Chapter 9 #3
“And if it does not?”
“Your time in London will be limited, as the letter says. The queen expects to be confined in August, and at that time both king and queen will lose interest in other matters. They are doting parents. If you have lulled them, you will doubtless be allowed to return here then.”
“Ah.” She sipped some more of the comforting port though it was his calm practicality and expertise that was soothing her best. “I will be a perfect lullaby, then.”
“I see you understand.”
Bitterness rose. “I will be allowed to come home, but wings well clipped, never to stir questions again.”
“If you don’t challenge the king’s sense of propriety, you should be able to live your life here as usual.”
“A caged bird knows it is surrounded by bars.”
“Lady Arradale, I am offering a return to what you have now.”
“But not a return to what I had an hour ago.”
He studied her, then nodded. “True. But an hour ago, you thought like a child. You thought you could live without restriction.”
The galling thing was that he was right. He was even right, she supposed, that she needed this imprisonment in the south in order to fully understand the world in which she wanted to play a part.
She drained her glass. “What happens,” she asked, “if it does not go as you expect? What if the king insists on a marriage—to one of his favorites, no doubt? What if he tries to paint me mad for refusing.”
“Then,” he said, “you will marry me.”
Alarm flaring, she almost snapped something rude, but she made herself think. “Clever,” she eventually acknowledged.
He inclined his head. “I’m pleased you can leap beyond instinct to reason.”
“The ultimate security,” she said, trying to hide how unbalanced the notion made her. “It saves me from threat of forced marriage, and of confinement for insanity, because a husband would have the last word there.”
“And of course, if it should come to that, it would be a marriage in name only. You would remain in complete control of your property, your person, and your life.”
She rested her chin on her hand, eyeing him. “In that case, my lord—”
He rose. “No. To save you from dire fates, Lady Arradale, but not for your convenience.”
She rose too, smiling, and it was a true smile because he was offering a sacrifice. “I do thank you, my lord.”
“If you are wise and clever, it will not be necessary.”
“I fear I may be tempted to be unwise, you know, just to cause a thousand ladies to tear out their hair.”
A hint of humor echoed hers. “Don’t. I promise I will beat you every day.”
“You won’t. I’d tell Elf.”
He actually laughed. “‘A monstrous regiment of women.’ Lady Arradale, remember, at court, you are to act the perfect dull lady.”
“Or … ?”
“Or I will leave you to your fate.”
He turned to leave, but she put a hand on his arm, perhaps startling him as much as she startled herself. “We could seal this pact with a kiss, my lord.”
His eyes rested on hers for a moment, but then he removed her hand. “I think not, Lady Arradale. Can you be ready to leave tomorrow? I can delay for a few days, if necessary.”
The rejection stung a little, but his expression made her think it might have been self-protection rather than rejection.
He had flirted with her, and there was a connection between them.
She could even think that he was right. If she was to travel with him to London it would be dangerous to move their relationship into more intimate areas.
She considered his offer and shook her head. “Like a trip to the dentist, this is best done swiftly. If we start a little later than you planned, I can cancel my engagements, speak to my officers, and be ready.”
“Very well. I do regret this development, Lady Arradale, but it will have many benefits.”
“Exactly like a trip to the dentist. Unpleasant, but beneficial in the end.”
“You have it. There only remain the details of the journey. Will you want your own coach?”
That pushed her directly into some startling thoughts. Days beside him in a closed carriage? And yet, how ridiculous to roll down the Great North Road in separate vehicles. “I would be delighted to travel with you, my lord. My maid, of course, would share the coach.”
“And my valet.” A neat parry. Almost as if he might fear assault by her.
“And I would require my own servants and baggage, so at least one more coach and a baggage cart.”
“But of course.”
She nodded. “Then we should be able to leave by noon.”
He looked at her, and truly those dark eyes were capable of expressing an elusive but comforting warmth. He took her hand and raised it to his lips. “I will stand your friend, Lady Arradale, my word on it. And send you home again safe, still free to fly.”
She let her hand linger in his for a moment, relishing the warmth and truly regretting the kiss he would not allow. “I resent needing your protection, you know.”
His lips twitched. “An almost universal emotion,” he remarked, and releasing her hand, he returned to his own room.
Diana stood for a moment, gazing at the door, but stroking the hand he had kissed with the other. So, this wasn’t the last night after all, and soon they would be together as never before, for days. She wasn’t sure what would come of that, or what she wanted.
With a sigh, she took off her robe, extinguished her candles, and climbed into the big bed, where a sudden fit of shivering overtook her.
To be declared insane! She lived in a modern age, and in a nation where the power of kings was supposed to be curtailed by his lords and commons, and yet she was at risk.
If not for the Marquess of Rothgar she could be at very serious risk.
She thanked heaven for him, for the events that had tangled his family with hers, but at the same time, as she had said, she resented it.
It was so unfair that her sex created such problems. Perhaps she resented and feared most the fact that when she’d asked for the kiss, it had not been lust, or even curiosity.
It had been something deeper, a sense of common cause and understanding.
That silken thread, grown strong and warm.
She was fascinated by the Marquess of Rothgar, and he saw her as nothing but another dependent needing his protection.
One thing was sure. Despite her teasing, she would do nothing to risk him having to make the ultimate sacrifice and marry her.
Returning home a virgin countess, free to rule again in the north was one thing.
Returning home Lord Rothgar’s virgin bride was surely more than her overwrought and frustrated senses could bear.
Rothgar had sent Fettler off to his bed before visiting the countess. His valet was extremely discreet, but there was no reason to test the poor man beyond bearing.
He undressed without assistance. Absurd to have servants to do such things for him except that it was expected and provided worthwhile employment. All was image. Sometimes he felt an urge to rebel, but he’d put that sort of rebellion behind him long ago.
At his father’s graveside, in fact.
As he untied his cravat and the ribbon tying back his hair, his eyes came to rest on the small portrait of a child that hung above the white marble fireplace, and he strolled over. Reluctantly. He’d spent too much time looking at the picture as it was.
Though there was no indication of the artist, it was excellently done.
It captured a young child in a natural pose, sitting on a grassy bank, holding two restless kittens in plump arms. The dark blond curls were doubtless silky, because the blue ribbon that was supposed to hold them back had slipped to one side.
Her simple white dress was rucked up, showing a stockinged leg from the knee down.
The stocking had sagged into rumples around her ankle.
Unconscious or uncaring of disarray, she looked up at the world, rosy with laughter and joy, soft lips parted, blue eyes twinkling. The sort of child anyone would want to pick up and hug.
He became aware for the first time that he was barred from going closer by a cloth-shrouded shape. He’d forgotten—alarming in itself. After the display of the automaton earlier, he’d had it brought here so he could supervise its packing in the morning.
He gently removed the cloth and considered both children.
Identical, though the boy was more solemn. There was even a detail he hadn’t noticed before. At the girl’s shoulder, a bluebird sat on a branch.
The son who would never be. The daughter who, though perfect in herself, would never be the son so desperately wanted.
Would the countess have been happier if the boy had been real?
Very likely. People were usually happier in conventional situations.
With luck she would have married a man who appreciated her spirit and intelligence, and be an adored wife and mother by now.
Mother perhaps to another happy little girl, and a solemn, impish little boy.
Children who would never exist, because of the hard choices she had made.
Understandable choices.
Marriage presented tremendous dangers to her.
Few men could accept subordinate status to their wife, and if they wished to, society would not permit it.
If she married, the men around here would breathe a sigh of relief and deal with the husband, who would legally be her representative as soon as the vows were said.
After all, any decisions or administrative actions he objected to would instantly become null.
“A husband and wife are one person,” the law said, “and that person is the husband.”
The men would ignore her, and the women would expect her to surrender manly interests and become one of themselves.
Though marriage settlements could be drawn up so that her property was secure, her husband would have many rights of access to it. If she protested and he beat her, she would have no recourse unless she could prove excessive cruelty.
These matters did not stop most women from marrying. They had less to lose, and their income and dower property could be well protected by sound marriage settlements. They were an immense barrier to a woman in the countess’s unusual position.
If she could magically produce a brother now and no longer be the troubled Countess of Arradale, would she?
Unlikely. It went against nature to retreat from hard-won achievements, even if they were a burden. To do so made nonsense of the pain along the way.
He touched the lad’s hair, allowing himself to think for a moment of the children he would never have.
He had not recognized the sacrifice it was until recently, with tiny Mallorens springing up around him.
He was not unsympathetic to Bryght’s position, either.
In his situation he’d feel the same protectiveness toward his child, and the same anger if others would not bend.
He, no more than the countess, could change course, however. His decision was logical, and any wavering was only because of the spate of weddings and births. This, thank heavens, was the last of the weddings.
Perhaps, he admitted, he also wavered because of the Countess of Arradale. Unique could well describe her, and her unique nature drew him. Bold, clever, direct, daring. And hauntingly vulnerable.
He remembered what Fettler had said—about her knocking on the door earlier. He thought he knew what she’d had in mind, and it suggested that a marriage in name only would not be easy for either of them.
So. He flung the cloth back over the automaton and stripped quickly out of the rest of his clothes. Such a marriage must be avoided at all costs. He must see her safe home from London without it.