Chapter 33 Moments
MOMENTS
CASSIDY
Pretty sure this is what it feels like to get run over by a Mack truck.
I’ve been inpatient for a couple days now, having been moved to a rather nice private room on an upper floor, and I’m hopeful they’ll let me go home on day three.
I’m working on my lung capacity, doing my hall walks, and taking my medications as prescribed.
All I need now is one good visit to the bathroom and I’ll be home free.
“What the hell is this stuff?” I ask as I eye the dark brown contents of the glass Carolina handed me.
“It’s prune juice.”
I make a face, and she pushes my hand holding the glass closer to my face. “Just drink it. I’m telling you; it’ll help.”
Bringing the glass to my lips hesitantly, I attempt to take a sip, but then she says, “Oh my God, Cassidy. You gotta throw it back like you would a Jagerbomb back in the day.”
“You can’t be serious.”
She sighs, grabs another glass from the table, pours some of that brown liquid into it and then holds it up. “Here, I’ll do it with you.”
“Umm…” I say slowly. “If it’s going to do what you said it’s going to do, then I don’t think that’s wise.”
She looks from me to the glass and back again. “You may be right.”
“And you have a flight to catch soon.”
She sets the glass down. Pushes it away. “I almost got carried away there for a moment. Good save.”
I giggle, but then immediately sober as she says, “You ready to do it?”
I huff out a breath. Lift the glass in front of me. A quick inhalation and I toss it back in one go, smacking the glass down on the table. Then I shrug and say, “It’s not great, but I’ve definitely had worse in my mouth.”
Carolina cackles. “Haven’t we all.”
Giggling, I nudge the glass. “So, is that it?”
She eyes me and then the glass as she asks, “How long has it been?”
I shrug and respond, “Definitely a few days. But they won’t let me go home until I do it.”
“Maybe drink a little more, just for good measure.”
She pours more into the glass, this time filling it a bit more. I don’t hesitate, tossing it back in good order and then sitting there grinning like I’ve done something amazing.
This is what hospital stays do to you.
“I wish I didn’t have a flight to catch,” Carolina says softly. “I hate leaving you here like this.”
“Ren will be back any minute,” I respond, waving her off. “I’ll be fine on my own, I promise.”
Leaning in, she gives me a hug. “You call me if you need anything. I’ll be right back up here on the next flight.”
“I will, I promise,” I respond, smiling up at her as she pulls back. She gives me a good look as she steps back, then grabs her things, and with a final little wave she disappears through the door, shutting it behind her.
My head falls back onto the pillow and I lie there, staring up at the ceiling. The room is as silent as a hospital ever gets, that slight din still heard off in the distance.
Without warning, my eyes start to burn. I blink rapidly, attempt to push it down, but it’s no use, my eyes overflow. “Goddamn it.”
That’s how most of my crying jags have gone. Random, no immediate provocation, no stopping it.
Knowing there’s no way around it, I grab a couple tissues from the box, and let the tears flow. Mostly, I’m hoping I can get it all out of the way before Ren gets back, but soon the opening door proves this to be a pipe dream.
“Cass,” he says as he hurries to my bedside. “Are you okay?”
I nod, not able to speak just yet. He reaches for my hand, gripping it tightly, his expression so earnest my tears immediately flow faster.
He’s been an absolute rock the entire time I’ve been here, and I know it must be difficult considering I’m not the only one in pain.
He may not have to deal with the physical pain of what happened to me, but that doesn’t save him from the emotional pain I know he feels.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, both my hands clutching his. “If I had ju—”
“Don’t even say it, Cass,” he cuts me off. “Even if you hadn’t cancelled your appointment, it wasn’t until tomorrow. There’s no way anyone could’ve prevented this.”
“I know. But I can’t help but feel like I let you down. Let us down.”
He releases my hands, urges me to move over on the bed, and once I do, he climbs in beside me.
Instinctively, I carefully shift over more, moving to my side, facing away from him.
He wraps himself around me, one arm under my head, the other resting over my arm and curving carefully in front of me so he resumes holding my hands, right over my heart.
Then his face is by my ear, his breath tickling my neck. Relaxing back into him, I sigh deeply, only to have a short sob escape on my exhale. At first, I try to keep it down. I try to pretend that I’m now alright, and this is alright, and everything is alright.
But it’s not. And I’m not.
My tears are silent, rolling to the side and soaking the sleeve of Ren’s shirt. They’re starting to slow, that ache in my chest easing bit-by-bit, overwhelming calm attempting to chase it away.
“I got you, babe,” he whispers, his arms tightening to the point of discomfort, but I don’t ask him to let up. If anything, I relish the feeling of him physically holding me together. Because that’s what he’s doing.
“I like it when you say that,” I whisper, my lips curving into a smile. “The first time you sent it in a text I thought it was so funny, I almost asked you if you were okay.”
He chuckles. “I was embarrassed to have said something so cheesy, so I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“I love it,” I respond, grateful the tears have slowed. “Even if I hear it to the tune of Sonny and Cher.”
He groans, gives me another little squeeze. “You stop that.”
Giggling, I crane my head around so I can see his face. “Never.”
After a few more moments, I start to move around, and Ren extricates himself from the bed. “Do you think we should get one of these fancy mechanical beds for the house?”
Slowly, I ease myself to the edge of the mattress, quirking a brow at him. “What? Why?”
“I don’t know,” he responds playfully. “I bet it could come in handy under good circumstances.”
He winks at me and I shake my head, lean forward to hide my smile as I respond, “Don’t be daft,” and he laughs in response, always willing to make an ass out of himself to cheer me up.
Then my stomach cramps. I freeze, bent partway over the edge of the bed. “Can you call the nurse for me, please?”
“Are you in pain?”
I look up at him, sure my expression is a mix of horror and urgency as I mutter, “No, I’m okay, I just need the nurse.”
He eyes me suspiciously. “Can I help you?”
A bark of laughter falls out of my mouth as I respond, “Nope.”
He frowns, looks offended, so I put a hand up and add, “There are some things you really don’t need to help me with. Please believe me.”
He cocks his head, now just looks confused. “But I always want to help you.”
My stomach gurgles, then the rest of my insides gurgle as well and I reply, “Seriously, Ren. I need the nurse.”
He gives me a speculative look. “You can tell me anything, you know.
I narrow my eyes then sputter, “Yes, I know.”
When all he does is stare at me expectantly I give up trying to protect him from my own likely unneeded embarrassment. Giving him a pointed look, I say, “Oh my God, Ren. I need to use the bathroom.”
“I’ll call the nurse.”