Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
LARA
I feel sticky and I reek of dirty sex.
I want to get up and clean myself, but I find myself unable to move. I lie on the bed as if paralyzed. All I can do is stare up at the ceiling and loathe myself for how weak I feel.
I realize my month here is going to be far more complicated than I imagined it would be.
I’ve had sex before, many times, well enough to know that there’s nothing too special about it. When it happens, he comes, sometimes I get to come as well, then it’s lights out. But it is clear to me now that I’ve been living quite pathetically, missing out on something this amazing.
Rather than counting down the days towards my freedom from him, I will likely be begging him to keep me around longer. Turning onto my side, I force myself to close my eyes and stop reliving the last hour of my life.
My dreams are haunted. In it my mother is still alive and we are all having dinner in a dark candle lit cave. Ivan comes to serve us food and my father stabs him with a fork. I scream and wake up with a start.
Rubbing my eyes, I look around the room, which is now brightly lit by sunlight filtering in through the window. Again, the impression of extreme cleanliness fills me. Everything looks brand new with not a mark or stain anywhere.
I head toward the bathroom. It’s time for that much-needed shower. The rain shower is pure heaven and afterwards, I slide into the fluffy white bathrobe. As I head towards the walk-in wardrobe my phone starts ringing. It must be my dad going out of his mind with worry.
I run to my bag to retrieve my phone and, of course, it’s Dad.
“Lara?” he calls and his voice sounds panicked. “You’re not at work. Where are you? Tell me where you are. Tell me where you are. Do I need to call the police? What?—”
“Dad,” I try to interrupt, but he keeps going, his voice completely broken, and I’m sure his heart is too.
“Dad!” I call out again, louder and sterner this time. I realize that I actually sound angry. I’ve never, in all my years of being his daughter, raised my voice at him, so he immediately goes silent.
“Dad, I... I’m fine. I was just... I was tired. I went to bed late and woke up late. I’ll come in to work a bit later.”
He immediately starts apologizing. “Oh! I’m sorry. I’m incredibly sorry,” he says, his voice filled with guilt. “I just couldn’t reach you, and I couldn’t sleep, and last night just seemed?—”
“I know,” I say, nodding even though he can’t see me. “I know. It doesn’t seem real, does it?”
“No, it doesn’t,” he replies, his voice heavy with worry.
“Dad.” I soften my tone as I move toward the seat overlooking the city. The view is quite literally breathtaking. Far below people are hurrying somewhere. Always hurrying. Trying to squeeze out a buck from a merciless machine. Only yesterday I was one of them. From up here they look like ants. Tiny and helpless.
“Lara?” my dad calls once again, pulling me back to my senses.
“I’m here, Dad, I just got distracted.”
“Where are you?” he asks. “I need you to tell me where you are because I want to come and get you. I don’t want you to do this for me. I’d rather rot in hell than allow him to lay a finger on you. I’ll never forgive myself if you’re subjected to this. I’d rather die.”
“You’re not coming to get me, Dad!” I cry.
“Well, in that case, come to the office right now, or I’m going to call the police, give them his name, and have him arrested. Do you understand me? I’m not joking, not for even a single second.”
“Dad!”
“That’s final,” he says.
Panic sets in because he’s about to hang up, and knowing him, he won’t respond again until the ten minutes are up.
“Dad—”
“No, I don’t want to hear it,” he interrupts again. And when I really want to say what’s in my heart, I have no choice but to yell.
“I want to be here,” I shout.
It feels like I’ve dropped a bomb. Neither of us can believe I just said that. I certainly can’t believe it, and I can’t ignore how I feel about it either.
“What... what did you say?” my dad asks, and I’m certain now that he’s trying to make me repeat those dreadful words. I refuse.
“Just...” I sigh. “Dad, I know you feel bad, and I know you want to fix this, even if it kills you, but I’m telling you I’d rather it not. I’m not doing anything that will harm me. I told you that... I told you that I know him. We’re close. This is strange, and he’s being aggressive about it, but it’s more of a friendly spat than anything else. It’ll be resolved, and if he’s really willing to spend this much to help us get through our problems, then I don’t understand why you want to stand in the way and create an unnecessary fight.”
He listens to me for a long while but doesn’t say a word, and with every minute that passes, my worry deepens. “Dad,” I call out again, trying to fill the silence.
“I know, based on my actions, you’re convinced that I’m a complete idiot, but I’m not. And I wasn’t born yesterday. No one spends that kind of money on anything unless what they’re receiving in return is a pound of flesh.”
I pause, swallowing hard at how accurate his words are, but of course, he absolutely does not need to know that.
“What he’s receiving is the house he’ll get from the deal,” I tell him, trying to sound convincing. “He’s just doing us a small favor by patronizing our agency instead of going to a much bigger one, and it’s because he knows me. He’s just making a fuss now at the beginning because I was rude to him, and that has everything to do with our past and nothing to do with you. So, could you please just stay out of it and back off? I have it all under control, and when it goes beyond my control, of course, I’ll call you for help. Who else would I go to?”
He is silent again for a long while, the pause dragging on until I can feel the tension building in my chest.
“I would believe this if I didn’t know who you are,” he finally responds. “But I do know who you are, and I’m very aware of the lengths you will go to, to ensure that I am not hurt, and this is why I fucking cannot sleep. You know, sometimes I wish that?—”
“Wish what?” I ask, my brows furrow. But he doesn’t respond.
“Nothing,” he says, and I shut my eyes again, frustration mounting.
“Dad—” I try again, but he ignores me.
“I’m going to fight this. This nightmare has to end. He can take everything from me, including the business, but he cannot take you.”
“Dad!”
But he has already cut the connection.
Disturbed and angry, I head back to the bathroom. As I set the phone down on the vanity to brush my teeth, another call comes in.
My heart lurches as I imagine it’s my father calling again to carry on his tirade, but it’s Leila, and to my surprise, I’m reluctant to speak to her as well, so I just stand there frozen and let my phone ring until it disconnects. With a sigh, I pick up my toothbrush, but Leila being Leila, doesn’t relent and my phone goes again. She’s not going to stop until I answer. I answer the video call.
Her face is full of concern and worry.
“You okay?” she asks.
“I’m fine,” I say as I start brushing my teeth aggressively.
“Are you sure,” she asks.
“I’m fine,” I reply after spitting into the sink. “I’m fine; everything’s okay. It’s just my dad spiraling.”
“Want me to go check on him?”
“Yes,” I reply, and she nods. “Alright, I’ll drop by a little later.”
“Thank you,” I say, giving her a weak smile.
“How... how are you holding up? Remember, we prepared for this. Don’t hesitate to let me know the moment you want to leave, and I won’t let you down. I’ll go to the police if I have to. You’ll be fine.”
“I’m fine,” I say and continue brushing my teeth. I don’t know if I can endure the shame of not following my own plan from the previous night.
“That’s a gorgeous bathrobe,” she says conversationally. “It looks like it costs a fortune.”
“It probably does,” I mutter.
“You’re extremely cranky.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologize. “I hate it when Dad and I argue. I just?—”
“I think we need to get you out of there,” she says, her tone turning serious. “Was it... did he try to touch you last night? Was it that bad? Because if it was that bad, you can’t do this. You can’t endure this. Nothing in this world is worth the psychological damage it will cause you.”
“It wasn’t bad,” I say quickly.
“Oh,” she says, fighting to control her smile.
“It’s not funny,” I say, and she lets out a laugh that echoes across the room.
“Actually, it is,” she manages to say.
I turn away from the sink and start walking back to the bedroom.
“Wow!” she gasps.
“What?” I ask.
“Just taking in the space you’re in. I’m not even going to ask for another close-up, but just for the record, it’s breathtaking. Take some pictures for me, please, so I can use it for inspiration for my own bathroom and bedroom.”
“As if we could ever afford marble bathrooms,” I scoff.
“Oh, come on, Lara, just try to make the best of this situation. Just treat it like a one-night stand of sorts.”
“Well, it’s lasting more than one night, isn’t it?” I retort. “How is this supposed to be temporary when?—”
I stop myself.
“When what?” she prompts curiously.
“When I couldn’t say no,” I confess. “I wanted him, Leila… with all my heart.”
“Listen to me, Lara. If you want him then, hell girl, enjoy the month. Do everything you want with him, and when it’s over you’ll have had something that 99.99% of women could never even dream of having. Trust me, we only regret experiences we don’t take, not those we do.”
I listen to her words silently.
“You know I’m right… don’t you?” she asks.
I give her a slow nod. Again, I don’t know if her words are entirely accurate, but they feel good. They are the only thing that’s made me feel remotely okay this morning, so I accept and embrace them.
“Okay,” I say, my voice softening. “Okay.”
“So, you can stop feeling so bad and just let go. Enjoy yourself.”
“Yeah,” I reply.