Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Ryan was just about ready to give up on determining whether his life was amazing or a nightmare.
His trip into London had started with so much promise.
Even though things were just slightly stilted between him and Graeme, probably due to the growing intimacy between them with Art as the ever-present third-wheel, they’d chatted and just existed together, which was a wonderful thing, as far as Ryan was concerned.
Graeme had been a huge help without even knowing it at the fabric shop and during his meeting with Gloria.
Fabric had become as ordinary to him as paint probably was to Rhys or colors of glass to Rafe, but watching Graeme appreciate everything had sparked a few new ideas when it came to what people might find appealing in terms of color, texture, and drape.
And then Giorgio had come along and blown everything out of the water.
He hadn’t changed at all. He was still the man everyone fell all over themselves to please, the man who made heads turn and hearts race, though not necessarily for good reasons.
Ryan’s meeting with Gloria had been over from the second Giorgio spoke.
Three days later, and Ryan was worried that his entire collaboration with Gloria might be over, too.
She’d never called him back to finish the business they’d started.
Of course, he’d been too much of a chicken to call Gloria to make certain they were on the same page.
That was all on him. He didn’t want to hear the same words he’d heard over and over again last year, as everything he’d worked so hard for had dissolved, “You’re a great guy, Ryan, but we just can’t work with you anymore. ”
Ryan huffed and leaned back in his chair, throwing his pencil across the table and the sketches he was finally almost finished with. Almost finished, but what was the point if he didn’t have a seamstress to construct anything?
“Bloody Giorgio and his vindictive games,” Ryan hissed, pushing himself to stand and nearly knocking his chair over as he did.
“Everything alright, love?” his mum asked from the doorway.
Ryan snapped to face the open door. His mum leaned back in such a way that told Ryan she’d been walking past, heard his frustration, and stopped to pour all her motherly concern on him. The strange thing was, having his mum asking after him actually felt wonderful.
“My ex-boss, Giorgio Esposito, showed up at my seamstress’s workshop the other day when Graeme and I were there for a consultation,” he said straight away, surprised at his own forthrightness when he’d been so cagey with everyone since he’d come home.
Ever since he’d confessed the truth to Graeme, though, he’d felt like his past shame was a canker he needed to heal.
Janice glanced down the hall, like she was checking with whatever errand she’d been on to see if it could wait, then headed into the studio. “Is this the boss that chased you out of Milan when you dared to set out on your own instead of giving him what he wanted?” she asked.
Ryan instantly felt like he was on the spot. He swallowed, then asked, “How did you know?”
Janice’s brow shot up. “So there is some story of wickedness and indecent proposals after all, is there?”
Ryan felt sheepish. “You don’t know what happened,” he said. He’d probably just given away the whole game.
Janice brushed his wariness aside. “I wasn’t born yesterday, dear. Remember, I’m a part of the art world, too. Creative types are notoriously wicked. Did you leave Milan because this Giorgio person tried to force himself on you or demand tit for tat?”
It was a mind-fuck to hear his mum talking about something that had upset and wounded him like it was one of his siblings cheating at cards.
“He said he would ruin my career chances if I left. Unless I became his boy toy and slept with him whenever he snapped his fingers,” Ryan said.
“Eew,” Janice pinched her face, but she still didn’t take the whole thing as seriously as Ryan did. “One time I could understand,” she said, “but keeping you on call is a bit much. Good for you for not taking that bait.”
“Yes, and all that integrity ruined my career,” Ryan said flatly.
“I’m rushing to put together an impossible collection for London Fashion Week to try to save it, but Giorgio showed up at Gloria’s workshop the other day, all smiles and smugness, and now I’m terrified that bastard is going to make good on his promise to ruin me. ”
He thought the picture he’d painted was pretty dire, but his mum shrugged and said, “What to your boyfriends think about it?”
The suggestion that he was dating two men and the way it slipped from his mum’s lips so casually had Ryan’s nerves bristling twice as much as any threat Giorgio had made.
“They’re not my boyfriends,” he insisted.
It was his mum’s turn to stare at him like he was thick. “You could have fooled me.”
“Mum.”
“The three of you are adorable together,” Janice went on, grinning as she took a seat on the edge of the large, heavy desk against one of the walls that had belonged to the headmaster when the house was a school.
“The heat between you and Graeme and Art is enough to burn down a whole other gamekeeper’s cottage. ”
“Mum, it’s not—” Ryan let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed his face instead of continuing.
“You are all sleeping together, aren’t you?” Janice asked.
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no,” he said, though that wasn’t entirely true. The way his mum fixed him with a death stare said she knew it. “Alright, Graeme and I enjoyed each other’s company when we were in Cornwall, but that’s it. Everything has been too mad since then for more.”
“Oh, dear,” his mum said with a dramatic sigh, clicking her tongue. “That’s the problem, then. You’re suffering from system toxicity because you haven’t been relieving yourself nearly enough.”
Ryan rolled his eyes. “Do you really believe that or do you just make these things up to embarrass and taunt us all?”
“Oh, embarrassment and taunting, of course,” Janice said with a smile. “What’s the point of having children if you can’t embarrass them with sex talk?”
“I really don’t have time for this, Mum,” Ryan said, face hot.
“Don’t have time for what?” Janice blinked at him. “To realize what’s really important in life? To enjoy your youth and your time with the men you love, regardless of what happens around one fashion show?”
“It’s my only chance to get back to where I want to be with my career,” Ryan insisted, frustrated that she didn’t understand.
Janice got up from the desk and came to stand in front of him, resting a hand on the side of his face. She might have been several inches shorter than him, but the way she looked at him made it feel like she was staring straight into his soul.
“When you reach the end of your days, dear, or even the middle of your days, you won’t judge your happiness on how many fashion shows you took part in or which celebrities wore your designs.
You’ll judge it by how many people you love are standing by your sides.
Right now, you’re luckier than most in that you have two perfectly wonderful men who think you hung the moon and vice versa. Enjoy them and count your blessings.”
“The world isn’t ready for a committed relationship between three men,” Ryan said, scared at how intense the anxiety about that was inside him.
“I already have one massive strike against me in the fashion world. What if they all take one look at me with two men and turn up their noses, locking me out forever?”
There it was. The reason Ryan was so filled with panic about embracing a non-traditional relationship, even though he’d been raised in the most non-traditional family possible.
It all boiled down to the pedestrian and immature fact that he didn’t want to be an outsider in the world he’d worked so hard to be part of.
It made him sick to think he was so weak and cowardly.
His mum’s hand was still on his face, and when the weight of his realization made him look down, she smacked his cheek. Startled, he snapped his head up and stared at her in confusion.
“I didn’t raise my children to put their fear of what society thinks over their own hearts,” she said, seeming genuinely angry with him, which came as a shock.
“Yes, you’ve had a miraculous opportunity to reach for the life that will make you happy plunked suddenly into your lap this summer,” she went on.
“But it has nothing whatsoever to do with fashion and everything to do with Graeme and Art. Which do you think would make you happier in the long run?”
“Yes, which?”
Ryan startled and turned to find Art standing just inside the studio, arms crossed, an impish grin on his face.
“I know which one I’d choose,” he said, letting his arms drop and walking slowly and saucily toward Ryan.
“And with that,” Janice said, raising her voice with a smile and stepping away from Ryan, “it’s exit stage right for me.”
She winked at Ryan then made a ridiculous show of tip-toeing out of the room, shutting the door most of the way, but leaving a gap as if she intended to listen in.
Ryan felt even more on the spot than ever. He squirmed and rolled his shoulders, fighting both his irritation at his mum and the undeniable stirring in his gut as Art closed the gap between them.
“How much of that did you overhear?” he asked, wanting to reach for Art and push him away simultaneously.
“Most of it,” Art said, eyes sparkling. “I’m sorry that you’re having a crisis of confidence, both with your collection and with us.”
It was clear to Ryan that “us” included Graeme.
“What am I supposed to do?” Ryan asked, softening his voice as Art boldly stopped in front of him and slid his arms around Ryan’s waist. “I do care about you, and Graeme, and I’m not outright against the idea of the three of us together.”
“But?” Art prompted him, surprisingly patient.