Mateo
Chapter forty-five
"You didn't have to clean on my account," Jade says. She drops her messenger bag on the counter and sniffs the air. "But my nose appreciates it."
After she left yesterday, I spent the rest of the night scrubbing.
I hadn't realized how bad the house had gotten in only a week.
Or how badly I'd let my appearance go. I had to bribe Addie with lessons in driving the jeep so she'd get up early enough to trim my hair this morning.
And Jade is the only reason she agreed. Funny how the tables have turned.
An awkward silence hangs between us, and I'm unsure how to fill it. On a surface level, we've made up, but we haven't fallen back into step yet. Both our alarms interrupted our reunion yesterday. For her, a reminder to pick Coop up from school. For me, a reminder of what I'd lost.
And now, here we are, alone in my kitchen.
"Say the word," I say.
"Elephant."
"Which elephant?" I ask.
"All of them," she says.
I let out a breath. "I'm afraid whatever I say next is going to send you right back out that door."
She nods. "Fair."
"Your turn," I say.
"I don't—"
"Need saving, I know."
"No, I mean yes, but that's not where I was going. I don't need saving, but I think…I think I might like to be taken care of sometimes."
"I'd like to be the man who does that," I say.
She swallows.
"I bought you a house."
"No, you bought us a house," she says with a small laugh.
"Does that mean you'll move in?"
Her lips twist into a grimace.
"I'm not there yet," she says. "And that's a me thing, not a you thing.
It's also a Coop thing. I see us getting there in the next few months, but can we find our way back first?
Take our time?" she asks, gesturing between us.
"We've only been us behind closed doors, and when we open them, there's going to be some trials. "
She's right, I know she is, but all I hear is yes.
"That sounds like a yes," I say, reaching for her.
"Hold on," she says. "There's another elephant."
"Is it a big one? Or a baby one? Please be a baby one."
"It's a baby one."
She reaches into her messenger bag and pulls out her sketchpad, opening it to a page near the end and turning it to face me. It's a portrait of Coop, his hair short, his smile big, but something is different.
"Did he get new glasses?" I ask. "Those are sharp."
"Mateo."
"Say it again," I groan. "I've missed it."
"Oh my God, Mateo."
"I wanted to give you the tour, but the way you're headed, the only tour you're going to get is of our bedroom."
"Of the mattress on the floor? Hard pass, Daddy."
"We've been over this. That's a no," I say.
She rolls her eyes and taps Cooper's chest with a painted nail.
"Read his shirt," she says.
"Big brother," I read aloud.
I wait for her to say something smart ass but nothing comes.
"Big brother," I say again.
"Big brother," she repeats.
The words separate mean very little, but together they're everything.
"Are you? Are we? Am I? Am I going to be a dad?"
The smile she gives me is rare. A gift. It's a smile she doesn't use often. And it's all for me. For us.
She nods.
I'm going to be a dad. We're having a baby. Holy shit.
There are no words to convey the way my heart is gearing up to burst out of my chest. I take the pad from her hands, placing it on the counter and then pull her to me, pressing my lips to hers. She wraps her arms around my waist, sinking into my embrace.
Kissing Jade is like free-falling from the sky—exhilarating and terrifying. She separates her lips from mine. "So a good elephant then?"
"The best elephant," I say. "Guess it's a good thing you wanted three bedrooms."
She laughs and takes my hand. "Show me our house now?"
I give her the grand tour, starting with the space in the basement. I've spent the last week framing out a small recording area for Hashing it Out with Hayes, but there's already a larger room I planned on making her art studio.
She rolls her eyes at the idea, but there's a sparkle in them.
"Have you ever done renovation work before?" she asks when I tell her the plans I have for remodeling the kitchen.
"I've dabbled," I say. "But I have time to learn. Even with the podcast, I'm still retired."
"You won't have much spare time with a baby on your hip."
"And where will you be?" I ask.
"Working."
"Or art school?"
She sighs. "Or art school."
We make our way back to the kitchen, and Jade pushes the stool to the side before hopping onto the counter.
I nudge her legs apart and settle between them, my hands on her hips.
My heart thuds against my rib cage. Holy shit, I'm going to be a dad.
I want to ask her about Coop, if…if I can be his dad too.
But it's another elephant in the room, and I doubt either of us are ready for that conversation.
Someday. Meanwhile, I'll be anything he needs.
"So how? When?" I ask.
"Baltimore," she says, placing her palms on my jawline. I lean into her touch.
"So the baby will be here? July? August?"
"August fifteenth."
"Does anyone else know?"
"Addie. She came over last week and saw the tests. Stayed with me and held my hand," she says. "I was so worried, but she's really excited."
"What about Coop?"
She shakes her head. "Not yet, soon though. I'd like us to tell him together."
I swallow. I'm nervous to ask, but I need to know.
"If we weren't having a baby, would you be here right now?"
She takes a deep breath, as if she were expecting the question.
"Addie says we're inevitable. That we're waffles, not pancakes," she says.
"What?" I ask.
"I still don't know, honestly. But would I be here right now?
No. In another month? Probably. The baby isn't the reason I'm here.
It's the reason I'm here now. Does that make sense?
I think Addie's right. We're inevitable.
Regardless of our circumstances, life led us both here.
The answer probably isn't the one you wanted to hear, but I love you, Mateo.
I love us. I love the person I am when I'm with you. You broke me free of my own prison."
"I love you, Storm Cloud. And I love Cooper, and I'm already hopelessly in love with our baby elephant."
I cup her face in my hands and kiss her softly.
We're inevitable.
Guess the love I'd been searching for was in sleepy old Wilmont after all.