Chapter 13
On the way to their next location, Graham has a bit of time to think about what they did. How Colton said exactly the right thing to get him in a better headspace. Coming twice was crucial to him feeling as good as he does now. He knows it.
What makes a bit less sense is why Colton made him keep going even when it hurt.
Was that just for Colton? Or was it for Graham?
When he thinks about what they did, that’s the moment that resonates, the words he can still hear in his head and the memory he’ll be jerking off to—Colton telling him to keep going, to endure and hurt for him.
He shivers at the memory.
That’s his designation. The desire for pain that was spliced into him. It hurt but it felt like love. That was his Dominant taking care of him.
It’s strange. It hurt in the moment. He’d hated it and wanted it to stop, but as soon as it was done, a wave of relief and pleasure crashed down on him that was so perfect he knows he’d do it again and again.
Endure anything for that relief. It’s a gift to feel that good, to experience the low of the pain and the payoff of the pleasure.
And Colton is getting to know him. His Dominant is figuring out what he likes and doesn’t like. What Graham can take and endure. And Colton will be proud of him, want to be with him, hurt him, and use him for his own pleasure.
Which means he’s doubly rewarded. The pain and pleasure of the act being done upon him and then the acceptance and devotion of his Dominant.
He presses his hands over his face, unsure if he wants to laugh or cry he’s so lucky. He remembers with perfect clarity the sound of Colton’s voice and how it felt. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes, wanting to replay the memory, live in those moments for as long as he can.
Younger than him, but it doesn’t matter.
Colton’s dominance is real and tangible.
If he stands before Colton, closes his eyes, it feels like he’s next to God.
His mother would smack him for such blasphemy but it’s true.
Church offered him nothing compared to Colton.
Kissing his shoe, worshipping his form, praying for the man’s benevolence. Colton will be his religion now.
He needs more information about Colton’s designation so he can be good for him and give him the most pleasure. He wants to be of use. And his ego may be involved just a little bit. He wants to be the best submissive Colton has ever encountered.
Is that even possible?
And if he’s really being honest with himself, what he really wants is for Colton to lose his mind over him.
He wants to see what a high designation means in reality.
There are hints of it, and maybe this small exploration of pain was part of that.
When he gets back home, he’s going to figure this all out.
And then he’s going to be happy. Colton is going to be happy, and maybe they’ll spend the rest of their days knowing they have each other.
Hell, that makes it sound easy.
Graham Knox can’t remember a single time in his life when anything has ever been easy.
His plans for happiness and connection are blown to shit only a few hours later. He’d felt good for another hour, but now he is starting to falter. His skin can’t decide if it itches or aches, and he wishes Colton was pressed against him, wishes he had the man’s come on his skin to soothe him.
Designation is hormonal. Graham does a check on his levels and they’re not great. Immediately after talking to Colton he was doing pretty well. Now he’s back in a range that can cause mental instability. As long as the mission ends in the next few hours and nothing major happens, he’ll be fine.
He’s made it through worse.
In fact, this is closer to how he usually exists. Though it seems more painful now that he’s had a break from the misery.
“You don’t look like you’re doing too hot, Knox.” So says his partner as they break off into pairs to search the area. Graham’s hand shakes as he reaches for his backpack.
“We’re almost done, Jonah. Then we’re going home. I can make it.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jonah is new, submissive, and he’s just finished his military service. Private contractor pays better. At least, he assumes that’s why Jonah is now working for Whitestone.
They get a message to hold position and Graham takes the opportunity to get a snack, pop a few pills, and have a drink of electrolyte-filled water.
The new sub is watching him. “Rumor has it we’re getting a new Dom on the team. Your Dom, is that right?” Jonah asks, making conversation.
He’d ask how the fuck Jonah knows that, but he’s very pretty. He’s probably catnip for Doms, and they talk too much in the afterglow. Sometimes it seems like gossip is their real job.
“Looks like it.”
“And it’s Private Berringer to boot? Lucky you,” he says.
“You know him?” Graham asks, perking up with interest. And almost instantly he’s wishing he could take it back because there’s a blush on Jonah’s cheeks that only means one thing. “You’ve been with him,” Graham says flatly.
It shouldn’t be a big deal. It happens. A Dominant like Colton is in high demand.
He’s going to have a body count Graham does not want to think or know about.
And the expectation is that Graham shouldn’t mind.
Monogamy for designation is a very specific arrangement that keeps a sub and a Dom off limits.
But if that isn’t in place, then both parties are considered free agents.
He needs to not care that Colton has been with this young, innocent, nubile young man.
His lips are pouty and there’s something about his eyes or his mannerisms that makes Graham think of fragility.
How good he’d look crying. Of course Colton would be with someone like him.
And he’s several inches shorter than Graham.
Much leaner. He still has that look of innocence to him, hasn’t grown into his body completely.
He must have gone into the military young to already be transferred to Whitestone.
He must be amazing in the sack. Do anything and everyone. A stress relief acquisition. The boy is a whore. Eager. What Dominants really want and what Graham will never ever be.
This is the sort of submissive Colton chose when he had the option. When Whitestone wasn’t scheming in the background to get the military to transfer him to their organization and assign him to Graham.
“Getting Colton transferred here is amazing. We need to throw you a party or buy you drinks in perpetuity,” the young man says, laughing. Does he even shave?
Graham isn’t sure what expression is on his face, but it must be something hostile because Jonah takes a step back and his face pales. “Oh. I didn’t realize he was monogamous now. I’m so sorry. Sir. If we could just pretend none of this happened, I’d appreciate it. I’ll keep my distance,” he says.
“When’s the last time you saw him?”
“I’m not sure I’m comfortable answering that,” he says, looking around them like someone is going to appear and save him.
“I can have you transferred to a freezing shithole in Alaska if I want to, so maybe you should answer your commanding officer’s fucking question,” Graham snarls.
“A week or two ago.”
Which is like being stabbed. After they’d been together the first time. Before they met for the second time. He has not right to be jealous, but he is.
“Look, he’s a lot to handle and it’s not like I saw him often. I was lucky if I saw him once a month—”
“Because he saw so many other submissives?”
The submissive gets down on his knees and bows his head, surrendering. It makes Graham want to hit him. “I’m not a fucking Dominant,” Graham growls. “Get off the goddamn ground!”
“You’re angry and your energy… You feel like one, sir.
I’m not sure what to do! I swear this was all an accident.
I just say stupid things and get myself into trouble and I’m so sorry, really I am.
We weren’t a good fit. He needs a lot and I talk a good game but can’t keep up.
It won’t happen again. I—I won’t even look at him! ”
As if it’s Jonah’s decision to end whatever was between them. Which implies Colton might still see him again. If he had the chance. If it wasn’t going to be his job to fuck Graham to health and happiness.
Rage fills him.
“I’m surprised you’ve made it through the mission without limping. How many times have you been fucked already?” he asks, wanting to be insulting.
Jonah opens his mouth, then closes it again. His brow furrows. Even though they’re both submissives, Jonah likely feels compelled to answer, not just because Graham is higher ranked than him but because of how odd Graham’s submission feels to others.
“I don’t like to say no,” Jonah confesses. “The director brought me over here because I like to say yes. That’s… It makes me happy.”
He grabs Jonah, twists his hands in the young man’s shirt, and yanks him forward, growls the question at him. “How many fucking times did he take you?”
“I don’t know! A lot! You know how he is!” The submissive whimpers and offers his neck. He shoves a hand down between his legs and Graham watches in horror as the submissive wets himself.
Graham shouldn’t be able to affect him like that.
“Oh no!” Jonah cries and then he’s fumbling in his jacket and tapping in the code for an extraction into his phone. Then he sobs, curls in on himself, and Graham is so fucking angry that he kicks the wall.
He hears running and Mack, an older Dominant who really should have fucking retired already, comes barreling around the corner. He takes one look at Jonah and swears.
“Christ, Graham! What happened?” he asks. He takes a step toward Jonah, fists a hand in the submissive’s hair, and hauls him against his groin. Jonah gasps and whines, burrows closer, rubbing his face in the Dominant’s crotch like he’s a dog that hasn’t eaten in a week.