning”…as if he hadn’t spent the last few months grunting and growling at her at the start of every day.
Then he’d handed her a mug filled with coffee, fixed exactly how she liked it. He’d never done that before. She’d always made her own coffee each morning. She’d stared down at the drink, wondering if he’d poisoned it, and he’d chuckled. Chuckled . And told her, as if he could read her mind, that he hadn’t put anything in it…other than the sugar and cream she normally liked.
And things had just gotten weirder from there. He hadn’t glared at her once. Hadn’t insisted she tell him exactly what she was doing online. Hadn’t made any snide comments about her dark web contacts she sometimes used when she needed intel.
He wasn’t acting like the Tiny she’d gotten to know over the last few months, and she had no idea why. And that made her incredibly nervous.
Tiny wasn’t a gentle man. He called things as he saw them. Didn’t beat around the bush when he was pissed about something. He abhorred lies—which, she understood, was why he hated her—but he was acting as if all the untruths she’d told since arriving at The Refuge no longer meant anything to him. Which she knew wasn’t the case, as he’d told her time and time again that he didn’t trust her at all .
But in the last two days, he’d left her alone more than he ever had before. He didn’t hover over her as she scoured the web, trying to find out what her father had up his sleeve. Didn’t demand she tell him where she was going each morning, who she’d be hanging out with. It was as if something had happened the night of the baby shower, but she wasn’t sure what that might be.
Yes, she’d blabbed some things she wished she hadn’t, but he hadn’t asked questions after she’d made it clear she wouldn’t be sharing any more of her secrets. Hadn’t demanded she tell him why she couldn’t leave—or worse, insist she go, since Stone had safely returned to The Refuge.
It was bizarre. And frankly, Ry didn’t like it. Was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
But hopefully that wouldn’t be today, because everyone was currently heading to the hospital. Henley was being induced, and no one wanted to miss the birth of her and Tonka’s baby. They’d opted not to find out the gender, so everyone seemed twice as excited.
Of course, Ry hadn’t been able to resist. She’d hacked into the hospital database and found the sonogram pictures, so she knew the gender. But she wasn’t about to share a secret that wasn’t hers to share. Her need for information, to not be surprised, was a big fault. Ry knew it, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself from digging for information she knew was out there for the taking. It made her an awful person, but her father had hidden so many things from her, she had a deep compulsion to investigate for intel. It was the only way to keep herself safe.
She was currently sitting in the back of Brick’s Rubicon between Cora and Lara. Alaska was in the front passenger seat. The others were either on their way to the hospital or already there.
“Do Tonka and Henley have names picked out already?” Lara asked as she ran a hand over her own pregnant belly unconsciously.
“I think so, but they aren’t telling what they are,” Alaska said with a shrug.
“It’s a girl. I know it!” Cora exclaimed happily.
“No, definitely a boy,” Lara disagreed. “He’s really low in her belly.”
“How someone carries a baby doesn’t have anything to do with gender,” Cora told her with a snort.
“Yes it does! I read it on the web!”
“I read a story yesterday about a woman who was kidnapped by Bigfoot and had his love child…so that means it has to be true, right?” Cora retorted.
Everyone chuckled.
“Okay, good point. I just…I want them to have a boy,” Lara said.
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I mean, a boy would be awesome. He could follow Tonka around and help feed the animals and stuff.”
“And a girl can’t?” Cora huffed.
Ry bit her lip to hold back the smile that threatened to escape. Being around the two best friends was always a hoot. They argued and bitched at each other like sisters, but the love between them was easy to see. The fact that Cora had gone to such extreme lengths to find her friend when Lara had disappeared wasn’t something Ry understood. Intellectually, she could appreciate it, but she’d never had that kind of relationship with anyone…blood-related or otherwise.
Lara sighed dramatically. “Okay, true. I’m being sexist. And now that I think about it…seeing Tonka with another daughter wrapped around his little finger, the way he is with Jasna—and his dogs Wally and Beauty—would be equally as awesome.”
Ry saw Brick smiling as he drove, but he didn’t interrupt the conversation. All too soon, they pulled into the parking lot at the small hospital in Los Alamos. Ry knew from talk around The Refuge that Tonka had wanted Henley to go to Albuquerque to have their baby, since the hospital was bigger, but she’d put her foot down, insisting she wanted to give birth right there at “home.”
Brick pulled up to the hospital doors to let the women out before parking. Ry walked with her friends through the doors and they headed toward the waiting room down the hall. It wasn’t hard to figure out where everyone was, as Reese’s laughter rang out to their right.
The second they walked into the room, it felt as if everyone started talking at once. Ry had gotten used to how… exuberant The Refuge gang was, but it still sometimes took her by surprise. She’d grown up in a home that was extremely quiet. She was expected to be that way too. Her mom had tried to encourage Ryleigh to laugh more, to get outside and play, but her dad was in charge of their home, and he preferred she sit behind a keyboard and learn everything he had to teach her.
Thinking about her mom made Ry sad, so she purposely turned her thoughts to the people around her.
“We didn’t miss anything, did we?” Alaska asked no one in particular.
Maisy giggled. “No. Although you were cutting it close.”
“I know. The last guest to check in had a hundred questions. And then I had to make sure Robert, Jess, and Hudson had things under control.”
It wasn’t often that all the owners of The Refuge left the property at the same time. But as this was a special occasion, no one had wanted to stay behind. Ry felt uneasy about leaving, especially with her father out there, no doubt watching and planning, but she hadn’t known how to bow out without explaining why.
The time was coming when she’d need to tell not only Tiny, but all the guys what she suspected was going to happen soon…but she kept hoping and praying she was wrong.
“You okay?”
The two words came from her right, and they surprised Ry so badly, she jerked in surprise.
“Whoa, easy.”
Looking up at Tiny, Ry could feel herself blushing. How she’d missed him approaching her, she had no idea. He looked good today. He had on a pair of well-worn jeans and a checkered button-up shirt, which seemed molded to his arms and chest. And he smelled amazing, like usual. She figured it was whatever body soap he used, because Tiny would never be the kind of man who bothered with cologne.
When he lifted a brow at her, Ry realized she’d been staring at him instead of answering his question. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Is Henley all right?”
He didn’t answer right away, simply stared at her. Ry wasn’t comfortable with being on the receiving end of such scrutiny. Had gone out of her way to keep from being noticed for most of her life, both in person and while she was fiddling around online. But this man saw her. She didn’t feel as if she could hide anything from him, especially now that they were basically living together.
“She’s fine,” he finally said. “Tonka’s been coming out and giving us updates when he can. The last we heard, she was fully dilated and ready to push.”
It felt a little weird to be discussing the birth process with Tiny, but he didn’t seem uncomfortable in the least discussing dilation and what it meant. She shouldn’t have been surprised. He was amazingly unflappable—most of the time.
“That’s good,” Ry said after a moment. She felt awkward and uneasy around him. Always had, because she was all too aware of her attraction toward him. Though, after she’d admitted her name wasn’t really Ryan, that she’d finagled herself into the job at The Refuge, the previous few reciprocal looks he’d given her had disappeared completely.
Which brought her back to the last two days. Now when he looked at her, it seemed as if he was trying to read her mind, figure out what made her tick. And despite how nervous that made her feel…she couldn’t deny the attraction she’d felt for him during her first several months at The Refuge was sparking back to life.
It scared the crap out of Ry. Because Tiny didn’t like her that way. And if he was changing tactics, trying to be nice to her or—God forbid—seduce her for some unknown reason, there was a high probability she’d fall for it.
Tiny continued to study her, and it felt as if they were the only two people in the world at that moment. Ry could drown in his turquoise eyes, and it took every ounce of control she had not to lean into him. She didn’t hear the excited chatter of their friends in the small room. She was lost in the magnetism of the man standing next to her. Had he leaned closer? Ry inhaled, and his scent filled her senses.
Yeah, he’d totally stepped closer.
“You know the gender, don’t you?” he asked quietly, seemingly out of the blue.
Swallowing hard, Ry considered hedging, but she’d lied enough to him. She simply nodded.
Instead of his jaw tightening, and the disapproving look he usually had on his face when he realized she’d used her computer skills to find out something she shouldn’t, he actually smiled.
Ry wondered if she’d entered some sort of alternate dimension.
“I figured you probably did, because every time a discussion came up about whether they were having a boy or a girl, you never volunteered your opinion.”
The realization that Tiny paid a lot more attention to her than she’d realized should’ve been alarming. Should’ve had her itching to grab her beloved computer and get the hell out of New Mexico. But instead, it made her feel…protected. Knowing he was there, watching out for her, made a yearning she thought she’d pushed down to the recesses of her being flare hot and fast.
She wanted what her friends had.
Every time Brick went out of his way to check on Alaska when she was working the front desk, that yearning flared. When Tonka met Henley at her car as she arrived back at The Refuge after her shift at the mental health clinic in town…when Spike let Reese babble to him in the few Spanish phrases she was learning…when Pipe called Cora “love” in his sexy-as-hell English accent…when Owl stood behind Lara with his hands resting on her baby bump as if he could keep them both safe with that simple touch…when Stone looked at Maisy as if she was the center of his world…
Ry yearned to have what they had.
It wasn’t jealousy, per se. She was as happy as could be that her friends had partners who clearly loved them. She simply wished she could experience the same. She’d been on her own for years. Doing what she could to stay two steps ahead of her father, who’d used her for his own despicable schemes since the day she was born.
It had taken a very long time for Ry to understand that her father didn’t love her. Had never loved her. To him, she was merely a means to an end. Someone who could take the fall for everything he’d done, if it came to that.
She was thirty-one years old and had never felt wanted or loved…until she’d arrived at The Refuge.
She’d researched the retreat online and liked what she’d seen. Better yet, it was far off the beaten path. Her dad would’ve never expected her to be hiding out in such a place. It wasn’t that she’d needed the money from the housekeeping job she’d applied for all those months ago—she didn’t—it was a place where she could hole up while she continued giving away as much of the money her father had acquired over the years as she could.
It wasn’t as easy as people might think to spend thirty million dollars. She couldn’t bring attention to herself, and she had to be careful about where she stashed the money until she could give it all away. The more bank accounts she opened, the more ways her father had of finding her. But if she put too much in any one account, questions would be raised and tax ramifications would have to be dealt with.
Ry felt a touch on her arm, and once again, she jerked, startled. Tiny was standing even closer now, blocking out the rest of the room with his body as he stared down at her. He was running his fingers up and down her upper arm. He hadn’t said a word while she’d been lost in her thoughts.
“So many heavy thoughts running through your head,” he mused.
Okay, this almost-gentle Tiny was totally freaking Ry out. She was used to him sniping at her, making her feel guilty and ashamed of who she was, what she did.
“Just worried about Henley,” she told him.
“One of these days, you’ll feel comfortable not lying to me,” he told her. Then with one last touch, he dropped his hand and stepped away from her.
Just when he was about to turn away, Ry blurted, “That wasn’t a lie. ”
Tiny’s eyes narrowed a fraction. “No?”
She shook her head. “I am worried about Henley. Tonka would be devastated if anything happened to her. I know they both want their baby, but not at the expense of her health. I was just thinking about what it would be like to be loved like that. To know someone would do anything and everything to keep you safe.”
As soon as the words were out, Ry regretted them. She should’ve let Tiny walk away. Shouldn’t have cared that he thought she’d lied to him yet again.
“You’ve never felt that? Even as a kid?” Tiny asked.
The urge to laugh off his question, to lie and say of course she had, was strong.
Instead, Ry forced herself to hold his gaze. She shrugged and shook her head.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t have a fairytale childhood, but my mom did her best. She loved me. My brother though…he was my best friend. We did everything together. He always had my back, and I had his. He would do anything and everything to keep me safe…just as I would for him. Anyway, I’m sorry you didn’t have that. Also…I want to apologize for my behavior.”
Ry’s head spun. Who was this man? It couldn’t be the guy she’d lived with for the last few months. Who glared at her every day, never let an opportunity pass to let her know he didn’t trust her as far as he could throw her, and had no problem taking out his every frustration on her.
“I don’t trust easily.” He snorted. “Actually, that’s an understatement.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” Ry told him without rancor.
His lips twitched. “Yeah. Anyway, I’ve taken out my frustrations on you. You lied to me, to all of us, and that didn’t sit well with me. I abhor lies. But after our chat a few days ago, I tried to look at your situation from…a more objective standpoint. I don’t know why you did what you did, or what you’re very obviously running from, but the lies you told us…they weren’t malicious. Yes, you used your skills to find information you shouldn’t have, but you also used them for good too. So…I’m sorry for being an ass.”
Ry’s hand came up and before she could think better of it, she poked Tiny in the chest. Hard.
“Ow! What was that for?” he asked, grabbing her finger before she could poke him again.
“I’m trying to figure out if I’m dreaming this or not,” Ry told him.
He chuckled.
And she could do nothing but stare at him in disbelief. Laughing around her twice in as many days? Because of something she’d said? Yup, definitely dreaming.
“You aren’t dreaming. I’m not saying I’m going to magically start trusting you, or anyone for that matter. Just that…I forgive you for what you’ve done in the past, and I’m sorry for anything I’ve done or said that’s made you feel as if you don’t fit in here at The Refuge. Because you do. More than me, most days.”
Tears threatened. But Ry held them back. She loved the pseudo-family she’d found. But she couldn’t stay. Not after what she’d done. Not with her father out there hunting for her. Looking for any way to make her pay for double-crossing him.
“It’s a girl!”
Ry jolted yet again, and she didn’t miss the way Tiny steadied her before stepping away, giving her some room .
At Tonka’s announcement, cheers rang out in the waiting room. When everyone had settled down, he went on.
“Henley’s fine. They’re getting her settled and when they’re done with all the weighing and evaluation of the baby, they’ll let her have some visitors.”
Everyone started talking at once, giving Tonka their well wishes and letting him know they’d wait as long as it took for their turn to meet his new daughter.
Tonka turned to Jasna, who was under his arm, snuggled against his side. “You want to tell them your little sister’s name?”
The teenager beamed up at him and nodded. She turned to the group and announced, “Elizabeth Ryleigh Matlick!”
Ry’s mouth fell open in shock. No. They couldn’t have named their daughter after her. No way, not after she’d lied to them all.
“Elizabeth because we like the name. And Ryleigh for obvious reasons.” Tonka’s gaze met hers from across the room. “Because without you, we would’ve lost Jas.”
This time it was impossible to keep the tears from forming. Ry closed her eyes even as she felt herself surrounded by her friends. They comforted her and congratulated her. The mood was joyous, but all Ry could think of was how generous and loving these people had been.
She didn’t deserve it.
Her presence was putting them all in danger. If they knew…
Of course, they didn’t know, because she hadn’t told them. Was afraid the friendship they’d extended to her would dry up faster than she could blink. And once again, she’d be alone. On the run.
But as she stood there in the middle of their friends, thinking about how Tonka and Henley had actually given their baby her name…she realized that she’d badly misjudged the men and women from The Refuge. If they knew her history, they wouldn’t turn their backs on her. They’d go out of their way to do what they could to help. Because that was the kind of people they were.
Tonka took Jasna with him when he left, so she could see her mom and meet her baby sister. They would spend some time alone together before everyone started shuttling in and out of the room to meet the newest addition to The Refuge family.
Ry got hugs from everyone as they impatiently waited to be able to meet little Elizabeth. Tiny didn’t approach her again, but every time she looked around, Ry saw him nearby. Instead of feeling as if he was watching over her because he didn’t trust her to be out of his sight, she felt…comforted. Her head still spun with the changes in his behavior. She didn’t really understand how or why he’d made the switch, but she couldn’t deny she much preferred this Tiny to the one who was curt and downright mean.
Ry let the others take their turn going back to Henley’s room to see her. She suddenly felt shy about seeing her friend. She’d had no idea Henley and Tonka had plans to honor her the way they had. This was why she didn’t like surprises. She didn’t know how to react to them.
Finally, it was her turn. To Ry’s surprise, Tiny escorted her down the hall toward Henley’s room. She was tongue tied and didn’t have any idea what to say to him. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to expect her to say anything . He walked by her side, only moving behind her when they passed someone in the hall. Even then, she could feel him at her back, a larger-than-life presence that made her not feel the need to keep her head on a swivel. Which was practically a miracle, because for ten years, since the day she’d snuck out of her father’s house, she’d done nothing but look over her shoulder.
When she entered Henley’s room, she noticed right away how tired her friend looked. Happy, yes, but also exhausted. And it was no wonder. She’d been in labor for hours, gone through the pain and excitement of giving birth, and had been holding court with their friends for at least two hours now.
Little Elizabeth Ryleigh was sound asleep in the crook of Henley’s arm, and Tonka stood at the side of her bed, staring down at his wife and daughter with a look of awe.
“Hey,” Ry said, unsure what else to say.
“Get over here,” Henley ordered, holding out her free hand.
Ry stepped forward and gave her friend an awkward hug.
“Sit,” Henley ordered, gesturing to a chair that was pulled up next to the mattress.
Ry sat obediently.
“Finn, I love you, but can you please give me and Ry a moment. You can take Jas to get a snack. She hasn’t eaten all day, and I’ve been listening to her stomach growling for the last hour.”
“I don’t want to miss anything,” Jasna whined.
“Honey, you aren’t going to miss anything. Elizabeth is asleep, and she’s gonna stay asleep for the time it takes you to eat and return. And I’m going to take a nap as soon as Ry heads out. You’ll come back, kiss me good night, then go back to The Refuge with Finn because the goats are probably eating the wood of their stalls by now, and Melba is probably mooing up a storm, and I’m sure Scarlet Pimpernickel misses you something fierce. Not to mention it’s past Beauty and Wally’s dinnertime.”
“All right. But don’t let Elizabeth do anything cute until I get back!” Jasna told her mom. Then she leaned over the bed, kissed her mom, and headed for the door.
“We’ll be back soon. Then you can sleep,” Tonka told her before giving her a long and heartfelt kiss. “Love you so much. You have no idea the gift you’ve given me today.”
Ry felt like a third wheel, but she stayed completely still, as if that would make her invisible.
“Go,” Henley ordered. “Oh, and bring me back a large order of tater tots. I’m starving .”
Tonka chuckled. “Yes, ma’am.”
As soon as Tonka was gone, Tiny approached the side of the bed and smiled down at Henley. “Congratulations, Hen.”
“Thanks, Tiny.”
“She’s beautiful,” he said, gesturing to the sleeping baby.
“She’s a baby, of course she is,” Henley said. “I need you to give me and Ry a moment as well.”
Tiny nodded. “Of course. I’ll be down the hall if you need anything.”
Henley rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what I could need, but thank you.”
Tiny’s gaze met Ry’s, and she wasn’t sure what she was seeing in them. She had so many questions, but knew she’d never ask any of them. It still felt as if she was in an alternate universe. She’d gotten used to the status quo, of Tiny treating her as if she was a spy who needed constant supervision. And now he was…
She didn’t know what he was doing.
The second Tiny was gone from the room, Henley sagged against her pillows.
“You’re tired,” Ry said. “Maybe I should go too.”
But Henley’s hand shot out and gripped her arm tightly. “Please, no. Stay.”
“Why?” Ry blurted.
“Because you’re even-keeled. You have an aura that always seems to calm me. I love our friends, they’re all amazing. But all that enthusiasm can be exhausting. With you, I can relax. I don’t have to pretend with you.”
Her words floored Ry, and she shook her head in disbelief, still having a hard time wrapping her brain around what this woman had done. “I can’t believe you gave your daughter my name.”
Henley smiled. “You saved Jasna, Ry. What you did…I have no words. I don’t even know all that you did, just the basics, but still. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. You risked your life for my daughter, and it meant something. Means everything . You haven’t let me thank you, not really, and I wanted to make sure you knew how important you are to me and Tonka. And Jas. Without you, we…” Her voice cracked.
Ry’s chest felt tight. She hadn’t even thought about what she was doing more than a year ago, when she’d gone out looking for Jasna. She’d just acted. Had done what was right. What she’d needed to do to atone for all the sins of her past.
“Will you tell me the story? All of it?” Henley asked .
“I’m not sure?—”
“Please,” Henley interrupted. “I need to know what happened to her. What she went through. What you saw, what you did. How you found her. I haven’t pushed before now, but today, on Elizabeth’s birthday…I find that I want to know. If Tonka knows, he would never tell me because he wants to protect me. I don’t want to be protected. Not when it has to do with Jasna. Please, Ry. I need to know.”
Ry nodded. She understood that need. She felt it every day of her life. If there was information out there, she had to find it.
“First, you should know—I knew you were having a girl before today,” she blurted.
Henley chuckled. “I’m not surprised.”
“You aren’t mad?”
“No. You didn’t let the secret out. Didn’t let on that you knew. To anyone. I don’t care that you hacked into the hospital records to find out. Not in the least. Just as I don’t care if you broke laws to find Jas, or Reese, or to do anything else you did. You’re a good person. To the core, Ry. No matter what’s happened in your past, or how you came to be at The Refuge, I won’t believe anything else.”
Ry was overwhelmed yet again. What had she done to deserve this woman’s support and loyalty? Yes, she’d found Jasna, but anyone would’ve done what she had, if they had the skills.
Taking a deep breath, Ry began talking.