Chapter 5 #2
It was always so easy to talk to him. He never looked at me like I was strange or laughed at what I said, no matter how poorly timed, harsh, or inappropriate it sounded.
And I’ve fallen right back into the pattern of not censoring my words around him.
After so many years of analyzing every sentence, it feels so freaking good to just be able to let it out.
To be who I am without worrying that who I am isn’t good enough. Normal enough.
Butch’s lips twitch, hinting at a smile. “Then you are in the minority.”
He turns back to his bag, bringing out everything from eyeglasses wipes to snacks. “I have a niece. Her name’s Allie. When she started getting her period, I became really fucking well-versed in everything that goes with it.” A small heating pad hits the mattress next.
“You managed to get a lot of stuff in that bag.” I’m mentally calculating how in the world he accomplished it, when Butch smiles, the unexpected expression drawing all my attention to his face.
He is so attractive. Handsome and real and interesting. I didn’t understand what the word sexy meant until I met him, but he absolutely is sexy. And it has my insides warming in a way they’ve only ever done one other time in my life. Ten years ago—the last time he was in it.
“I guess you can call me Mary Poppins.” Butch straightens, abandoning his now empty bag as he begins moving around the room, checking nooks and crannies. When he makes an unhappy grunting sound, I cross the room to stand beside where he’s crouched in front of a bookshelf.
“What’s wrong?” I lower beside him, directing my eyes at the item he’s reaching for.
“Technically, nothing.” He pulls the statue-ish trinket off the shelf. “I get it’s a safe house, but they’re going to have to get over themselves.”
It takes me a second to understand, but then I see the cord linking the statue to the hole in the back of the shelf. “Are they watching me?”
Butch shrugs. “I guess it could be turned off, but if they were…” He yanks the cord out of the back of the statue. “They aren’t now.”
Unease creeps across my skin. It never occurred to me that this room could be bugged, and it makes me feel stupid. Makes me think there’s no way I’ll ever be able to find my sister if I can’t even anticipate something like that.
“Whenever someone puts you in a space, I want you to always look around.” Butch starts explaining what he’s doing as he continues searching the room.
“Look for holes in places they don’t belong.
Objects that don’t look exactly the way they should.
” His eyes go to the statue. “I could tell that thing was plastic, and it looked weirdly cheap.”
I nod along, absorbing everything he’s saying.
“You want to look for cords that shouldn’t exist. Anything that seems out of place.
” Butch shifts around a chair tucked into the corner, his dark eyes moving over the upholstery as he lifts up the cushions.
He’s so focused on it, he doesn’t even notice the tiny hole in the wall right in front of him.
I tap his shoulder, not saying anything just in case I shouldn’t announce what we’re finding. When he looks my way, I point to the discovery.
A sly grin spreads across his face. “Good girl.”
I stand a little straighter under his praise, my upset from earlier dissipating as he pulls out a pack of gum. I feel even better when I figure out what he’s planning for the candy.
Butch holds the stick of spearmint-scented hole-blocker in front of my mouth. “Open.”
I don’t hesitate, letting him feed it between my lips as my eyes move over his face. There’s an odd intensity in his expression as he places the gum on my tongue.
Just because I haven’t had sex doesn’t mean I don’t know how it works. I’m probably the only person in the world who watched porn simply to understand logistics. To try to figure out what all the fuss was about.
I didn’t.
I never found it arousing or even intriguing. It was about as exciting to me as watching paint dry. But in this second, a few of the scenes I scrutinized in an attempt to figure out why I wasn’t interested in actually participating in any of those acts, come rushing back to me.
And they hit much differently when I’m imagining Butch as the other party involved.
He clears his throat, taking a small step back as he shoves the second piece of gum in his own mouth. “I brought plenty of this, and I want you to keep some on you at all times.” He works his into a wad and shoves it over the hole I found.
I continue chewing mine as we finish scouring the room. I’m sort of relieved to find there’s nothing else, and relax a little at knowing we have at least a tiny bit of privacy.
Butch rests a hand against my lower back, leading me to the bed, the items he brought strewn across it. Picking up the black sweatshirt he pulled out, he digs into the front pocket, sliding a cell phone free. He holds it out to me, eyes darting to the door before coming back to my face.
My own eyes go to the door, because somehow I know what he’s trying to tell me.
Someone could be listening on the other side.
I silently take the phone, waking it up. Butch taps out the passcode, and I memorize it. Once it’s unlocked, he swipes across the screen, showing me there’s a single number in the contact list. He points at the number and then it himself.
I nod in understanding, then continue watching as he opens a location map. Two dots glow right next to each other. Again he points at the phone, but this time brings his identifying finger to me and then himself.
One dot is me. One dot is him. As long as I have this phone, I can always find him and he can always find me.
Butch lifts his brows in question.
I nod, because I get everything he’s not saying. Slipping the phone into the front of my jeans, pinning it between the waistband and my stomach since it will leave a weird, visible bulge if I put it in a pocket, I tug my oversized sweatshirt over the small lump it makes.
“Good job.” Butch’s voice starts out low, but gets much louder when he says. “Now let’s get you feeling better since those dumbasses don’t understand how to handle cramps.”