Chapter 30
Thirty
Damien
Stargazing is my new favorite thing to do. Well, only if it’s with Killien. And if we forget that sex and violence exist, because those will always be my number one. Anyway, we’ve made a habit of driving away from civilization to be alone in the wilderness.
We should have done it sooner, to be honest. It reminds me of our little camping adventure, my special present for Killien on his last birthday at home. The true beginning of our journey, if you will. Not that I hadn’t been infatuated with him for years on end before that day, though.
Killien sighs, his eyes lost somewhere in the clouds above. His fingers are intertwined with mine, our palms pressed against each other. The burning of Killien’s skin against mine is the most soothing thing in the entire universe, just like being tightly wrapped up in his subtle tangerine scent.
We lie on our backs, in the middle of the desert hills near Las Vegas.
Our black Jeep Grand Cherokee is parked behind the blanket Killien placed on the dirt for us.
As usual, it’s absolute silence around us, besides the crickets in the distance and the occasional rustle of branches as the breeze runs through the few shrubs that grow out here.
My eyes should be on the sky above, but they are stuck to my brother’s angelic profile.
His long eyelashes flutter as he blinks slowly, his pupils swallowing most of the brown of his irises to stay adjusted to the darkness.
I love that his eyebrows are a darker shade than the rest of his hair; they contrast beautifully with his pale skin.
The contour of his plump lips has me rolling one of my lip rings with my tongue.
I wanna kiss him. All the time. I wish I could climb into his mouth and just stay inside him forever.
Silly, I know. He’s right next to me, holding my hand.
We spend almost the entirety of our days together.
And yet, I want him closer. I want to possess him. I just can’t seem to get enough.
For the past two weeks, we’ve been on top of each other almost 24/7.
We rented an apartment with a nice view of downtown Vegas, using only a bit of Owen’s money.
Killien refuses to tell me how much it actually is, and he makes sure that I don’t get my hands on the cash.
Because I’ll waste it all, according to him. Fucker.
He might be right, though.
At least Owen was good for something, I guess.
We’re living comfortably thanks to him, getting to know our new city.
I’m itching for a kill, but we’re lying low until we figure out what we’re gonna do with the bodies.
Not like we need to kill, since we’re feeding off each other. But I want to, I really do.
Killien’s head turns towards me, a subtle smile curling up the corners of his mouth.
My heart seems to stop beating as I get lost in his brown eyes, almost forgetting that space and time exist. I smile back at him, feeling the love that courses through my veins ignite the fire behind my eyes; they glow for him instantly.
And the most magnificent thing of all is that his eyes light up in response to mine.
We stare at each other for a while, just knowing that we belong together. That this overwhelming, suffocating love that crushes our souls is mutual. I can’t imagine life without Killien. It’s all I know, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
“What are you thinking about, baby?” he asks, his voice is silky soft. Each time he calls me baby, the butterflies in my stomach seem to dance around. I love it.
“Nothing. Just . . . admiring you.”
His smile widens. “You’re not bored of me already?”
“What? Bored?” I huff in disbelief. “Killi, I’ll never be tired of you. If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t take anything back. Well, actually—there is one thing I’d change. I wish I’d done something sooner. I should have never gotten involved with Jacob. I should have gone right after you.”
The mention of Jacob’s name seems to startle him.
He’s told me countless times that he feels bad for the way I broke up with him.
I can’t say I don’t, honestly. As surprising as it is, because I’m a brat and I used to have no feelings for anyone besides Killien.
But the whole thing with Jacob still stings.
It’s the first time I feel true guilt, and I don’t like it one bit.
“There’s no point in regretting that, Damien,” my brother says, squeezing my hand tightly. “We still have the rest of eternity ahead of us. The few months you think we lost won’t change that.”
“I still wish I hadn’t fucked up the way I did . . .” The words roll through my tongue effortlessly. Admitting that out loud comes a lot easier than I expected. I just feel too comfortable around him.
Killien seems to ponder my words for a while, his gaze slowly moving around my face. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot too. We should ask him if he wants to meet us and apologize.”
“What?” I almost sit up on my elbows, dragging my sneakers against the small rocks and sand under our feet.
Is he out of his mind? Jacob won’t want to see me. It will be a waste of time.
“Yeah, we should text him and ask if he’s willing to talk to us. I really think we should make this right, Damien. He did a lot for us, and I don’t feel comfortable just leaving him behind, as if he meant nothing.”
Okay, now I’m a bit jealous.
Is he admitting that he liked Jacob? Or is this strictly friendly? Goddammit. Why am I even thinking about that, when I was the one who dragged Jacob’s heart through the dirt? It was me who fucked up, not them.
“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” Those words feel particularly heavy on my heart.
Fuck, I do care about Jacob. This sucks.
Killien laughs softly and shrugs, scooting closer to me until our foreheads touch. “I don’t know. But we still should apologize, even if he won’t accept it.”
I hate that he’s right about this. I continue to roll my lip ring, now doing it because I’m getting anxious.
I’ve never had to face consequences for my bullshit before.
But then again, I never cared. I had no fucks to give, which I do now, apparently.
Is it because Jacob’s blood runs through my veins?
Or is it because I’m truly capable of loving someone other than Killien?
No, I don’t love Jacob. I just . . . like him. Want him, maybe. I don’t think I could feel this overwhelming love for someone other than Killien. But it doesn’t matter, because liking Jacob is enough for me to need to make this right. He really did a lot for us, especially for me.
“You’re right, Killi. I’ll text him,” I sigh, pressing my nose against his.
Killien’s sweet tangerine breath comforts me. Having him close makes me feel powerful, almost invincible. If he’s beside me, then I’m sure I’ll be able to face this. As weird and uncomfortable as it gets, I’m going to do what has to be done. I don’t want to live forever with this burden.