Chapter 14 #4
“No, there aren’t,” Pandora retorted in a scalding whisper. “Did you tell your sister about my problem?”
“Only that you have difficulty dancing. I didn’t tell her why.”
“Oh, thank you, now she thinks I’m clumsy.”
“We’re in a large, basically empty room,” Phoebe said from the piano. “There’s no point in whispering, I can hear everything.”
Pandora turned to flee, but Gabriel moved to block her.
“You’re going to try this with me,” he told her.
“What is the matter with you?” Pandora demanded.
“If you deliberately tried to come up with the most unpleasant, embarrassing, frustrating activity for me to attempt in my currently unstable emotional condition, it would be waltzing. ” Fuming, she looked at Phoebe and spread her palms upward, as if to ask what could be done with such an impossible human being.
Phoebe gave her a commiserating glance. “We have two perfectly nice parents,” she said. “I have no idea how he turned out this way.”
“I want to teach you how my parents learned to waltz,” Gabriel told Pandora. “It’s slower and more graceful than the current fashion. There are fewer turns, and the steps are gliding rather than springing.”
“It doesn’t matter how many turns there are. I can’t even do one turn.”
Gabriel’s expression was unyielding. Clearly he didn’t intend to let her leave the drawing room until she humored him.
Fact #99 Men are like chocolate bonbons. The ones with the most attractive outsides have the worst fillings.
“I won’t push you too hard,” he said gently.
“You’re pushing me too hard right now!” Pandora found herself trembling with outrage. “What do you want?” she asked through gritted teeth.
Her pulse was pounding in her ears, nearly obscuring his quiet murmur. “I want you to trust me.”
To Pandora’s horror, the tears that wouldn’t come earlier now threatened to burst out.
She swallowed repeatedly and willed them back, and stiffened against the caress of his hand at her waist. “Why don’t you trust me ?
” she asked bitterly. “I’ve already told you this is impossible, but apparently I have to prove it.
Very well. I’m not afraid of ritual humiliation: I’ve survived three months of the London Season.
I’ll stumble through a waltz for your amusement, if that’s what it takes to be rid of you. ”
She dragged her gaze to Phoebe. “I might as well tell you: my father boxed my ears when I was younger, and now one ear is mostly deaf and I have no balance.”
To her relief, Phoebe didn’t look pitying, only concerned. “That’s appalling.”
“I just wanted you to know there’s a reason my dancing resembles the flailing of a demented octopus.”
Phoebe gave her a slight, reassuring smile. “I like you, Pandora. Nothing will change that.”
Some of Pandora’s anguished shame faded, and she took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
Reluctantly she turned back to Gabriel, who didn’t look one bit sorry for what he was doing to her. The corners of his mouth tipped in an encouraging curve as he reached for her.
“Don’t smile at me,” Pandora said. “I’m angry at you.”
“I know,” he said gently. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re going to be even sorrier when I heave-ho all over your shirtfront.”
“It’s worth the risk.” Gabriel slid his right hand over her left shoulder blade, the tips of his long fingers reaching her spine. Reluctantly Pandora assumed the waltz position she’d been taught, resting her left hand on his upper arm.
“No, put it directly on my shoulder,” he said. At her hesitation, he added, “It will give you more support.”
Pandora let him arrange her in a closed hold position, with her right hand clasped in his left.
As they faced each other, she couldn’t help remembering those moments of being lost in the darkness, when his arms had closed around her and he’d whispered, Nothing’s going to harm you, my sweet girl.
How could that man have changed into this heartless fiend ?
“Shouldn’t we stand farther apart?” she asked, staring miserably at his chest.
“Not for this style of waltzing. Now, on the first count, as I start the turn, step forward with your right, so your foot is between mine.”
“But I’ll trip you.”
“Not if you follow my lead.” He nodded to Phoebe to begin playing, and slowly he guided Pandora through the first rotation. “Instead of an even one-two-three count, the third step will be a long glide, like this.”
Stiffly Pandora tried to move with him. She stumbled, stepped on his foot and made an exasperated sound. “Now I’ve maimed you.”
“Let’s try again.”
Gabriel led her through the pattern of the waltz, which was indeed different from the usual repetitive circles.
In the first measure, they completed only three-quarters of a turn, followed by a closed change in the next measure, and then three-quarters of a turn in the other direction.
It was a beautiful gliding pattern, and no doubt it was very graceful when executed correctly.
But as soon as they went into a turn, Pandora lost all sense of up and down, and the room spun. She clutched at him in panic.
Gabriel stopped and held her steady.
“You see?” Pandora asked breathlessly. “Everything tilts, and I start to fall.”
“You weren’t falling. You only felt like you were.” He reached over to press her palm more firmly against his shoulder. “Feel how sturdy that is? Feel my hand on your back, and my arms around you? Forget your sense of balance and use mine. I’m rock-solid. I won’t let you fall. ”
“It’s impossible to ignore what my own senses are telling me, even when they’re wrong.”
Gabriel led her through another few measures.
He was the only steady thing in a world that swayed and careened.
Even though this variation of the waltz was much smoother and more controlled than the one she’d been taught, her inner gyroscope couldn’t manage even three-quarter turns.
Soon she felt herself break out in a cold sweat, a queasy feeling coming over her.
“I’m going to be sick,” she panted.
Gabriel halted immediately and pulled her against him. He was blessedly solid and still, holding her, while she struggled to bring the nausea under control. Slowly the sickness retreated.
“To put it in terms you would understand,” Pandora finally said, blotting her damp forehead against his shoulder, “waltzing is my carrots.”
“If you’ll bear with this a little longer,” Gabriel said, “I’ll eat an entire carrot in front of you.”
She slitted a glance up at him. “Would I be able to choose the carrot?”
His chest vibrated with his low laugh. “Yes.”
“This might be worth it, for that.” Easing apart from him, she put her hand back on his shoulder and doggedly resumed the waltz position.
“If you choose a fixed point somewhere in the room,” Gabriel said, “and stare at it as long as possible during the turn—”
“No, I’ve tried that. It doesn’t work for me.”
“Then look straight at me and let the surroundings rush by you without trying to focus on them. I’ll be your fixed point.”
As he guided her into the pattern once more, Pandora had to admit grudgingly that when she stopped trying to orient herself to her surroundings, and focused only on Gabriel’s face, she didn’t feel quite so sick.
He was relentlessly patient, leading her through turns, glides, and change steps, paying attention to every detail of what she said and did.
“Don’t lift so high on the balls of your feet,” he advised at one point.
And when she wobbled dangerously at the end of a turn, he said, “When that happens, let me adjust your balance.”
The problem was fighting her instincts, which screamed at her to lean in precisely the wrong direction whenever her balance was off, which was most of the time.
At the end of the next turn, she tensed and tried to stabilize herself when it felt like she was pitching forward.
She ended up tripping over Gabriel’s foot.
Just as the floor began to rush up toward her, he caught her easily and held her close.
“It’s all right,” he murmured. “I have you.”
“Bollocks,” she said in frustration.
“You didn’t trust me.”
“But it felt like I was going to—”
“You have to let me do it.” One of his hands moved up and down her back.
“I can read your body. I can feel just before your balance falters, and I can tell how to compensate.” His face lowered over hers, and his free hand came up to caress her cheek.
“Move with me,” he said softly. “Feel the signals I’m giving you.
It’s a matter of letting our bodies communicate.
Will you try to relax and do that for me? ”
His touch on her skin... that low, velvety voice... it seemed to ease every tight place inside her. The knots of fear and resentment melted into fluid warmth. As they took up the position again, it started to feel like they were working together, striving for a common goal .
It felt like a partnership.
Through one waltz after another, they negotiated through various difficulties.
Was a turn easier this way or that? Was it better if they made the steps longer or more compact?
Perhaps it was Pandora’s imagination, but the turns weren’t making her quite as dizzy and disoriented as they had at first. It seemed as if the more she did them, the more her body became accustomed.
It was annoying whenever Gabriel praised her.
.. good girl... yes, that’s perfect.
.. and it was even more annoying that the words made her flush with gratification.
She felt herself surrendering by gradual degrees, focusing on the subtle pressures of his hands and arms. There were a few remarkably satisfying moments when their steps matched exactly.
There were also moments of near-disaster, when she lost the measure and Gabriel fixed the break in their rhythm.
He was a superb dancer, of course, skilled at managing his partner and timing their steps.
“Relax,” he would murmur every now and then. “Relax.”