Chapter 32
Rhea
I have to take a deep breath before I push open our apartment door, already dreading another round of Nat's concerned interrogation. The familiar scent of her vanilla candles wafts toward me, along with the quiet hum of the TV playing some reality show in the background.
Sure enough, she's curled up on our secondhand couch, her golden curls piled in a messy bun atop her head. The half-empty wine glass on our coffee table tells me she's been having a leisurely afternoon skipping class.
"Well, look who finally decided to grace me with her presence." She mutes the TV, tossing the remote aside. "Didn’t Shaw’s lecture end a while ago? I thought we’d watch trash TV on the rare occasion we’re both off work."
“My bad,” I chuckle. “I had something to sort out.”
“Oh, yeah? Did you finally talk to the twins?"
My stomach flips as I cross to join her on the couch, tucking one leg beneath me. The cushions still hold the warmth from where she's been lounging all afternoon. I twist my fingers in the hem of my shirt, searching for words that won't come easily.
"Not exactly…But I need to tell you something. And you might want to pour yourself more wine first."
Nat's perfectly sculpted eyebrows shoot toward her hairline. "Okay, now you're scaring me. What could possibly be bigger than the whole 'I'm enjoying kinky fuckery with identical twins' bombshell you dropped on me before? Or the ‘I don’t know what I’m doing with my life’ existential crisis of the past week or so?"
I pointedly wait for her to finish, my exasperated glare causing her to giggle before motioning locking her lips.
"It’s about Professor Shaw…”
"Yeah..." Nat suddenly sits up straighter. "Rhea Foster, what did you do?"
The words tumble out before I can lose my nerve. Nat's jaw drops lower with each detail I reveal, her wine forgotten on the table.
"Holy shit! The professor, too? And he's their stepdad? And he owns the club? This is some serious tea."
"Tell me about it." I sink deeper into the cushions, wishing they would swallow me whole. "I swear I didn't mean for any of this to happen. It just... did ."
"So let me get this straight. You've got the hot twins and their equally hot, Professor Stepdad all wanting you? Like, actively pursuing you?"
I bury my face in my hands, unable to look at her while shame and desire wage war in my chest. "I'm a terrible person, aren't I?"
"Are you kidding me?" Her incredulous laugh makes me peek through my fingers. "No honey, you're just living your best life in ways I never expected from my sweet Nebraska girl!"
"But it's wrong, isn't it? To want all of them?" The question comes out muffled against my palms. "No one should be that greedy."
"Wrong according to who?" Nat dramatically flops back beside me, pulling my hands away from my face. "Your parents? The church? Some dusty old book of rules written by men who probably never made a woman come in their lives?"
Despite everything, another giggle escapes me. "But Dean looked so betrayed when he found out about Professor Shaw. The memory of his face still haunts me. And Ethan probably hates me now too."
"Or maybe..." Nat draws the words out thoughtfully, "maybe they're just processing their own feelings about all this. I mean, their stepdad? That's got to be a mind fuck for them too."
I meet her optimistic gaze, searching her expression for any hint of judgment. But all I see is the same unconditional acceptance she's always shown me, even when I confess my darkest secrets.
"You really don't think I'm awful?" My fingers pick nervously at a loose thread in the cushion. "For wanting things I shouldn't?"
"Rhea." She grabs my fidgeting hands, squeezing them tight. "The only awful thing here is how much guilt you're carrying around for simply following your heart. Or maybe other parts of your anatomy."
That last comment draws another reluctant laugh from me.
"Your parents really did a number on you with all that shame, didn't they?" Her teasing tone softens as she studies my hunched posture, my shoulders curling inward as if I could physically contain the guilt eating me alive.
"You don't understand what it was like growing up there. Every Sunday, every youth group meeting, every family dinner—it was all about staying pure. Being a good Christian daughter."
"And now here you are, corrupted beyond salvation. Contemplating living in sin with not one, not two, but three sexy doms."
"Oh, stop. I’m serious, Nat. I feel dirty sometimes. Like maybe they were right about me all along. That I'd come out here and fall into depravity."
"No, you stop that right now." Nat shifts closer, forcing me to look at her with firm fingers under my chin. "There's nothing wrong with exploring who you are. With finding people who understand you. Who accept every part of you."
A smile tugs at my lips. "You make it sound so simple."
"Because it is simple. Life doesn't have to fit into anyone’s narrow little box of acceptable behavior." She gestures around our apartment. "Look at everything you've built here. Your grades, your future career plans, the people who care about you. Does any of that seem wrong?"
"No, but...”
"No buts. The only thing wrong here is letting their voices in your head tell you that good sex is somehow evil. That love is only valid if it follows their rules."
"Love?" That was one part I hadn’t managed to say out loud.
"Oh, come on. You think I haven't noticed how your whole face lights up when you talk about them? Any of them?"
Heat creeps up my neck. "It's just...different from anything I expected. Everything I was taught to want."
"Good. Different is exactly what you needed. What you deserve."
The conviction in her voice bolsters my confidence just a little. I start to wonder if she’s been gallivanting around town dressed as an old lady recently.
"So what happens now?"
"Uh, well, I saw the professor today... He has this idea." My pulse quickens just thinking about his proposal. "About how we could make it work. All of us."
Nat's eyes go wide all over again. "All of you? Together?" She practically bounces in her seat. "This is literally the hottest thing I've ever heard. Tell me everything!"
"It's called high protocol. It's like...a formal arrangement. With rules and structure and designated time for everything."
"Everything?" Nat wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.
"Yes, everything," I laugh. "Study time would be protected. Rest would be mandatory. No more trying to stretch myself thin between them all."
"That actually sounds...really healthy? Like, way more organized than I expected from a kinky arrangement."
"Maybe it could be…if it actually worked. I have my doubts.”
"Girl." Nat grabs my shoulders, giving me a gentle shake. "You’ve spent your whole life denying yourself everything. Maybe the universe is finally giving you exactly what you need. All at once."
I consider it, remembering how safe I felt in Professor Shaw's arms today. How complete I feel when I'm with Dean or Ethan, or both. The thought of having all three of them, each filling a different need in my soul, still feels too good to be true.
"They'd have to agree first." I remind myself, trying not to get lost in the fantasy.
"Then what are you waiting for?" Nat's grin returns full force. "Go speak to your men. All of them. Better to be honest now than live wondering what could have been."
"You're right." I leap from the couch as determination finally overtakes fear. "I need to do this now. Before I lose my nerve."
"That's my girl." Nat pulls me into a fierce hug before I can grab my jacket off the hook by the door. "Just promise you'll be kind to yourself no matter what happens… And call me the second you leave their place!"