20. DIANA
DIANA
Life in the Emblem has taken on a strange pattern, but it’s one I love. I’ve been here over a month, and I swim with Rafe every morning.
We never openly agreed to it, but after that first time, it fell into place. I’d be a liar if I didn’t go down there the following day at the same time, hoping to find him.
And the fact that he was there, swimming lengths, offering me that handsome smile when he saw me?
Incredible. Wonderful.
After exhausting myself in the pool, I work hard all day, and not just because I want to succeed, but to distract myself from thinking of him.
I read, annotate and make content. With the new equipment I’ve bought, thanks to another loan from Rafe, my online course is looking fan-bloody-tastic, and my videos are better than ever.
He was right; my face is how people knew me, and my old followers have flocked back.
Not as many as before, but enough. I’ve started charging for my book marketing work too, so I have cash coming in, and if I can sell a couple of my online courses every day, I’ll be able to afford to rent somewhere in no time.
In the evening, we all eat dinner together if Rafe comes home in time.
If he doesn’t, Lizzie and I help ourselves to food the chef made in advance, or we go out to eat.
When we get back, she watches TV or goes to bed early, while Rafe and I sit together and discuss my business.
Sometimes he’ll watch a few of my videos and analyse them.
Some have had him belly-laughing, and I relish the sound, knowing I made it happen. It’s almost like he’s my friend.
A friend I’ve had amazing sex with. A friend I’d really love to have more amazing sex with. But he’s also a friend I’m keeping a terrible secret from.
I wish I could come clean, but the truth would change everything I love in our dynamic.
Or would it? Is there the slightest chance that if I told him, he’d still want me? In any capacity?
It’s pointless to even think it. I couldn’t do that to Lizzie. Although, I’ve already done it…
She’s been here less and less recently, always meeting the new friends she’s travelling to South America with, which means, a lot of the time, it’s only me and Rafe in the house.
I’m half-delighted, half-tormented by the arrangement.
I haven’t hooked up with anyone else. Not that there has been the opportunity for it, but even if there had been, I’m not interested.
Rafe is the only man I want, and the interactions I have with him are enough to satisfy me.
I’m nurturing the longing in my soul, feeding it with stolen glances, the sound of his laugh, the accidental touch of his hand on mine as he reaches across me to shift a piece of paper or take control of my computer.
I know I shouldn’t want him and can’t have him, but every time he says my name in that deep voice of his, a little piece of my resistance crumbles. I want to press my lips to his ear and whisper my secret.
It was me.
I wonder if he knows. Sometimes it feels like there’s a charge between us, and I think he knows but isn’t admitting it. Other times, it couldn’t be clearer that he hasn’t a clue.
“Diana.” His voice booms through the kitchen, shattering my train of thought. I blink back into the present to find myself staring out at Hyde Park. When I turn, Rafe is leaning in the doorway, his smile wide. “Come here.” He beckons me. “Lizzie and I want to show you something.”
I take a gulp of the glass of water I’m holding and set it down before following him out into the living area, where Lizzie is waiting, an excited expression on her face.
But we don’t linger there. Instead, we continue down the corridor and stop outside Rafe’s office.
“Wait,” Lizzie says, producing a black silk scarf which she insists on tying around my head to cover my eyes. It makes me giggle.
The door clicks open, and a large hand, which must be Rafe’s, rests on my lower back, guiding me into the room and positioning me so I’m facing whatever they want to show me.
“Surprise,” Lizzie yells, and her father teases the silk from my eyes.
I’m standing in front of the bookshelves, which are now filled with row upon row of special editions, gilt spines, sprayed edges. Some, I recognise immediately, others I’ve never seen before. All of Rafe’s leather-bound books have been removed.
I stare in awe. “What’s this?”
“Your books,” Lizzie says. “It’s not all of them because I couldn’t for the life of me find the same signed special edition of Taming the Beast that you used to have, but it’s everything else I could think of.
Every book you’ve mentioned in your content, and anything else we thought you might like. ”
Tears spring to my eyes. “You went through my videos?”
“I did,” Rafe says. “And together we made a list. So now you have a library and a backdrop for your videos.”
“So these books are… mine?”
“Yes,” he replies.
My lips part on a silent ‘wow’. I can’t believe he bought them, let alone filled his shelves with them.
Lizzie leans in and whispers in my ear, “There’s a whole shelf of romance books where the guy has a pierced dick.”
I splutter a laugh, and Rafe raises an eyebrow, but neither Lizzie nor I explain.
“You can make your videos in here too,” he says, ignoring our outburst.
“In your office?” I ask.
“Yes.” He shrugs and adds, “I don’t work from home very often anyway.”
I know he’s trying to make this seem less of a big deal than it is, but this is huge.
Until I came to live in the Emblem, no one had ever done anything like this for me.
I can’t recall a single gift my father ever bought me, and here are Lizzie and her father, presenting me with an entire library of my favourite books.
Speechless, I turn to Lizzie, who throws her arms around my neck and hugs me hard.
“I wish you could live with us forever,” she says.
“Oh, don’t.” I sniffle. “I’m really going to cry now. It’s not even my birthday. I don’t deserve this.”
“Of course you do,” Lizzie says. “You’re working your arse off. Besides, we wanted to do it. Dad did, really.”
I glance at him over her shoulder.
“I thought it was about time you stopped filming in a glorified closet,” he explains.
I laugh, easing out of Lizzie’s arms and wiping the tears from my eyes with the heel of my hand.
“Where did you put all your books?” I ask him, glancing at the shelves.
“Storage,” he says. “I never read them, so it makes more sense for yours to be in here. When you move out, we’ll put them back again.”
When you move out.
The words sting more than they should, especially when he’s just presented me with thousands of pounds worth of special edition books.
His gaze leaves mine, and for a moment, I think I see mirrored pain flit over his handsome face. But then he steps forward and embraces me, and it’s so unexpected that I go rigid in his arms. He hasn’t touched me since that night on the kitchen counter.
Lizzie stands on my other side, unable to see that her father’s mouth is in my hair, his whispered words hot against my ear through the strands.
“You deserve every good thing that comes to you, Diana. I hope you know that. And if you don’t, I’ll do my best to show you any way I can, even after you move out. ”
Goosebumps skitter down my arms, and when he releases me, my knees feel weak.
“I’ll leave you to have a look around,” he says. “Dinner in half an hour.”
Bowing his head, he strides from the room as if nothing has changed, but somehow, I know the world has shifted.