Chapter 19 Ansel
ANSEL
To his credit, Neo waits until we’re alone before launching into his interrogation.
“What the fuck is going on, Ansel? First, you disappear for days before going no contact. Then I finally hear from you, and you’re all loved up?
And living in his house? What gives? And don’t lie to me. I know when you are, remember?”
I close the door to the bedroom I’ve been sharing with Cade before replying. “Technically, this isn’t Cade’s house.”
Neo gives me a look that calls bullshit, not that I expected anything less. “No, it’s his ‘family seat.’ That’s even fucking worse. I had to look that phrase up when I researched them.”
An icy tingle goes up my spine. Neo’s hacking skills almost rival my own. “What else did you find out?”
Neo snorts as he strides over to the window. “Just the usual rich people bullshit. Generational wealth. Dead parents. Smarmy pap shots at various bullshit charity events. So fucking boring. I fell asleep halfway through.”
A knot of anxiety unravels in my chest. “Cade’s far from boring.”
“Judging by the fact I was greeted by both a knife and a gun, I kinda assumed. And that’s before we even get into the military-grade security on this place.” He turns to face me, arms folded across his chest. “What the fuck is going on, Ansel? Are you a fucking hostage? Do I need to break you out?”
I study Neo. He’s my oldest friend. My only friend, really. He’s been there for me since we were nothing more than broke-ass foster kids with no one to rely on. We moved here together, and we’ve built a life around one another. And he’s pulled me out of too many situations to count.
It’s why I’ve kept him in the dark about this whole fuckup. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet without relying on Neo to get me out of trouble.
And look where that got you. Kidnapping the wrong guy and being held hostage yourself.
Although, am I really being held against my will if I’m fucking my kidnapper and calling him my boyfriend?
I drop onto one of the couches with a sigh. Yes, couches plural. This room alone is bigger than the apartment that Neo and I share. “You better sit. This is gonna take me a while to explain.”
Neo perches on the edge of the seat. That’s typical of him. He doesn’t like to be still, always ready to leap into action at a moment’s notice. “Something tells me I’m not going to like this conversation.”
I fiddle with the bracelet around my wrist. “Remember the hacking job I took on last month?”
“The one I told you not to touch because it had more red flags than a Republican convention? The one you pinky promised you weren’t going to take? That one?”
I wince. “It was too much money to pass up.”
“Jesus, Ansel.” Neo is on his feet, pacing back and forth. “No amount of money is worth getting tangled up with people like that.”
I duck my head in shame. “I know that now.”
He freezes mid-step. “Wait, what happened?”
I swallow around the lump in my throat as I twist the bracelet.
It’s too dangerous to tell Neo everything.
They may not be after me now, but I’m not putting him at risk.
It’s the same reason I’m fucking grateful that Cade hasn’t pushed me on the topic.
Either that or maybe he already knows the situation I’m in.
I don’t fucking know and dread ever asking.
“Let’s just say that I dug further than I was meant to.”
Neo’s face blanches. “You found out something shady?”
“That about covers it.” I give a hollow laugh. “Sort of shit that gets you killed.”
“How? How did you even get caught?”
I sink low in my seat, preparing for the verbal lashing I know is coming. “When I found…it, I was so shocked that I got careless. I stayed too long on the site, and when I left, I realized too late that it was a honeypot and a traceback.”
To my surprise, Neo doesn’t lecture me. Instead, he drops into his chair and reaches over to squeeze my wrist. “Whatever you saw, it must’ve been awful for you to have fucked up that badly. Jesus, Ansel. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrug. “What would’ve been the point? I wasn’t adding your name to a hit list along with mine.”
“This is so fucked,” he mutters, rubbing a hand across his jaw.
I can almost see his shrewd mind working behind his eyes.
That’s the thing about Neo—people consistently underestimate him.
His blue hair, piercings, and sassy attitude have him being written off by others almost immediately.
Which is precisely why Neo does it. It allows him to assess their weaknesses and figure out how to exploit them.
His intelligence is a weapon he keeps secret.
“Given you’re still alive, I’m guessing there’s more to this story. ”
That’s one way of putting it.
“The guys I hacked, they threatened to kill me. I promised them I wouldn’t tell anyone what I’d seen, but it wasn’t good enough.”
“I don’t understand,” Neo says slowly. “Surely you should’ve been the one blackmailing them? Why not threaten to expose whatever you saw if they didn’t leave you alone?”
I give a bitter laugh. “Because you’re assuming I have any evidence.
I don’t. When I hacked back in through the back door I planted, they’d wiped the server clean.
Besides, there’s no point turning them in if they’ll just have me killed as a result.
No amount of blackmail would’ve kept me alive, trust me. ”
Neo is quiet for a few moments before asking. “What did they ask you to do?”
I shake my head, staring at the ceiling. “They told me I had to commit a crime. To clean up a mess for them. That way, it was one less thing for them to deal with, and it gave them ammunition on me if I ever did decide to talk.”
There’s no judgment in Neo’s stare, just a measured understanding. It’s what happens when you grow up the way we did. Sometimes you have to do shady shit to survive. Having a moral compass is a luxury we couldn’t always afford.
“What did you do, Ansel?”
“I kidnapped someone,” I whisper. “I went to a bar, located my target, and kidnapped him. Held him hostage for a while at the old Barnum place. The one we used to use when we went fishing.”
“Okay,” he says slowly. “I’m not seeing how you got from there to being held in this mansion by a fucking Buckingham, of all people.”
I give him a humorless smile. “Cade Buckingham was the one I kidnapped.”
Realization passes over his face. “So, like a ransom situation?”
“No.”
“Then what was it? Why Cade?”
“Cade wasn’t my target,” I admit. I’m not ashamed of my mistake. How can I be when it brought Cade into my life? But fuck if it isn’t still embarrassing as all hell. “He gave me a fake name that happened to be the same as my target.”
Neo exhales slowly. “What are the odds of that happening?”
“Small, I imagine.”
He scratches his chin. “Get me a pen and paper, and I’ll work it out.”
I snort. “No, let’s not get off track. The point is, I kidnapped the wrong guy.”
The ramifications of that seem to hit Neo, making him wince. “What happened when they found out?”
I run back over the memory in my mind. Of the selfie Cade sent. The odd response. “Weirdly…nothing. They said I was an idiot and told me to lose their number.”
“That feels suspicious.”
It did to me at first too, but it’s different now that I know that Cade’s family aren’t just the Buckinghams.
They’re The Firm. It’s a whole different ballgame.
Neo is tapping his fingers on his thighs rhythmically. “And, what? They’ve decided to just leave you alone?”
I shrug. “Seems like it. Said they weren’t being dragged down with me. Haven’t heard from them since.”
“Something here isn’t adding up…” Neo says, getting up to pace again. “There’s something I’m missing. What is it about the Buckinghams that made them back off?”
Fear grips my throat. I can’t let him work it out. I wouldn’t betray Cade’s trust like that. So I do the only thing I can think of. “Sauerkraut.”
Neo cocks his head at me. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes.” I square my shoulders. “Sauerkraut, Neo. You have to respect it.”
“I know, I know,” he mutters, dropping back into his chair with a pout. “Feels like a fucking cheat, but whatever.”
Sauerkraut is our code word, one we’ve used for twelve years now. It means, trust me. Just go with it. Don’t ask questions.
And, most importantly, it can’t be ignored. Once sauerkraut has been called, the other person has to respect it.
“You will tell me eventually.” Neo’s fingers are tapping again. “I mean it. I’ll respect it for now, but I expect to know the truth when you can share it.”
“That’s fair.” And honestly, it is. It’s reasonable. Neo’s an important part of my life. If Cade plans on having me stick around, he’ll need to accept Neo too. We can’t hide the existence of The Firm from him forever.
Hopefully, once the others get to know him, they’ll realize there’s no one more loyal than Neo. He might be a mouthy fucker, but more often than not, he’s using that mouth to defend those he cares about.
Lines appear on his forehead as he thinks. “This thing you can’t tell me, is it connected to the paranoia levels of security and the weapons they were merrily brandishing earlier?”
I stay silent, but that’s enough of an answer in itself.
“Fine. Next question.” Neo’s gaze meets mine. “Are you safe?”
“Yes.” My answer is immediate this time. “Very. Cade won’t let anyone hurt me.”
“Hmm.” He’s skeptical. That’s to be expected. Neo doesn’t know the Buckinghams any better than they know him. “And are you happy?”
My response is the same but softer. “Yeah, Neo. I am. He makes me so fucking happy.”
Neo doesn’t look convinced. “For how long though, Ansel? Think he’s going to be happy slumming it at our place? Eating off paper plates and lighting candles when the power goes out? Can you really picture him there?”
I flush. “He did fine in the cabin.”
“Because he had to,” Neo says bluntly. “I doubt you gave him a choice in the matter.”
“We don’t have to hang out at our place.”
“Look, I love you, but you’re being really foolish.” Pity shines on Neo’s face as he takes my hands in his. “You two have literally nothing in common. You’re from different worlds.”
“Fuck, you need to stop watching Downton Abbey. It’s the twenty-first century. We don’t need to worry about that bullshit.”
“You’re already worrying about it, whether you realize it or not. You just said you wouldn’t hang with him at our place.”
“And?”
“And that’s not a healthy start to a relationship,” Neo says levelly. “You’re supposed to share all areas of your life with your partner. How can you claim to really know each other when you don’t know all there is to know?”
“We do know each other.”
“Oh yeah?” Neo’s brows shoot up. “Have you been on a date outside of this house? Spoken to anyone outside of his family or staff? Been to his place?”
“Well, no, but—”
“But nothing,” Neo says firmly. “You’re existing in a bubble. Until you step out into the real world, you’ll have no idea how you’ll cope.”
I flinch at the truth bombs he’s throwing at me. Things I probably should’ve thought about before now. The old me would have.
But the new me has been too wrapped up in Cade to even consider it.
“Shit, I’m just saying this because I’m worried about you.
” Neo squeezes my hands in emphasis. “You say you’re safe, but as far as I can tell, you’re being held hostage.
Valid, given you kinda kidnapped Cade, but it’s not healthy.
Your bond was formed under extreme circumstances.
You can’t know if it’ll last unless you test it.
And you can do that by insisting he gets you outside of this house. ”
I pull my hands from his, a lump in my throat threatening to choke me. “Are you done?”
“Almost.” There’s a note of apology in his voice, and I know he hates telling me this as much as I hate listening to it. But this is what we do. We have each other’s backs, even if the other isn’t fully on side. “Are you sure the ‘other guys’ are actually going to leave you alone?”
I sigh heavily. Now this is something I’ve thought about.
“Honestly? I think so. Obviously, I can’t guarantee it, but…
” Neo bites his lip, fidgeting in his seat.
My heart sinks. With everything he’s said so far, if he’s struggling to say this, then it doesn’t bode well for me. “Spit it out, for fuck’s sake.”
He sighs, raking a hand through his hair. “I know there’s stuff going on with the Buckinghams that you’re not disclosing, but can they really protect you from these guys?”
I think about Cade’s insistence that I tell him who the men are that got me into this situation and what really happened. “I think so.”
“Okay, what about if you take Cade out of the equation?”
“What do you mean?”
The pity is back on Neo’s face. “If something happens to Cade, if he can’t help you, can you be certain that his family still would?”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to say of course they would, but I can’t make the words come out.
Because I don’t know if they would. They seem to like me, but well enough to put themselves at risk? For someone they barely know?
“No,” I whisper.
“Last question and then I’m done, I swear. Just know this is coming from a place of love.”
I nod, suddenly exhausted. I’ve slept more since I’ve been here than in the previous few weeks combined, yet I can’t think of anything other than crawling back into bed.
“If these bad guys do turn up, do you really want to risk Cade getting caught in the crossfire?”
Cade’s easy grin flashes before me, his voice cracking as he hits the high notes in a terrible nineties anthem, him running me a bath before scrubbing my back for me.
Kissing me like he might die if he’s made to wait another second.
“No,” I say again. This time it isn’t a whisper. It’s a resounding statement. An emphatic claim.
I’ll risk a lot in this world, but never Cade.