Chapter 16
Lyall
Istared in complete shock, my mind struggling to accept what my ears heard.
“Your son?” I repeated, flabbergasted, when I finally regained the ability to speak.
He nodded and smiled with a tenderness that left me reeling.
“Yes, Lyall. You are my son. Your birth was planned and very much wanted,” he explained softly.
“Your mother conceived you with love believing it was with me. I may not be your biological sire, but I am your spiritual father. I claimed you that very day and made sure that I would be an intrinsic part of you.”
“A part of me? How?” I asked, floored by his impossible statements.
Azrael didn’t respond right away. Instead, he placed his right palm on my chest. I gasped as the most amazing warmth exploded in my chest and spread throughout my body.
My light wings shot out of my back, and for the first time, they actually felt heavy as if they were tangible.
My knees buckled from the overwhelming sensation.
Azrael caught me and helped me straighten before taking a step back.
I gaped at him, refusing to accept what this inferred.
“This was never Cliona’s divine light but mine,” Azrael said with a smile. “I gave a part of myself to you as soon as you got your heart’s first beat, long before your birth.”
“But… but I’m a monster!” I breathed out, completely blown away.
“No, Son. You are not,” he countered forcefully. “Had you been as evil as you think yourself to be, you would have rejected my angelic essence. It could not thrive inside such an individual. You were never a monster, Lyall. That was always just in your head.”
“So you… you don’t hate me?” I asked, hating the vulnerability in my voice.
He gave me a sad look as he shook his head. “Of course not, you silly boy. You were never at fault. Cliona told you as much many times over the years.”
“Yes, she did,” I conceded. “But why didn’t you? Why now?”
“Because you weren’t ready,” he replied in a factual manner.
“You needed to find inner peace first, to let go of some of that anger and self-hatred, and to finally allow my light in, like you did in the Sanctuary and while fighting the Djarins. Although I didn’t openly come to you, I was always there. ”
I blinked, confused by that last statement. He gave me an amused smile.
“The day you fell down the chasm you recklessly chose for your first flight attempt, it wasn’t a lucky draft that suddenly lifted you up so that you could regain your bearings.
It was me,” Azrael said smugly. “The time you nearly drowned in the river, it wasn’t a timely wave that pushed you to shore.
Many times over the years, I intervened in the shadows to help keep you safe.
You are mine, Lyall. Not a monster, not a mistake, and certainly not an abomination. You are my son.”
I stared at him, eyes pricking and my throat too constricted to speak. He smiled, gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, and then turned to look at Eleni who was witnessing the whole exchange with an air of pure awe.
“And that makes Eleni my daughter,” Azrael added while gently caressing her hair.
A powerful emotion flashed across her face before she took on an air of shame.
“There’s great darkness in me. And it’s growing,” she said guiltily.
Like he had done with me, Azrael shook his head with a sad expression. “There may be darkness, but also great light. More importantly, darkness isn’t intrinsically evil. It is what you do with it that determines its alignment.”
It struck me how perfectly his words echoed those spoken previously by Pharos.
“Many demons aren’t evil,” he continued. “And many people who supposedly walk in the light actually cause great harm in the name of good.”
“But I want to do evil things and cause harm,” she countered with shame and sorrow.
Azrael looked at her with an undefinable expression.
“You think I haven’t committed acts of violence and caused harm? It is not what you do, but why you do it. Killing those cultists was an act of justice and protection for the realm,” he replied.
“But I took pleasure in their pain!” she argued. “How is that not wrong?”
“Why is it wrong to enjoy justice being meted out? Make no mistake, Eleni. I took great pleasure in giving Cornelius the punishment he deserved for the harm he caused my son Pharos, and his brother Asheron. Even as an Angel, I delighted in his suffering, because it was deserved.”
“Cornelius Cromwell committed atrocities against countless people over centuries,” Eleni countered. “Everyone reveled in the terrible fate he met. But I enjoy the thought of causing pain for its own sake.”
“Because it is the feral nature passed down to you through the specific demonic breeds in your DNA. Those instincts don’t make you a monster.
You haven’t gratuitously acted on them, because you’re not evil.
Stop fretting, Eleni. Lyall and you are soulmates.
Your respective light and darkness are the perfect complement to each other.
Feed on your love, and it will keep you grounded.
Find your harmony, and together, you will be unstoppable. ”
The gratitude in her eyes as she smiled at him moved me deeply. Eleni then locked gazes with me, hope shining bright within hers.
“How do I help her?” I asked, forcing myself to glance back at Azrael.
The look he gave me immediately made me feel stupid. Of course, he couldn’t answer that. You think my brain stopped functioning properly since this entire ordeal began. There were proper ways to get the answer we wanted when the question involved something restricted by the covenant.
“Right…” I said sheepishly. “You implied earlier that you could help me embrace my true self.”
“That’s correct,” he said approvingly. “You have yet to fully merge with the part of me I gave you. I can help you go over that last hurdle, and then I can teach you how to use some of the powers that will confer you.”
“Powers such as what?” I asked, hope and excitement audible in my voice.
“As all my offspring, you will be able to channel your divine light to guide a soul from a vessel. Once you know how to use that ability, you can do with it whatever you please,” he said smugly.
I frowned. “But Pharos says that Reapers can only take souls out of the body, not put them into a different vessel.”
His smile broadened, this time with a hint of mockery.
“You are not a Reaper, Lyall. I gave you a part of me, which confers to you some of my divine light. That grants you part of the Reaper powers, but without their constraints.”
“So I could move a soul in or out?!” I exclaimed, my heart soaring.
“Like I said, once you’ve learned how to use your ability, you can do with it whatever you please,” he replied with a grin.
I reached for Eleni’s hand and exhaled a shuddering breath as our eyes locked again. This was the path Pharos had mentioned. This time, I wouldn’t fail her. I would make her whole again.
“How do I do it? How do I embrace your gift to me?” I asked Azrael.
“Feel your light, let it wash over you and fill you,” he said before moving behind me. “Do not be afraid. It will not harm you.”
He drew me into his arms, pressing my back against his chest, and then crossed his palms over my heart. The light within immediately stirred to life, recognizing the presence of the original source.
He accurately guessed at the underlying fear my light always triggered.
Every time it tried to poke its head, I panicked, thinking it might engulf me.
The fact that it felt good tempted me more than once to actually let it come to the fore and see what happened.
But it systematically felt like I was falling in an endless void or being submerged.
So I backed out, dreading that I would forever be lost to whatever outcome it would yield.
“Do not fear, my son,” Azrael encouraged gently, his lips near my right ear. “Think of all the good times in your life, the moments that gave you the most joy.”
Heart pounding, I complied, and memories flooded my mind.
Most of them revolved around the earlier days of my youth running around with Ranael as he teased me, but especially when he complimented and uplifted me in my moments of doubt in vulnerability.
I recalled the one time I drank Amara’s blood.
It had shattered the protective wall I had erected around that light to keep it at bay.
Never before had it felt so good to let it shine outwardly.
I understood now that it was her angelic aura that had called unto mine.
And then that wonderful hug Mother gave me right before sending me on that mission.
With each thought, I felt my light growing steadily, filling me with warmth but also a lightness that increasingly promised to shift into that scary falling sensation.
As much as I instinctively itched to pull away from it, I forced myself to stay the course.
Aside from the fact that Azreal’s arms around me kept me grounded and feeling safe, this entire process went far beyond just being whole.
It was the key to saving the life of the one woman who had made me feel more alive and worthy than I ever thought possible.
Then thoughts of the moment when she consented to be mine replayed in my head. An infinite joy filled me, followed by a deluge of special moments with my mate. The crowning one being our coupling when she finally told me she loved me.
“Yes!” Azrael breathed out. “This feeling you have right now, hold onto it. Let it infuse every part of you.”