Chapter Thirty-One
THIRTY-ONE
Phoebe
Hailey is speed talking over the phone, and I’m doing my best not to cut her off with shocked WTFs and oh my Gods.
“We were always careful—I guess today, it just slipped through. Everything is slipping. It was easier not telling everyone we were hooking up. It was just something between me and Olly, and it’s sex. It’s only sex, okay? It’s casual and…and I care about him, and I know I’m also with your fake boyfriend and now you know I’m sleeping with your brother and it’s so fucked-up.” Her voice cracks. “I’m a terrible friend.”
“That’s the last thing you are, Hailey,” I finally interject, the shock slowly subsiding.
In hindsight, the signs of her and Oliver were everywhere.
I’ve seen Oliver scoop her up and jump in a pool with her in his arms. Always making sure to toss her book or e-reader in a safe place beforehand. I’ve seen him bear-hug her from behind at fifteen, seventeen, twenty, twenty-four. I’ve seen how Hailey smiles when Oliver flirts with her—but that’s what he is. A certified flirt . I thought he was being playful with a friend.
They were friends. They are friends. Friends who took each other’s virginities .
Add in the fact that Oliver has been the one to pull Hailey out of her fixations—to help her fall asleep lately—I should’ve known their relationship was much closer.
I guess I thought she would’ve told me if she had feelings for my brother, but then I think, I never told her I had feelings for hers .
I adjust the phone against my ear, careful not to drop it in the tub. I took the call in a bubble bath at the boathouse. “I get why you didn’t tell me,” I say. “I didn’t share with you how much I liked Rocky. I let you believe I couldn’t stand him.”
Now it makes sense why she wasn’t angry or upset when she found out about me and her brother—she was just stunned . Basically, what I am now.
“I knew you were better than me that way,” Hailey says quietly. “That you’d come clean with your feelings, even if it’s hard. You’re good at sharing what’s in your heart.”
I release a wheezy laugh. “Me? Rocky and I had feelings for each other for eons, and it took us forever to verbalize them.”
Hailey and Oliver succumbed to their attraction. Whereas Rocky and I tortured ourselves with ours. If we’d had sex when we were teenagers, if he’d been my first, would we have a similar friends-with-benefits thing going on? Or would that have been agonizing just in a different way? It’s difficult to play the what if game.
All I know is that I like what I have now, and I love even more where Rocky and I are heading together.
“You’re at least better than me at it, Phebs. Your love is really big, you know? It’s the sort of ride-or-die love that makes it impossible to feel alone. It’s why no one wants to leave you. It’s why I never would.”
My throat swells up, but I express the same sentiments back. I’d never leave her. I slosh my foot in the water, lifting my toes into the foamy bubbles. We’re quiet for a second, but the silence isn’t tense between us.
She goes on. “I’m not as good with emotions.”
“You don’t have to be,” I tell her. “I’m not angry that you kept this a secret. I’m just really, really shocked.” And I’m not sure she would have come clean had Rocky not walked in on them. It’s possible her friends-with-benefits thing could’ve been kept secret for a lifetime, and I still wouldn’t hold it against her.
We’re not made for grudges. Not with each other at least.
“And I kinda want details,” I say with a smile. “But not like graphic things with you and my brother, just like…the good stuff, you know?”
She laughs. “If anyone understands that, it would be me.” Right, she’s prodded for info about me and her brother together, too. The bright sound fades fast, and I hear her deep breath. “If there’s an inverse of a vampire, something that doesn’t drain blood but supplies it, then that’s Oliver. Because at times I feel leeched of all that I have to give, at empty, and he makes sure I’m still pumping.” Her voice shakes with emotion.
My eyes try to well up. “Do you love him?”
“I can’t remember a moment where I didn’t,” she cries, “but it’s just sex. It’s just sex. ” She’s panicked.
“Okay, okay,” I say fast. “And Jake? You slept together?” This confession still has my jaw dropped. I never thought Jake would do something even marginally scandalous. Secretly hooking up with your fake girlfriend’s best friend? That is illicit.
I almost want to give him a high five.
But then I wonder if he took the risk because it was Hailey. Because he has stronger feelings for her than I even know.
My smile softens.
“Yeah, we had sex…and I think I’m falling for him, Phebs,” Hailey says in a quiet breath. “What he’s done for his sister, the lengths he goes for people—I know why half the servers and guests at VCC are in love with him. But I have a feeling most of us haven’t even seen how deep his heart really goes, and I can’t stop uncovering him…it’s…”
“Hypnotizing? All-consuming?”
“All-consuming,” she says. “In the moment, at least. He’s not one novel. He’s the whole library.”
I remember her talking about Jake in the grocery store. “But you said you’ve always liked ‘their hearts. How deep they are.’ Plural.”
“I must’ve been thinking about Oliver, too.”
Wow. She almost slipped three days ago. If I prodded a little harder, maybe she would’ve told me, but I’m glad I didn’t. She was sick that night.
I want to pick my brother’s brain so badly about his feelings, too. But knowing who he is, I can already hear what Oliver would tell me.
He’d say, “What’s not to love about Hailey?”
I smile at the bubbles. But what if she picks Jake in the end and not Oliver? What happens then? I don’t ask, because it’s another pointless what if meant to terrify.
Hailey fills the silence. “Like I mentioned, I’m not in a place for a relationship. They both know that.”
“And Jake is okay with it?” I squint trying to picture his take on the situation. I have nothing. When I moved to Victoria, he was single, so it’s not like I’ve seen him arm in arm with a girl. And our phony relationship is very, very chaste.
“Yeah, he said he was. I was up-front from the start. Our first time was after a book club at the beginning of February. He walked me to the loft. You were already sleeping, and he came in to collect some of the books he loaned me. We were in my room, and there was a moment…I don’t know how to describe it. But I ended up asking if he wanted to fuck me.”
She says it so nonchalantly. Like she asked him if he wanted to paint her toenails.
An uncontrollable grin overtakes me. “Did you say it like that?”
“Casually? Yeah.”
“What did Jake do?”
“He picked me up. Put me on the bed. And slowly stripped me…it was the most sensual thing ever. He let me take off his clothes and explore him and blow him.” She does love giving head. “With Oliver, sex is like being on a roller coaster. It’s raunchy and…untamed. With Jake, it’s drawn out like an art form.” She pauses in thought. “I just really love watching them come.” I laugh, and she groans, “Shit, sorry. Your brother.”
I’m not that abashed, and weirdly, I’m a glutton for punishment and would rather be in the know with the juicy gossip. Even if I regret it later. “I like that you enjoy rocking Jake’s world…” I shut one eye. “And my brother’s.”
“I don’t want you to think I’m hurting either of them. It’s just…it’s not serious.”
“Just sex,” I echo what she’s said.
Clearly there are feelings, but Hailey isn’t in a place to confront them. Sex isn’t as messy as love in her head. And she already has enough to untangle. With her full plate, adding a love triangle into the mix would send me over the edge, too.
Our talk lightens when Hailey asks me about work, since she’s dipped out so much. I mention Katherine’s obsession with pink hydrangeas and a new chef that’s being onboarded in late spring.
“Thanks for the condoms, by the way,” Hailey says. “The ones you gave me on Valentine’s Day.” She did ask if I had any to spare, and I had a whole unused box since they were pre-Rocky, and I had no clue he had a super-specific condom preference.
“Wait, so you weren’t sleeping with Liam the Dog Walker, then?” I assumed that’s who they were for.
“I let you believe I was having sex with him when you brought him up. I’m sorry. ” She’s crying. “I’m the—”
“Most amazing person in this whole fucking world, and I will accept nothing less,” I say into the speaker of my phone.
“Y-you’re the best.” Her staggered breath sounds like a hiccup. “My emotions are just all over the place.”
“You’re exhausted , Hails. You need sleep.”
“I know, I know.”
“Go get some now.”
“I will. Love you, Phoebe.”
I express the same love back, then hang up. After setting my phone on the tiled ledge that surrounds the tub, I relax back. I drift off a little as minutes pass, feeling my limbs ooze and the water become lukewarm. I drain the tub halfway, then spin the handle for more hot water.
Once it’s steamy, I slowly sink underneath the bubbly water, letting my hair soak, before coming up for air. The door opens as I wipe suds out of my eyes.
My pulse skyrockets.
Rocky is already shedding his jacket, his shirt, and he pulls off his belt with a single hand. “I’m here for the Transformers watch party,” he tells me.
“So sad,” I say with a wry smile. “You’re ten minutes too late. We just finished the last one. You would have loved Michael Bay’s take on Bumble—”
Rocky sheds his pants with his boxer briefs, and his long, thick cock steals my words. He flashes a self-satisfied smile that abruptly closes my slack jaw, and then he confidently strides to the bathtub, stepping into the warm water. I catch the slight wince when he bends his bad knee to get in.
“Who said you were invited?” I ask, as he scoops me by the hips and draws me onto his lap. His length presses against my belly.
He gives me a pointed look. “This is my bathtub,” he reminds me. “Who says you were invited?”
“This was a sanctioned bubble bath.” My confidence matches his.
“I don’t think it was.” He spreads my legs around him and runs his hands up my slippery, bare back. “I’m going to have to arrest you.”
My pulse thumps heavier and lower. We’re eye level with each other, our lips teasingly close. “You can’t arrest me. I’ve done nothing wrong. No crimes to my name.”
His fingers dig into the soft flesh of my ass. “Phoebe Graves,” he whispers against my ear. His hand trails between my legs. “You are guilty of a crime.” His touch against my swollen clit makes me squirm, and he clutches me tighter to him. “Your crime is loving me.” His arms are strength and power. “It.” He has a fistful of my wet hair. “Is.” He draws my head back in a fierce tug. “Criminal.” He sinks his mouth against my neck. I shelter a cry as he trails hot, vicious kisses down my collarbone and to my breasts. He sucks my nipple as if it’s my punishment.
A soft moan escapes me with a shortened breath. He presses a clawing kiss to my lips. The force pulls me into his chest.
Resist. Resist. I draw back, just to plant a glare on him. And catch my breath. “Guess I’m spending life in prison.”
“Yeah?” He fists his cock.
“Yeah,” I nod.
“Why’s that?”
“Because,” I say, “loving you is a crime I’ll keep committing.” His gaze tears through mine, as if barreling to the core of me. “I don’t know how to stop.”
“Don’t stop,” he says in a single, husky breath. His tip teases against my pussy, and while our eyes are latched with deep-seated cravings, he lowers me onto him, bucking his waist upward—plunging himself into me.
The fullness is a total body high, and I press my forehead to his shoulder and shudder against him. Wrapping my arms around Rocky, I cling. I want to be welded. Molded. Unable to be torn apart.
Instinct overwhelms me, and I grind forward on him. He grabs my hips in a vise, keeping me still.
“More,” I groan into his shoulder.
“Don’t fucking move,” he says meanly.
Giving in sounds boring, and I stubbornly attempt to climb off his lap, but his grip is steel. He won’t let me go. Good. Don’t. Never do.
The beat of my heart won’t slow. Not even when he unplugs the tub. Water begins to drain. He has a bunch of my hair again, but he won’t thrust up and create friction.
I glare. “You’re an edge monster.”
He laughs lowly. “Okay…I’ll do worse.” He sucks my pierced nipple again, and then slowly massages the other perked bud. I arch my back, letting him have me, because holy shit this feels incredible. Toe-curling sensations ripple down my limbs.
“ Rocky ,” I warn as I near a climax. My body trembles, and I try to fight off his hands, but he so easily responds in kind, teasing my nipple with his thumb. I’m a whimpering fucking mess against him.
The last layer of water slips into the drain. We’re in an empty tub, and I start sensing how wet I really am. He’s so fucking big, and without a condom, the heat of his cock ramps up pleasure and need.
He circles my hips on his shaft.
“Okayokayokay,” I cry, hoping it’ll ease the torment.
“Surrendering already?” he asks, amused, but he’s drawn his hand away from the sensitive spot.
I meet his eyes in a fiery challenge. “Never,” I say with ragged breath, but I bore my gaze into his.
He makes a low grunting noise in the back of his throat that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.
“I’m going to fuck you now,” he tells me.
Yes! my brain screams, but I try to remain reticent on the outside. “Okay, then do it.” Anticipation mounts in a heady wave.
His arms curve around me while I’m sitting on his cock. He fastens me against his chest with a possession that I’m ravenous for. He holds me like I belong to him.
And he begins fucking me with the same aggression. My breath hitches, and he keeps me utterly still while he thrusts upward. His tempo is so fast, so raw—like he can’t have me soon enough.
Tears pinch out of my eyes.
“ Phoebe ,” he groans against my ear.
“Rock—” I cry into his shoulder. I’m just holding on for dear life.
He’s clutching every inch of me in his grasp. He has all of me, and the way he works on me like my pleasure is his pleasure—like we are one—it sends me into a bliss like nothing before. How—how is sex with Rocky this amazing? Why did I wait so long to discover its true power?
Mind-numbing friction thieves oxygen and burns through me. Our lips skim, our breaths melding—the heat of an almost-kiss more intoxicating than the actual touch of one. So very quickly, I ascend to another plane. I’m lit up, and my body quakes as an orgasm bursts through my senses.
I muffle my cry in his neck.
He’s hugging me. Holding me. Loving me. Never letting go of me. The affection whirls around me like thick steam. The water he drained wasn’t even as hot as the sex our bodies just made.
He’s still…no condom…I pant as I come down. He pulls the wet strands of hair off my cheeks and kisses me soulfully deep. Then he carefully lifts me off him.
He’s so hard. He didn’t come. I didn’t think he would. Rocky’s control is impressive and usually to my benefit.
Last thing I want right now is a baby.
As he stands, while I stay knelt in the empty tub, I look up and see the hunger in his eyes. I see the ridges of his muscles along his torso. I see the veins bulging in his cock. My pussy throbs again.
He collects a fistful of my wet blue hair. Ohhh. Okay. Deep breaths. I’ve skirted around giving a blow job for literal months…Maybe skirted is the wrong word. It’s honestly just…never happened.
I’ve started believing Rocky doesn’t enjoy receiving head. Even though the idea of wrapping my lips around him has been slightly enticing, the only part I really crave is him clenching my hair.
Which he’s doing. With his other hand gripping his shaft, he says, “Open.”
“Open what?” I combat, trying not to panic.
“You’ve never heard of a blow job before?”
“Never heard of one I liked,” I mutter under my breath.
“What was that?”
My face burns. Stubbornness wins out again. Instead of answering, I unlock my jaw and part my lips for him.
He’s scrutinizing me. “Is this your first blow job?”
“What?” I try to draw back, but he cups my head, not letting me jerk away. “I’ve definitely told you I’ve given head before.” Maybe not while we were together, but he learned that fact somewhere along our twisty-turny history.
“You could’ve lied.”
“ I didn’t ,” I snap back.
“Okay, all right,” he says, seeing that I was truthful. “I’m just trying to understand…?”
“Understand what?”
“Why you look like a frightened little bird every time my cock is inches from your mouth.”
My heart races at an unnatural speed.