12. Jahsir
jahsir
. . .
Ever since we got back from Monaco, things had been different.
Crimson was different. She was still her loving self, enjoyed her food, and gave her all to Scarlett.
But there was a shift in her interactions with me.
Each morning, she kissed me, then disappeared into her day.
Conversation between us thinned out without either of us saying why.
She doesn’t mention our time in Monaco. She doesn’t mention Venus or her aunt. Just home, boutique, and Scarlett. I learned a while ago not to push Crim. I don’t want her to shut down more than she already has, so I’ll let her ride out whatever this is. When she’s ready to talk, she will.
Now, Rashad and I sat on the couch waiting for her.
The nigga was nervous. I knew they'd texted a few times, but this was the first real face-to-face since the robbery and his house arrest. I was curious as to what their interaction would be like as well.
Like clockwork, Crimson walked in at about 5:30, holding a babbling Scarlett. I met them at the door.
“Hey, my lil mama.” I greeted them as they entered our home. I retrieved Scarlett from Crimson’s arms and kissed her cheeks. Next, I placed a kiss on Crimson's lips. We held each other's gaze for a moment, then she greeted Rashad.
“What are you doing here, big head?” Crimson asked, stretching her arms to Rashad for a hug. He reciprocated, and they held each other for a moment.
“Well, a nigga a free man now. Shit, I’m tryna hit a move, but you then domesticated my boy. He ain’t tryna fuck with me,” he joked.
“Yeah, yeah. Jah knows he can go outside if he wants to. I’m not stopping him.” She smiled. “Let’s talk about the real reason you not in these streets—Venus.”
“Shhh!” he urged. “Please don’t speak her up. I have a hard enough time sneaking away as it is now.”
“That's the monster you created, cousin.” Crimson shrugged him off.
“True. But look, you’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t be here, you know I would have if I could. You know I’mma fi-.”
Behind Crimson, I motioned for Rashad to cut what he was saying short. I didn’t want him to bring up anything that could upset her. I also didn’t need her to be privy to what we were doing behind the scenes.
“But anyway, are you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“You wanna talk about the tension between us?” He asked.
“It's no tension, cousin. While I don’t agree with how you handled things, I can do nothing but respect it.”
“True. But I owe you an apology. I never step out of big cousin mode. I’m always looking at the quickest and surest way to keep you safe. I could have handled all of that better. And at the least, I could have reached out while I was locked up. I fucked up, my bad.”
“Yeah, you did, punk! Don’t you let that girl come between us no more, or anybody else.”
“Never. Y'all friendship done for good though?”
“I’m pretty sure it is.” She confidently stated. “I have to be able to trust the people in my life, and I just don’t trust her. Matter of fact, I’m done talking about her. It makes my flesh crawl.”
“I hear you. And while I’m apologizing, I got the invitation for your grand opening. Shit’s dope! But I got a business meeting, so I can't make it.”
“Dannng, Rashad! It's my big day!”
“Yeah, I know, but my good bro got you as always.” He turned to dap me up, but instead, he reached his hands out for Scarlett, who turned her head. Babygirl was coming with her own personality and preference for people. I thought it was cute.
“That's okay, Scarlett. You gon grow to love me just like your mama.” He tickled her belly. “Aight, Bro. I’mma holla at you.” Rashad and I dapped up, and he left our place.
The minute he left, Crim went back to silence. More recently, I found myself being the one to start conversations, now was no different.
“How's the shop coming along?” I asked. “Anything I can help with? Do you need more bread?”
“No. And speaking of money, I tried to make a payment today for Scarlett’s daycare.” I adjusted Scarlett on my hip. “Ms. Warren said it’s been paid up for the next year?”
“Yeah.”
“Was that you?”
“Who else would it be, Red?” I asked, placing Scarlett in her walker.
“Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because I don’t want you worrying about anything. Whatever money you make right now, I want you to stack it, spend it, whatever. But it shouldn’t be used for bills. It's your bread.”
“Mmh.”
She walked away and headed over to the island, but said nothing.
Crimson started on dinner, and I was overcome by her silence.
Her entire demeanor had changed when we got back from Monaco.
I was sure that giving her a glimpse of my life would help her forgive my absence.
I was even more sure it would show her how serious I am about our relationship, considering what I built over there.
But Crimson was Crimson. There was no telling where she was in her head, especially since she always spent so much time overthinking. Either way, we had business to take care of. This little attitude she was having would have to hold off for a minute.
“So look, I need you to sign something.”
“Hold on a minute, bae.” Crimson placed two pieces of catfish in the fryer, then lowered them into the grease. She washed her hands, dried them on a paper towel, and met me at the island. “What is this?” she asked, reviewing the paperwork.
“This is the rental agreement for the loft. I need you to add your name to it. We’re extending the lease.”
“Why?”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t know why you would go out of your way to add me to a lease. Especially if you’re here.”
“Can you just sign it, please?” I sighed in annoyance. I could see the wheels turning in her brain. I didn’t want to feed into it, but we had to get this done. I just hoped she would allow me to do this without the twenty-one questions.
She signed the paperwork in silence. No questions. Then turned right back to the fish, taking the pieces out and placing them on paper towels. She added two more to the fryer, watching the grease sizzle, before turning back to me.
“What’s going on, Jah?”
“Nothing. You’re busy with the shop, I’m taking care of business back in Monaco, and I just don’t want too much time to pass without us handling what needs to be handled here.
And while I’m thinking about it, I never gave you the paperwork for Crème De La Crimson.
It’s in my name, but of course we’re gonna change it officially to yours. ”
I handed her another envelope.
“Its a burner phone in there. And here’s the receipt for the first year of taxes on the place, so you don’t?—”
“Jah, what the fuck?! Why are you doing this?” she snapped, her voice louder than the popping grease by now.
“Doing what? What’s wrong with you?”
“Are you leaving me… us?”
“No, I’m not, but-”
“No, Jah! There are no buts ! Either you’re planning to be here or you’re not! And from the looks of it, you don’t plan to be here at all.”
I ran a hand down my face, jaw clenching. “I’m supposed to stop operating like a man because you can’t stay out of your head?” I instantly regretted those words. Her eyes were on me now, but they weren’t soft. They were guarded. Wet, but not crying. “I didn’t mean it like that, Red.”
Crimson didn’t respond. She turned back to the stove and grabbed the tongs, but her hands were shaking. She dropped one of the pieces too fast, and the grease popped her arm.
“Shit,” she spat, backing away quickly. She didn’t even check the burn. Just stood there, arms folded across her chest like she was holding herself together.
I attempted to assist her. “Let me see it.”
“I’m fine,” she yanked her arm back. “Despite what you may think, I can take care of myself,” she scoffed. “You want me to sign paperwork, I’ll sign it. You want me to be grateful, I’m grateful.”
“Crimson.”
“Jahsir, it is what it is.”
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand why she was so pressed by me taking care of our business. It wasn’t about control; it was about security. About making sure she never had to stress the way she used to. But maybe she didn’t see it that way.
For the first time since we reconnected, there was tension between us.
We didn’t talk much after that. She functioned around me, not necessarily ignoring me, but not going out of her way to talk to me either.
She finished frying the fish, plated it up with dirty rice, and set Scarlett’s little tray with way more care than she gave mine.
I didn’t take it personally. I just ate and scrolled on my phone.
No conversation. Just forks clinking and babbling from Scarlett.
Every now and then, I caught her looking at me with quick, unreadable glances.
It was like she wanted to say something, but didn’t have the energy to do so or didn’t have the words.
And I wasn’t gonna press her, because at the end of the day, I couldn’t fix what I couldn’t see.
She clearly wasn’t ready to have a real conversation, so we’d just be stuck in whatever this shit was.