Chapter 12 #3
“If he needs thirteen women for his ritual, why have them dangling like that already?” I asked, baffled. “At this rate, the first ones might die before he gets enough so-called volunteers. The first victim was abducted a little over ten months ago.”
“They are magically sustained. Currently, they serve as magic batteries and amplifiers for the arcanist who they pledged themselves to.”
“Elliot is currently leeching them?!” I exclaimed, outraged.
Kali nodded with a grim expression. “Yes. And it makes his magic exponentially more powerful with each victim. You know him?”
“Sadly, yes,” I replied, the anger and hatred I felt towards him coming back to the surface.
I quickly gave them an overview of what had transpired and led us to my current predicament. The anger they felt on my behalf touched something undefinable within me.
“Can the women be saved, or is it too late?” I asked.
To my utter relief, Kali nodded.
“Yes. So long as they are freed before the ritual takes place, they will make a full recovery. It will take quite a bit of time, especially for the first ones to have been lured into this trap,” she explained.
“But once the ritual has begun, there will be no turning back. They will become a part of him, their souls slowly consumed as an energy well within him.”
I cursed under my breath, hating the helplessness I felt as far as these poor clerics were concerned. Hopefully, Paulus would find a trail for us to follow so that they could be rescued in time.
“Thank you for everything,” I said at last, feeling a little weary and overwhelmed.
“Yes, thank you,” Lyall echoed.
“Always, Brother,” Pharos replied.
“I will get you the ritual information without fail tomorrow,” Kali said in an encouraging tone before giving me the most unexpected sisterly hug.
My throat tightened as I returned her embrace.
I didn’t know this woman or her mate. But right this minute, they were giving me a glimpse of what it could be like to belong to a real family.
While the inquisitors of our order referred to each other as brothers and sisters, I’d always been on the outside looking in, the freaky girl that the Church begrudgingly tolerated but secretly wanted to execute for fear of what she might become.
Like my Lyall, Kali and Pharos were something different, something otherworldly. To them, I wasn’t an abomination. Even my darkness didn’t faze them. With them, I could finally have a home. I could finally belong.
If I survive this ordeal.
With much reluctance, I released her, feeling oddly bereft.
We exchanged goodbyes, then made our way back to Lyall’s home.
To my dismay, each second of the short journey rekindled the anger and resentment that our conversation with Pharos and Kali had temporarily silenced.
Vicious thoughts and malicious urges came back with a vengeance.
I couldn’t tell what expression my face displayed, but as soon as we stepped inside his house, Lyall stopped and turned me towards him.
“I’m sorry for how everything went down tonight.
I’m sorry for failing you. Things might have gone a completely different way had I not been so overconfident in my ability to control any situation thrown our way.
But on my life, I swear that I will stop at nothing to make sure you are whole again,” he pledged, his beautiful face constricted by shame.
“It’s okay,” I said in a calm voice. “Missions almost never go off without a hiccup. I’m not mad at you. I didn’t anticipate constructs any more than you did.”
By the subtle way his shoulders slumped, I could see that he knew I didn’t truly mean the words I said. Unfortunately, I’d never been much of a good liar. And the newfound malicious side of me wanted him to know that I was mad. The still decent side of me hated that I would even think that way.
“I need rest,” I said, worried that things might get worse if I stuck around much longer in my current state of mind.
“Of course,” he said quickly, gesturing for me to proceed towards his bedroom.
I shifted on my feet and gave him a stiff smile.
“Actually, I’d like to sleep in the guest room tonight,” I said in a slightly apologetic tone.
My heart broke when the dark side of me grinned inwardly upon seeing his devastated expression. I felt torn by the contradicting need to comfort him while also dying to twist the knife deeper into the wound.
“It’s not you,” I said in an appeasing tone. “It’s not about us, but entirely about me. Right now, I don’t trust myself. The thoughts coursing through my mind scare me.”
“I trust you,” he said with a conviction that almost had me laughing bitterly. “Even if you lost control—which I totally doubt you will—you cannot cause me irreparable harm.”
This time, my mouth ran away with me as I snorted with disdain.
“You can’t be certain of that, Lyall. After all, you said you couldn’t be shackled.”
I flinched as soon as the words came out. The depth of hurt in his eyes cut me deep. Tears pricked my eyes even as my tongue burned with the desire to pile on the cruelty.
“I’m sorry,” I said, my voice shaking as I hugged my waist. “I didn’t mean it.”
“Yes,” Lyall said in a tired voice. “Yes, you did. And rightly so. My arrogance got you grievously harmed. If I had listened and not been so full of myself, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“We don’t know that,” I countered firmly.
“Even had you planned for it, their numbers were too great, and their trap too well set. There’s no point speculating about what might or might not have happened.
I just hate the things I’m feeling and thinking.
This isn’t me. I hate this monster inside me. ”
My voice cracked as I said that last sentence, and tears started freely running down my cheeks. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. But something broke inside of me.
Lyall drew me into his embrace, and the floodgates opened. I ugly cried, my body wracked by spasms as I sobbed on his shoulder. He picked me up in his arms and carried me to the guest room while speaking softly to me.
He carefully placed me on the bed, stripping me of my boots before lying next to me and pulling me back into his arms. I couldn’t say how long I continued bawling.
It was more than just the dreadful situation I was in with my soul possibly decaying should the ritual not work.
It also wasn’t just about the darkness threatening to destroy all that I ever believed myself to be.
It was years of distress, trauma, and constantly fighting to be normal, to find a place to belong, and to be accepted for who and what I was.
And just when it had been within reach, the promised happiness was once more ripped away from me.
Why couldn’t I just be normal for once? Why couldn’t I just be happy with the one man who truly loved me just the way I was?
“Do not despair my love. The monster you think resides inside of you has no power over you. It may be loud and scary right now, but you will rein it in,” Lyall whispered gently while caressing my hair.
“You’re strong enough. Don’t look at it as an insurmountable challenge.
This is no different than wearing a brand-new pair of shoes.
They will hurt until they adjust to your feet.
And I will be there with you, every step of the way.
You’re my soulmate. I refuse any future that does not involve you.
Rest my love. I will watch over you. Fate did not bring us together to separate us now. ”
I wanted to argue, to tell him to seek refuge. But the thought of losing the warmth and safety of his arms around me silenced my tongue. I tightened my arms around him, hanging on to him for dear life, and listened to the soothing sound of his heart beating.
And as he promised, Lyall remained by side through the restless night until a fretful sleep finally claimed me.