Chapter 4
four
. . .
Crimson
Auntie Ruby:
We went over to Venus house. You can get Scarlett from there.
A untie Ruby’s text popped up on my phone just as I was wrapping up at work.
I had already booked a Lyft, but the second I read her message, I had to scramble to change the address.
Last-minute changes always sent my stress levels through the roof.
And to make matters worse, she had, once again, dropped Scarlett off somewhere without running it by me first. This was the second time she’d pulled this stunt.
Yes, Shad was family, and Venus might as well have been, too.
But that didn’t automatically mean they wanted to be on babysitting duty just because Ruby was in such a rush to chase her money.
I was happy to be off work because my day started off on the wrong foot, literally.
I slipped in a puddle first thing in the morning, soaking my clothes and forcing me to double back inside to change.
That little setback made me late for work, and my mood was already teetering on the edge.
The endless rain wasn’t helping either. I started to think the sky was in competition with me.
Every time I cried, it rained. Like, okay, we can’t both be depressed at the same time.
Even now, thick drops of water tapped against my clear umbrella as I waited for my ride.
I just knew this weather was about to mess with my ride.
But when the car actually pulled up on time, I screamed for joy on the inside.
One step closer to getting my kid and cuddling in bed with her.
Settling into the back seat, I released a slow breath and muttered a quick prayer.
My attitude was trash today, and I knew it.
I just hoped I wouldn’t take it out on anyone who didn’t deserve it.
I definitely planned on addressing Ruby.
Her last-minute change was taking more money out of my pocket because I would need to get a ride back home as well.
Then there were the endless texts and calls from Jahsir which left me conflicted.
My heart forced me to read every single one while my brain encouraged me not to reply.
His name lighting up my phone made me recount endless memories.
Lord, I wanted to answer. I wanted to let the dust settle and make plans to move forward.
But I couldn’t risk playing with my already fragile heart.
So instead I sent him a text message, thanking him for the money a couple weeks ago.
I was stressed, annoyed and overwhelmed.
It was one of those days where I truly didn’t want to be bothered.
Time to put on my personality , I thought, as I walked up to Venus’ porch.
I was always putting on the bubbly, happy-go-lucky Crimson, even with the world tumbling over me.
Venus opened the door, and I scanned the room for my baby girl.
Rashad was holding her as Ruby walked in from the kitchen.
I was surprised because I was sure she had left to be on to the next biggest coin.
“Oh, I didn't expect you to still be here. I was sure you’d be on your way to bingo by now.”
“Yeah, well, we have an issue.”
“What's up, auntie?” I asked, crashing my eyebrows together.
“Basically, the roof fell in from all of the rain. I didn’t realize it until I went upstairs to put Scarlett down. It fell into your room. Her crib, your bed, and the rack where you kept your clothes are all soaked with water and debris. So yeah.”
“So, yeah…. What does that mean?”
“It means, call your renter’s insurance.”
“You mean call YOUR insurance. You had me giving you an extra $30 a month to cover that space and my items. Crimson, I’mma charge you a thousand for rent, and 30 of it goes to the renter’s insurance . Those were YOUR words.”
“I don’t remember that, but I’ll give them a call and see. Meanwhile, you can give me half of this month's rent. I know you’ll need the rest to replace a couple of the things that were ruined.”
“I’m not giving you a dime! I’ve paid rent faithfully for MONTHS!
” I emphasized. “Every time it rained, I told you which areas in the attic were wet. You did nothing. Now the roof has caved in on everything I own. EVERYTHING! And you think giving you more money is my priority? Where the hell will my daughter and I sleep tonight?”
“Relax, bff, y’all can stay here.” Venus chimed in.
“You can come back to the house if you pay half of the rent for the month. The basement is in decent condition.”
“If?” I scoffed.
I was anxious and pissed. She had taken her greed to another level by trying to charge me rent for a place I couldn't even walk into. The audacity and disrespect sent my blood boiling. After everything, she still had the nerve to hold her hand out like I owed her something. Like I was supposed to hand over money for a space that was nothing more than a locked door to me. It wasn’t even about the money, it was the principle.
I turned my thoughts off and focused on wrapping things up so I could get out before exploding.
“I know you don’t get paid for another couple of days,” she added. “So you can Zelle it to me then.”
“Respectfully, Auntie, don’t say nothing else to me.” Fighting back tears, I made a mental note of Scarlett’s things that were out of the diaper bag. Silently, I packed them while my aunt taunted me with her words. If it wasn’t one thing, it was another.
“See, Rashad, I told you, your little cousin is ungrateful. I have offered her several options, but she thinks she’s too good for them. Or as always, she is looking for a handout.”
“Chill, Mama. Crim, just go back to the crib. I’ll replace Scarlett’s things. It's raining hard as hell outside, and you don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Shad, I’m not giving her any more money, and I'm not going back over there. So just leave it alone.” I walked over to him and retrieved Scarlett from his arms. Venus and I made eye contact, and I knew she was urging me to stay calm.
She knew how much of a bitch my auntie had been to me.
They all did, and it blew my mind that everyone kept expecting me to be the bigger person.
“Gon take that baby out in the rain because you got an attitude with me? Immature ass lil girl.”
“Please stop talking to me, okay? I’m trying my best not to go there with you. You're steadily talking, damn!”
“Crim.” Shad urged. “Both of yall need to chill.”
“No! Yo momma foul, and you know it. I’ve been struggling, giving her money I didn’t truly have, and for what? Just for her to tell me all my things are ruined?! Y’all let this lady say and do anything, that's crazy to me!”
“You lucky I gave you a place to lay your head.”
“You didn’t give me shit!” I finally snapped. “I paid you, ain’t no handouts over here, never has been!”
“I saved you from that trifling baby daddy of yours. So thirsty to open your legs and he doesn't give a damn about you or that damn baby! I ain’t ever even seen him before. Tell him you don’t have nowhere to stay and watch how he gives you his ass to kiss.”
“Really?!” I choked out, shock and rage slowly but surely consuming me. “You can fix your mouth to say that to me?”
“Just like your mother. Laying up with a man and can’t even get a dime out of him. Lil girl, free pussy gets you nowhere!”
“Yooo! Ma!”
Blacking out, I ran up on my auntie. But before I got to her, Venus grabbed me.
“No, you won’t, Crim! Stop!” Venus yelled as I struggled to get away from her. “Listen to me, stop, Crim, stop!”
“Let her go, Venus! I’m ready to give her an old school ass whooping!” Auntie Ruby yelled.
“Mama, chill!” Rashad interjected, attempting to calm her down.
“Let me go, Venus!” I pushed out of her grasp.
“I’m done. Auntie Ruby, I won’t ask you for shit else.
Don’t worry about me or my baby. We good, understand that!
Running that house like it’s a damn Airbnb.
That's my grandma's house! It fell into your hands when you and Rashad didn't have a pot to piss in. My mama’s insurance policy paid that house off.
It's damn near mine. You remember that the next time you wanna talk about my mama not having a dime. Bitch!”
I tossed Scarlett’s diaper bag over my shoulder, the weight pressing into me as I reached down and lifted her car seat.
The emotional storm raged inside me once again, competing with one outside.
The rain hammered against the porch roof while thunder rumbled through the skies.
With each crack of thunder, I was brought closer and closer to my truth: She really hurt my feelings.
Blaming me for having a trifling baby daddy?
Sure. Exerting her usual greed? Fine. But dragging my dead mother into this?
That was crossing the line. She had absolutely no right.
I swore to myself I’d never speak to Ruby again.
Hell, I didn’t even know what her issue was with my mama in the first place.
I’d heard the rumors, whispers that my mother had stolen Auntie Ruby’s boyfriend back in the day and that I was the product of that scandal.
The most disturbing rumor, though, Rashad and I had the same father, making us half-siblings and cousins.
Either way, I could never put any of those rumors to rest, not when I’d never even met my father.
But if Ruby’s hatred toward me was because of some The Boy Is Mine drama from decades ago, she ought to be ashamed of herself.
Then again, blood wasn’t always thicker than water.
“Where are you going, girl?” Venus asked, stepping onto the porch.
“I’mma get an Uber and get a room at the Mulholland Suites. I’ll figure out the rest of this shit tomorrow.”
“You can’t stay there, that motel is dangerous.”
“Ain’t nothing more dangerous than sleeping with one eye open because your so-called family is jealous of you. Fuck her, and fuck y’all, too, if you defend her.”
“I’mma let that slide because you’re emotional.”
“You don’t have to let shit slide. I’m tired of you straddling the fence. I mean it’s clear whose side you’re on so just say that!”
“You know I love you, but you gotta learn to stop reacting so much to Ruby. She be looking to get a rise out of you. Let me grab my keys, and I’ll take you to the motel.”
Venus had both of her parents, who were loving.
She didn’t know what it was like to live in a house, knowing muthfuckas didn’t want you there.
Venus tried her best to be supportive on the drive over to the motel, but everything she said went in one ear and out the other.
Especially since she called herself defending Ruby.
I hated folks who didn’t know how to be impartial.
Silently, I prayed for her to shut up. Venus no longer knew what to do with me.
Her man was home, and she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
But she had better be careful because Ruby was loyal to no one.
It was only a matter of time before they started bumping heads.
I ’d just finished texting my manager at the bank informing her of what happened.
I never used PTO, not even when Scarlett was sick.
I always knew an emergency would come up, and here it was.
Relief washed over me when she replied to my text, approving the next few days off.
It was Wednesday. I needed the rest of the week, and the weekend to get my ducks in a row.
I meant it: I wasn’t asking Ruby for shit else.
It was time to hustle, whatever that looked like.
My stomach growled as the hunger pushed past my anger.
I’d been waiting on my Uber Eats order for a whole damn hour.
Niggas couldn’t get shit right, especially in the hood.
Hell, they were probably circling the block, scared to drop food off because of the location.
The Mulholland Suites didn’t have the best reputation, but it was home for the night.
Finally, I sighed, hearing a knock at the door.
“It's about ti-Jahsir?” Shock hit me hard. Seeing him tonight was not on my bingo card.
“Crimson, you're really starting to upset me.” He shrugged, breezing past me like he paid rent. “Hey, lil mama. Mommy got you in this car seat?” Scarlett showed her gums and started whining, somehow pissing me off and warming my heart at the same time.
No, she was not trying to act like she was having a hard time. Trying to make me look bad, I guess.
“Sh sh sh sh, mommy being hard-headed and making you suffer in the process, huh?” He cooed to her softly.
“What?! Jahsir, don’t piss me off. I'm starving, and I thought you were my food order.”
I noticed Scarlett’s cries started to fade as he swayed her gently.“You can give her to me. She’s fed and dry. Probably just a little cranky.”
“Or she’s tired of staring at these stale-ass walls in this musty-ass room. You're really going out of your way to not ask me for help, huh?”
“No. I’m going out of my way to stop relying on people. That’s how I ended up in this mess, counting on folks to hold up their end. That stops now. If I’m in control, I can plan for the bullshit.”
“What are you gonna do about work? You cursed your aunt out, who’s gonna watch Scarlett now?” I was quiet. He wasn’t wrong. I still hadn’t figured that out.
“I already called in for the rest of the week. I’ll take a few more days until she’s approved for daycare.”
“Then your check will be short. How will you pay for it?”
“It’s PAID time off okay! Besides…what's your point, Jah?”
“My point is you’re jumping through all of these hoops instead of coming to me like I told you to. You are adding unnecessary stress and making your life harder in the process. Where is the trust, Red?”
“You don’t get it. It’s not that I don’t trust you anymore, it's that I can’t.
Like I'm mentally incapable of it. I’m not the same person I was back then.
I’ve been done dirty by folks who are supposed to show compassion.
And you…Look, I don’t know. I just know it's gonna take a lot of work. And I don’t know if I have it in me. ”
“You mean to tell me you’re that pissed off at me that you’re willing to haul up in this triflin ass motel and sleep next to crack heads and killers?”
Crossing my arms, I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes.
I was so tired of fighting, but I felt like I’d be in for a world of hurt the minute I let my guard down.
There was only so much attitude I could display.
And no matter how hard I thought it was, Jah was harder. He nipped everything in the bud.
“Look, I tried to be nice, but now I see I gotta act a fool to get results. Pack your shit, strap lil mama in and let's go.”
“I'm not going anywhere with you, Jahsir!” I fussed.
“If you want to stay yo lil mean ass here then do it. But I’m taking Scarlett with me.”
“Ugh.” I scoffed. “Where are we going?!”
“To my place.”