Chapter 36
Lionel
The Devil’s butt plug magic was stronger than mine.
I discovered that when I tried to dislodge it with the best magic at my disposal.
Granted, it was necromancy all the way, but I still had a grasp on brute force spells, which were universal.
And yet, the damn raspberry pink plug stayed exactly where Lucifer had fucking put it.
As I reluctantly got up and stumbled to the shower, I cursed the entire universe, because it clearly had it out for me.
I wanted to be done with Lucifer, and I was ready to go the fuck-him-out-of-your-system route, but instead I was…
marked by his plug, which, if you thought about it, was effectively a chastity belt.
As a professional necromancer, I didn’t know much about relationships of any kind, but I knew chastity was not in my wheelhouse. I still wanted Sexy Mitch, but I wasn’t going to get Sexy Mitch, at least, not until I finally, finally fucked the Devil away.
“What was that thing some of the smaller religions tried? Exorcism? If only those worked on immortals.”
I took my time washing my hair with his shampoo. It smelled of mango and coconut, very natural and it didn’t upset my hangover. Lucifer didn’t smell like that at all though, and I wondered what other products he used to make his hair look like it did.
“Probably magic,” I said before letting the spray wash over my face.
As I rinsed out the shampoo, I had a brief moment of weakness when I felt sorry for myself, because the fact that the shampoo had been the best part of my morning so far was really sad. Okay, the toothbrush had been great, but that didn’t change anything about my plugged-up predicament.
Then again, you came on Lucifer’s bed, and that felt amazing, an obnoxious voice that sounded a whole lot like my superego whispered into the darkness of my psyche. The mango and coconut had triggered my dark side, clearly.
The thing was, I didn’t really have time to cultivate a dark side.
Didn’t really have time for Lucifer to get elaborate about our goodbye fuck.
I might’ve been benched at work, but that didn’t mean I was just not going to do anything.
I couldn’t. Lily was…someone close to me.
Not a friend, but I’d known her. I didn’t want her murderer to go unpunished, and I didn’t want her pain and suffering to be forgotten.
I was a necromancer, and giving the dead a voice—giving them justice—that was my job.
So fuck the Devil and his butt plug power move.
Lily had been a magic user, and I was a necromancer.
Even without working the case directly, I could at the very least ask around, and maybe people would tell me what they wouldn’t tell the non-magical cops.
And if anyone asked why I was talking to people, well, I had a legitimate magical problem lodged in my anus.
Oh, sweet fucking hell, I really hoped I wouldn’t get caught at this and have to tell Christine about the problem up my ass.
I dried myself after the shower. That was a task, given that moving too much made me feel the plug. It was more stimulating than it should’ve been, and every time it pressed where it shouldn’t press, I vividly recalled what Lucifer had done to me.
Getting dressed wasn’t much better. Ignoring the plug and the way it stimulated my prostate only worked for so long, and I really had to adjust things in order to get my pants closed.
I sighed and walked carefully to the bedroom door. “You can do this. You can do this. You are a competent necromancer.”
I opened the door, only to be faced with a growling Soul who had drooled a small puddle onto the floor. “I don’t even know why you keep following me around. Dogs aren’t allowed in my building, so it’s not like you can come live with me.” I stepped over her and toward the stairs.
Stepping over the damn dog was a terrible idea that pulled a little moan from my throat before I could control myself. The stairs were like…massage. Yes.
I wondered whether there was some spell I could cobble together that would let me ignore the butt plug touching places inside of me that made it very hard to concentrate on other things. What I wouldn’t give for a zombie to distract me.
At the bottom of the stairs, I took a deep breath and walked toward the kitchen where Metatron had made me juice yesterday, but no one was there. Soul gave a small, impatient bark from the archway, so I followed the poodle.
She led me to a hallway on the other side of the fireplace room, farther away from the ballroom and the stairs.
I’d not seen this part of the house yet.
The walls were pristine white, and the art featured horned and horny subjects in red and black, doing a whole lot of things that would be censored on most platforms.
The sound of Soul’s clicking claws led me to a dining room with a huge oval table, at which Tiamat was sitting and typing on her laptop while Metatron was painting her nails candy pink.
A large brunch had been set out on the other end of the table.
Someone, presumably Metatron, had done melon art to a cantaloupe, carving the skin so a horned demon peeked out from the orange flesh.
The rest of the food was no less artistically presented.
There was also a large pitcher of dark juice.
I didn’t see any coffee, but that was the one thing I needed.
For the hangover. The single long-stemmed rose in a glass vase at the center of the brunch display stood out like an oozing blister, and I decided to ignore its lush petals.
I also wanted to ignore the Devil, who was sitting in front of an empty plate at the head of the table, his blue eyes on me like slugs on cabbage. He looked fucking pleased.
“Ah, Nelly.” He stood, even as Tiamat looked up and Metatron didn’t. Lucifer walked toward me, and I hated how I could feel myself blush at the sharp attention of his diamond eyes. “Come.” He put his arm around my middle and pulled me with him.
Tiamat sighed. “That poor darling. Lucy, he looks sick and starved. Explain yourself.”
I decided I really liked her.
Lucifer shrugged. “I’m afraid he drank a bit too much last night, but I assure you, Dragon Mother, he is already recovering his energy. Which reminds me, Trony, you’ll have to change my sheets.”
“Great,” the angel said as Lucifer walked me past her. “Should I also order covers for all the furniture, or can you maybe keep it to your bed?”
Tiamat tsked. “My dear Trony, young love cannot be contained like that. It’s like containing a flower’s scent or its seeds as they ride the summer breeze. But, Lucy, remember that making love is not the sustenance a magic user needs.”
“Exactly,” I mumbled, which earned me a moment of too much attention from the Devil. At least he kept his mouth shut.
He sat back down. I tried to pull free and get to my own chair on the other side of Tiamat, or Metatron even, but the Devil ran his flat hand down my ass and slapped it.
I gasped and sort of crumpled in an attempt to swallow the moan. Lucifer took the opportunity to pull me onto his lap.
“Right where you belong,” he whispered into my ear.
Metatron looked up from her nails. “You like them then?”
“Mm-hmm,” Lucifer said, the noise rumbling through his hard chest and making my cock strain all the more. “Your anticipation of my desires and Nelly’s needs is appreciated.”
“My needs?!”
Metatron gave me a level look. “Right. Aspirin. I’ll go get some.”
Well, I did want that. “And coffee?” It sort of sounded like I was begging, but so what? If I had to beg for coffee, I would do it.
“Oh, fine.” She tossed her curly blonde hair back over her shoulder and went to get my coffee with a side of aspirin.
Then, unfortunately, I looked at the food in front of me, and even though I was hungover and sitting on the Devil’s lap, my mouth began to water.
“You really are starved,” Tiamat said.
I swallowed and tore my eyes away from some yogurt parfait with berries that had caught my attention. “The last thing I had was dragon fins, but then I threw them up.”
“You had what now?” Her green eyes widened before they narrowed on mine.
I shrugged. “Cucumber and edamame with a fancy name. At this place called The Angry Dragon.” I raised my chin. “I was there for a date.” I reached for the parfait while I looked for a spoon.
“A date?” Tiamat cocked her head. “Lucy, when you take someone out on a date, you make sure they don’t drink too much.”
The Devil’s growl ramped up in volume. “I didn’t take him, Dragon Mother. A work date. With someone from his work. I got there in time to take care of him through the worst though.”
I snorted, still looking for that spoon. “I had two drinks, if that. It was the champagne.”
“Champagne did this to you?” Tiamat sounded like she was disappointed in champagne.
“Nelly isn’t good at taking care of himself, Dragon Mother. Looking for this?” He held up a spoon in front of my face. Of course he’d hogged a damn spoon just to put me on the spot like this.
“Give,” I said and snatched the utensil from his fingers. Which he had lubed me up with. And then he’d licked my taste off them, and…
Before I could spiral into memories of what the Devil had made me do, Metatron put two pills in front of me, and with them a large mug of cappuccino. Or a latte. Heavens knew what the difference was.
“Straight espresso would have been fine.” I downed the aspirin with a large swig from the mug. She’d used cashew milk in it, almond maybe.
“I like making cappuccino, so deal with that, because you do not want to get me started on the stains you made me deal with in the space of not even two days, and that’s not even counting cum-soaked sheets.”
Tiamat nodded as I started spooning the parfait into my mouth.
Metatron could be angry all she wanted, because while she had dealt with my dirty clothes—which I really did appreciate—I’d had to deal with the Devil currently running the flat of his hand up and down my right thigh.
The effort it took to ignore that was enormous.
“Whenever you need a break from your work, you are welcome in my house,” Tiamat told Metatron, then turned to me. “I moved here. To Brunswick, not this house, although I will be visiting the lake regularly. It’s nice to be able to take a proper bath.”
“Uhm.” I swallowed my mouthful of parfait. It was good, made with rich coconut cream unless I was mistaken, but I didn’t have time to dwell on the taste. I was too hungry to appreciate it. “Congrats?”
She smiled at me and nodded. Her face made me think of all the warmest colors of summer, of dry heat, and fruit broken open under the setting sun.
“Thank you, young one. You’re welcome as well, and if Lucy fails to care for you much longer, I want you to tell me all about it.”
Lucifer shifted his hand more to the inside of my thigh. “Tiamat, you don’t need to worry about me and Nelly,” he lied. “He’s just very stubborn sometimes.” The fucking poodle barked at that from her spot lurking under the table, and it sounded like she was agreeing. Traitor.
Tiamat nodded. “As is to be expected in his case. Regardless, you take this man to bed, Lucy, and I deem you responsible for him. You will not find excuses to wiggle out of your responsibilities, not with me.”
Lucifer squeezed the inside of my thigh, but it seemed involuntary, not like he was trying to get a reaction out of me. “I understand, Dragon Mother. I’ll not fail you. Or my Nelly.”
I snorted but kept eating.
“Good, good. Well, I shall go now. Lucy, I’m taking your Porsche. My housewarming party is this weekend, and you will be there.”
“Of course, Dragon Mother.”
I’d never heard Lucifer sound so…demure. I really liked Tiamat. Maybe she would tell me how to make him grovel like this. Or make him go away, because that was what I needed, not him groveling and touching my thigh and smelling so damn good. Not mango and coconut, but still good.
Tiamat rose gracefully and strode out, her laptop under her arm. Metatron watched her leave, then turned to Lucifer and me.
“I bet her visit didn’t work out like you thought, Lucy. You know, I think the frogs in the lake have really been at it since the Dragon Mother started bathing there, but when they make sweet, slippery frog love, I don’t have to put on the thick rubber gloves for the cleanup afterward.”
I didn’t want to react to that, but the furious blush settled on my face like a silk shirt on a model’s chest. I focused on scraping the last bits of parfait out of the glass.
“Trony, you’ll embarrass Nelly, and he’s so shy already, even if my touch has been all that was needed to get him to completion.”
I hated, just hated Lucy. And his blabbering mouth. And his fucking touch.
Metatron nodded. “That’s just what virgins are like, Lucy. Has it really been long enough since you had one that you forgot?”
“I am not a virgin!” I blurted out, my voice going high.
Metatron screwed her nail polish closed and fanned her nails to help them dry. “Keep telling yourself that. Well, I have sheets to boil in acid, so if you’ll excuse me.”
Metatron stood and headed back to the front of the house, leaving me alone with the Devil, Soul hiding somewhere in the shadows, and an ensorcelled butt plug I needed to get rid of sooner rather than later. At this point, the hangover really was negligible.