Chapter 17
Seventeen
Killien
Guilt is a horrible feeling, and it’s one I’m only starting to get used to now. It wasn’t a part of my life before. I used to have nothing to hide. But not anymore.
I dig my fingers into Caleb’s hips as he rides me, groaning and moaning like I never have before. His resemblance to Damien in this particular moment is playing tricks on my mind. He looks down at me with those bright blue eyes, and I can’t see Caleb. It’s just not possible. And it’s also not fair.
Yet, here I am. I lied to Damien when I said I was texting Owen.
And I’m lying to Caleb, because I’m making him think I’m interested in him.
I just can’t stop myself. Not when I slept in Damien’s arms and woke up craving him more than ever.
I didn’t expect Caleb to message me so soon, but when I got his first text in the morning, I knew I couldn’t say no.
Caleb’s hand reaches for one of mine and guides it towards his cock, making me stroke him. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this, honestly. It all happened so fast. One minute I was dropping Damien at Jacob’s apartment, and the next I’m naked in Caleb’s bed.
I look up at the illusion of Damien, rocking back and forth on top of me.
Soft moans escape his parted lips as he looks at me with hooded eyes, covered by his soft dark brown curls.
My brain has gotten better at fooling itself than last night.
And my body responds to it with such intense pleasure that it terrifies me.
“Fuck, Killien—” Caleb’s voice breaks the illusion for a few seconds. “You’re gonna make me come.”
Yes, say that again, baby.
My blood runs cold just thinking of those words coming out of Damien’s mouth. And calling him baby in my mind almost throws me over the edge. I thrust my hips up into Caleb, trying my best to keep the movements of my hand consistent.
It turns out that having sex with another man isn’t complicated at all. Sure, I have no idea what I’m doing, for the most part, but there isn’t a single speck of doubt or regret in my soul. It feels amazing, more so when my brain tricks itself completely.
I groan as Caleb moves faster, placing both of his hands on my chest and pressing his nails into my skin as he curls his fingers. His gaze remains fixed on mine as his breath becomes no more than a mess of moans and groans.
“Yes, like that—I’m so close!” This time around, Caleb’s voice doesn’t break the illusion.
“God, yes. Come for me—” I stop myself right before saying Damien’s name.
With just a few more strokes, I feel his cock throb and his hot release between my fingers. Needless to say, it pushes me over the edge right away. Staring at a face that I can only see as Damien’s, I come harder than ever.
Caleb leans forward to kiss me, and he’s gentle when he presses his lips against mine. But I can’t stop myself from grabbing the back of his neck, pulling him closer, and kissing him desperately.
For a moment, I forget that I’m just playing pretend.
With my eyes closed, and still riding the last waves of my orgasm, I can’t help but feel like I’m actually with Damien.
I don’t think I’ve ever kissed someone so eagerly, with such passion and emotion.
I don’t want to let go, ever. But Caleb is only human, and I have to let him sit back up for a much needed breath, before I suffocate him.
“Woah . . .” He laughs softly, as the beautiful illusion of my brother dissolves completely. “You shouldn’t go around kissing people like that if you don’t want them to fall for you, Killien.”
I close my eyes, silently cursing myself for letting go like that.
He obviously could tell that there was a lot more to that kiss than normal.
I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea; things are complicated enough already.
Caleb flops beside me gracefully, a wide smile plastered on his face.
At least he looks pleased . . . I smile back at him before glancing down at myself.
His release still feels hot on my chest and between my fingers.
Caleb huffs a small laugh beside me, he’s studying my face with all his attention. “Well?” he purrs. “How was your real first time, then?”
My smile widens. “It was great for me . . .” I turn my face to the side to look at him again.
“Not just for you.” Caleb kisses my lips softly before crawling off the bed. He grabs a few tissues from his bedside table and hands them to me.
I wipe my chest and hand, then leave the tissues on the empty table on my side of the bed: another classic IKEA piece, white and simple.
Caleb seems to hesitate for a second, but finally lies down beside me and rests his head on my shoulder.
He’s cute, besides his resemblance to my brother.
And there’s something about him that makes me feel comfortable.
I really hope I don’t end up hurting him . . .
I wrap an arm around his waist and pull him closer, which instantly seems to make his muscles relax.
Caleb lets out a deep sigh, and I’m pretty sure he’s sniffing me too.
Is my scent weird to him? Do I smell sweet like my blood?
I don’t know what the effects of what I’m doing are on a human. I should tread carefully.
He looks up at me and smiles, his eyes sparkling. “You’re not in a hurry now?” His voice is soft, almost shy.
“No.”
“You won’t get in trouble for staying with me for a while?”
“Not at all.” I hold him tighter, enjoying the warmth of his breath on my skin.
It’s been a very long time since I cuddled with someone after sex.
Well, considering that my sexual partners for the past half a year were my human victims, it makes sense.
I prefer to kill during sex, when they’re most distracted.
I’m okay with death, but cuddling a corpse doesn’t seem like a nice experience.
Honestly, I didn’t even know I missed snuggling with someone I’ve fucked.
Caleb goes silent for a minute. His gaze travels from my face to my chest before he closes his eyes for a few seconds. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
I can’t help but chuckle at his innocent question. “No, I’m not dating anyone right now.”
He smirks at my answer and opens his eyes to give me a suspicious little look, which I find really amusing. He’s growing on me. And I’m really glad that my mind isn’t trying to morph him into Damien right now.
“Is it your family you’re hiding your sexuality from?”
“I’m not hiding anything . . .” I lie, staring up at the plain white ceiling, because there’s not much else to look at in his room.
A lot of complex feelings gather in my chest. He probably thinks I’m hiding my attraction to men, but that’s not at all the case. What I’m hiding is the fact that I’m falling for my stepbrother.
Caleb doesn’t say anything, just drags his fingers up and down my abs, almost like he’s doing it mindlessly, without meaning to.
His thoughts are a bit loud, like a soft murmur I can easily pick up.
But I don’t feel comfortable reading his mind, so I don’t.
Maybe because I like him, or because I have nothing to gain from digging into his brain.
As the movement of his hand slows down, his head becomes heavier on my shoulder, and his breaths deeper and longer. Until finally, his mind goes quiet when he falls asleep. I sigh as I close my eyes too, and allow myself to drift away with him.