chapter twenty #2
Heat rushes to my face, and I can't contain the broken sob that escapes me.
He hugs me tighter, and I feel the brush of his chin against my locs.
His big powerful arms circling me is the welcome that I never knew I needed since I returned.
Is one of love and acceptance, but not only that forgiveness.
For a long moment, he holds me, whispering, “I’ve got you" right above my ear.
And I know that no matter what, Angel Cruz has forgiven me, and he'll always be the brother I never had.
Finally, stepping away from me, he jerks his head toward the other guys, leading the way to his office.
One long figure remains looking at me with a complicated expression on his face. I know now is not the time to bring up all the things Ellie said, so I say nothing. After a long moment, he pivots only to turn back, a question in his gaze and his jaw working in tense flexes. “See you later?”
My head jerks in acquiesce giving him my ‘yes’. Watching him leave for as long as I dare, not wanting to get into it again with his sister. Saying nothing and acknowledging no one else, I leave the el Diablo den, and something tells me it will be for the last time.
He doesn’t bother knocking. Just lets himself in. I don’t know why that irritates me. Maybe it’s because I’ve had three hours to stew over the revelations of Ellie’s words.
“Knock next time. You have your own big-ass house.” I snap, looking up from the designs for new tattoos I’m sketching.
“Sure.” he says drily, pulling off his cut, taking in the room at large as though he’s making sure the coast is clear.
Hearing the rumble of choppers in the distance, I dead-eye him.
“You don’t have to keep having guys guarding me.
Folks are already saying it was Nat doing all the lurking around trying to get dirt on Nikki.
Plus, I might be safer with them not around if today is any indication.
” Training my focus back on my work. I make long sweeps of the dragon to complete the design one executive from Creative Chaos had asked me to create for him.
A shadow falls over my workspace. I look up to see the harsh line of Snake’s face. “Was someone disrespectful to you?” Smirking, I rise, circling around to face him.
“You mean other than your sister? Why didn’t you tell me she hates me now?” Cocking my head back, I allow my gaze to rake over him.
“Are you surprised? C’mon, Saban. You know Ellie don’t play about me. We are all we have.” I don’t miss how I’m not being included in his statement. After what Ellie said today, it’s pretty certain I never will be.
“Nah, not really. What did surprise me though was your having a whole-ass pregnant fiancé with a kid on the way. I never knew about.” I shrug, watching as curiosity gives way to quiet rage.
“Seems like that’s something you’d tell someone you lived with and then decide to fuck.
” My feet tap agitatedly as I regard him.
Crossing his arms over his chest, he looks down at me.
His eyes are slits of anger staring down at me.
“Yeah, when was I supposed to do that? When you were a frightened kid already having nightmares of the evil men who tried to prey upon you? When you could finally sleep through the night at fifteen? Was I supposed to tell you how they cut our son out of her and smashed his brains in as she lay dying? Was I supposed to tell her they raped her first after our first kiss or when you ran away? Get the fuck outta here with that, man,” he scoffs, turning away, but not fast enough to hide the anguish on his face.
Skirting around him again, I get back in his face. Damn his vulnerability, he still lied by omission. What happened to you insisting we come to each other? When were you going to tell me? After we’d been together how long?” Watching how his expression shutters. I can tell it was going to be never.
“Right.” Nodding to him, I turn my back, this time trying to protect myself from the truths I see in his stony gaze. “Never.”
“My past is my past. I left that all behind when I crossed a continent for you.” Come the dark promise of his words.
“No, you kept that from me because you still love her. You still long for her — the family that you were supposed to have. It doesn’t matter that she betrayed you and your family.
What matters is — you still want what could have been with her.
” Stepping away from him, I try my best to keep my emotions in check.
“I don’t long for anything.” He says coldly.
“Definitely not me.” Ellie’s words, ‘You’re pathetic — like a wounded puppy’ — resound in my ears.
“Just go.” I sound defeated. “You’re a fucking coward-ass-hypocrite anyway, holding on to some bullshit but telling me to get help and go to therapy.
Why couldn’t you just leave me in Senegal?
Why did you hunt me down like a fucking dog and bring me back here?
For your revenge?” I’m screaming now, the dam breaks, crumbling on the storm of tears, disappointment and sadness engulfing me.
Hope crushed, I can’t withstand his regard.
I turn from him, wanting him gone from my safe place.
It used to be him, but now he’s the cause of so much pain. My haven is now my nightmare.
Balling my fist I press them into my eyes. I can’t stop the tears or the sobs wracking my body. I feel so very broken inside. Ruined, just like he promised.
When the strong bands of his arms wrap around me, pulling me into the solid wall of his chest, instinct kicks in, and I fight him.
Kicking his legs, wailing on his shoulders, face — anywhere I can reach to the point I’m hurting myself — does nothing.
He just holds me, letting all the grief and disappointment spill from me like the Tombigbee after a spring storm.
Still, he embraces me until I exhaust myself.
Heaving, I crumble, my legs giving way. Sweeping me into the cradle of his arms, he strides over to the bed, sitting on the side edge.
“Be still,” he growls when I try to squirm away. There is no inflection in his words, just command. His words or maybe the fight has just gone out of me, makes me relax into his hold.
“I was always going to come for you. Will always hold you through the night.” The words are simple and final.
“Y-you don’t love me—”
“Do you love me?” he cuts me off. His hand cups my chin, making me meet his gaze. “Do. You. Love. Me?”
Heart beating so fast like I’ve just finished a marathon, I try to move, refusing to meet his eyes. He won’t let me. “Don’t make demands of me that you aren’t willing to meet yourself.” His gaze skates over my face, searching. Dropping his hand, he cups the back of my head.
Warm, firm lips cover mine. The kiss is soft, languid. A promise. One he keeps when I squeeze my thighs from the pressure building inside of me.
Laying me back onto the duvet like I’m precious to him, he swallows, looking away for a tense second before exhaling.
“I promised myself I was never doing that shit again.” Scrubbing his hand over his head, he rubs it as if agitated.
“I don’t know if I ever will. I’m not willing to give you up, and if that makes me a coward or hypocrite, then so fucking be it, but me without you is not an option — ever again.
” He sounds more than obsessed, and every fiber of him embodies an unhinged quality.
I feel like the breath has been sucked out of me.
His big body covers mine. Taking my lips again, he feasts like I’m his favorite thing to eat. Again throughout the night, he takes me to heights only to revel in tipping me over the edge.
When he finally pushes inside me, there is nowhere for me to hide from the intensity of his passion. “You’re mine.” He growls, his thrusts as brutal as the man deep inside.
“Say it.” He commands pressing deep into the spot only he intimately knows.
“I’m yours.” I whimper as my bliss crests on wave after astonishing wave of pleasure.
He never says he’s mine.
Not even after he takes me again and makes me vow it again.
Not even when he holds me as the dawn breaks — just like my heart.