Chapter 20 A Glitch in the Armor
A GLITCH IN THE ARMOR
CASSIDY
Why?
Why, why, why?
As if that isn’t a question that has been asked of me a million times throughout my life.
And, just like all the times before, it’s not that I don’t have a perfectly reasonable answer in my brain.
I have so many answers they get all jumbled and instead of saying the most obvious truthful answer I say something completely false and hurtful.
Like I should have said how this has all become too real too fast, and when I get this close to anyone, I do my damnedest to push them away before they become the painful problem they undoubtedly will end up being.
Because I’m fucking scared.
When he was demanding the truth from me, that response was right on the tip of my tongue, but after all the dumb shit I’d already said, all I could manage was the one syllable response that I knew would make the chaos in my brain stop.
The one word that would make him back off.
That would make him leave me alone.
As it was happening, it was as if I was outside of my own body, watching myself spew venom at a man who absolutely did not deserve it, yet completely incapable of putting a stop to it.
The door slams, and I wince, my eyes squeezed shut against the reality of the now empty hallway. An empty hallway I more than earned with my callous words, my irrational behavior, my inability to be open and honest.
Horrified, I slowly sink to the floor, my arms wrapping around my middle, my head resting against the wall behind me. I breathe slowly, deeply, counting my breaths and my heartbeats, willing myself to get control of my emotions.
Heavy footfalls come near, then walk by. I listen intently, following the sound of their path in my head, taking some solace in the fact he’s still there, even if he’s likely going to give me a wide berth for a while.
The click of a closing door has my eyes flying open. The low whir of a small motor. No more footfalls to be heard, and I realize Ren didn’t head up the stairs toward the bedroom. Or down the hallway toward to living room or kitchen.
He walked in the opposite direction entirely.
Toward the garage.
Toward an escape.
“No,” I croak, my voice catching in my throat. Attempting to scramble to my feet, I lose my balance, falling forward onto my knees. Pushing off the floor with one hand, I come to my feet in a rush, using my hands along the wall to increase my forward momentum as I find some semblance of balance.
Panicked, I race down the hallway, just clearing the doorway to the garage as the bay door shuts completely.
A sob falls from my lips, that ache in my chest taking my breath as I recognize that he’s gone.
He left.
The door behind me closes, leaving me in darkness.
Slowly, I back toward the now closed door I just came through. But I don’t bother turning to open it. Instead, I press my back against it, staring out into the dark garage as I use the wood to slow my descent to the floor.
My chest aches, my guts twisted with anxiety and fear as I go over the plethora of worst case scenarios in my head. Trouble borrowed from the future to further torment me in this moment even if the majority of these options make no sense at all.
Because Ren is not the one with communication issues here. That is quite obviously me. Ren is an advocate for clear, concise communication at all times.
“Communication, princess,” I mutter to myself as I reach into my jacket for my phone. “Communication, communication, communication.”
I close my eyes as I pull it out, hold it in front of me. Hesitating, I consider putting it back, maybe tossing it to the side, smashing it on the ground. Anything to avoid the chance that there is no message.
“Fucking stop it, Cassidy,” I scold myself. “You did this shit so the least you can do is own the repercussions.”
With a final nod, I peek an eye open then frown when I have to open both eyes to be able to make out the notification screen.
Sure enough, a text blinks back at me, a subtle beacon of light in the darkness around me.
Ren: BBS
A sob of relief escapes. Hugging my phone to my chest with one hand, I use my free hand to pull his jacket from the rail, grateful he forgot it there, again. I wrap it around my front, finding some peace in his scent now wrapped around me.
Then I lean my head against the door with a shuddering sigh.
And I wait.