Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The door clicks closed so quietly behind me that the thundering of my heart in my ears drowns the sound out completely. Fighting every desire in my body to turn around and go back inside to the warmth of Jeremy ’ s bed and the comfort of his arms, I hurry my steps, all but running in the opposite direction.
The silence is deafening, with only our ragged breaths and my erratic heartbeat screaming in my chest. I have no idea how long we lie there, still connected, still trying to catch our equilibrium before Jeremy breaks it.
“ Please tell me that was good for you, and you didn ’ t fake it.”
“I ’ m a little disappointed.” Jeremy stills, and I release the chuckle I was trying to suppress. “ I didn ’ t get to rip your clothes off in the heat of passion. Unwrap the gift, so to speak.” He laughs at this, but before he can speak, I continue. “ But make no mistake, Jer. You are a gift. One I do not deserve.”
“ I ’ ll be the judge of that.”
He punctuates his statement by thrusting his hips, still semi-erect, and hits that delicious spot deep inside, shutting me up instantly. Still so charged, my whole body spasms . A strangled moan escapes him, and all thought of conversation goes out the window.
The phone rings and rings and rings and—
“ Yeah.” The clipped tone shatters what ’ s left of me.
I swallow, twice, three times, four times before I ’ m able to speak.
“ Laura, I —” I break, I crack, I crumble.
“ Vee? What ’ s wrong?”
“ Everything. I-I-I need you.” My voice betrays me yet again.
“ I ’ m on my way. Hold on.” I nod to thin air, and the call disconnects.
“ Was it everything you expected?”
The question throws me. “ I ’ ve never gone bare . That was a first I wasn ’ t expecting, but shouldn ’ t I be asking you that?”
His cheeks warm, and my heart constricts. “ More. ”
“ Do you regret waiting all this time? You could have been having mad sex for years.”
Something shifts in Jeremy ’ s eyes, but I don ’ t quite catch it. I almost wish I knew what he was thinking, but at the same time, I ’ m glad I don ’ t. The likelihood I ’ d like what I found is slim.
“ No. ”
I shrug, and he pulls me closer, the hard length of him pressing against my stomach making my blood heat. “ I can ’ t imagine anything feeling as incredible as you do in my arms, against my skin.” My eyes flutter closed as he hitches a leg above his hip and grinds against me, my desire igniting in a nanosecond. I desperately want to disagree with him, but I can ’ t make my mouth form the words because he…this , does feel incredible, like nothing else ever has.
That alone scares me.
Because surely it can ’ t be true.
Tears stream down my face as I walk the snow-dusted streets, partly in a daze, partly freezing my ta-tas off, wholly unprepared for the emotional onslaught ravaging me. I can still feel his touch, still hear him coming undone, and still taste him on my tongue.
If I were still able to live in denial, I could trick myself into believing it was snowflakes running down my cheeks, but that ship has sailed and the damn pier was set on fire.
Jeremy bites my neck, and my body trembles on the brink, a gasp leaving my lips. My head falls back to rest on his shoulder, allowing him to take full advantage and nuzzle my throat from behind.
“ I knew the moment I met you that you ’ d turn my world upside down. I ’ ve wanted you ever since.”
“ Jeremy…”
“ I thought I knew real once, but nothing—no one—has felt more real than this, than you. I ’ m so desperately in love with you, Vivienne.”
His words hit like daggers as his fingers continue to play me like a fiddle , and his perfect fucking dick drives me to insanity. I ’ m so overcome, so overwhelmed. The intensity of it all is burning into me, ripping me wide open. All I can do is twist my face to his and kiss him. Kiss him with everything I have, hoping he feels the truth behind it.
Eventually I flag down a cab, and it doesn ’ t take long before it ’ s rounding the corner of my block, the front of my building coming into view moments later. I step out just as Laura walks up, her eyes almost bulging out of her face at the sight of me.
“ Oh my god, Vivienne, what—”
Before she can finish asking any number of questions, I ’ m crushing her to me, the last of my sanity shattering as she hugs me back so fiercely I sob. Again.
“ Oh, Vee. ”
“ Make it all go away. Please. Please , just make it all go away.”
She turns to lead me toward my apartment, and I realize with a jolt I can ’ t go back.
“ Please, no…”
Laura looks at me—no, through me—and something in my tone or in my face tells her everything she needs to know. She turns around smartly, holding my hand even tighter, and flags a cab.
There are no words exchanged between us as we get in . My sniffles the only sound in the freezing car. Laura shoves some cash at the driver before stepping out, still clutching my hand all the way up to her building door.
She unlocks the door, walks me in, and places me on the couch. Heads to her bedroom and walks out a few moments later with a big, fluffy comforter and an enormous box of Kleenex. After dumping the box beside me, she wraps me up in the blanket and kisses my forehead before walking off again. I watch somewhat in a daze as she putters around her kitchen before returning with ice cream and wine. At seven a.m.
I laugh and sob hysterically again.
Laura doesn ’ t ask any questions; just sits with me while I cry, eat, and drink. She calls in sick for the first time in her life and stays the whole day with me. We binge Criminal Minds , order Thai, and eventually I fall asleep on the couch when the wine finally takes me out.
I rouse to Laura placing a pillow under my head and covering me further with the blanket. Her whispered words of love follow me back into sweet oblivion.
It takes another couple of days before I can confess everything to Laura. Every single flirty, crazy, dirty, broken detail. If Jeremy got the PG version from me, then Laura gets the director ’ s-cut, extended R-rated edition. I tell her things I haven ’ t even voiced inside my head; they just come out, as things do with your soul sister.
“ I ’ m sorry, Law.”
At this point I don ’ t know what else to say. I can see her feelings written all over her face. She ’ s shaken. The strongest emotion twisting her sweet features is pain. Pain for all that I went through, and pain that I kept her in the dark for so long.
I stay silent, waiting for her to sift through the info dump and the emotional baggage I ’ ve just thrown at her. Deep down, I know she ’ ll forgive me, but at this moment, doubt creeps in, and I ’ m not sure of anything anymore. I ’ m not sure I deserve it.
I don ’ t even know who I am any longer.
After a beat, she takes a big swig of her wine, and then looks me dead in the eye.
“ Well, now it all makes sense. So let me get this straight. You ’ ve been ‘ friends ’ since August? Have been having coffee, jogging, hanging out and watching movies on the regular… ? ”
I nod and watch as Laura purses her lips, then sucks them in her mouth.
“ Are you seriously fighting a laugh right now?”
“ Oh, come on. Do you really not see it?”
“ See what?”
“ For someone so stupidly smart, you ’ re so fucking dumb sometimes.” I ’ m about to object when she continues. “ You ’ ve literally been dating this guy for months!” Now the laugh comes blasting out, shaking her frame. “ Friends without benefits,” she roars, and I want to punch her in the face. I ’ m glaring at her when her words sink in and slap me upside the head.
I ’ ve been dating Jeremy.
For months.
In all the ways that count.
The truth of that crashes down on me. My mouth opens, then closes. Laura ’ s laugh tapers off as she watches my dilemma play out. I can feel the shock morphing my features.
“ I…I don ’ t understand. He…wow. He fucking did this on purpose. The son of a—” I cut myself off, my heart clenching at the thought of his mother. “ That fucking asshole.”
Laura snorts.
“ Exactly. He did, didn ’ t he? ”
Her lips thin as she nods, practically screaming ‘ duh ’ at me. “ You were destined to fall , eventually.”
“ From grace? Please. That train left a long time ago.”
Laura rolls her eyes. “ It ’ s rather poetic, really. The whore and the virgin.” She chortles and I frown. “ So now what?”
“ I have no idea. Maybe the ER.” Laura sits up straight, a look of panic washing over her. “ I think I ’ m having a heart attack.”
At that, Laura pushes me off the couch.
“ Hey! I ’ m serious.”
“ And I ’ m the dramatic one, really?”
“ No, really. It feels weird . I can ’ t get it to stop racing. It kinda hurts.”
“ You ’ re not having a heart attack, you twatwaffle.”
“ Is this PTSD? Maybe I need anxiety meds?”
“ You definitely need your head examined. Are you physically okay, though?”
“ I still think I ’ m having a heart attack, or maybe a stroke—” I ’ m interrupted by a cushion flying at my face. “ If the bodily injuries cease, I ’ ll heal. The bruising is mostly gone.”
“ Well, your phone sex voice has definitely improved. If you ’ re thinking of a career change…” She trails off, and it dawns on me. I have a job.
“ Oh, shit.”
“ Yeah, about that. Don ’ t be mad—”
“ I think after everything, you ’ re due a free pass.”
“ Yes! Yes, I am. Okay, well, after you fell asleep the other night, I may have taken down the website and canceled all your upcoming bookings for the next few weeks.”
“ Oh.”
“ Oh? Are you mad? You ’ re allowed to be, but you can ’ t yell at me.” She grins, but I can see the worry it ’ s masking.
“ No, it ’ s fine. Um, thank you.”
“ Oh. You ’ re, um, welcome.”
“ So, no clients?”
“ Are you…relieved?” Am I? I don ’ t know how to answer that. “ Because, if you were—are—I also maybe typed up a blanket email to go out to all your current clients if you want to close up shop for a while…or permanently. All but Antony and Lewis, of course.” Of course. I would owe them more than that. They ’ ve been with me the longest and have always been good to me.
“ Wait. How did Antony take it? What reasoning did you give?” Instantly her face schools into her lawyer one and I know. “ You told him.”
She bites her lip. “ I told him you ended up in hospital, and I alluded to the why.”
“ Jesus, Law. ”
“ You know he wouldn ’ t have taken some bullshit brush off.” No, he wouldn ’ t. “ He may have asked for a name…”
“ But you don ’ t have one.”
“ I don ’ t, but I knew how he could get one.”
“ Laura, what did you do?”
“ I just put the information out there. I ’ m not liable for any outcome that arises because of that.”
“ Any outcome? You make it sound like…like…” Well , shit. “ I don ’ t want to know.”
“ So, about the email?” She not so subtly circles back.
Before I can think better of it. “ Okay.”
“ Okay? I ’ m going to need a little more than that, Vee. What do you want?”
I have no fucking clue. “ Send it. Permanently.”
Laura sits there , blinking at me for a few beats before picking up her cell. The weighted silence between us makes the clicks on her phone sound infinitely louder. I feel each one of them in my chest. A few buttons and some sneaky side-eye glances at me later, and she ’ s raising her face to look at me fully.
“ Done? ”
She presses one last button, and I hear the whoosh of the email sending. “ Done. ”
And just like that, ten years of sweat and blood… done. Over .
Before I know what ’ s happening, Laura has moved to sit on the floor with me, and I ’ m wrapped in a bone-crushing hug. After a few long minutes, she asks the question I ’ ve been dreading.
“ Why didn ’ t you tell me?”
“ I don ’ t know, Law. At first it was nothing, just an amusement, one that came out of nowhere. I meant to, honest. I had every intention of telling you when you got back from your work trip, and we ’ d have a good laugh about it. But I don ’ t know what happened.”
Laura releases me, gets to her knees, and presses a lingering kiss to my forehead.
“ You know you ’ re welcome to rot here and lick your wounds for as long as you need to. I love you, whoreface.” She gets to her feet and pauses. “ I guess I ’ m going to have to think of something else to call you from now on…” And with that, she heads to bed, leaving me with said wounds to lick.