Chapter 29 #3
She watched him, wondering at the journey that had brought them here, fretting at the controlled calm of his classic features. He needed her, she knew, but she wasn’t sure what the need was, or how she should fulfill it.
She knew what she needed.
When his hands began to slide away she sat up and captured them. “It’s still safe.”
“It’s never completely safe.” His lids rose, and she saw dark, guarded eyes, but she saw the shattering too.
Dear Lord, what should she do?
“It’s as safe as before,” she said, moving closer. “Stay in me this time.”
He wasn’t resisting, but his hands were passive in hers. “I am yours to command in all things.”
If she claimed to need his love to wipe out Lord Randolph, he would comply. But he did not want it. She thought for a moment of demanding it anyway, because he’d come to like it—
Hades. She sounded just like Lord Randolph!
She let go of him. “I simply hunger, Bey. Tell me it’s right for us to go through eternity alone.”
He moved back and stood. “You are a devilishly ruthless woman.”
“Ironhand.” With a prayer to her ancestors, she straightened and took off the shirt. “You mustn’t do anything you don’t want to,” she said, eyes on his. “Remember that.”
Then she slid off the bed and undressed him.
She unfastened the long line of buttons down his silk waistcoat, and pushed it off.
Then she undid his cravat, unfastened his collar and cuffs, pulled his shirt out of his breeches, then up over his head.
His simple acceptance of what she was doing might have daunted her if she’d allowed herself to be daunted.
He could stop her with a word, she reminded herself.
Surely it wasn’t wrong to do what he wanted, but couldn’t quite bring himself to do.
When his chest was bare she gave it one quick kiss, then pushed him to sit on the bed. She knelt to remove his shoes and stockings. Scruples won then, however, and she looked up at him with exasperation. “Are you just going to sit there?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s as if I’m raping you!”
“Perhaps you are.”
She stood. “Don’t say that.”
“If we have not honesty, we have nothing.” He stood, however, and removed his remaining garments, revealing physical interest, at least.
“Is it just the body?” she asked. “The most horrible thing about Lord Randolph was that my body responded. I wanted him to be a vile rapist, but he was damnably clever.” Tears suddenly stung, and she glared up at him. “You are not to be swayed by my tears. Never. You understand!”
“Of course not,” he said dryly, and brushed a tear off her cheek. “It’s not the same, Diana. My body and heart want you. Only my cursed will reminds me of other things. You understand, don’t you?”
She rested against his chest, his erection hard between them. “Yes, I understand. This has to be complete, body, heart, and mind or it will destroy us both. But tomorrow we face the king, and the consequence of this mess. Can we not at least have now, imperfect as it is?”
“It would be another burden on the moon.” He took her hand and led her to the bed. When he’d pulled down the covers, he climbed in and said, “Join me.”
She did, and he drew her into his arms, and for her, at least, it was as if the bleeding halves joined, taking away all pain and sorrow. They lay like that for long blessed moments, then kissed, their kiss, and the world was lost.
There was skill in his careful touch, but she didn’t want care or skill. She rolled on top of him, straddling his thighs. “This is my time. The time of the full moon.”
Eyes on his, she seized the vial of oil from the table by the bed. “Flee, Hecate, queen of the dark,” she said, pouring a thin stream onto his chest, “and surrender this poor mortal to Diana, and the light.”
She put the vial aside and massaged him, praying for courage to follow lessons from her books. Praying the lessons were right and would drive him out of his controlling mind.
She massaged the oil into his chest, watching his lids flutter shut, either in relaxed surrender, or in a desperate attempt to hide his reactions. Then she worked lower and lower, dizzying herself with the feel of warm skin over powerful contours of muscle.
Excitement and nervousness built, and part of her wanted to retreat, to accept whatever he was willing to expertly give. She made herself follow her plan, however, and slid her hands at last around his hot, hard erection.
A shudder ran through him, sending a sense of power into her.
“I love you,” she said, and slid one hand up, then the other, loving the hard and soft feel of him, but only too aware that she didn’t really know what she was doing.
“You can play teacher, if you want,” she whispered. “I’ve never done this before.”
“Heaven save me if you learn more.” His chest moved as he sucked in deep breaths and between her thighs, his legs tensed.
“No Socratic method?” she teased, and with a prayer to goddesses everywhere, she lowered her head to touch her tongue to the tip, to swirl around it.
He choked out a sound, and it didn’t seem to be pain.
“You will come inside me?” she asked.
“Or?” His voice was hoarse.
“Or I will do my best to drive you mad.”
She looked down, and suddenly any trace of reluctance fled. She longed to taste him, and put her mouth over and sucked.
“Behold a lunatic!” He surged up and seized her, and she was flat on her back, him deep inside before she caught breath.
With a happy laugh, she wrapped her legs tight around him as he drove in and out. She did nothing more but surrender and let him purge the last tawdry remnant of Lord Randolph’s pathetic assault.
She had to think, when she could think again, to decide whether he was still inside. When she realized he was, she hugged him and said, “Thank you.”
He still lay over her, heavy but welcome, and she ran her fingers through his hair.
“I will never let you go,” she said, rubbing her cheek against his head, “so you might as well surrender to the lunatic moon. Or I’ll just have to seduce you every full moon for the rest of our lives.”
“The full moon,” he said almost sleepily, “is tomorrow.”
“Is that an invitation?”
He didn’t reply, and she realized he was asleep. Despite his weight pinning her, she smiled through tears of love and joy.
Surrender at last.