Chapter 1 #3
To my shock, my mother recoiled. An air of disbelief and almost hurt flashed over her timeless face. I couldn’t recall ever seeing such an emotion from her.
“To torture you?!” she echoed, outraged.
“I sent her to save you, you idiot! Without her positive influence, you would have died six months ago. Your life thread was beyond stunted. For far too long, you’ve systematically chosen the wrong paths and acted out in ways that all but guaranteed your downfall! ”
Those words struck a nerve. A year ago, my brother Pharos—an Angel of Death—spoke similar words, moments before I had to decide whether to spare Remus’ life, thereby allowing him to have a future with Amara, or kill him so that I could claim her for myself.
I would have gotten away with it, too, as I could have easily claimed that there had been no other way to protect her from him.
At the time, he had been affected by the werewolf curse which turned him into a rabid, feral beast for the duration of the full moon.
Pharos informed me that my life thread had steadily lengthened since I had allowed Amara’s influence to guide me into making more morally acceptable choices.
In my arrogance, and with the tremendous powers that being a demigod bestowed upon me, I never considered my mortality as being a real thing.
It shook me to the core to have my mother confirm that I had indeed been steadily edging towards the precipice.
Despite the anger still visible on her face at my accusation, my mother took a deep breath and continued in a controlled voice.
“Sending Amara to you allowed me to kill two birds with one stone. I provided an opportunity for you to change direction while also taking a step closer to bringing peace to your brother. I didn’t have to send her to you,” she added with an intensity that made me uneasy.
“Amara and Remus suffered far more than they needed or deserved to just so that I could save you. There were other, less arduous ways that they could have achieved the same goal while helping Ranael. But then I would have lost you.”
I shifted in my chair and swallowed hard, guilt and confusion battling within me. There was no question they had both suffered a great deal. Especially Amara. The thought that saving me from my reckless lifestyle caused the beautiful human so much torment burned my gut.
“Stop fretting over nonsense, Lyall. You are my son, and you are wanted.”
“Wanted but not loved,” I muttered under my breath, immediately kicking myself for being so pathetic.
“I love all my children equally, silly boy.”
She snorted and shook her head at me as if I was a hopeless case. I didn’t need a mirror to know that my face screamed how dubious I felt about that statement.
“I may not show it the way you would want me to, but it doesn’t make it any less true,” she said in a reasonable tone.
“My love language isn’t the same as yours, nor does it need to be.
Living for as long as I have and seeing all the things that I did changes the way people like me interact with others.
But beyond that, I was never a cuddler or hugger. You know that.”
By the gods, I knew that all too well.
She heaved a sigh. “I’m not the mother you want, Lyall, but I’m the one you have. Even though you do not see it, and although I may not show it enough in your eyes, I do want and love you the same way I do all my other children.”
“If you truly love me, then for once in your life, hug me!” I exclaimed. “Is that so damn steep a price to show that you care?”
Although extremely subtle, I didn’t miss the way she stiffened upon hearing that request. What a foolish boy I indeed was. I snorted at my own stupidity, shook my head, and rose to my feet. Without a word, I turned around and headed for the door.
Just as I was reaching for the handle, her arms slipped around my chest, and she hugged me from behind.
My knees nearly buckled from the shock. Then the most insane sense of well-being washed over me.
Her touch seeped into every cell of my body.
It was truly like being wrapped in living divine light.
On instinct, I turned around and hugged her with the energy of despair.
I lifted her up and buried my face in her neck while inhaling her scent.
It almost felt as if I was tumbling down the endless vortex of time when I was but an infant being held in my mother’s gentle embrace.
Memories of my mother singing to me that I’d buried so deep in my subconscious surged to the fore.
Once again, she initially stiffened before softening.
I almost sobbed when she returned my embrace.
She gently caressed my hair while allowing me to hold her.
I should have let go, but I couldn’t. Knowing it would likely be centuries before I ever got to hug my mother again, I couldn’t help being greedy.
“You feel too deeply, my son,” she whispered in a soft voice laced with sadness. “It rules you.”
She gently pushed back on my shoulders, and I barely stopped myself from tightening my hold to prevent her from freeing herself.
However, she didn’t make me put her down just yet but cupped my face with both hands instead.
The feel of her touch on my bare skin once more nearly brought tears to my eyes.
Whatever doubt I might have had about the divine nature of my mother evaporated.
She truly was a Goddess. And while she would qualify as socially challenged by normal standards, only someone overflowing with love could fill me with this depth of maternal affection with a simple touch.
“Stop punishing yourself for your sire’s actions. I never blamed you, so stop blaming yourself. It’s ruining your life, and it breaks my heart to see you spiral over something you were never responsible for. You are worthy of love, Lyall. Believe in yourself and in your worth, like I do.”
“No one else does,” I countered with self-derision, before putting her back down on her feet with much reluctance.
She waved a dismissive hand. “Of course not, because you keep telling them not to. Stop projecting the image of a monster to everyone you encounter. Contrary to what you think, it is not a self-defense mechanism but one of self-sabotage. All it accomplishes is isolating you. Amara set you on the right path. Keep following it.”
I scoffed. “She saw the ‘nicer’ side of me but still didn’t want me.”
My mother threw her hands up in aggravation. “Because she wasn’t yours! Believe me, I would have liked nothing more than to claim her as my daughter. But she belongs to another.”
“Is there even someone who is mine?” I challenged.
“Of course,” Mother replied with a shrug.
“Is she even born?” I asked with a hefty dose of sarcasm.
“As a matter of fact, she is.”
My jaw dropped. “Really? Is she of age?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes,” my mother deadpanned.
“What?! Where is she?!” I exclaimed.
Whatever tender feelings my mother’s embrace had awakened in me moments prior completely vanished when she smirked at me in that obnoxiously familiar way of hers.
“You’ll meet her in due time.”
“For fuck’s sake!” I shouted, throwing my hands up in exasperation in a fashion similar to what she had done just moments ago.
“Watch your language, boy,” my mother said sternly. “You will meet her in due time, Lyall.”
“Why make me wait if she’s of age?” I asked, genuinely baffled.
“Because if you had met her a year ago, you would have killed her during one of your reckless rampages,” she replied in a factual tone.
I recoiled, outraged. “I would never kill my mate!”
“Yes, Lyall, you would have because you never would have given yourselves a chance to find out,” she retorted in a chastising tone. “You’re too impulsive and emotionally driven.”
“So you’re keeping my mate from me for my own sake?!” I asked, my tone making it clear that I found this ridiculous.
“Yes.”
I growled in frustration, a thousand arguments rolling over my tongue.
“Fine, but I’m better now. You said it yourself that I was now treading a better path,” I argued.
“Maybe,” she replied with a shrug.
“For fuck’s sake!” I exclaimed again.
“I said watch your mouth, boy,” my mother said pointing a menacing finger at me. “If you stay the course, you will meet her in due time. And that’s the end of that.”
I emitted a furious growl that not only left her utterly unimpressed but even wrested a chuckle out of her.
“Now stop throwing a tantrum, and off you go,” my mother said while gesturing towards the door. “I have another guest coming.”
I muttered something unintelligible that had her smile broadening. And then a strange expression flitted over her face.
“For what it’s worth, your love for Ranael touches me. Of all his siblings, Ranael loved you best,” my mother said pensively.
My chest constricted with a mix of emotion and affection for my brother.
“As I do him. Will he ever be free?” I asked warily.
“In due time,” she quipped before laughing at my aggravation.
“ARGH! Always in due time,” I grumbled as I turned to leave.
“Wait!” she exclaimed, stopping me dead in my tracks.
I looked at her over my shoulder with an inquisitive look.
“Would you do your mother a favor?” she asked in an enigmatic tone.
Intrigued, I turned back to face her. “I might…” I replied in a noncommittal fashion.
When dealing with powerful beings like my mother—or dwellers from the Underworld—you never committed to anything until you had a full picture of what was expected of you. They were masters at binding you into pledging far more than you intended to their greater benefit and your complete detriment.
She chuckled, amused by my careful response, although I didn’t miss the glimmer of approval in her eyes.
“I need twelve Autumn Peony flowers. Would you mind fetching them for me?”
That request took me aback, but I nodded. “Sure, I’ll be right back.”
“No!” my mother exclaimed forcefully. “Not here and not now.”
I blinked, confused. “Excuse me?”
“You need to pick them at the Duskwallow Graveyard, on All Saints day. The best ones grow by the crematorium,” she said calmly.
I gaped at her. “Why in the world would you want flowers from that cursed place? You have the best of everything right here in your garden.”
Her face closed, and she took a mulish expression that made it clear there would be no changing her mind, which baffled me even more.
“I said Duskwallow Graveyard on All Saints day. Otherwise, don’t bother,” she retorted.
I studied her features wondering what she was plotting. The wretched female loved messing with people’s heads.
“What are you up to this time, Mother?” I asked, my voice dripping with suspicion.
“No good, of course,” she said in a singsong voice that had me snorting.
As much as I itched to pry some more, she wouldn’t expand further. Therefore, insisting would be a waste of both our time.
“At what time?” I asked, defeated.
To my surprise, she hesitated, her wheels spinning as she carefully chose her words.
In that instant, I realized she was looking for a workaround to the Covenant.
Gods, Ancients, and demigods like me were all bound by strict rules that limited our ability to intervene in the lives of mortals, especially if we attempted to help them in a way that would impact what Fate had in store for them.
What are you hiding? Whose lives are you attempting to meddle in?
“It is always wise to leave that cursed place before sundown,” she replied at last. “So make sure you give yourself enough time. Goodbye, Lyall.”
I watched her walk around the table and sit back on her stool. It quietly glided the short distance to her spinning wheel, and she resumed her work.
Properly dismissed, I faced the door, which opened on its own before me, and I headed out into the night.
As I shifted back into a Gharlakan and took flight, my mind swirled with unsated curiosity as to what adventure my mother was setting me on.
I could only hope it involved plenty of blood and mayhem.