23. Liliana
M y head throbs something rotten. I open my eyes, almost relieved to see the darkness, relieved that I’m back in my cell, alone.
My throat feels so sore that every swallow is like I’m trying to force down something too big. I’m gasping for a drink, and I crawl on shaky limbs across the floor to where I think my water bowl is.
But my tongue is too swollen, too damaged from how I chewed it, and every gulp just makes it bleed more. I let out a moan, a howl of pain that doesn’t seem to justify everything my body is feeling right now.
There’s food put out for me. Bread and something that actually smells good. If it was hot when they left it here, it’s long since gone cold. I use my hand as a spoon and scoop it up. Only, I barely get the contents into my mouth from how swollen my tongue is.
And I’m punished with a searing shot of pain when I do manage to force some in.
My arsehole hurts so badly from where Magnus raped me. Gingerly, I run my hands over it, checking for damage and I’m not surprised when I recognise that all too familiar stickiness of blood on my fingers.
Tears stream down my cheeks. I don’t even try to stop it, I just give in, sobbing, curling up, wrapping my arms around myself in some pathetic form of comfort and self-soothing.
I knew this was going to get worse.
I knew Magnus was going to hurt me but what he did, killing those people, forcing me to—no, I can’t think about it, I can’t go there.
I rub my eyes, trying to rid myself of the memories. Ronin’s face flashes before me and more shame hits me at the thought of what I did. What Magnus made me do. Will he do something similar when I am dead? Will he degrade my body even further, taxidermy my pussy and use it as some sort of flesh toy?
God, I wish whatever drug they’d given me had made me forget but then, would that be worse? To wake up, alone, confused, in pain, and bleeding from every orifice with no understanding of what shit went down? No, better I do remember, as horrific and disgusting as every second of it was.